DAY
9

Tuesday…

I slept a deep, dreamless sleep and woke just before six the next morning, a full hour before I had to be up. At first I feared that Toby had left. He was nowhere to be seen. Then as I pushed myself to sitting, I thought that the air beside me felt heavier.

I drew my knees up to my chin and thought things over. Don’t give up — oh, how I wanted to, it would have been easier. But as I sat, I gathered my resolve. I would go to school, hold my head high and show them that they hadn’t gotten to me, that they hadn’t won. As I thought this, I felt my jaw tighten, my bitterness turning to pure rage.

“Toby?” I asked, as I fanned my arms out, trying to touch him.

“Ya,” he replied groggily. Even though I knew he hadn’t gone, I was relieved to hear his voice all the same as he appeared beside me.

“I’ve been wondering,” I said, while he rubbed at his eye like he had a bit of dust stuck in it. “Who do you think told Effie about the ants?”

“I…” he stretched, “I don’t know.”

“Because I’ve been thinking, and I figure it had to have been either Charlie, Cindy or Rayla, and if it was them, I don’t really think I should be calling any of them my friends.” Memories of Stacy filled my mind, and I felt determined not to have that happen to me ever again. I would make sure it didn’t!

“Don’t be so quick to jump to conclusions,” Toby said, rubbing his eye again.

“Well, I don’t feel like talking to any of them.” Bitterness filled my mouth, and I felt like I was going to choke on it. Or I could let them know just exactly how I felt about them. I wouldn’t hold back!

“You should at least listen if they have something to say to you.” Toby’s voice sounded odd, and looking over at him, I gasped; his eyes were bloodshot, his hair was in complete disarray, and his skin was a grayish colour.

“What’s wrong with you?” I asked. Could ghosts get sick? And if they did, who would fix them?

“I’m not sure. I just feel…wrong.” He stood up slowly, using my desk to steady and support himself.

“What now?” I asked, standing beside him.

“I think you should stay home from school today.” He seemed to lean more heavily on my desk as he spoke.

“No,” I snapped. If I didn’t show up, then it would look like they had won! I was not going to let Toby or anything stop me from proving that they hadn’t gotten to me, even though they had. How could I be proud of myself if I stayed home now? How would I prove myself better than them?

“Mariah, I can hardly stand.” He wobbled as he said this.

“Toby, I have to go today. Otherwise I might as well paint a sign for everyone to see that says, ‘loser walking.’” Why did something have to be wrong with him today?

Toby shook his head but didn’t argue any more. Even with the extra time, we barely made it to the bus stop before the bus showed up. Toby held on tightly to my shoulders, making me feel tense and sore before I even caught sight of the school. I managed to avoid the gang of kids that I thought were my friends by walking up the main steps past Effie, with two bright black eyes, and her gang of wannabes. They all stared at me as if in shock, and not one said a word to or about me as I passed. I counted this as a small victory. I felt great satisfaction over Effie’s eyes. Toby gave a moan and got heavier.

I took my seat in homeroom and felt a pang of regret that I had forgotten my backpack with my book the day before. I was tired and sore from Toby holding so tight, but an even stronger emotion overrode it: resolve to see this day through. I contemplated my triumph. They hadn’t gotten to me! I was the only one in the room, so I lay my head on my desk and thought about how I could handle the rest of the day. Pulling all of Rayla’s ponytails out came to mind.

“Not good,” Toby said as he sank to the floor next to me and leaned on my leg. He was heavy. How was I going to get around with him hanging off my neck?

I lay there trying to work it out. It’s not like I could carry him. Then I became distracted by a flood of memories of the two ant attacks from the previous day. My skin started to crawl at the mere thought. Opening my eyes and looking down at Toby, I wondered, isn’t he supposed to be here to help me? His eyes were so swollen he could barely see, and his face had become misshapen by the swelling.

I opened my mouth to say something when I heard footsteps, and someone called out, “Mariah ants.” I was crushed. After my success on the front steps, I had foolishly thought I had heard the last of these stupid pranks. I shook my head, trying not to react, but without explanation I began to itch and felt as if my skin had grown millions of tiny legs and was trying to walk away from me…

“Mariah!” I recognized Elijah’s voice as I felt him tug at my shirt and pull me right from my seat. I landed on the floor and looked down. A black ant scurried all over my shirt. Up on my desk, several more were making their confused way about. Elijah brushed me off as I sat in shock, then he squished every moving bug and opened up my desk to find the source: a sandwich bag with the crust of a peanut butter and jam sandwich, and lots of ants still inside. The zipper seal was broken at one end.

Shivering, I stood and put out my hand to take it.

“What do you plan on doing with it?” Elijah asked. He kept looking me up and down, and I figured it was to be sure he got all the little pests. I couldn’t tell if there were any left—my whole body twitched and crawled.

“I’ll take it to Ms. LaKey and show her that I’m being framed.”

“I don’t think that will work,” Elijah said, not handing me the bag. “I heard that Effie told her you’re the one trying to use these ants as a prank on someone else, and you have been caught twice now. These will just prove Effie’s right.” He used his foot to squish a few ants that had made it past his thorough inspection. “Let me take it to Cindy. She’ll give it to Gus, and he’ll know how to get rid of it.”

I didn’t know if I could trust him. He sounded genuine, but if he was lying, then he was taking away my evidence. How did I know it wasn’t him who’d put them in my desk to begin with? I was trying to come up with something particularly nasty to say when the first bell rang, and students began to come into the class. Without a word, Elijah stuffed the now-sealed bag into his own desk and sat down. I balled my fists as I too took my seat.

