DAY
12

Friday…

Sleep finally found me, and again I dreamed of a wonderful meadow with velvet grass, a soothingly babbling brook and a glorious sun that shone down warm and wonderful upon my skin. Dream Toby approached and greeted me with a huge hug.

“I do love you,” he whispered in my ear. “You are the one and only girl I have ever truly cared for.” I knew that what he said was true, and though I found his words were sad at the core, they filled me with peace. He embraced me. I would have happily stayed in his arms for the rest of my life, but as dreams go, this too ended, and I awoke at 7 am with the sun just starting to rise on a new day.

It’s amazing how a good night’s sleep can help you have a fresh attitude—like the once dark and gloomy world was now filled with hope and new possibilities.

I turned to Toby. He had his eyes open and his arms around me, but as I turned, he pulled his hands back and said with a sheepish grin, “Good morning.”

“Yes,” I replied. “Let’s have a good day as well.” I was feeling more confident than I ever had before in my life. I was determined to not let anything get me down this day. Toby seemed more optimistic also, and I took that as a good sign. After all, I couldn’t possibly have as bad a day as yesterday…

I had eaten a healthy breakfast, dressed in my nicest outfit for school, done my hair, brushed my teeth and even applied a small amount of make-up. Every once in a while, worries tried to play at the edge of my consciousness, but I’d mention them to Toby, and his response would chase them away.

“What do you think will be different at school?” I wondered aloud.

“Perhaps Ms. LaKey has hired you a bodyguard?” Toby jokingly replied.

“Unlikely,” I said, trying to picture it in my mind, “but wouldn’t that be great…” Then I was struck with another thought. “What if Effie has found out I visited Tony on Wednesday? Or worse, that he’s asked me out? What would her jealousy be like then?”

“She’d probably have to admit that you are the more popular one and ask you for advice,” Toby smiled.

“You think?” I giggled.

“Well, no. But don’t worry, Ms. LaKey hired you that bodyguard.”

Our fun was interrupted by a sharp knock on the front door. Toby looked just as surprised to hear it. He shrugged when I mouthed, “Who is it?” I went to the door and opened it to find myself looking into the faces of two rather stern police officers. The first had sandy blond hair, and he looked to be in his early thirties. The second was older. He had a mustache, and his hair was graying. Both wore crisp blue suits and no-nonsense expressions.

The one with graying hair stepped into the house and asked, “Is this the residence of Jake Lafont?”

I had barely answered yes when he pushed me to the wall, and his partner ran past. “We have a search warrant, as well as papers to arrest one Jake Lafont. Any attempt to get in our way will lead to your own arrest, do you understand?”

“Yes,” I said, paralyzed with fear. “But Jake’s not here.”

The officer stepped back, loosening his grip on me so I could face him. “May I ask who you are, and what your relationship is to the assailant?”

“I’m his sister,” I snapped, feeling harassed. “My name is Mariah Lafont.”

“Well, Miss Mariah Lafont, will you please take a seat at the kitchen table.”

“Can’t I just go to school? I’m going to be late now,” I protested.

“No,” he said commandingly. “Please take a seat at the kitchen table.”

I went into the kitchen with a huff and sat down. The officer stayed at the door, and I could hear his partner searching through our living room. It took over an hour before his partner returned; he had looked through the cupboards and stopped when he discovered the gun.

Bringing it to the table, he dropped it in front of me. “And what is this for, young lady?”

I looked at the shiny, black, metallic, revolver; I had never seen one up close before. Even when Mom had shown me where to get it, I hadn’t bothered to get a better look. It instilled fear so deep in me that I didn’t want to be anywhere near it.

“My mom got it a few days ago,” I answered in a small voice. “She said we needed protection from my brother.”

“You are not allowed to own one of these without registration. Do you happen to know if this gun is registered?”

I shrugged. “She didn’t say.”

“Is there a number where we can reach your mother?” The first officer with the sandy blond hair was leaning so close I could smell his cologne. It made me cough a little.

I gave them my mother’s work number, and once they started to talk with her, I stopped paying attention. It was then that I realized I hadn’t seen my mom since yesterday morning. Had she come home? Would I have still been tied up until the police came? Now more than ever, I was thankful Toby was with me. I looked over at him. He was enthralled with the conversation the police were having.

