PART 3

My heart was pounding as though it was about to burst through my chest. There was a lump in my throat and fear had begun to overwhelmingly cripple and engulf me as I lay paralyzed and in silence.

I could feel a hand on my arm, but I could not shake the immense distress that had suddenly wholly conquered me. I heard a shuddering scream that sounded a lot like my voice and after a violent shudder, I sat straight up in bed.

I felt paralyzed, naked and cold. I frantically searched for the masked man who kept coming closer with a knife in his hand. When I looked around me, I saw Daniel standing at the side of my bed. I looked down and noticed that my hands were shaking and my body was trembling.

‘Was it me that shouted out like that?’

“Ally?”

“Daniel? What’s wrong?”

My heart was still thumping. I never dream, but more than that, I never had nightmares. Ever. Yet, I could still picture the masked man emerge from the shadows of the night. His knife was glistening in the light of the moon, and there was blood dripping from the edges.

“I guess ... I mean, there was a masked man dressed in black with a knife ... right here ...”

Daniel sat down and placed his arms around me. My racing heart was still thumping at the speed of a freight train. I could feel the sweat drench my skin as my stomach churned in tensed cramps.

I rested my head against his chest and listened for his beating heart. When I closed my eyes, there was nothing before me; no knife and no masked man, but the gentle sounds of Daniel’s breathing.

When Daniel pulled away slightly, he gently stroked my cheek, “What time is it?”

It was still dark. I was terrified that my screams had woken both Daniel and Lucy.

“It’s a little after six. We meet with Damon at nine.”

“Okay. Sorry if I woke you?”

“We were up ...”

Daniel got up and turned back to the bedroom door. Before he walked out, he turned around to face me again.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes. I’m fine. Thank you, Danny.”

Daniel smiled and when he closed the bedroom door behind him, I swiftly climbed out of bed and dragged myself into the shower.

I couldn’t identify the masked man from my dreams, but I could still feel his presence and that of the chilling knife he was about to bring to my throat.

He was breathing heavily, and I could not ignore the repelling aromas of whiskey and tobacco on his breath. Perhaps, it was just the remnants of the chaos left behind by Mark.

I chose a neat, tailored pair of trousers and matched it with an appropriate blouse which I rounded off with a pair of heels. I left my hair flowing loosely down my back, and applied nothing more than lipstick and mascara.

The dream left me unsettled and anxious, and I had no desire to present myself as pretty or appealing for any man that day. I didn’t want to admit to my fears, but the dream was at a level of horrid that was threatening to induce paralysis. It would take everything out of me to summon up all the courage left in me to carry on as though nothing was wrong.

The air was lighter and crispier than the day before. It was a perfect day considering fall was in full swing. Still, it was the day Daniel and I would be faced with Mark Warren’s death, and the legal implications thereof.

I was worried about Daniel. After all, he was not only tasked with the legal implications of his confrontation with Mark, but also with the fact that he took another man’s life. After repeatedly asking me how I was doing, I never once enquired about how he felt or how Mark’s death had affected him.

I took my handbag and quickly found Daniel in the kitchen pouring two cups of coffee.

‘Where’s Lucy?’

“Did Lucy leave?”

“Yep. She starts work at seven. Here ...”

Daniel handed me a cup of coffee before I slid onto one of his kitchen stools. When he took a chair across from me, I couldn’t help but stare at the incredible man in front of me, my hero; the one who saved my life.

“Daniel ... I’ve been meaning to ask you ...”

He frowned and placed his coffee on the counter.

“Are you okay?”

“What do you mean, Ally?”

I took his hand and gently squeezed it, “Nobody has asked you if you’re okay with what happened with Mark?”

“If you’re asking whether taking a man’s life will be a lifelong burden on me ...”

“Yes. Taking any human life will haunt me until the day I died, but if you’re asking about Mark Warren, then no, Ally. I didn’t set out to kill Mark in cold blood. I simply defended myself and you and we both know he was about to hurt you.”

