Say What?

“Obviously I’m dealing with inferior mentalities.”

“Poor Bugs. But any way you look at it, it’s better he should suffer. After all, it was me or him, and, obviously, it couldn’t be me. It’s a simple matter of logic. I’m not like other people. I can’t standpain. It hurts me.”

“Consequences, shmonsequences, as long as I’m rich.”

“I demand that you shoot me now!”

—Daffy Duck

“I shall now attempt to eat a diet lunch consisting of one leaf of lettuce lightly seasoned with...one quart of mayonnaise.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I skipped the Emily Post chapter on how to introduce your mother to a hooker.”

“Let me let you in on a little secret, Charlie Brown. If you really want to impress people, you need to show them you’re a winner. Of course, when I say ‘you,’ you know I don’t mean ‘you personally.’”

“My God, you’ve gotten fat.”

—Edna Mode, The Incredibles

“Dear Santa, you are a bitch nigga. No, scratch that. Dear Santa, you are a bitch *ass* nigga. I heard they hired extra security to protect you. That’s a bitch move, Santa. I’m coming for that ass again. Until you pay what you owe. Sincerely yours, The Santa Stalker.”

“I want to build two little caskets and give her tits a tasteful, dignified funeral.”

“What the hell kind of country is this where I can only hate a man if he’s white?”

“You know, Helen Keller was largely useless, but look how we remember her. Yep, First Lady of the American stage.”

“The only woman I’m pimping is sweet lady propane! And I’m tricking her out all over this town.”

“Why would anyone smoke weed when they could just mow a lawn?”

“Maybe I should tie the long hair on your head to the short hair on your ass and kick you down the street!”

—Hank Hill, King of the Hill

“Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.”

“What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.”

“Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that woman’s bottom? That’s right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman.”

—Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

“Oh I feel so delightfully white trash. Mommy, I want a mullet.”

—Stewie Griffin, Family Guy

“By the way, Lois, I got a piercing over there. I’m not going to tell you where but I will give you a hint—it wasn’t on my nose or my ear and it was one of my balls.”

“I just don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.”

“All right, all right, make like Siamese twins and split...And then one of you die.”

—Peter Griffin, Family Guy

“You so much as TOUCH kitty’s ass, and I’ll put a firecracker in your nutsack and blow your balls all over your pants.”

“It’s a man’s obligation to stick his boneration in a women’s separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.”

“How ‘bout we sing, ‘Kyle’s mom is a stupid bitch’ in D Minor.”

—Eric Cartman, South Park

“Ohh, are you upset or something? I said you had diabetes, not cry-a-betes.”

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I, Mojo Jojo, have a town to take over. I have a world to conquer. I have to seize control of an area and force its inhabitants to follow my way of thinking.”

“And all of the young ’uns are waiting with glee, thinking only of morn and what’s under that tree. And not just the children, the teenagers, too. Chuck wants a football, Kathleen a tattoo.”

—Narrator, The Powerpuff Girls

“Did you hear that, Meg? Guys can marry other guys now. So... this is awkward, but I mean, if they can do that, that is pretty much it for you, isn’t it? I mean you might as well pack it in. Game over.”

“I haven’t seen an Englishman take a blow like that since Hugh Grant!”

“I haven’t seen a Jew run like that since Poland, 1938!”

—Sportscaster Frank, South Park

“I was 14, just a little older than Bobby. But I knew Uncle Sam needed me, so I lied and signed up. We had beat the Nazzys in Italy, and they shipped me to the Pacific theater. A Tojo torpedo sent our troop ship to the bottom. I could only save three of my buddies: Fatty, Stinky, and Brooklyn. They were kind of like you fellas, only one of them was from Brooklyn. Out of the sun came a Tojo Zero and put fitty bullets in my back. The blood attracted sharks. I had to give ‘em Fatty. Then things took a turn for the worse. I made it to an island, but it was full of Tojos! They were spitting on the U.S. flag! So I rushed ‘em, but it was a trap. They opened fire and blew my shins off. Last thing I remember, I beat ‘em all to death with a big piece of Fatty. I woke up in a field hospital, and they were sewing my feet to my knees.”

“Kamp Krusty is built on an ancient Indian burial ground. We’ve got archery, wallet-making, the whole megillah! And for all you fat kids, my exclusive program of diet and ridicule will really get results!”

“Genetic engineering is man’s way of correcting God’s hideous mistakes, like German people.”

“Gay people, well, gay people are EVIL. Evil right down to their cold black hearts which pump not blood like yours or mine, but rather, a thick, vomitous oil that oozes through their rotten veins and clots in their pea-sized brains; which becomes the cause of their Nazi-esque patterns of violent behavior. Do you understand?”

—Mr. Garrison, South Park

“Hello and welcome to Bob’s Burgers. The burger of the day is ‘The Child Molester,’ it comes with candy.”

“You’re the worst kind of autistic.”

—Louise Belcher, Bob’s Burgers

“You little pantywads think you’re ready to play the Wolves again? The Wolves eat razorblades for breakfast! Run, you bunch of pudgy-butted softies! Run, with your fancy sneakers with pumps, valves and lights on the back that can set off a seizure! But what do you care? I ran around the world in a pair of Chuck Taylors for the love of pete! Take a salt tablet.”

“Check out that guy. Why is his face all twisted up like that? Looks like he jacks off with Icy Hot. He looks like he just sh*t a gerbil!”

“Lord, please pray for the soul of this bitch. And guide my pimp hand and make it strong, Lord. So that she might learn a ho’s place. Amen.”

“Nowadays people think ho, ho, ho is the Hilton sisters standing next to Nicole Richie!”

—Jazmine Dubois, The Boondocks

“It’s like the N-word and the C-word had a baby and it was raised by all the bad words for Jews.”

“Alright, Morty, don’t break an arm jerking yourself off.”

—Rick, Rick and Morty