I was still determined not to let this get to me. I would persevere! Toby moaned again as he rested against my leg. During homeroom, I caught three stray ants and crushed them under my thumb but imagined it was actually Effie I was squishing to death. When the teacher left the room, I heard a whispered taunt coming from several of my classmates, “The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah. The littlest one stops to bite Mariah’s bum, hurrah, hurrah.” And on it went. They were creative and vulgar as each new chorus was added. The teacher came back by the third line.

When the bell rang to go to our first class, the teacher told me to hold on. “I’ve been up to talk with Ms. LaKey,” she said once the room was almost empty. “She wants to see you in her office promptly at the beginning of lunch.”

“But I’m supposed to retake my endurance run with Mrs. Pain,” I tried to argue.

“Ms. LaKey comes first,” she said and dismissed me without another word.

I nodded, getting to my feet slowly just in case the teacher had more to say, but also to give Toby time to stand up. He was like dead weight! As I made my way through the halls, I got more choruses of “ants marching,” but I also heard “Attack of the Eleph-ant” and “dead ant—dead ant.”

During wood shop, Toby lay at my feet as I worked on my bookends. In English, he moaned as he held my foot while I was trying to read from Hamlet. And in math, he shook so badly that I looked like I had a tremor in my leg. Finally, the lunch bell rang, and I was released to go see Ms. LaKey. The taunts of “dead-ant” made my heart fill with chills that only got worse as I neared the principal’s office.

I was ushered straight into Ms. LaKey’s office. She wasn’t there yet, so I was told to take a seat facing her desk. Toby fell to the ground. His eyes were completely swollen. I wouldn’t doubt that he had lost his sight entirely. “Mariah, I need you to take me home.”

“Uh-uh,” I said quietly.

“Please.”

“No,” I said with pride.

Just then the office door opened, and Ms. LaKey walked in. “Mariah,” she said, “I have spoken with Miss Roosofe regarding the incident in the ladies’ lavatory.” She looked stiff and stern and came to sit across from me. “And from what Effie…I mean Miss Roosofe has told me, I have come to the conclusion that you are biased against her German heritage.” I was shaking my head, but Ms. LaKey didn’t take notice and kept on going. “She has filed an official complaint against you. It will be reviewed, and if it is found to be true, then you will have a permanent mark on your record.”

My jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe it. I looked to Toby. I needed his help! Reaching out with my foot, I rested it against his leg, but he just moaned. Did he hear what was happening?

“Miss Lafont, we have a zero tolerance for bigotry.”

“I’m not a bigot!” I blurted out.

“What do you call the two attempts to infest Miss Roosofe’s belongings with ants, something she had admitted to having a phobia about! Or the name-calling that several witnesses have reported, and what about this final attack, hitting her in the washroom where she was hiding, trying to get away from you!” Ms. LaKey ended in a shrill tone. “How can you still claim your innocence?” she added a bit more calmly.

“You believe her?” I said, barely above a whisper, because I couldn’t get any more sound out of my shocked and constricted throat.

“I really can’t see it any other way.”

“What if they are lying?” I felt my body shudder, and I wished more than ever that Toby were coherent, because I missed his advice and his consoling looks.

“Are you claiming that Miss Roosofe and several other girls that attend this upstanding school are all collaborating on a false story against you? And pray, why should I believe they’d do that?”

That was exactly what was happening, but the look on her face told me she would never believe me.

“Well then, I’ve had quite enough of this,” Ms. LaKey said with a chill in her voice. “I have called your mother regarding these incidents, and you will be required to serve detention with Gus after school for the rest of this term. I haven’t expelled you, yet, for this is the first case of any kind of negative behaviour on your record.” At this, she gave her head a small shake, as if she was surprised by it. “And you should really count yourself lucky that Gus was willing to take you. Now I do not want to see you in my office ever again!”

I nodded, completely shocked. She called my mom… My heart thudded painfully in my chest. Is this how good kids go bad? I could see no escape from this mess. I was at the mercy of the fools who believed the lies of those who were more powerful and had more influence. I was keenly aware that I had no voice.

“Mrs. Pain is expecting you tomorrow for that make-up run,” Ms. LaKey called as I headed out of her office.

My steps were slow and laboured, because Toby was so out of it that I was practically giving him a piggyback. Yet it was my iron will to prove myself better than they thought me that kept me headed toward the cafeteria and not running in the opposite direction home. As I walked, my peers jostled me about. I was in a daze, barely taking notice of the people around me, or what they were saying. I missed Toby’s calming words. Yet he had assured me that Effie would eventually have to pay for all her malice. But when? And could I be the one to repay her? Revenge is a powerful drug. If I had a gun right then, or even if I knew where to get one, I would have used it on Effie and anyone who got in my way! My jaw ached from clenching it so tightly.

I made a stop at my locker, relieved that it wasn’t infested this time. Toby let go and leaned against the wall. Was he looking worse? The halls were starting to empty. Toby took hold of my shoulders once more, and I made my slow way to the cafeteria. I should have skipped it… it was Tuesday after all, but I wanted to prove that they hadn’t won.

As I passed the washroom, I heard Effie yell, “Get out, Marika, now or you’ll be the next elephant!”

Seconds later, Marika walked out in front of me. For a moment my heart stopped. Effie was still on the other side of the door, and she could have emerged too. But then I saw the look on Marika’s face, and I was stunned. “Mariah,” she said, looking strained.

