When Daisy returned with Travell’s carriage and a trunk of Alyssa’s things, she had already returned to the parlor with Triana. Together with the duke and Travell, they had started a game of whist that was full of merriment, and even a bit of carefree flirtation. However, if the intense looks Travell kept shooting at her were any indication of his lustful thoughts, it was going to be a long night for both of them sleeping under the same roof.
Either way, Alyssa had to admit she was glad to be out of Breyton Hall and away from James and Caroline. For a place that had once been dear to her, it no longer felt like home. In truth, Rosewood was that for her now, for the two people she held closest to her heart were right here in this very room.
It was nearly eleven o’clock when Ives announced that Alyssa’s room was prepared for the evening. Since their latest game had just concluded, she took that as her cue. Rising to her feet, she said, “I think I’ll retire.”
Triana stood as well. “I believe I shall do the same. It’s been quite a tiring day.”
Her husband joined her. “I couldn’t let you fall asleep without me.”
“I daresay that is impossible,” Triana returned with a smile.
Once they left the room, a tense silence followed. Alyssa lingered, suddenly reluctant to leave Travell alone; although why she thought he needed company when he was used to being by himself was just her way of stalling. Nevertheless, she clasped her hands before her and said, “Thank you for everything, Travell.”
He remained seated at the table, the cards he’d gathered after their game still in his grasp. He frowned lightly, choosing to regard the deck rather than meet her gaze. “Don’t do that, Alyssa.”
Now it was her turn to frown. “Do what?”
His eyes shot upward and he pinned her with a stare so intense that she shivered from it. “Pretend that you mean nothing to me.”
Her throat went dry, making speech difficult. “I don’t…”
He stood so abruptly that she took a step backward in retreat, but with his determined advance, she wouldn’t have made it far.
He trapped her between the wall and his body, his arms lifting to plant themselves on either side of her head, blocking any hope of escape. But as his turbulent expression continued to ensnare her, she wasn’t sure she wanted to go anywhere. Her heart was thumping, but it wasn’t from fear. Far from it.
“Why do you insist on fighting whatever this is between us?” he whispered harshly.
She thought back to earlier when his hand had been beneath her skirts. Instantly, her face scalded, but she forced herself to say boldly, “I don’t recall us having an argument in the conservatory.”
His eyes narrowed slightly. “It’s not the attraction you’re opposing.”
She was starting to get flustered. “Then what? Tell me what I’m doing wrong, Travell.”
“It’s me. You’re resisting me.” He lowered his head and sighed heavily.
“How can you say that?” Alyssa clenched her fists at her sides. “I have given you more of myself than I’ve given any other man.”
He pushed away from the wall. “I’m not referring to your body. Seduction is simple.” He set his hands on his hips and looked at her once more. “It’s your heart that you keep closed off to me.”
Alyssa blinked. She certainly hadn’t been prepared for that line of reasoning, because it couldn’t be further from the truth. She loved Travell with all of her heart. She had for years. He was the only one who chose not to see it. “You’re wrong.”
“Am I?” he countered.
“Yes.”
“Then tell me why you’ve denied all of my proposals?”
She opened her mouth to speak, but found that words suddenly abandoned her. All this time she’d told herself that she’d refused his offer of marriage because his affections weren’t sincere, but he’d shown her in more ways than one that he cared for her. He hadn’t just kissed her senseless, but he’d given his entire conservatory over to her, entrusted her with his father’s secrets, and saved her from James and Caroline.
And yet, she had rejected him, time and time again.
She swallowed and answered truthfully, “I… don’t know.”
“I do.” At his confident tone, she looked at him. “You’ve suffered so much loss that you’re afraid to trust anyone completely.” He paused, and then added quietly, “How I wish you would trust in me.” With that, he turned on his heel, leaving Alyssa to contemplate his parting words.
***
Alyssa lay in bed, still awake long into the night as Travell’s unsettling statement kept running over and over in her mind. Surely it couldn’t be true, that the problem of commitment lied within her, when all this time she’d been convinced that Travell wasn’t capable of love?
She rolled onto her side, tucking her hands beneath her cheek as she stared into the embers of the low burning fire in the grate. It was true that after her father’s death at such a young age, and without even knowing her mother, the loss had been devastating. She knew if it hadn’t been for her aunt’s calm, loving presence that she would have fallen apart.
As the years had passed, Alyssa had come to rely on Lady Alwan more and more. They had settled into an easy routine, and for a time, Alyssa believed that all was well. And then tragedy stuck yet again. Pearl had started to feel sick, so they had traveled to Bath to test the healing remedy of the waters, but when that failed, they’d returned to London.
Alyssa had kept trying to tell herself that her aunt was suffering a temporary malady that would soon pass. The day she’d died, Alyssa had been by her side, holding her hand as silent tears streamed down her cheeks. When Pearl took her last breath, Alyssa had broken down — alone. There was no one there to comfort her this time. The funeral had been an equally dismal affair, taking place on a rainy Monday morning where only James, Caroline, and the vicar were present.
