part0008

Roni’s heart pounded when she reached the top of the stairs — from the exertion and the anticipation of seeing Gram. She banged open the door leading outside and headed for the nun’s dorm. Halfway across the grass, she heard Gram’s distinctive voice.

Roni glanced at the colonnade between the dorm and the church. Gram rested her elbows on the railing and held a shot glass in her hand. Roni hurried over. “Are you okay?” she asked.

Gram knocked back the last of her drink. “Got a little rattled, that’s all. Holding back that rift takes quite a lot out of you — especially at my age.”

Roni wanted to barrel into the questions bouncing around her head, but Gram looked too vulnerable, too shaken. Putting out her hand, Roni said, “Come here. Let me help you. We can go for a walk. Clear our heads.”

Gram paused to look at her empty glass. She set it on the ground before clasping Roni’s hand and gracelessly swinging her leg over the railing. She giggled as she stumbled onto the grass .

“How many shots of you had?” Roni asked.

“Oh, phooey. Enough to relax, that’s all. I’m not drunk. I just thought that the sight of me flying over that railing and nearly falling on my rear was funny. And don’t you dare start acting judgmental towards me. I’m still your grandmother. Show some respect.”

“There’s the Gram I know.” They headed across the circle, onto the grass, and toward the wide lake. A gravel path followed the perimeter of the lake, and they decided to walk the entire way around. Glancing back at the church, Roni said, “Did that nun try to do anything with you? Say anything to you?”

“What would she try to do?”

“I don’t know. You’re the one who told me to be careful around them, not to trust them.”

Gram rubbed Roni’s shoulder. “I’ve known Sister Mary longer than you’ve been alive. She has a good heart and strong faith.”

“Then why shouldn’t I trust her?”

“Because these women can get kind of nutty. They don’t believe the rift leads to another universe.”

“I heard that story from Sister Claudia. She really thinks they have a special telephone to Heaven. But more than that is going on here. Come on. I know you. You wouldn’t have told me not to trust them if it was something as benign as them being religious fruitcakes.”

“Even the dumbest of religious beliefs can spawn horrible and dangerous people.” Gram paused. She bent down, picked up a stone, and tossed it into the water. As the ripples expanded out, she said, “Out here, life is slow and still and calm. Except for that rift. These women have all been here too long. I’ve seen them come in, young and eager, full of faith and hope and a desire to do good in the world. But being near that thing changes them. That doesn’t mean I can’t be kind to an old woman like Sister Mary — I can even be fond of her — but it does mean that we have to be careful around them.”

“The rift changes them? How?”

Linking her arm through Roni’s, Gram strolled along the path again. “I’ve never been able to discover exactly what was going on, but I’ve seen the change and I can sense it. Sully and Elliot have always assumed it was negative effects from the energy pulsing out of that rift. I suppose.”

“Well, the books are secure on their stands again and that rift isn’t going anywhere. No matter how much wind it blows.”

“That wasn’t the rift. At least, I’ve never seen it act so violently. It’s frighteningly calm, usually.”

“But all that wind and the horrible sounds.”

“Those are from the books we put in place. This may sound strange to you, but they are full of negative energy which sort of forces the rift to hold still. The books kind of cower the rift.”

“Is that why the nuns think it leads to Heaven? Because the Society books are negative energy, they think the rift must be positive?”

“Oh, I will never claim to comprehend the minds of these nuns.”

Roni discarded the further questions filling her mind. “The job is done. That’s what matters. We can go back to the car and take the first flight out of here.”

Gram gave Roni’s arm a squeeze. “I wish it were that simple.”

She pulled away and walked to the edge of the lake. With her head bowed toward the water, she clasped her crucifix, closed her eyes, and prayed. Roni waited. She had thought that once they were on the plane, she would be able to pry loose some relevant information about the girl in the rift, but between the praying and the drinking, she saw that this had hit Gram like a quake from within.

Roni came alongside her grandmother. When Gram finished praying, they watched each other through their reflections. The water distorted them.

With a defeated smile, Gram said, “You might as well ask me now.”

“If I ask you, will you tell me the truth?”

“I have no choice. Not just because lying is a sin, but because you need to know. You’ll be coming out here year after year for the rest of your life. You need to know what you’re dealing with.”

Roni walked back to where the grassy ground sloped upward. She sat and smoothed a section next to her. When Gram came over and settled in, Roni said, “Okay, then — what’s the story about that girl? Why did she call you Mom? Did you have another daughter or what?”

Gram raised her hand to silence Roni. “You only had to ask the question one way.”

“Sorry. I’m just a bit —”

She splayed out her fingers and stopped Roni again. “I suppose it’s merely wishful thinking that you will ever learn patience. Lord knows I prayed to Him enough, and it hasn’t happened yet.” Gram glanced over her shoulder, back toward the church, and sniffled. “Doesn’t look like much from afar. Sometimes, it’s hard to believe so much of my life has changed in that building.”

Roni stopped herself from pressing further. The woman was building up the courage to speak. Roni sat on her hands and clinched her teeth together. Patience, she warned herself.