“Dissension in the ranks?” I asked, feeling a sick pleasure from the sheer idea of it. Toby let go and fell to the floor in a ball.

Marika looked back at the door. She was completely pale. “Um,” she stammered, looking down at her right hand, “I found this.” She held it out for me; it was my backpack!

I was stunned, and it took me a moment to collect my thoughts. Marika continued to hold it out to me. Her sleeve fell back from her wrist to reveal three nasty-looking red marks. A wealth of self-satisfaction filled me. I took my bag, and she bolted down the hall. I swung my pack onto my back, then, checking that I wasn’t being watched, I pulled Toby to his feet again and finally headed to the lunch room, frustrated at how unhelpful he was being.

I was one of the last students to enter, so the line was quite short. As I stood waiting to buy my meal, Cindy came over to me.

“You gonna join us for lunch?” She looked strained, like she knew something that I didn’t.

A multitude of insults filled my head, but my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. Finally I answered sharply, “I don’t know.”

“Are you mad at me?” Cindy looked like a dog that had just been scolded.

I had no empathy; instead I felt a hot bitterness welling up from some deep dark spring within my soul. Toby gave a huge shudder, moaned and fell to the floor. Ignoring him, I accused, “How did Effie find out about the ants?”

Cindy’s eyes widened, and she lowered her head, and then walked away quickly. Confirmed. I headed down the counter and picked out the daily special, tuna surprise. But the real surprise had nothing to do with tuna…

“Ants,” someone whispered as they walked behind me. “Dead ants.” Some-one else walking the opposite direction said, “The ants go marching…”

I was about to push past her when I felt a strange pinching sensation on my neck, then an enormously painful feeling like a wasp was stinging me. I put my hand up and slapped my neck. Pulling my hand back, I saw a crushed brown-red ant. Then I felt three more pinches on my back, followed by the same stinging sensation; then the same on my left arm, then my right, and more on my back.

I clawed at myself like a madwoman! My pack fell to the ground, and I ripped at my arms and tore my shirt, trying to reach my back. The stinging didn’t let up until I was able to reach the source. I couldn’t reach my back! I fell to the floor, landing on my pack and started to roll in agony. I felt like I was being poked everywhere by hot needles.

Effie came to stand over me. “Dance, Eleph-ant!”

“Get them off me!” I screamed. Effie stood above me with a malicious sneer. “Help! Help! HELP!” I yelled as I thrashed and tore at my body. I was on fire! I couldn’t breath.

Effie was laughing, as were several other students as they stood in a circle around me. Then their voices died in my ears, followed by everything going dark.

◊ ◊ ◊

I heard the paper crinkle under me as I rolled onto my back. The bed I lay on was made of vinyl-covered foam with a thin layer of stiff paper between me and it. There was a rough blanket draped over me. I could hear muffled talking coming from somewhere to the right, and though I had opened my eyes, it was just as dark as when I had them closed, but for a chink of light outlining the door to my right.

“They were fire ants,” Toby said. He was close and sounded like his regular self again.

Once, when I was seven years old, my dad had taken Jake and me hiking. I had tripped and fallen into a patch of poison ivy. For three days after, my skin had prickled and stung. Lying here on my back now, I was surprised at how similar my back, neck and arms felt. I rolled back onto to my side, feeling my tears make moist paths over my face: I had tried, and I had failed, yet again…so what was the point?

“Mariah, will you forgive me? I let you down. I made a huge mistake,” Toby said softly into my ear. More tears followed those that had already run down my face.

The voices on the other side of the door sounded more like a bunch of bees buzzing. I couldn’t make out any words, but I could tell that there were several people talking. Who was it? What were they saying?

“I was supposed to stop you from coming to school today,” he continued. “That’s why I woke up feeling so miserable! It was supposed to be intuition. Didn’t you feel it too?”

I had a sort of swooping feeling at the centre of my stomach, sort of like when you step off a curb, but you weren’t ready for it. I had thought it was just me gathering my courage, but then I had felt something very different, a raw determination to prove myself. I felt embarrassed now as I remembered it.

“There is a difference between bravery and sheer stupidity. You are brave, Mariah, every day of your life, and you don’t need to prove that to anyone.”

The voices continued to buzz, and I put my arm over my ear, wanting Toby, them and the whole world to go away. Toby put his hand on my knee and held on as I tried to move away. “Go away,” I moaned.

“You can’t make me go away,” he said softly.

“Then just leave me alone.”

Toby squeezed my knee as he spoke. “You are grieving now.”

“Again!” I felt my desire for vengeance starting to build again.

“Don’t,” he said, sounding as if someone were constricting him. “You have every right to grieve, so grieve away, I won’t stop you. There is no shame in feeling sad. But don’t let it harden inside you!” He sounded desperate. “When you don’t let it out, it gets stuck and becomes something ugly.”

“What are you talking about?” I hid under my arm again.

“I woke up sick with a premonition, but I got worse because of your resolve. It wasn’t natural, it wasn’t healthy, it was wrong, and just like I can feel your pain in a pure sense, I felt your desire for revenge in a very real form…it made me sick.”

I swallowed hard. “So I’m not allowed to be mad?”

“Well…” Toby faltered, “I don’t know if you can never feel angry. But what you were feeling wasn’t anger; it was vengeance, and a desire to outdo those around you, or prove yourself. It wasn’t a healthy anger; it was unhealthy. It was your pain turned around into something mean.”