“Yes, I do know that and you did save me from him. And please Danny, don’t ever forget that. You saved my life.”

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to save you, Ally. There is not much in this world that could keep me from protecting you or watching over you when I am close.”

I gasped for air and immediately lowered my head. ‘What is he saying? Please say what I think you are saying.’

“You are the one that I would have, and would still do anything for, Ally. Even though I don’t want to betray Lucy, it doesn’t change how I feel about you. It will never change what I feel for you.”

Shit. I wanted to cry, but at the same time, the devastation and crippling fear welling up inside of me, left me feeling as though there would never be a second chance for us. It was all my fault. I could at once feel the tears creep back into my eyes. I wanted more. I wanted so much more from Daniel Sotherby.

“Are you ready?”

“Yep.”

I didn’t want to look into Daniel’s eyes. I didn’t want him to see the tears about to roll from them. I had my chance and I missed it. It wasn’t Daniel’s fault. It was all mine. Just mine. We pulled up in front of Damon Kingston’s offices shortly before nine. Daniel was scheduled to work the morning shift, but was able to find a colleague on nightshift to fill in for him for a few hours. Neither of us knew what to expect and when Daniel switched off his truck, we both stared blankly ahead of us.

We were both nervous. We were both worried, but more than anything, I was scared to death of what might happen to Daniel. Every single scenario began running around wildly in my head, and as I analyzed each possible outcome, the fear intensified. At times, it felt as though Mark’s arms were around my neck again, choking me with all the strength he could muster up. I couldn’t breathe.

I had no inkling of how long our meeting with Damon would be, or exactly where we stood in the eyes of the law. I was relieved and happy to have Daniel with me, but I was scared for him.

He saved me from Mark, and because of that, he might end up paying for it for the remainder of his life. It was something I could never live with and never in a million years, recover from. Daniel took my hand and squeezed it while still staring blankly ahead of him. I could feel a slight shudder in his hand, and it scared me.

Daniel squeezed my hand one more time before he let go and climbed out of his truck. When we walked into Damon’s front reception area, he led us into his office at once and without hesitation. I was once again knocked off my feet by his elegance and sophistication, not to mention his charming, alluring and magnetic appeal.

After he showed us to his boardroom table, I watched him in silence as he quickly gathered a pile of paperwork from his desk. He was not the usual kind of guy I fantasized about; not that I had a usual kind of guy until the fiasco with Mark.

But, my preference was Daniel for no other reason than how I constantly compared all the other men to him. Daniel had effortlessly uncaged my heart, leaving it to step out from the safety of my shadows. But, my mind was its enemy and I thought I knew better. I thought I could tell my heart what to do, instead, it knew the way all along.

Damon was different. Stylish. He was cut from a different cloth than Daniel and I were. He came from a life where success was common while experiencing life and others through different lenses. It was clear that Damon Kingston’s success was defined by wealth and fame and it was found by intellectual achievement. Without a doubt, he was a prominent member of his community and the master of his own success.

But, there was something about Damon; a kind of confidence I hadn’t seen in a man in quite some time. Daniel was the perfect blend of bashful and caution, probably the kindest, most reliable person I knew.

Damon on the other hand was aloof. Distant. Professional. Untouchable. But beautiful. Damon Kingston was the kind of man that could gaze at me sideways, and leave me squirming right there.

There was nothing gentle or intimate about him. He was like a planet emitting light to other planets without which, none of them could survive. I was convinced that others unsuspectingly orbited around him and spun in circles as a direct result and possibly, a side-effect of his mere existence.

When he pulled out a chair at the end of the boardroom table, Daniel and I, sitting across from one another, glanced at each other before we turned our attention back to Damon. I had never felt as insecure about anything as I did at that very moment.

Questions of what the next step would be and what exactly would happen to Daniel was plaguing my every thought. I couldn’t imagine a possibility that Daniel might be charged with murder and sent to prison, because of me.

“How are you two doing?”

“Fine. Good actually.” Daniel smiled and turned to me, “Ally’s having nightmares ...”

