Van finished her wine, took a quick shower and looked for something festive to wear for the tree decorating. She came up with not much. Black jeans and a burgundy boat-neck sweater that she’d bought on a whim on one of her rare trips to the mall with Suze. She’d mentally filed the sweater under expanding-your-horizons, put it in the back of the closet and promptly forgot about it—until tonight.
She quickly put on makeup, checked that she hadn’t missed any dabs of dough or food coloring in her quick ablutions and went down the hall to help with dinner.
She felt kind of stupid about her outburst earlier and wanted to apologize to Mom Enthorpe before the others returned, but she was too late. She ran headlong into the group coming through the front door.
Granddad took a look at her and whistled. Joe elbowed him in the ribs and came to give Van a kiss.
“It’s snowing and we saw puppies,” Kayla announced. “I got to hold them.”
“Had to pry her away,” said Joe, still holding Van.
“Good thinking. Christmas isn’t exactly the easiest time to house train.”
He laughed. “You are a wealth of information.”
Van shrugged. “Part of the services. Now let me go help your mom get dinner on the table.”
“You or lasagna? Hmmmm.” Joe dropped his arms and opened his palms, pretending to weigh the options. “You . . . lasagna . . . you . . lasagna. You . . .”
“Lasagna!” their audience yelled.
Van punched him and went into the kitchen.
Dinner was consumed at lightning speed. It seemed even Mom Enthorpe was looking forward to decorating the tree. Van offered to do the dishes, but Mom nudged her out of the kitchen and into the living room where Christmas music was playing from the CD player and Granddad was handing out ornaments.
“It’s going to be a free for all,” Van said.
“Always is,” Mom said, handing her a paper-wrapped ornament.
Van slowly unwrapped it to reveal a green-and-red glass hummingbird.
“We bought that at a gift shop in North Carolina. We’d taken the children there for a vacation and there were hummingbird feeders all along the windows of the dining room. Every morning the feeders were three deep in hummingbirds. They were so industrious, so beautiful.”
Van carefully carried the ornament to the tree, avoiding Granddad and Owen, who were nudging each other for the same branch. Van looked for a safe place to hang the delicate bird and keeper of so many memories. A safe place, but a place where everyone could see it. High up so no one would mistakenly hit it and knock it to the ground. She found an empty place, hooked the hummingbird over the branch and tested to make sure it wouldn’t fall.
She turned to see Joe watching her. He smiled at her with such love it hurt her heart. She smiled back and turned away.
“Better shake it, Van,” Granddad said, “before these rapscallions use up all the decorations.”
The tree was filling up quickly, mostly the bottom half since that was as high as the girls could easily reach. While the two older Joes unwrapped garland, and Joe and Owen hung decorations from their ears, Mom Enthorpe sat on the sofa, legs up, viewing the proceedings with satisfaction.
Once every last decoration had found a place and golden glass beads had been draped around the tree, they all stood back to survey the scene.
As “Once in David’s Royal City” began to play, Joe Jr. reached for his wife’s hand. “And now for the pièce de rèsistance.”
Mom took his hand and he pulled her up from the couch.
Granddad produced a ladder and Joe Jr. helped his wife climb until she could reach the top of the tree, then he handed her a star, brilliant and old. A star that Van was sure had seen many Enthorpe Christmases. She placed it at the very top of the tree, plugged it into the string of lights, made a few minor adjustments and climbed down again.
“Always save the best for last,” said Joe Jr., and then he kissed his wife.
Joe plugged in the lights and everyone applauded. Van shivered. It was beautiful.
And amid those hundreds of little lights, the music and the star, Van realized that this was what family was, the traditions growing with each year until they became the fabric that held them together through the years, through the good stuff and the bad.
Van had never known that, only anger and despair. And she vowed in that moment never to let that happen to her own family—She stopped herself. She would never have that kind of a family.
The carol ended and Mom and Van began cleaning up the wrappings and returning them to the storage boxes.
“I want my mommy,” Kayla cried suddenly and burst into tears.
Mom knelt down beside her. “I know you do, honey. And you’ll see her in a day or two.”
“I want her now.”
Mom took her hand and led her over to Granddad’s recliner. She sat down and pulled Kayla up beside her and held her while she cried. “Your momma’s getting better at the hospital. And you’ll be able to see her soon. But right now she has to be in the hospital to get well. And we want her to get well, don’t we?”
Kayla nodded against Mom’s shoulder.