I exhaled slowly. I was feeling flustered, overwhelmed and like my life was entirely unfair. How come Effie was able to get away with stuff like this? I listened to see if Toby could pick up on my feelings, but he seemed calm.

“Mariah, just feel what you are really feeling.”

More tears fell. I was sad, so very, very sad. I cried so hard, my whole body shook. Toby held onto my knee, and I was glad he was there.

From behind me, I heard the door open and two hushed voices. The first was my mother, the second the school nurse.

“I’ve already spoken to Ms. LaKey,” my mom said, her voice edgy but low.

“Yes, I’ve spoken with her as well, but I reserve the right to form my own opinions about the situation.”

“You said ants bit her?” I could tell my mother was standing over me, and then I felt the blanket being lifted. As a light breeze swept over my skin, I realized I didn’t have my shirt on.

“Yes,” the nurse answered. The blanket was dropped back over me. “A particularly hardy kind not found locally.”

“Mmmm,” I heard my mother respond as she walked across the room. “And this was the third time this week Mariah has been found harbouring them?”

“Not really.” The nurse sounded exasperated. “This is the third time ants have been found in your daughter’s property. But the first two times, there were just common black ants. This is the only incident of Solenopsis invicta, toxic red ants.”

My mother sighed with disappointment. “Oh, Mariah.”

“Gus was able to find the container they had escaped from. It was in her backpack wrapped tightly in her sweater, with no lid on it, and no lid to be found in any of her possessions. But luckily for your daughter, not too many of them had gotten loose.” The nurse paused, but my mother didn’t respond, so she continued. “She was in the cafeteria line-up when they started to swarm. Did you know that this type of ant can scurry over your skin undetected? It’s that light-footed.”

The thought made me shiver. I held my breath, hoping I hadn’t been noticed.

“Where did they come from?” asked my mother.

“Originally Brazil, but since the turn of the century they were accidentally relocated to Texas and have since spread to other warmer states.” The lights were flicked on and dimmed immediately. “You see, Mrs. Lafont, they can’t survive here, as our winters are too long and cold.”

“So you are telling me that Mariah had to send away for these ants from Texas?” I held my eyes shut tight; I didn’t want anyone to know I was listening. But the disappointment in my mother’s voice was so overwhelming that I felt a fresh tear slide silently down my cheek.

“What I am telling you, Mrs. Lafont, is that someone, with good connections and money, had these deadly little creatures brought here for the purpose of malice.” I heard soft clinking noises, as if something were being moved about on a metal counter, like the one in our science lab.

“Oh, Mariah,” my mother moaned. “Haven’t you learned anything from your brother?”

I felt the covers carefully folded off me, and someone gently put their hands on my back—dabbing what felt like a wet cotton ball onto each of the areas where I felt pain and itchy.

“You see these?” the nurse asked, standing behind me. I heard my mother take a few heavy steps towards me. “Each of these is an individual bite.” The nurse dabbed at several more spots on my back.

“Then what are those red marks around them?”

“That’s the pattern they leave when they sting you. The ants bite down with their jaws and hold on with a super-tight grip. They sting you in a circular pattern, anchored with their teeth—they can sting several times in one minute, and they don’t usually stop until they’re removed. Effective little buggers, aren’t they?”

“What are you doing now?” My mother’s voice seemed just a tad less edgy.

“I’m applying Listerine…”

“The mouthwash?”

“Yes. I was told by a colleague that it will help the healing.” There was a smile in the nurse’s voice, “A friend of mine, the school nurse at North Hill High, had a similar situation a few years back. She told me that Listerine helps to alleviate the pustules that typically form about six hours after the initial bite.”

“Pustules?” My mother sounded like she might be ill.

“Pustules are like small white heads, or the clear part on a chicken pox. They are quite sensitive, but you don’t want to break them if they do appear, because it will create scarring, and it could lead to secondary infection.”

“And this should stop them from forming.”

“That’s what my friend told me.” The nurse started to dab at my arm, lifting it up to get the few bites in my armpit. “It’s great having her as a friend; she’s also a very good resource,” she continued, more to herself than to my mother. “Kids these days are getting more and more inventive in their tricks and pranks, and we can debrief each other as well as encourage one another. You see, it’s us in the trenches that see the real victims.” She put my arm down very gently and gave my wrist a small squeeze as she did so.

“That must make it hard for you to have to treat the one who’s been causing all the grief and harm.” The edge had returned to my mother’s voice.

“Trust me, it doesn’t happen often.” I felt her dabbing my neck and down my chest. “Mrs. Lafont, your daughter has just over fifty bites, with anywhere from two to ten corresponding stings. I suggest you give her plenty of care and allow her to rest for the next few days. I also strongly recommend that you give her Benadryl. She’ll be immensely itchy. You need to watch for signs of secondary infections. They will look like a new rash, swelling or discolouration. Seek out immediate medical attention if she experiences dizziness, shortness of breath or is acting in any way out of the ordinary.” The nurse moved around the bed to my front. “If you don’t mind, Mrs. Lafont, I need to administer the rest of this, so could you please wait outside? I will send your daughter out in just a couple of minutes.”

My mother didn’t respond, but I did hear her walk out and the door snap shut.

“I need you to sit up, dear, to be sure I’ve gotten all your lesions.” The nurse’s voice was soft and sweet.