‘Oh Lawd. I had one nightmare. One.’

“Well, that doesn’t mean that it’s related to Mark? It was just one little nightmare ...” It didn’t seem as that big of a deal at that very moment.

“It’s normal, Ally. I would happily recommend a therapist if you feel that you might need one?” Damon Kingston shot an empathetic glance at me, and all I wanted to do was curl up in a corner somewhere and die.

“No. No. I’m fine. I don’t need a therapist. It was honestly just one isolated nightmare and it had nothing to do with Mark or what happened. But, thank you.”

He lowered his head and pulled out two sheets of paper that, from where I was sitting, looked like formal documents. He slid a document over to me, and the next over to Daniel.

“I’ve prepared your statements. Please read them over and if you are happy with all the facts, just sign them.”

I picked up the document in front of me and began reading through what I discovered was my account of what had taken place at my apartment. My heart began to hammer once again as I scanned through the events of a few days ago.

I could feel the prodding of a racing heart in my throat. It felt as though someone had taken my lungs into their hands and began squeezing them. I didn’t want to read the statement. I didn’t want to be reminded of the fact that Daniel nearly died, and that Mark Warren was dead.

I signed it at once and slid it back to Damon. When Daniel had read his, he signed his, and handed the statement back to Damon.

There was a slight shudder in Daniel’s voice; an almost unrecognizable rattle and quiver in his voice. The uncertainty on his face was obvious, and the fear in his eyes was undeniable.

“Nothing. I submit this to the court. No charges will be brought against you or against Ally for that matter. I have already cleared it with Warren’s captain, and we have both spoken to the prosecutor. You acted in self-defense. It is of Judge Marx’s opinion that had you not acted the way you did, either you or Ally, or both of you, would have been fatally wounded. Detective Warren’s record is by no means squeaky clean, so there is absolutely nothing to worry about.”

“Do you truly believe he was capable of hurting Ally?”

Daniel frowned intrusively at Damon.

“I have no doubt he would not only have harmed her, but ultimately, killed her.”

My heart sunk to my feet at once. Hearing Damon speculate on Mark’s intentions made it all so much more real and authentic to me. I never once considered the fact that Mark was capable of murdering me in cold blood.

Daniel smiled sadly at me before he turned back to Damon, “Then I have no regrets. So, that’s it then?”

I grinned back at him. How unjust it all seemed at that very moment. One man lost his life and the world would carry on as though he never existed.

I couldn’t help but feel how a little unfair life was. Mark was by no means a good person, but he was still someone’s son. He was the man I almost fell for; hook, line and sinker.

“Ally, I’ve spoken to the captain at Mark’s precinct. You should get your apartment back by the end of the week.”

I smiled but could not shake the feeling of wretchedness that had crept up on me. I didn’t care about the apartment. I never wanted to go back there.

Damon frowned again and nodded as though to say, ‘I get it.’ When Daniel stood up, he quickly shook Damon’s hand,

“Oh no, this is my mess.” I jumped up in protest. There was just no way on this earth that Daniel Sotherby was about to settle my legal bills.

Daniel burst out laughing and smiled at me. I was not comfortable with Daniel using up his one favor from Damon Kingston for me.

“Daniel? I don’t want any favors ... this was all because of me, and I’d be happy to settle our legal fees.”

But it was. To me. It was an enormous deal. When we reached the front door of Damon’s office, I turned around and offered him my hand,

He took my hand into his, and placed his other hand over mine, “You are welcome.”

I had a strange feeling that our meeting would in no way at all, be our last. There was an intensity, an honesty, a kind of tenderness that radiated from Damon, one I had never noticed before. There was nothing weak or mere trite politeness on his part, but more the introduction of a great spirit and noble ways.

Daniel and I drove back to his apartment in total silence. I glanced over him often and could hardly ignore the sudden but expected relief on his face. He seemed agiler, almost as though a mountain had been lifted off his shoulders.