“It will only be a little while, and then you’ll all be back together again.” Mom looked up to Joe.
He looked back.
“That’s right, Kayla,” Owen said. “Momma doesn’t want you to cry. It would hurt her feelings when everybody’s been so nice to us.”
Kayla turned her head enough to look at him. “But I want to go home.”
“I know. And we will. Soon.”
Mom wrapped things up after that. It was early but she sent the girls off to get ready for bed. “I’ll come check on you in a minute.”
“I’m going to start putting these boxes back in the closet,” Joe Jr. said.
Granddad had something he needed Owen to help him with back in the den, and Joe, Van and Mom were left in the living room.
“We haven’t had a chance to talk,” Mom said. “How serious is her condition?”
Joe shrugged. “They still doing tests, but they couldn’t speak with me since I wasn’t a relative.”
“Do they have a father?”
“No one seems to know. And Mrs. Davis was too far out of it to say anything.”
“But you checked her in?”
“No. She had her Medicaid card in her purse. The police asked me some questions, but one of them knew me from Mike’s Bar, a friend of Jerry Corso. I told him I’d take care of the kids. He called Jerry, who vouched for me. I signed a form and that was it. I’m guessing if Kathy Davis is not able to okay us to keep them, the county will send around a social worker at some point.”
Van shuddered.
“There are no other relatives?” Mom Enthorpe asked.
“I don’t know.”
“A grandmother,” Van said. “Haley said their grandmother used to live with them, but she and the mother had a fight and she moved out.”
“Did she say where she was?”
“I don’t think she knew. Maybe Owen would.”
Joe called to Owen, who came down the hall, carrying a stack of magazines.
“I hope those aren’t Playboys,” Joe said.
Owen grinned. “Mechanic magazines.”
“Ah, Matt’s old stash. So listen. Van says Haley told her you have a grandmother.”
“Yeah.”
“Do you know where she lives?”
Owen shrugged. “She moved south somewhere.”
“South like Cape May or south like Florida?”
“I don’t know. Why do you want to know?”
“We thought she might want to know that your mom is in the hospital. She might want to come take care of her.”
“No.”
“No what?”
“She wouldn’t want to come. They had a fight. They were always fighting. Why can’t we just stay here?”
“You can.” Joe looked at his mother, then at Van. “But don’t you want to be home for Santa?”
“Santa, right. That’s a joke.”
“We should call her—she would want to know,” Mom Enthorpe said.
“No, she wouldn’t. It sucks where we live. We don’t have a tree. Or anything.” He turned on Van. “Haley should have kept her big mouth shut. Why did you have to tell on us?”
“I didn’t,” Van said. “I was trying to help.”
“Everything was fine before you came, when Joe was living at the marina. That was the best ever.”
“Owen, that’s unfair,” Mom Enthorpe said. “Joe’s job was only temporary and you have to go to school.”
“I hate school.”
Joe grabbed him by the shoulder. “That’s enough. Lashing out isn’t helping. Especially lashing out at Van.”
Van’s stomach lurched. She bit the insides of her cheeks to keep her dinner down. It would be too much for them all to start overreacting right now.
“You don’t want us, fine. I’ll take the girls home. I can take care of them.”
“Young man, show some respect.” Granddad Joe came into the room. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to bite the hand that feeds you?”
“I’ll pay you back for the lasagna as soon as I find another job.”
Granddad fisted his hands on his hips and laughed. “What? We don’t pay you enough?”
“It’s not funny.”
“The thought of you in a paper hat, asking if I want fries with that just to pay off some lasagna is pretty damn funny. Guess you might as well give all those mechanic magazines back ’cause you aren’t gonna have time for studying engines what with your job and taking care of the family.”
Owen’s face had gradually turned a deep red. From embarrassment, anger or frustration, Van couldn’t tell. But she could guess it was a combination of them all. God knows she had been there enough times in her youth to recognize it. Recognize and empathize with everything he said and felt. Even down to blaming her. She’d spent plenty of time blaming others back in the day, she’d spent plenty of time since then blaming herself.
Grandpa frowned, shook his head. “And here I was thinking that once you got out of college or tech school, you’d come to work at the vineyard.”
“You did?”
“Weren’t we talking about that just the other day?” He looked to his son and grandson.
The other two Joes nodded solemnly.