“We understand, Mrs. Lafont,” the sandy haired officer was saying. “There is really no other alternative, we are talking murder here… Yes, I understand that he is your son, but do you understand that it was nine other people’s sons or daughters that we are talking about… No… No… No… Well, if that is how you feel… Fine then, we will just check out your registration papers and be on our way.” He put down the phone and looked to his grey-haired partner. “Go check the mothers room, bedside table. She says you’ll find a second gun there and registration for both weapons.” His partner left.

Looking at me kindly, he said, “I am so sorry.” I nodded. I felt numb. Had he said my brother killed nine other children? How could he? I knew him as a jerk, but never a killer. “Mariah?” he asked. I just nodded once again. “I’m sorry we had to detain you; we only came to arrest your brother and search for evidence.” I blinked. “It’s very rare that people like these still live with their parents. Usually by now they have a place of their own, with a few…roommates. We just had to be sure you were who you said you were.”

I fiddled with my hands. My fingers still ached when I tried to bend them. “Did you say Jake killed…?” I couldn’t go on as tears leapt to my eyes.

The officer just nodded sadly.

“Jake?” I whispered.

“Yes, through a bad drug deal he is responsible for at least nine deaths.” That made more sense. I was sure he was into something like that. Somehow, knowing he hadn’t gone out and murdered them himself made me feel better. Then I caught sight of Toby, and I realized that nine people were worse off than he was because of my brother. My heart broke.

After they found the registration papers, they returned the gun to its spot then told me that if my brother came back to not hesitate using it if I needed. I nodded numbly as I watched them leave.

So much for not let anything ruin this day. My legs wobbled as I stood up.

Toby also seemed to be shaken. “Do you still want to go to school?” he asked tentatively, holding his hand to his neck like it was sore.

I was up and pacing. “Sure,” I answered. “I’ll be late, but Ms. LaKey hired those bodyguards for me, and I’d hate to see their day wasted.” Then I stopped and looked at Toby. “Honestly, I’d feel safer at school right now.”

Toby stood up and smiled. “As always, you’re a true trooper.”

It was nearly nine when I walked into a quiet school. The hallways were deserted, and behind closed doors I could hear teachers giving their lessons. I felt a bit like I wasn’t supposed to be there, but I walked with determination towards the office.

Miss Rose looked up as I entered, and her face brightened, “Feeling better, Miss Lafont?”

I nodded and smiled at her. “I believe I need a late slip; I got held up this morning.”

“I’m glad you came to the office to sign in. We have something for you.” She reached under the counter and pulled out an envelope with my name on it.

“Thanks.” I took it and folded it into my pocket. “Can I have my late slip?”

“Of course.” Miss Rose filled out a note and sent me off to my first class.

I got to the room with less than ten minutes before it ended. Toby suggested that I just wait out in the hall and continue on to my next class when the bell rang. As I peeked in, I agreed with him. It was typing, and catching sight of Effie, I wondered how she really would react to seeing me. But the teacher noticed me in the window and came over.

Mr. Brown was a short man with a large smile, and when he walked, it was more like he bounced. His room was the computer lab, and he made sure we all knew and stuck to the rules. There were three rows of tables, each with approximately ten computers.

“Mariah!” he exclaimed, pulling the door all the way open. Everyone in the class looked up. “My star student has returned.” He ushered me in with gesture. “Please, your seat is waiting.”

I moved awkwardly, aware that everyone in the class was watching me.

“Now,” Mr. Brown continued, “we were just going over speed and complicated key strokes. I’m sure you haven’t forgotten with all this time away how to do these most basic of tasks.” I sat and placed my hands over the keyboard. “Bravo!” the teacher exclaimed, and he raced off to the head of the room to call out a few instructions to the whole class.

I actually found it soothing to hear him yell out random letters and just let my fingers find them. Something mundane to take my mind off the panic I felt. Effie and Sara sat a few seats away, and I could see them put their heads together while sneaking glances at me from time to time.

When the bell rang, I tried to get up and out as quickly as I could, but the teacher called to me and asked me to stay behind a moment. Once the class had emptied, he said, “I know you have had it hard. I remember being bullied when I was younger. I was the smallest in my age group, and I got called the meanest names. But I want you to know that if it ever gets bad again, please, please do not hesitate to come and talk to me about it. I’m on your side.” I nodded. Then he added, “And by the way, you may have come to class late, but based on your seven minutes of typing, you got the top score in the entire room.” He gave me a wink and sent me on my way.