It had been Alyssa’s wish to have a small, private ceremony, but she imagined that her cousin and his wife might have been a bit more considerate. As it was, the moment the brief service was at an end, they’d acted as though they had suffered a great chore and were relieved it was over.
“I’m sure London has its delights,” James had said in the carriage. “But I daresay, now that my duty is done, I’m ready to return home.” With that, he’d withdrawn a silver flask from his pocket and took a hearty drink.
“Oh, couldn’t we just take a quick peek on Bond Street?” Caroline had pleaded.
Alyssa recalled wanting to shout at them, to demand that they show a little respect toward her recent loss, for not only had she lost her precious aunt, the only mother figure that she’d ever known, but her entire livelihood had been ripped away. She was forced to leave everything familiar behind in London and return to the place that only brought back more dark memories.
But it was apparent that neither James nor Caroline were concerned with her despondency. Nearly the moment they’d arrived at Breyton Hall, Caroline had started in on her desire to see her in something other than those “terrible black weeds.” When Alyssa had refused, the nickname of “Little Mouse” had been bestowed upon her.
That was when she’d started spending most of her time out of doors, taking long, solemn walks and crying in solitude.
And then a miracle had happened. She had crested the top of a hill and seen the Abernathy carriage. When Travell had stepped out, her heart had leaped in her chest, for this was answer that she’d been praying for.
Or so she’d thought.
She sighed, and then rolled onto her back. The truth was she had been keeping her distance from Travell. She’d tried to tell herself that it was merely because she hadn’t wanted to compromise her reputation. But honestly, she’d just been waiting to see if he would declare his love for her as that was all she’d ever truly wanted from him.
Giving up any pretense at sleep, she threw the covers off, and shoved her arms into her dressing robe. She glanced at the clock and saw that it was nearly one in the morning, but since she was wide awake, she decided to go to the kitchens, where perhaps a cool drink of water would help to tame her restless mind.
She was walking down the hall when she heard a strange thump coming from the earl’s bedchamber. Curious, she changed direction and headed for Lord Trenton’s room to make sure all was well. There was a chair outside the earl’s chamber, but the footman assigned to watch over him wasn’t there. Fearing that something truly was wrong, she knocked on the door. After a moment and there was no answer, she pushed it open and walked inside.
She paused just over the threshold, blinking at the sight before her. Lord Trenton was fully dressed in all his finery, complete with waistcoat and an impeccably tied cravat. Hearing her enter, he turned and grinned at her. “My girl! I was just coming to fetch you.”
Alyssa swallowed. It appeared she was to be Triana again. She offered a light curtsy and said, “Hello, Papa.” She tilted her head curiously. “Where are we going?”
He chuckled. “Why, to the ballroom, of course. It’s your debut!”
“Yes, of course.” She smiled, knowing that the dance that was supposed to have taken place never occurred. He had left instead.
“We mustn’t keep the guests waiting!” He started for the door, stopping suddenly when he noticed her state of undress. “Why aren’t you dressed?”
Alyssa had to think quickly. “I’m nervous, Papa. I’m… afraid I shall embarrass myself.”
He shook his head. “Don’t be nonsensical. We hired the best instructors for you.”
“I know,” she demurred, as she took a step forward. “But… perhaps we might practice before we go downstairs?” Surely, if she kept the earl preoccupied for the span of the waltz, it would give the footman time to return to his post.
He frowned slightly, and then sighed heavily. “I suppose there’s no harm in that.” He wagged a finger at her. “But you will put on your gown directly afterward. You know your mother doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”
“Yes, Papa.”
As they got into position, the earl smiled at her as kind and understanding as any father might have done, and then began to hum a tune in his gentle baritone. Alyssa was actually a bit awkward as they begun, for it had been some time since she’d danced, but the steps eventually returned to her and soon, they were gliding across the earl’s spacious bedchamber as natural as if they had done it many times, instead of just this once.
Alyssa slowly began to relax and enjoy herself. Since her own father had died when she’d been a child, she hadn’t had the chance to experience this moment. For years she’d mourned his loss, but for this brief instant, she imagined that she was dancing with him, that she had the power to turn back the hands of time that had taken him from her too soon.
Tears stung the back of her eyes, but she forced them away. This wasn’t about her, but the earl and his effort to make amends to a daughter who had been spurned by the cruel twist of fate. Lord Trenton wasn’t her father, and she wasn’t Triana, but perhaps they needed these few, stolen minutes to fill the void that had left an emptiness in each of their lives.
When the dance finally came to a halt, the earl bowed and she curtsied as well as she could manage in a nightdress and dressing robe. “Thank you, Papa,” she whispered, a lump clogging her throat.
“I hope this will lay any reservations you have about dancing to rest,” he returned. “There will be gentleman lining up to the banks of the Thames to have the opportunity to partner you, my dear.”
Alyssa smiled, but as she turned to leave, she froze.
Travell’s tall figure was silhouetted in the doorframe.
***
Travell had finally started to get tired after spending the past two hours reading in the library. He thought he’d managed to exorcise Alyssa enough where he could sleep without thoughts of her tormenting him until dawn.