When we pulled up at the mall, Daniel sat quietly for a moment before he turned to me,

“So, I’m going to change into my uniform, and go into work. Will you be okay?”

“Yep. I’ll be fine. I think I’m going to meet up with Bianca and do a little furniture shopping for the new place.”

“Sounds like fun. Just be safe, okay?”

‘There it is again. Be safe.’

I nodded. I was secretly excited to move into my new house on Weeping Willow Drive, and I couldn’t wait to get back to work and get on with my typical routine.

I had always enjoyed routine. I liked that there was a time for everything, and that everything had a time. Ever since my teenage years, I lived my life according to a schedule and stuck to it no matter what.

Since my divorce from Michael, that all had changed slightly, and left me feeling a little disorganized and chaotic. Although, I had no firm or decided plans on maintaining a strict routine, I still liked to live my nine-to-fives as organized as possible.

I liked that I could go home, kick off my shoes and answer to not a single soul. I wanted to be able to run a bath whenever I felt like it, and if I was happy with a sandwich for dinner, then that would be my dinner. I liked my things and my space. It made me feel safe.

Living at Daniel’s place, left me feeling as though I couldn’t come or go as I pleased, and I felt as though I was walking on egg-shells with Lucy around. I didn’t want to sleep in; they were early risers. ‘They.’ I didn’t want to stay up too late at night; they were early sleepers. ‘They.’ I hated that Daniel and Lucy were a they. I was having an extremely hard time fitting in with schedules that weren’t mine, and more so, the fact that I was a guest in someone else’s home.

“Listen, you’re not seriously considering going to Michael’s wedding, are you?”

Daniel burst out laughing when, I was convinced, he noted the relief on my face.

“I know, Ally. I’m teasing. But no, it’s a long drive ... and Lucy won’t get it.”

Lucy again.

“Yeah. That’s true.”

I didn’t know if I was relieved, or disappointed. I just didn’t really know what I wanted anymore. After all that had happened in a few short days, I would hate for Daniel to run into Ryan Henderson, or have to deal with my parents just yet.

I didn’t want him to hear the whispers of the gossips of the townsfolk in Water Hills, and I would hate for him to run into Heather. No. It was just better that Daniel Sotherby stayed away from my hometown, and all things Water Hills in the near future.

I FILLED UP THE REMAINDER of the week with Bianca either at her cottage, or going from store to store in search of furnishings and linens for my new home. As though we both knew it best to avoid one another, Daniel and I just sort of, and unconsciously, went our separate ways at the apartment. I couldn’t help but wonder if our growing separation was weighing as heavily on Daniel, as it was on me.

We barely had much to say to each other anymore, and each time I caught a glimpse of him, my heart would be absolutely submerged into what felt like a bottomless pit to a certain darkness and a total nothingness.

We were moving further and further apart from one another. Daniel remained courteous and friendly, but each time I saw Lucy, I found myself staring unashamedly at her. She was beautiful. There was no denying how perfectly beautiful and flawless she was, and there was no ignoring how audaciously she continued to flirt with Daniel, especially when I was around.

I discovered rather unenthusiastically that I couldn’t, in any way, contend with Lucy. I lost, and each time he was caught up in laughter or banter with her, I realized again that I had lost him. The way that he would gently touch her arm while engaged in deep conversation with her; or a gentle stroke on her cheek just reminded me once more that I missed my chance.

It had become almost impossible to be around Daniel, and more importantly, around the two of them. I kept my distance, and kept to myself as much as I could, but when I couldn’t stand watching the two of them, I quickly excused myself and ended up at Bianca’s place.

I should have accepted her invitation to stay at her place, but I knew deep into the innermost core of me that once I walked out of Daniel’s apartment, I probably would never see him again.

Bianca and I picked out a selection of beautiful pieces of furniture, paintings and linen. We picked out new curtains, accessories and appliances. She insisted that I finally buy that vintage typewriter I had always had an eye on from the moment I saw it displayed in the window of Willow Antiques.