“Not so bad,” Toby said, trailing behind me. I wanted to say, “So far.” But I didn’t dare open my mouth.

The next class was gym. When I got there, the teacher called me into her office. Mrs. Pain leaned on the corner of her desk. “I think I owe you an apology. That other day, I didn’t realize what was going on. Please, come talk to me in private if it ever happens again,” she urged. “But now, you are all better?”

“Mostly.”

“Can I see your bites?” I pulled up my sleeve. “Hmmm,” she said thoughtfully as she bent to take a closer look. “I believe you are on the mend, but I must insist that you sit this period out; I don’t want any scars to form on my account, and we’re playing dodge ball today. So I am sending you to the library to study instead.”

I smiled. I hated dodge ball; it was a wonderful game where it was acceptable for someone to openly attack you. I thanked her and headed off to the library.

“Oh,” Mrs. Pain called out as I was leaving, “your detention with me is cancelled.”

“So far, not so bad, eh?” Toby said as we walked through the empty halls.

Not yet…

Our library wasn’t that big; with more and more information available quicker and easier off the Internet, the school was cutting back on books. The room was just a little smaller than two classrooms put together.

The library was quiet; just a few students were there. I took a table off in the corner and pulled out my book. I had just found my place in the story when someone tapped me on the head; I turned around to see Elijah.

As I lowered my book and turned towards him, he gasped, “Your hair!” At first I thought he didn’t like it. “Wow! You look great!”

He smiled shyly at me. He wore a buttoned-up shirt and jeans. His curly hair had formed a ringlet between his eyes, which he tried to brush back. It just fell in front again, so he blew at it in an annoyed way and asked, “Mind if I sit here too?” I shrugged, so he dropped a pile of work on the table in front of him, then he sat opposite me. Toby was sitting on the edge of the table to my right.

“Now this boy,” Toby said, “he would make a good boyfriend.” I blinked and held my book up. Elijah was nice, but he was no Tony.

“What did you do on your sick days?” Elijah asked. He was staring at me as if he had never taken his eyes off me. It made me feel uncomfortable.

I lowered my book again, and answered, “I itched. I scratched. What about you?” I shifted a bit, feeling a twinge of guilt. Toby huffed noisily.

“About the same—want to see?” He pulled up his sleeve. I could see the place where his original bites were, but he was also covered with a small dusting of light red spots as if someone had taken a pen and tried to give him freckles.

“I’m sorry,” I said. It was because of me that he had those bites, and that infection. If he hadn’t saved me… Toby shuddered and brought his hand to his cheek.

“Don’t be.” Elijah smiled, and it made me feel better. “I got to stay home, play on the computer all day and eat ice cream for lunch. I was just fine. And I’m glad to see you’re doing better too.”

“Yes, thank you,” I said, and I pulled up my sleeve to show him my scabs.

Reaching across the table, he touched one spot and said, “I got this one, and this,” he moved to the next spot, “And this… and all of these.” His finger tickled my skin, and it felt nice. I was reminded of the way Tony touched me. This was not as intense, but somehow exciting in its own way.

“This is what having a boyfriend would be like,” Toby cut in, and again I found myself wondering if he could sense my thoughts. “Boyfriends are friends that you are supposed to enjoy being around, not just kissing.”

I felt my face flush and pulled back from Elijah. He slowly sat back down.

“Don’t,” Toby protested, jumping from the table. “Don’t ruin it. He really likes you.”

I looked across the table at Elijah. He had concern on his face. “Did I do something wrong?” he finally asked.

“I’m not sure,” I answered, picking up my book. Elijah lowered his head to work on his papers, looking dejected.

“Tell him you like him,” Toby said. “I know you do, just tell him you are interested in him.” Did I like him? Even if I did, there was no way was I going to say something as bold as that.

“Come on, Mariah!” Toby insisted, waving his hand in front of my face so I couldn’t keep reading. “Don’t stop talking to him! Ask him what video games he played! Ask him about his favourite ice cream.”

But the more Toby pushed the idea of Elijah on me, the more I wanted to think about Tony. The way he had taught me to throw my first bowling ball, the way his hands sent tingles up my spine. I wanted to scream at Toby, but I didn’t dare even glare his way. Instead I sat feeling more and more harassed and less and less interested in anything to do with Elijah.

Elijah worked in silence, stealing peeks at me; I could see him over the top of my book. When he wasn’t looking, I would glance at Toby, who didn’t stop badgering me; ask him this, tell him that, he prattled on the whole time.