“First off, you do not have an aunt,” Gram said. “Maria was my only daughter as you were her only daughter. The reason that girl in the rift looks so much like you, the reason she called me Mom, is because she is also my daughter, Maria.” She pressed her palms against her eyes and shuddered. Seeing Gram push back her tears kept Roni quiet a little longer. Gram went on, “I raised your mother with a full knowledge of the Parallel Society and her eventual role in it. I wanted her to be prepared, to be skilled, so that there would be a smooth transition when I retired. So, when Maria, your mother, turned twelve years old, I decided to bring her with me here — to Croghan Abbey.

“I was very proud. Partly of her — she braved the unknown with such confidence that I always felt the Parallel Society would be in great hands with her. But I also had arrogant pride in myself. Maria’s successes spoke to my great parenting — or so I thought.

“It was early-Spring when we came here. I remember that because the grass smelled incredibly alive and it was so vividly green. I understood why so many fairy tales came from this part of the world. It was like walking through a painting still wet and fresh.

“Sister Mary had joined the church only a handful of years earlier, but she and I had become friends quickly. She fawned over Maria, acting as if she were more than a family friend. She was Auntie Mary, and she happily paraded Maria in front of all the other nuns. There was lots of cooing and pinching of cheeks and all sorts of silly behavior. Like I said, I was arrogantly proud. And I think Maria knew it, too. At least, she knew she was getting great heaps of attention, even if she didn’t understand the full implications of why.

“Time came to get to work, so I took her by the hand and walked down the spiral staircase and brought her to the rift. I felt so full of myself. I’d impressed the nuns by showing off my daughter, and now, I intended to impress my daughter by showing off the rift. I got to work inspecting the books, and at first, everything proceeded wonderfully.

“But my pride had blinded me. I forgot that Maria did not know everything she needed to know – did not know the rules. She understood the basics of the Parallel Society, but that did not qualify her to do anything more than observe. And I failed to caution her. Out of curiosity and a desire to help, she stepped forward — and this I will never forget — she smiled at me.”

With a bitter grin, Gram stroked Roni’s face. “There’s a specific way a child looks at her parents when she wants to show off how much she can do. It’s more than pride, more than a desire for acceptance, more than simple precociousness. It’s all of those things but it’s also a question — a simple idea — a child wants to show that she can do Good.”

Roni gripped the grass under her hands to keep from shaking her head. She understood exactly what was going through her mother’s head. Maria did not want to show off or receive praise or even do Good. She wanted to feel useful. “She picked up one of the books, didn’t she?”

“She wanted her mother to know that she was learning, that she would soon be ready, that she understood the importance of what the Parallel Society does, but she didn’t understand. I mean, she knew that the books were dangerous, Lord knows I drilled that into her all the time, but she had no idea that this rift was so drastically different than those in the caverns under the bookstore. She lifted the book with caution and care. But that wasn’t enough.

“These books — they radiate out energy at a specific frequency. It’s the negative to the rift’s positive. It’s how they keep the rift from expanding. But the one Maria picked up had lost its ability to hold together. Spending years pushing against this rift causes the books extreme wear. She held that book in her hands and the spine tore apart.”

Gram stared out at the lake as if she could see the events unfold in the air before her. “It struck out so fast. Like a snake sinking its teeth into a victim. No wind. No roars or growls or anything that we’ve come to expect from another universe. I have no idea how I reacted so quickly myself, but as that thing pulled Maria towards it, I whipped out a chain. I had it wrapped twice around Maria’s wrist.” Gram dabbed her eyes once more. “Maria cried out. Unbridled screams — the way only a child can scream in terror. She sounded so loud in the quiet of the room. I threw out another chain. Got around her waist that time. And I pulled. I could feel my muscles moving beyond their capacity. I could feel my bones digging into the ground. I screamed so hard my throat ached for three days. I was determined to save that girl — my girl. I suppose all mothers go through that when their child is in jeopardy, but this wasn’t anything human beings evolved to be able to do. This was me protecting my daughter from being pulled into another universe.

“Seven chains. In the end, it took me seven chains to pull her out. But I did. She cried and cried in my arms, scared and shaking, she even wet herself, and I did not care because she was in my arms, and that was all that mattered.”

Roni wriggled her hand free. “If you saved her, then who did we see in the rift?”

“When we got back home, I could tell she was proud of herself. Not only had she gone on her first outing to another country, but she had faced another universe and survived. Except there were little things — things that felt off .

“Pretty soon, these little things, small differences, started adding up. It was one thing for her to suddenly like strawberries when she never liked them before. Or the way she didn’t mind using the bathroom on the plane, while in the past, she had been particular about only going to the bathroom at home. I could dismiss these as the natural changes of a girl growing up. But then as the year progressed, her behavior became stranger. She was more aggressive, more disobedient, and very much became the wild child that you knew as your mother.”