It was a beautiful piece of history that waited like an old faithful friend for only me. Its keys were reassuringly clunky and machine-like. It seemed to dance and sing to its own rhythm as each fresh white sheet of page would soon, become a work of art.

Bianca just about had a mini heart-attack when the final bill arrived, but Max happily paid it. It signified a new beginning to a chronicled life that I was about to undertake, and open for the world to see. If they wanted to see it.

Yes, I had resolved to begin recording the life of the newly-single me, Ally Bradshaw. For fun. More than that, I didn’t want to forget Daniel. I wanted to preserve him and immortalize him in the much-anticipated books, and I never, ever wanted to forget what a total jackass Michael is. Was.

When Bianca and I weren’t shopping, we were at the movies or at the new house on Weeping Willow Drive. Michael dropped off the keys with Bianca on Tuesday, allowing us to begin moving the furniture in, bit by bit.

I just couldn’t help but notice how Daniel seemed progressively distant in the evenings, especially when Lucy wasn’t there. I could understand him avoiding me when she was around, but I was puzzled by his odd behavior when she wasn’t there.

If I was in the kitchen, he would politely smile and disappear into the living room. If I were to walk into the living room, he would fidget nervously for a few minutes more and walk out. His behavior unnerved me. It was abnormal. Strange. Just odd.

He grew more and more distant from me, and barely looked in my direction anymore. There were no more discussions about anything at all. He stopped asking me how I was feeling, and he never asked me where I was going. Not once did Daniel tell me to be safe again.

There were nights I would come back to his apartment long after midnight. There was not as much as a text to find out if I was okay. I was hurt. My heart hurt.

At night, I would climb into bed, unable to figure out what exactly had changed between us. For some inexplicable reason, Daniel Sotherby was mad at me, but I could not quite explain why. I had no idea what had caused the sudden, mysterious rift between us.

Bianca called me early on Friday morning to wish me a happy birthday and reminded me of our date at Joe’s that night. I had barely ended my call to her when my parents called.

My mother was anxious that I returned to Water Hills again. In all honestly, I hadn’t yet decided. I didn’t really want to face the towns folk or Ryan Henderson just yet.

“I don’t know, mama ... with all that happened when I was there the last time ...”

I didn’t have the heart to tell her about Mark Warren, or how Daniel saved my life in the chaos and commotion of my own doing. My parents did not have to know everything, and right then, they didn’t need to know much about the sequence of events that unfolded between Mark and I in Willow County.

On the other hand, I had no doubt that Michael would happily fill them in once he was back home. The only problem with that was, I was not quite sure what he would say or how he would spin the story. I still didn’t trust him. His change in attitude was unnerving and I wasn’t quite sure if it was simply the quiet before the storm.

Michael’s account of events was usually the version of events that suited him. It was always the story he wanted to tell\ and according to him. I was not sure I wanted to be in Willow County while he was over in Water Hills, telling the story in the dramatic way it didn’t happen. I didn’t know what I wanted to do.

“Ally Bradshaw. This is your town too. Your father and I would really appreciate it if you came.”

‘Why not?’ Why the hell not? After all, it’s not every day that an ex-husband marries an ex-best friend.

“You know what, mom. I’d love to come. I will leave straight after work next Friday, okay?”

“We look forward to it. Happy birthday, my girl.”

“Thank you, mama. I love you guys.”

“We love you too.”

“Hey ...”

‘He's finally talking to me.’

“Hi.”

His hands were behind his back, and when he walked in, I was sure that he was hiding something from me. He sat down on the edge of my bed, and slowly brought one hand around. In his hand, he was holding a cupcake with one single, burning candle.

Right there and then, my heart just melted. He remembered. He couldn’t hate me that much. Or, was he just being polite?

I wanted to cry. It must have been the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me. I took the cupcake from him and smiled. This man.

I closed my eyes and wished for the only thing my heart wanted that morning, Daniel Sotherby. I wanted an infinity with him. Until then, I never saw the point of loving just one person for an eternity, but only until then. I wanted him not only to be in love with me, but be brave enough to love me. When I opened my eyes, I smiled at him and blew out the candle.