I had met the nurse before. Mrs. Kristy was in her early twenties. She had soft blue eyes, wavy brown hair and a long scar right along her jaw line. It was a running joke that she got it from her youth, when she was in a gang, but the truth was that she had lost most of her chin due to cancer, and it was only through the miracle of modern medicine that she’d been able to survive and could still look relatively normal. Perhaps it was because of this that she thought of life as a wonderful gift and always wore a smile, though sometimes it would seem sad.

I sat in only my bra, with the nurse dabbing at any spot that looked untouched, and watched Toby, who had his back to me and was rubbing the back of his neck like it was him that had been bitten, not me.

“Mariah.” I looked at the nurse. She held up a cotton ball with green liquid between her fingers. “Go home,” she said, but it wasn’t unkind. It was said more with concern. “Take care of yourself.” I nodded numbly. Her eyes spoke a story to me, but she said no more.

She handed me my shirt, and even though she assured me that there were no ants left, I had to check it over twice before I could put it on. My hands shook. The cotton against every sore was like rough grass scratching against me. I stood and wondered if I would collapse. Toby came to my side and lightly took my hand. I felt suddenly stronger with him by my side. I thanked the nurse and headed out into the hall, where my mother stood fuming. She gave me one hard stare then headed down the hall. I followed.

As we walked, the bell for class change rang. I was jostled this way and that, as the halls filled with other students. Each collision burned like a freshly made wound. Toby kept his hand firmly on mine and guided me through the fray. I passed Effie talking to Sara and Marika; Marika’s wrist, where she had the three strange red marks, had puffed up into small white heads. She nervously scratched at it as I walked by.

A feeling of quiet resolve gripped my spin and gave me strength: I had suffered, and I had endured, and I was still here. I held my head up, not allowing anyone to make me feel bad about myself. I wasn’t sure, but I thought I saw a look of nervousness from Effie as I passed her…

The ride home was uncomfortable. My mother didn’t look at me even once. She pulled roughly over to the curb near our house and put the car in park, but she didn’t take her hands from the steering wheel. She gazed out the windshield. “Where did I go wrong?” The sorrow in her voice made me feel panicked.

She looked down at her lap and took a Kleenex from inside the armrest, then started to dab at her eyes. “First my husband, now both of my kids!” I was opening my mouth to argue when she continued, “I’m a good person…” She blew her nose and took a new Kleenex as tears spilled from her eyes. “I pay my taxes. I am a good girl for my parents!” I wanted to point out that writing a letter once a year didn’t make you a good daughter, but she went on, “I was a good wife. I supported my husband in everything he wanted to do.” She went through three more Kleenexes. “I’m a good mother. I make sure my children are well fed and have clothes and a roof over their heads!” She blew her nose again.

Somehow I felt more vulnerable and afraid of her than ever before. She had yelled before, thrown things and threatened me, but there, stuck in the car next to her, I wanted to cower. Toby, who had been sitting silently in the back seat, reached over and brushed my ear. If he had not been there, I would have promised my mother anything just to get her to stop behaving this way. It gave me chills.

“So where did I go wrong?” She was shaking her head, and eventually she turned and faced me. The look in her eyes was like none I’d ever seen before. Sorrow? Hate? Regrets. Broken dreams. It was all there. She continued to stare, as if I should say something, but I didn’t know what. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the minutes on the car clock change from six to seven.

“Just get out,” she commanded.

I didn’t hesitate a second. I was out the door and up the block before the clock could reach eight. Behind me I heard the screech of tires as she pulled away from the curb. Only when I was out of sight did I slow my pace. Toby put an arm around me so I could lean into him. It hurt to have him rub against my sores, but it was comforting too. He was beginning to feel like an extension of myself; I was getting quite comfortable with his touch and was far less jumpy when he did touch me.

Once home, I surveyed the damage. To do this, I needed Toby’s help taking off my shirt again. He picked up the mirror and held it up, turning his head away. I gingerly slipped off my shirt and slowly examined each bite. I gasped at the amount. Toby turned back and echoed my disbelief. I had three on my chest, two on my stomach, ten on my left arm and four more under my arm, twelve on my right arm and six more on my armpit, but on my back I had eighteen, from my hairline all the way down to my pants.

“You were lucky,” Toby said, leaning in to take a closer look.

I didn’t feel lucky. I felt hot and prickly. “How can you say that?” I asked.

“Well,” he held the mirror up so I could see better, “they didn’t get into your hair, or down your pants or on your face… How do you feel?”

I turned to face him, and he shifted uncomfortably. “Awful.”

He nodded. I searched through my drawer for a softer top and found one made from satin. I slipped it on. The coolness of the fabric felt nice against my raw skin. “You can look now. I’m dressed,” I muttered.

Toby took his time turning back around. I slumped down on my bed and curled up around the pillow. “So what now?” I asked, trying to make sense of my life.

He sat down at the bottom of the bed and took my feet onto his lap and gently massaged them. “I don’t think it was any of your friends.”

“What friends?” I asked.

“Rayla, Charlie, Cindy, Teb, Elijah, Dan.”

“Oh, them. How can you be sure?”

“Well, when you yelled out for help, it was like I instantly woke up from a daze, and I was able to see clearly for the first time that day. I could also understand the mistakes you had made.”

“What!” I tried to take my feet away, but he held on to them until I relaxed again.