Van didn’t know if they’d really discussed it or they were just giving the kid false hopes. Because she didn’t see any way Owen could go to college if something in his family situation didn’t change. Kids like Owen were lucky to make it through high school
“Sorry,” Owen said. He handed the stack of old magazines back to Granddad.
Granddad shoved his hands in his pants pocket. “I don’t want those dirty old things back, but I think you oughta apologize—”
“Girls!” Mom Enthorpe exclaimed, cutting him off. “Here you are—ready for bed already?”
Haley and Kayla stood in the doorway, dressed for bed. Kayla in a faded nightgown that was too small for her. Haley in yoga pants and a stretched-out tank top.
“Teeth brushed?” Mom Enthorpe asked as she crossed the room to where they were standing.
They both shook their heads.
“Well good, because I was thinking some hot chocolate would be just what we needed before bed.”
The two girls stepped all the way into the room. Owen shot Haley a dirty look. Haley huffed past him, and he gave her a shove. “Stupid snitch.”
She yanked away and lifted her chin but Van could see her lip was trembling.
“Owen!” all three Joes said.
Normally Van would have laughed at the three generations all having the same reaction, but tonight she was suddenly heart sore. Mom Enthorpe did laugh. “Come along, girls,” she said and managed to get her arms around Haley and Kayla and Van in one smooth practiced movement.
As Mom trundled the girls toward the kitchen, Van saw Owen break away from Joe and run down the hall. A minute later she heard his door slam.
Van snuggled against Joe. As usual when she should be feeling content and happy, she could barely keep her worries at bay. She’d heard Owen and Haley arguing from Haley’s room after everyone was in bed.
Van wanted to put her pillow over her head and drown out his words like she had done so many nights of her own childhood. She knew it was just two children, both frightened and hurting. Intellectually she knew she hadn’t caused their rift. There was a grandmother who might help the family and from what Joe had learned today when he called the hospital, Kathy Davis would need help once she was released from the hospital. If she was released . . .
“Stop thinking,” Joe said against her hair.
“Can’t help it.”
“I know, but Owen didn’t mean what he said to you.”
“I wasn’t thinking about that, but yes he did.”
“Well, maybe at the time but now he’s worried that you’re mad at him.”
“Of course not. I’m an adult.”
Joe chuckled and kissed the top of her head.
“Besides . . .”
Joe pulled away to look at her. “Besides what?”
“I know what he’s going through.”
“You do?”
“Well, not exactly. But about being torn. Wanting your mom, but wanting your mom like it is here, not like it really is. And I’m guessing that having three men in his life who care about him is pretty enticing. Which makes him feel guilty. And . . .”
“You are pretty wise, you know that?”
“Not wise. I just remember wishing the same thing.”
Joe pulled her close. “We would have taken you in. We didn’t know.”
“Water under the bridge. They’ll need the extra help when their mother gets out of the hospital. If the grandmother is even willing. Haley said they had a big fight before she left.”
“But would Owen really want to stay away from them?” Joe said. “I can’t imagine wanting to leave my family. Damn, I’m sorry, Van.”
“Stop apologizing.”
“Sorry. But I know holidays aren’t easy for you. And with all this added hoopla with the kids, I don’t want you to hate being here.”
“I don’t. I’m fine with it all. Why can’t you accept that?”
“I can. I will. Let’s not fight.”
“I’m not fighting. I’m just upset that Owen is taking his hurt out on his sister.”
“Oh, that’s normal. Siblings say stupid stuff to each other all the time.”
“You guys don’t.”
“That’s because we’re adults. But you should have heard us back in the day.”
“I don’t remember you fighting.”
“We were always on our best behavior when you came to visit.”
Van pushed away so she could look at him. “Why?”
Joe’s eyebrows lifted. “Because I threatened them.”
“Why?”
“Because I loved you and I didn’t want them to frighten you away. And I love you now, Van. And I’m still acting a little clueless, aren’t I?”
“A bit.”
“Forgive me?”
“Yep.” She wrapped her arms around him and held on tight. She loved Joe, she loved his family, she was even beginning to love her father again. Which reminded her she hadn’t bought him and his significant other, Ruth, a Christmas present.
She reached for her phone.
“What are you doing?”
“Adding to my Christmas list.”
“I want a pony.”
“I’ll give you something even better than a pony.”
She put the phone back on the side table, turned toward him and kissed him. She could have the best of both worlds, the business she’d worked so hard for and the people who loved her and whom she loved.
Please don’t let me screw this up again.