“Do you want to share the cupcake with me?”

“I can’t. I’m meeting Lucy for breakfast.”

“She’s gone already?”

“Yeah. She hasn’t stayed over the last couple of nights.”

“She hasn’t?”

‘How the hell did I not know that?’ But suddenly, Daniel’s odd behavior made perfect sense.

“Yeah. And don’t get me wrong, I loved staying here. You’ve been the perfect host, but I can’t wait to have my own space again.”

I stared at him and realized that I had not once apologized for all that had happened between us. I was never good at saying sorry; I never believed that expressing regret could repair any action after it was said or done. But, I wanted to and I didn’t want ‘sorry’ to be just another word.

“I don’t think I’ve ever apologized for all the things that went on lately. I put you in a terrible and unfair position with Mark, and for that I am truly sorry, Danny. You didn’t deserve that, and you certainly don’t deserve any of this.”

Daniel pulled back his hand and bowed his head, “Ally ... we can’t keep doing this. You and me.”

“Doing what?”

“This. Whatever this is between us. We can’t. I’m beginning to think this whole friendship thing is a mistake? I feel like you and I can never be friends. Just friends.”

I swallowed the bite of cupcake that had grown dry in my mouth with great difficulty. What was he saying? I placed it on my pedestal and turned back to him.

“We can’t be friends anymore?”

“Lucy thinks ...”

“Lucy again.”

I unintentionally interrupted when I said it out loud. It was not supposed to come out. “Lucy feels that there is something totally unconventional between us. She says that I am carrying a torch for you and that I am too blinded by my feelings for you to realize it. She is so sure that there is something going on between the two of us ...”

“Isn’t there? Ally, how many times haven’t we had sex while I am seeing Lucy? Each time we’re alone, we don’t think straight and before we know it, we’re having sex.”

“We’re not having sex now? We haven’t had sex on the nights she hasn’t been here?”

“Come on, Ally. It’s because I had to work so hard to avoid you ... I had to distance myself from you completely so as not to crumble before you. How can we be friends if we are to be on egg shells around each other?”

“I don’t want to lose you, Danny ...”

“I don’t want to lose her, Ally ...”

Wow. That hurt. It stung. How was I supposed to respond to that? There was at once a restricting lump in my throat. I opened my mouth to let in a small breath and swallowed back with all my might, but I was powerless to stop the tears from crashing through my eyes. I didn’t want the us and the we that he once gave me, to end like that.

Daniel placed his arms around me and held me intensely against him. I folded my arms around him and breathed him in again. I was so afraid that not too long from that moment, I would be forced to forget all there was about Daniel Sotherby.

I would have to make peace with the painful reality that he had chosen Lucy, over me, again. On my birthday. ‘This just sucks so badly.’

I looked up and caught a glimpse of him looking down at me. I wanted to feel his lips on mine, just one more time. I wanted to feel his skin against mine, just once more.

I wanted Daniel Sotherby intimately against me, one last time. I leaned forward and pressed him down onto the bed. I climbed on top of him and kissed him fiercely. He responded by placing his arms around me and kissing me pungently.

My lips trailed down his body, eager to find what I found in Daniel before he broke my heart. For my heart, I wanted something again. I wanted Daniel. No. I needed Daniel.

I unzipped his jeans and lay down on him while resting my head on his chest. It was all so familiar and safe. He was familiar. Warm. Home. I could think of nothing more than the sadness that had entirely besieged me. I wanted Daniel to remember me. I wanted him to compare every other woman out there to me, just as I had compared all the other men to him. I wanted him to want me too. I wanted him to choose me. I shifted slightly and when he began to shudder underneath me, he pulled me off him and lifted himself up.

He shifted out from underneath me and when he stood up, he quickly pulled up his zipper. I stood up and walked over to him. I wanted to try just one more time. I wanted to tell Daniel that even though he had chosen Lucy, I still choose him. I wanted him, and I wanted a chance.