I never got far in my book. In fact, I never turned a page, because I was too distracted to read more than three sentences at a time and often repeated the same ones. Finally the bell rang.

Elijah stood up and started to pack up his papers. “We may as well walk to our next class together?” He looked nervous.

“Say yes!” Toby insisted.

I was tempted to say no, like I had to go to my locker to get something first, just to spite Toby, but I decided not to be petty. I knew Elijah would be hurt if I did.

“May as well,” I answered. Elijah cracked a grin.

I was instantly thankful that I had accepted; as we left the library, I caught sight of Effie and her two pals heading towards me. They turned away when they saw I wasn’t alone. And as we got to the drama room, Cindy, Rayla and Teb joined us.

The drama classroom was odd. It had two floor levels, and the lower part was considered the stage, where students went down to do performances. On the higher part of the room were folding chairs. Students were allowed to sit in the chairs, on the floor in front or to stand at the back.

We found some empty chairs by the wall. I sat with the wall on my left and Rayla on my right, with Cindy next to her. Elijah and Teb sat on the floor in front of us. The classroom door was across the “stage” area, so we got a good view as our classmates slowly made their way in.

“Love your hair,” Rayla commented.

“Thanks. I do too.” Was that too cocky to say?

“It looks really great!” Cindy added, then she explained how she was envious of my curls, and how the cut really brought them out. “And how’re your war wounds?” she added.

I looked confused, so Teb explained, “The wounds you got from the great cafeteria ant war.” He said it like it was the title of an epic historical battle.

It felt nice to think of the ant attack as something more that a deadly prank. “They’re healing. What about you guys?”

They all gave their own account of the healing process; Elijah had it the worst with the secondary infection.

“There was a small white mark under the scab. I wonder when that’s going to go away,” Cindy added.

“It may be a permanent scar for the rest of your life,” I answered, remembering Larry’s scars and feeling miserable for them about it.

Her response surprised me. “I’m so sorry for you, Mariah.” When I didn’t respond, she explained. “You’ll be stuck with over fifty marks to remind you of this.”

“I’m not so certain they’ll be permanent,” Elijah cut in. “My doctor seemed to think they wouldn’t be, or at least that they would fade.”

I pictured Larry’s wrist. His had been unmistakable, even in the poor light from the streetlamp in the parking lot, but perhaps he hadn’t had the attention from the school nurse that we had. I shrugged.

“Where did you hear that they would leave scars?” Teb asked.

How could I explain Sara’s brother? I figured it was best not to mention him. “I just thought they would…” I answered lamely.

Toby sat looking up at me. “Why not tell them the truth?” he wondered, but I pretended that I couldn’t hear him.

The bell for class rang, and the teacher rushed in, then stopped at the sight of me. “I think now is a good time to make our formal apologies to Miss Lafont,” she said loudly, addressing the whole class. “I’m sure that many of you need to make amends. This way we can start off on the right foot. Yes?”

Several students answered, “Yes, Mrs. Kellee,” less than enthusiastically. Some groaned, but not loud enough for her to pay attention.

“Come and sit here, Mariah.” Mrs. Kellee pulled a chair down from the higher part of the room and extended a hand for me to come sit.

With shaking legs, I went over to the chair and lowered myself into it. Holding my hands in my lap, I looked up at all the faces of my classmates and wondered in horror if this was going to end well. Toby’s hand was heavy on my shoulder. His lips were pulled tight into a thin line.

Mrs. Kellee came to stand in front of me, blocking out my view of the class. “I am sorry I was critical of you the other day. I was not aware that you had a phobia of ants, and that was why you were hesitating with the exercise. I was upset over your participation, and I doubted your acting abilities, but now I understand that there was more going on than I first assumed. I have reversed the initial marks I’d given you; you now stand at an A- for that assignment.” Then she stood up straighter and turned to the whole class. “But I must caution that as aspiring actors, you must overcome your personal problems so you may immerse yourself completely in your character, and I strongly suggest that you learn to take all these troubles and grow from them, transforming them and adding them to your dramatic abilities.”

I was beyond words. I just sat with my mouth open. Then someone else came forward, a pimply-faced boy who said he was sorry for calling me “elephant.” Then a girl with short, spiky hair said she was sorry for the “dead-ant” chant she had sung. A boy who wore nothing but black said he was sorry for the joke that he had repeated, and behind him I saw several students stifle their laughter, then another and another.