But that was before he’d walked past his father’s chamber and saw her waltzing in his room.
He’d stopped instantly, entranced by the look of serene contentment on her face as Lord Trenton hummed the light tune of a waltz. She looked like an angel in her flowing white gown, her long dark hair trailing down her back like a raven’s wing.
He swallowed heavily, the sight touching something deep in his chest. It was obvious his father had suffered another one of his episodes, as he was fully dressed in the middle of the night. But instead of reaching out for assistance, Alyssa had allowed herself to be drawn into the earl’s world of disorientation yet again. He tried to imagine any other lady of his acquaintance who would willingly spend time with a madman and came up empty-handed.
“My lord!” The footman that Travell had assigned to watch over his father’s room at night came rushing forward with a deep bow. “Forgive me. I had to… use the privy.”
“It’s quite all right, Matthews,” Travell returned. “There’s no harm done.”
He turned back to the room to find Alyssa staring at him. After a moment’s hesitation, she walked toward him. Without saying a word, she explained. “I was on my way downstairs when I heard a noise and came to investigate…” She glanced at the footman and her cheeks reddened slightly. “I wanted to make sure nothing was amiss.” She lowered her voice slightly. “He thought he was escorting Triana to her debut ball.”
Travell nodded and then turned back to Matthews. “If you would see that my father returns to bed, I’ll escort Lady Alyssa back to her chamber.”
“Yes, my lord.” The servant walked into the earl’s room and shut the door behind him.
Travell offered his arm to her and after a brief pause she accepted it. “You know that it’s dangerous to be alone with Lord Trenton. After the day he attacked you—” He broke off, unable to even finish the sentence, for the anger he’d felt instantly resurfaced.
“I was perfectly fine,” she attempted to reassure him.
“But his mind could change at any time. He can’t be trusted.”
She didn’t reply until they reached her door. There, she turned to face him and he was surprised to see the glimmer of tears in her enchanting green eyes. “I didn’t feel as if I was in any danger.” She swallowed visibly. “Honestly, dancing with the earl was wonderful. It made me remember how much I’ve missed with my own father.”
Travell had never even considered that she was still mourning the former baron’s loss, but after the recent death of Lady Alwan, it was no wonder the past was coming back to haunt her.
He couldn’t resist lifting a hand to brush her cheek, his thumb wiping away the single tear that had escaped. “Alyssa…” he whispered, and then dared to lower his head.
She didn’t resist or push him away when he kissed her, but opened herself to him, like one of her roses in full bloom. The hand on her cheek slid around to the back of her head, where it disappeared beneath the mass of dark curls, his other arm wrapping around her waist to draw her closer.
He teased and tempted her, enjoying the taste of her lips. He was still dressed in his evening clothes, although he’d discarded his cravat long ago. It was enough to remind him of his boundaries, and that he hadn’t removed Alyssa from Breyton Hall with the intention of seducing her, but saving her from a place that caused only further torment.
But as she responded to him so sweetly, he had to wonder if he’d made the right choice, for her presence under his roof night after night would surely drive him insane. Even knowing that they were standing in plain sight, where his sister or one of the servants could easily come upon them, it wasn’t enough for him to pull away and urge her to shut the door and lock it firmly behind her.
Only when he thought his actions might hurt her further did he find the fortitude to draw back. He opened his mouth to speak, but she shook her head.
“Don’t say it. Don’t tell me that you have to spare my reputation or some such nonsense.” She clutched his lapels, her brilliant eyes almost pleading. “Allow me this moment. Give me one night with you.”
He closed his eyes. Dear God, she was going to snap the narrow thread of control that he was clinging to. “Alyssa, you don’t know what you’re saying—”
“Yes, I do.” She sighed heavily. “You were right, Travell.” He opened his eyes and returned his gaze to her, surprised by her confession. “I have found it difficult to trust in anyone for fear they would be taken away from me. But I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I want to put my trust in someone.” She lifted her chin slightly. “I want to trust you, because I’m so tired of being alone.”
Travell’s heart was beating fast after her admission. A spark of hope flared in his chest, but still, his honor wouldn’t allow him to move past this point. “You don’t have to invite me into your bed to do that, Alyssa. I’ll always be here for you.”
“I know that.” She moved closer to him, the light scent of roses and enticing female surrounded him like the sweetest perfume. “I’m asking you to stay, not out of any sort of desperation, but because I want you to.”
That slight thread was quickly starting to unravel. “If we do this,” he said slowly, hoping that his eyes conveyed how serious he was. “There’s no turning back. I don’t want to hear any more talk of going to America. You’ll be mine. Forever.” He paused to allow that to sink in. “So be very careful of what you’re agreeing to.”
He was still as he watched doubt waver in her gaze, but only for a moment.
Without turning away from him, she grasped his hand and opened her door. She backed into her chamber and pulled him along with her. Standing in the middle of the floor, she slowly untied her dressing robe and allowed it to fall to the floor in a whisper of material.
Travell kicked the door shut.