“Daniel, I want to fight for you, but ... I don’t know if I can? I don’t know what to do, so just tell me how you feel ... do you love me? If I just knew how you felt ... I would know what to do, and I would know to walk away from you, or stay. Just please tell me. I don’t know where my place is with you or around you anymore. We’ve been caught up in this cat and mouse game for so long ... months already. I made a mistake, I know that now. Do. You. Love. Me?”

He gazed down at me and by the expression in his dark, mesmerizing eyes, I was sure that I in no way ever desired to witness the look of complete and utter desolation in his eyes again.

It was a look of absolute dejection and despondence; one of quitting and letting go, all at the same time.

“I ... I honestly don’t know, Ally? I’ve been asking myself that same question over and over again. I feel something, but it’s not the same as before. It’s not ... what I thought was love ... and this, you and me... it’s exhausting ... it’s just too much. I don’t want you to fight for me, Ally. I have given up on the idea that there could be something between us, and you should too. I feel ... I just feel that it’s not worth it ... there’s nothing to fight for.”

“In the beginning, Ally, I would’ve done anything for you. I would have given up everything for you. We could have had something, but you never gave me a chance. All you wanted was to screw as many men as you could, and all I could do was to step back and let you. And hope. All I did was hope that you’d pick me, and you didn’t. I begged the universe each night as I lay awake, unable to sleep, I begged the universe to bring you to your senses. It never happened. I would watch you with the others, the way you seduced them with your stupid swinging while lifting your leg slightly. Yes Ally, I noticed and you didn’t care that I was there. After a while, I knew you didn’t love me. I knew you weren’t going to choose me and now that I choose Lucy ... you suddenly want me? What the fuck is wrong with you, Ally?”

I turned away from him; there was nothing more I could say to make him understand how terribly wrong I was. He was right and for the first time, I realized how hurt he must have been. I tried to run from him; I tried to discard all feelings I had for him. I was desperate to invoke the newly-singly Ally Bradshaw because that way, my heart couldn’t get broken again.

Instead, I ended up leaving a shattered heart behind me; a heart that I fell in love with from the moment I met him. I stood in silence for a moment before I finally walked back up to him.

“I am so ... so sorry, Daniel. I love you. I do. I think I fell in love with you from the moment you followed me and handed me my change. Please, please just listen to me ... just give me a chance to explain ... to tell you how I felt after Michael ... to try and explain what went on in my head. If you could just give me a chance to do that, Daniel the just maybe, you’d understand. Please ... I wasn’t seeing things the way I do now ...”

I instinctively, but hesitantly kissed him. Daniel reciprocated and for just a moment, for a split second, I had no doubt that there might be a diminutive possibility to recapture his heart. Daniel retreated hastily and at that very instant, I knew that he was surrendering to his antagonism and abhorrence of me.

I was mortified. Again. And again, it was only Daniel who had the power to make me feel so unwanted and rejected.

“Daniel ... don’t do this ... there has to be something. Just give me something to hold onto ... anything Daniel. There must be something ... I have seen it in your eyes so many times ... don’t hide it, please!” I was nervous as I reached out for his reluctant hand. He pulled back slowly and gazed at me with wretchedness in his own eyes.

“I can’t ... Ally, I don’t want to. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t go on hoping and praying that someday you’d choose me. I can’t sit here and look at you without being reminded of all the men you’ve fucked after me. I can’t even look at you sometimes. I don’t want to do this ... I just can’t. I have Lucy to look forward to, now. She loves me and what you think you see in my eyes means nothing. I don’t care who you’re screwing anymore.”

I could barely look him in the eye and turned away from him. When he walked out, I collapsed onto my bed and cried. I was devastated. Rejected. Unloved. Ugly. Drab. Boring. It was finally over for us, and there was nothing more I could do to compel Daniel to understand or even listen to anything that I wanted to say. Daniel’s heart no longer belonged to me. It was over.