“Isn’t that called being a teenager? ”

“I thought so, too. For the longest time. But when all the changes were put together, I saw that she was not the same. I still did not know what had really happened. I still thought I’d saved her. But a few years later, during my regular visit to the Abbey to inspect the books, Sister Mary beamed with pride. She confessed to me that the Abbey had finally been vindicated in their faith. The rift let them see into Heaven. They had been visited by an angel.”

“The rift had split her. The girl that had returned with me, that grew up and became your mother, that Maria had been formed from the impulsive side of her. The other side of her, the risk averse side, the caring and selfless side, remains trapped in the rift — stuck at the same age and, presumably, in that same moment.”

Roni launched forward and rushed down the hill to the edge of the lake. Her fingers made small circles at her temples as blood pounded through her head. Gram heaved a sob from behind, but it sounded miles away.

Roni’s thoughts swirled together and spun off in all directions. She tried to hold the concept of her mother split in two, but it kept slipping away. Part of her brain felt as if she had walked out into the lake and submerged under its icy waters. The rest of her raged so fiery-hot that she would boil the lake if she touched it.

Whirling back upon Gram, Roni said, “You’ve known this my whole life, yet you let me think I’d lost everything. You let me think my mother died in that car accident.”

“She did.” Gram’s brow tightened as did her mouth. “This splitting of Maria happened long before you were even so much as a thought. The Maria I returned home with, the one I raised, the one who liked to drink too much, liked men too much, liked drugs too much — that was your mother. That was the woman who held you in her womb for nine months, and that was the woman who gave birth to you. No other.”

“It never ends with you. One secret leads to another and another.”

“Oh, grow up. Everybody has secrets.”

“Not about the nature of the entire universe. And not about their granddaughter’s mother being splintered off into two beings.” Roni inhaled a long, sharp breath and tried to calm down. Her mind threatened to attack Gram again — this time striking at the religious angle. But that would only provoke the woman and would close any opportunity to get more information.

Gram shuffled down the hill. “I truly am sorry. This has been a stain upon my entire life. I’ve prayed endlessly about this. Perhaps I should have told you. I don’t know what good it would’ve done, but perhaps I should have. I just ... I’m ashamed.”

Roni glanced away. She wanted to punch things. She wanted to rage. But seeing the distraught, broken look in Gram’s eyes mollified the urge. Her fingers opened and her mind eased.

“You didn’t know,” she said. “Not until you saw Mom’s behavior back home, and by that point, it was too late. ”

“I should’ve tried to save her when I came back here that next year. When Sister Mary started talking about angels, I knew it was my Maria in there. I wouldn’t actually see here for a few more years, but I knew. I just didn’t want to believe it.”

Roni reached over and stroked Gram’s cheek with the back of her hand. “We’re here now, and we just saw her. It’s not too late. We should go save her.”

Gram’s face turned to stone. “That’s the worst possible idea.” She pulled away as if stepping back from a horrid monster. “You must promise me to never do that. Do you not recall what happened only a few years ago? The thing that brought you into all of this? When your boyfriend went into one of my books and came out a different being altogether.”

“He was not my boyfriend.”

“We have no idea what the universe inside that rift is like. But we do know it’s kept that version of Maria frozen in time. She’s not aged in all the years I’ve come here. Lord knows what that experience would do to her brain, her psyche. You understand? Bringing her back now might destroy all that she has left. It would also unleash an unknown creature into our world. She is no longer from this universe. To bring her here would be like bringing anything from another universe here — she would be a living relic, and those are not allowed. Too unpredictable. The foreign germs alone could be devastating to our world.”

“You think your daughter is a relic?”

Gram’s mouth became a small dot. “That Maria is no longer my daughter. And she most certainly is not your mother.”

“I only meant —”

With a wave of her hand, Gram thumped off toward the church. “I need to report in to Sully.”

Roni watched as Gram walked away. Clenching her fists, Roni kicked the gravel path. She grabbed handfuls of rocks and tossed them into the lake. She threw her arms in the air and let out an exasperated cry.

How could Gram be so blind? Roni understood how horrible an experience the whole thing must have been — her only daughter, split in two, partly lost in another universe, with no way to return. Gut wrenching. But like so much that came out of Gram’s mouth, that wasn’t the entire truth.

Because Gram ignored the possibility of saving her daughter. She wrote off the split and focused on the living daughter she still had. But that did not change the truth — the Maria in the rift was still Gram’s daughter, and in a sense, still Roni’s mother. Partly, anyway. Gram’s woes concerning the unpredictability of the rift did not negate the need to, at the least, attempt a rescue. Further proof that Gram no longer had the capacity to lead the group.

Perhaps Sully had assigned Roni this job because of Maria. If Sully knew about the situation — and Roni thought all three in the Old Gang knew everything about each other — then it could not have been an accident that he sent her alongside Gram. He wanted her to learn about Maria.

Roni stopped mid-step. She turned back and looked at the church spire peeking over the hilltops. Sister Claudia had mentioned a library. If this group of nuns behaved anything like the Parallel Society, then they would have accounts left behind by previous nuns. Somebody had to have written down something of value regarding Maria. After all, the appearance of this rift and then years later their so-called Angel had to have been the most monumental event in the Abbey.