“I think I’ve put together everything that happened today. At first I just felt off and said that you should stay home. That’s what was supposed to happen, but you didn’t want to. You wanted to show the other girls up by pretending they hadn’t gotten to you, and that wasn’t natural. So, the more determined you were to stick it out for the day, for the wrong reasons, the worse I got. In the cafeteria, you became so livid I could feel the waves of vengeance emanating from you… But when the ants started to bite, you didn’t want to lash out. Instead you finally admitted that you needed help. So I was restored.”

“I need something to eat,” I said, sitting up. Toby followed me to the kitchen and watched as I emptied almost the entire contents of our fridge onto my plate.

“I wish you wouldn’t use food to hide your feelings.” He sat down in an empty chair.

“I wish you were easier to understand!” I said, and dropping the plate of food onto the table, I thrust myself into the chair opposite him. He was right; I was feeling guilty. I had wanted to show Effie up. I had wanted to prove that she couldn’t get to me. And he was right; I wanted to hurt anyone I could, and I would have! That thought made my stomach lurch. I brought my hands to my mouth and held them tight against my lips. My hate for Effie had turned me into someone just like her. I looked at the plate piled high with my favourite foods: brownies, cookies, cupcakes and doughnuts. None of it really looked appealing, so I pushed the plate to the centre of the table and turned to Toby.

“You really haven’t made my life much easier,” I said. “It’s confusing, because when you first came, you said you were going to help me, yet in the last week I’ve had to endure more hardships than in the two previous years.” Toby smiled and nodded, but he didn’t say anything. “Some of it has been a special brand of torture, because you represent everyone who’s treated me badly. You even admitted yourself that you would have been no nicer to me if I had ended up in your school.”

“You’re right,” he said. He stood up and went over to the fridge. Rummaging through, he found some leftover chicken and potato salad. “You really do need to eat.” He placed a new plate in front of me. I slowly ate the meal.

“Effie might have gotten the ant idea from me.”

Why did this not surprise me? I put my fork down and sat back, careful of my numerous bites.

“Mariah, you don’t know how hard this is for me. I can see my mistakes so clearly now, but I feel powerless to stop the destruction I started!” Toby brought his hands up to his hair as if he were trying to wash himself clean. I felt his anguish.

“So what do we do now?” I asked, feeling resolved.

“Wait. Regroup.” He looked deep into my eyes. “Give yourself time to heal.”

I nodded then cleaned up my plate. Coming to sit back down, I asked, “Why don’t you think Rayla, Cindy or the rest had anything to do with Effie and the ants?”

“Because of their reaction.”

“Reaction?”

“Well, there I was, barely aware of anything that was going on. You fell down beside me, and I had no clue what was happening, then you yelled out in anguish, and it felt like a switch was flicked in my head. I sat up and took stock.” He cleared his throat. “You were yelling, and Ms. Telz had come running over, all annoyed at the commotion. She is really oblivious, isn’t she? So she completely missed the fact that you were on the ground, but by then you had gone unconscious. Effie took full advantage of that. She and several of her friends stepped in front of you, blocking her from seeing you. But your friends had come over to see what was going on, and it didn’t take them long to figure out the real problem. It was Cindy who saw you first. You were twitching like someone having an epileptic fit, and she got so frightened, she let out a horrible scream. She ran to you, followed by Charlie, Rayla and all three boys. Rayla had thought you were having a seizure, Charlie thought you had choked on something… Cindy noticed the ants and saw the way they were attacking you, so she told the others, and all of them started to squish any they could see.

“It was Elijah who put it together that they were in your backpack, and in your state you had managed to fall right on it. So he pulled it out from under you and threw it right in the direction of Effie and her gang. They scattered. With her panic and screams about poisonous ants, the cafeteria emptied so quickly, several kids got trampled.

“Ms. Telz took some time dealing with the stampede, then she finally noticed you and your friends, who were desperately trying to help. She called down Gus and the nurse. Fire ants were escaping out of your pack. Charlie, Cindy, Rayla, Teb, Dan and Elijah were all keeping watch over you, making sure no more were able to get you.

“The nurse arrived, and even the paramedics. Everyone was very concerned that you were having an allergic reaction. Your mom was called. They wanted her to give permission for you to be taken to the hospital, but she wouldn’t let them. They said you weren’t hurt too bad, but they did want to keep you under observation. Your mom didn’t see the need for that.

“Gus came dressed in a full nuclear waste uniform; he was prepared to fumigate as soon as you were moved. So the paramedics took you to the nurse’s room, and all your friends came along to make sure you were looked after. They wanted to stay with you, but Mrs. Kristy wouldn’t let them.”

“After all this, you may not be the only one with an ant phobia!”

I smiled weakly. “But remember, I never had an ant phobia before this started.”

“I know.” Toby put his hand over mine. “And you don’t really have one, not even now, with all you’ve been through.” I nodded. “Well, Gus came to the nurse’s office and explained what he had found. The ants had been stuffed into a plastic pop bottle, which was wrapped up tightly in your pink sweater, and there was no lid, not in any part of your pack. You were set up beyond a doubt.”

“Well, I know that,” I said with a sigh.

“You’re not the only one.”

“But Ms. LaKey,” I protested, feeling hopeless.

“Well, she’s wrong! And she may be the only one left who thinks that way. I heard them talking while you were still unconscious, and they’ll be having an emergency meeting today after school.” Toby gave a wide grin. “Things could be changing.”

“And they might not,” I said, feeling tired. I was surprised to see that it was barely after three. “I want to rest,” I said, laying my head down on the kitchen table.

I think I would have slept right there if Toby hadn’t gently pulled me up and guided me to the living room. He lay me down on the sofa then came to sit next to my head. With just a bit of shifting, I was able to use his thigh as my pillow.

I dreamed I was in that wonderful place, only this time, as wonderful as it was, I was angry. I was throwing rocks into the pond and yelling over all the heartaches and miseries I had to endure. I was really raging, screaming so my voice broke, and pounding my fists on the ground till they were tender and bruised. Finally Toby, the dream Toby, came to me. He stood next to me while I sat on my knees. My anger had diminished a little, and he said, “It’s alright to be angry. But it’s what you do in anger that isn’t right.” I was turning toward him to ask what he meant when a jarring noise interrupted my dream.

It was the doorbell. I slowly opened my eyes and looked at the time: four thirty. With great effort, I pushed myself up and, in an attempt to wake up more, I stretched. I regretted this immediately, for each of the ant bites stung separately from the other; it felt like I was being poked by over fifty pushpins at once.

“You going to answer that?” Toby asked.

“Who is it?” I wondered aloud.

“The only way to find out is by answering the door,” he replied, but I wasn’t sure he was being completely honest; I had a feeling he already knew.

I checked the peep hole and saw Cindy on the other side. Almost as if she sensed me watching her, she banged on the door with her fist and yelled, “We didn’t do it!”

Toby came close to me, watching me for my response.

I turned to him and whispered in my quietest voice, “What if it’s a trick?

“Seems to me that you have a choice to make.” He leaned back against the wall. “You can either decide to trust and let her in, or you could choose to not trust, and they will go away. Then you’ll never really know.”

I chewed my lip. “What if I can’t trust them?”

“You are going to have to trust someone, sometime, or you’re going to have a very lonely life.” When I continued to stand there, he added, “It’s not rocket science, Mariah, think about it. What does your heart tell you?”

I looked back through the peephole, keeping my hand on the lock. Cindy shifted restlessly from one foot to the other. I tried to imagine her going to Effie and telling her. I couldn’t see Cindy actually doing that, nor any of her friends. But then how had Effie found out?

I tentatively undid the lock and pulled the door open. I faced Rayla, Cindy, Dan and Elijah. For a moment no one said anything. As I faced them, I noticed Cindy had five red marks on her arm. Rayla had on a long-sleeved shirt, but I could see two on the back of her hand. Dan had six between both his arms, and it looked like Elijah had at least ten below his elbows where his jacket sleeves had been rolled up to. I felt gratitude wash over me. They sported these spots because of their kind attempt to save me.

“You guys look sore.” It was all I could think of saying, but it did the trick, because all of us ended up laughing. I invited them in, and they followed me to the kitchen.

It was odd; with these four guests in my house, I was suddenly struck at how I had never had friends over before. The only other time I had spent in the kitchen with people other than my family was my brother’s delinquent buddies. But I was no less calm at this point than if it had been the other scenario.

“Oh,” Elijah said, pulling something off his shoulder. It was my backpack. “Gus gave me this to bring to you.”

Panic gripped my heart, constricting my lungs and pressing down on my chest. What if this was a trick? What if they had come to finish the job? Toby stood next to me, invisible to everyone but me. I gave him a quick look before I walked the three feet to Elijah and took my pack from his hands. I was trembling as I walked back to my spot by the sink and slowly opened it up.

Reaching in, I found my sweater and pulled it out to investigate; it was stained red in places and ripped in others. I hadn’t been able to see it before, because it had been bunched in a tight ball. Now it hung loosely in my hand, and I was stunned at the amount of damage it had sustained. I let it fall to the floor and reached in for my next article, my favourite novel. It had been blacked out by a black marker so that most pages were illegible. Only a few choice words remained legible, and they were not kind ones. I dropped it on top of my sweater and reached in again; both my math and science books had pages roughly torn from them. They too were added to the pile of my vandalized belongings, and I put my hand in one last time, thinking I’d find my notebook, but the bag was empty. I let it drop and, looking down at the heap, I felt a wave of relief wash over me… no ants.

“Gus kept your notebook,” Rayla said in a choked voice. “He said it has evidence of your innocence as well as…”

“It was littered with death threats,” Cindy added quietly.

I wanted to thank them for the return of my belongings, but I didn’t know how to say it. The question of how Effie found out still lingered.

“Um,” Rayla started cautiously, “we have something to tell you.” The mood in the room became stiflingly heavy. Rayla started to play with her hands in her lap. “Well…we think we might have figured out how Effie knew.” She looked quickly up at me and back down again. “You know how Charlie’s locker is next to Sara’s… Well, it is. And she was at it and talking to Teb about our trip to the mall. Anyways, she was telling him about you coming and stuff…” Rayla fiddled harder. “Sara might have heard her talking.”

I put my hand over my mouth. I felt a bit ill. I was so certain that I had been set up, I had never considered that it might have been a mistake. I looked at all four in the kitchen. “Is that why Charlie didn’t come?” I asked, wondering how I’d have felt if it was me.

Rayla nodded. “Charlie feels absolutely horrible. She was crying so hard, Teb had to take her home. She never knew this would happen.”

Feeling the strength leave my knees, I pulled out the empty chair and sat down. I felt Toby place a hand on either shoulder, and as much as it hurt my bites, I didn’t want him to let go. How had I become so bitter? I had been so set on being the only one hurt in everything that I hadn’t been able to see that others were hurting too.

“She wanted us to come and tell you how sorry she is,” Cindy added.

“It wasn’t really her fault.” My voice sounded so very small and broken.

“Tell them you aren’t mad,” Toby prompted.

“I’m not mad,” I said more in response to Toby, but it worked. Everyone seemed to relax a little.

Rayla reached out and wrapped her arms around me; I was so surprised, she almost pulled me out of my chair. I don’t know what felt worse: having her arms tight against several sores, or the sheer discomfort of having her hug me. When was the last time I’d been hugged by anyone, other than Toby? It stirred up new feelings, and as much as I knew I should reciprocate, I just couldn’t, so I sat with my arms firmly by my side.

Rayla let go, and looking into my eyes, I think she caught sight of my unshed tears. “I’m so sorry,” she mumbled. “I forgot you must be sore.”

“Just a little.” I gave her a half-smile. I wasn’t about to tell her the tears were there because I’d never felt friendship like this before.

“Just a little!” Dan scoffed. “I’ve got six bites, and they’re driving me crazy! You’re a trooper, I’m telling you!”

This was a leaping point into a conversation about the “Great Cafeteria Ant War,” as it was dubbed halfway through our talk. Through the telling and retelling of the day’s events, everyone became a hero: the way Cindy finally got Ms. Telz to understand what was happening; Charlie’s ability to squish seven in one swoop, and the best part, the way Elijah had thrown the pack right at Effie’s feet, and how she’d fled screaming. I felt like a rookie learning a new skill being among so many friends—everyone trying to talk at once. So this is what it was like to have a group of friends—it felt nice. By the end, everyone was able to laugh at the whole thing—even me, a little.

The plate piled with baked treats still sat on the table, and as the afternoon wore on, everyone started to help themselves to it, as if I had put it there just for them. Our talk had eventually led to other topics: the mall, our teachers, the upcoming auditions for the school play, and other trivial things. I joined in from time to time, but mostly I listened. It was nice to hear their take on the world. They seemed to have a fresh and hopeful attitude, and I liked it. When I did say something, it was usually met with agreement, and at one point Rayla said that I was “deep,” which meant I didn’t talk much, but when I did, everybody should listen. This made me feel really great about myself. Toby smiled at me encouragingly.

It was after 6 pm when they decided that they all had to get home. I said I looked forward to seeing them again, though I had the rest of the week off, so it wouldn’t be too soon. Cindy reminded me of her invite for the sleepover, and then they were gone. I was a bit disappointed as I turned back to my empty quiet house, but then I saw Toby standing beside me, and I felt my spirits lift.

I made myself dinner and ate it in front of my favourite shows. Toby seemed quiet again, but my head was so full of my own thoughts, I didn’t ask what was on his mind. My mom breezed in around eight, barely taking time to say three words to me; actually it was five: Benadryl is on the table. Then she headed down to her room to lock herself in for the night. I cleaned up the mess she had left in her wake and went to my own room once my shows were done.

As I lay in bed, mulling over the day, Toby interrupted my thoughts. “You remember that tomorrow is Wednesday?”

“Ya…” I replied. “This is Tuesday; one week and one day ago you came into my life…”

“A week and a day…huh,” he said.

“It’s been a very full eight days.” I reached out with my foot until it found his leg. Instantly the warmth that seemed to emanate from him seeped into my soul. “Feels almost like a lifetime.”

Toby put his hand on my ankle. “Ya. But I was trying to say that tomorrow is Wednesday, and you promised to go to the bowling alley.”

“Oh, ya,” I said, mindlessly scratching at a bite on my arm.

“Don’t,” Toby said, pointing at me.

“Don’t go?” I asked, confused.

“Don’t scratch.” I dropped my hand.

“But about the other thing—are you still willing to go?”

“I guess I am,” I answered, though I wasn’t so sure. I was intrigued by how Effie had reacted to Tony’s interest in me, but frightened by it at the same time. Then I remembered something. “Do you remember what you told me in the nurse’s office?” Toby narrowed his eyes. “About feeling sad then, because I wasn’t going to feel it later?”

“Ya,” he replied. “So?”

“Well, I think I sort of understand what you meant.” I did. “You see I used to believe that if I was miserable, then I’d stay miserable forever, like my misery would swallow me up and never let me go. But it didn’t, and this day turned out kinda okay.”

“I’m glad.”

Without realizing it, I brought my hand up to my arm again. “Stop scratching.” Toby commanded.

I stopped but let out a frustrated moan. “They’re just so itchy!”

“Take the Benadryl,” he suggested. I had brought the bottle and a spoon down but hadn’t taken any yet, so I did. I was still intensely itchy and getting worse. I sat at on the edge of my bed, holding the side with my hands, afraid that if I let go, I’d scratch myself raw.

Toby came to sit beside me. “I feel it too,” he whispered consolingly.

I closed my eyes against the growing urge to scratch myself raw. “What does it feel like to you?”

“Different. I think I can actually feel the poison trying to spread, but I also feel your body’s defenses working to eliminate the toxins. It’s all really fascinating.”

I gripped the bed tighter; it felt like millions of ants were crawling all over me again! This thought gave me a shiver, and I leaned into him as I shuddered.

“Don’t worry, the battle is already won.”

“I don’t think I can keep myself from scratching much longer,” I admitted, still not letting go of my bed.

“Here.” He came up behind me so that his arms were around mine. Then, once I had finally let go, he pulled me down so that my head rested on his chest, but he still had his arms around mine so I couldn’t scratch.