I wasn’t sure which was worse; being called these things in the first place or having it publicly announced that I was called them, even in the form of an apology. It took several minutes to get through every student who felt they owed me an apology. Sara kept hers short and sweet, saying she hadn’t known I was afraid of ants. When everyone was finished, I wanted to flee from the classroom more than ever. Yet I was sure that no one would understand, because they all were being nice. I swallowed hard as I stood to go back to my seat, all the while trying to act like it didn’t really bother me—after all, this was a drama class.

My feet felt heavy as I went to my chair. I heard Mrs. Kellee praise the whole class for such wonderful honesty. I stumbled as I neared my place, but Elijah stood up and caught me before Toby was able to. With Elijah’s hand on my side, I sat down.

Mrs. Kellee started the lesson for the day. My stomach squirmed; I wanted to sink through the floor. Toby crouched next to me and put a hand on my thigh. “It might just be possible that they will kill you with kindness.” Hearing his voice helped me to not go completely mad from the insanity of it all.

As I calmed down, I realized that neither Cindy, Rayla, Teb nor Elijah had stood up to say sorry, but when she got a chance, Rayla leaned over and said, “I’m sorry we couldn’t convince Mrs. Kellee that this was a very bad exercise!”

Mercifully, I wasn’t called upon to do anything more for the remainder of the class. I watched numbly as other kids were called to the front to do some improv skits. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. Even Cindy seemed unfazed, using every spare moment to whisper her plans for the sleepover to Rayla or me. Elijah and Dan held their own hushed conversation, but I did notice that Elijah kept looking at me.

The lunch bell rang, and Teb jumped to his feet. “To the cafeteria!” he exclaimed.

“Coming?” Cindy asked.

“I might have a detention with Ms. LaKey,” I remembered.

“Still? After everything!” Elijah’s voice was filled with contempt. I smiled and wondered, why not?

“I don’t know… I did get a letter,” I said, thinking of it for the first time since I’d gotten it.

“Did you read it?” someone asked. “What did it say?” They all watched as I pulled it from my pocket opened it, un-creased it then read it aloud:

Dear Miss Lafont,

On behalf of all the staff at East Ridge High, we would like to extend our deepest apologies over your situation. We recognize that you have been the unfortunate victim of bullying. Due to the nature of this problem, we find ourselves unable to reprimand the guilty party. There are simply no guidelines to handle this kind of behaviour in our school’s policy at this time.

Those whom we know to be involved have been spoken to, and any future attempts to hurt you will not be tolerated. Having said that, we also ask that you cooperate with us in trying to keep yourself safe by avoiding this person as well as anyone who is affiliated with her. That way no more conflict should arise.

Again, we are sorry for all you’ve had to endure, and we are sure that if we work together, we can keep our school a safe place for everyone.

I finished reading and saw that over thirty teachers and staff members had signed it, including the secretary and even Gus the janitor, yet I couldn’t see Ms. LaKey’s name anywhere.

Teb, Rayla, Cindy and Elijah all stood looking at me in shock. The classroom had emptied. Mrs. Kellee asked us to shut the door when we were done.

“Aw, that was nice…” Toby snorted. Shaking his head he added, “For all that, they didn’t really help, now did they?”

I shut my eyes, trying to steady my aching heart. For all their lovely intentions, it all felt like another insult.

“Forgive me,” Teb said, finally finding his voice, “why did they give you that letter?”

“I’m not sure.” I folded it back up, placed it in its envelope, and returned it to my pocket, my fingers shaking a little.

There was a loud bang that made me jump. Looking up, I saw Elijah had kicked over one of the folding chairs.

“Alright,” Rayla said, sounding anything but all right, “we need a plan.”

“Ya!” Cindy piped up. “Like if the school isn’t going to do anything to help, then ya, we need to.”

A strange feeling began to grow in my chest, not pride, or joy, nor contentment… I had friends that cared… they really cared! And they seemed outraged for me, me. I had felt this way for others, but there never had been a time when it had been returned. It was strange, but it was nice.

“Thanks, guys,” I said, trying not to seem too emotional. My chest swelled; it was as if nothing could get me down now. “But the letter never said I was out of my detention with Ms. LaKey, so I’d better get to her office before I’m considered late.”

No one wanted me to go. They all complained loudly about the injustice of it all. I thanked them again for their kind words, more like their unkind words against the school, especially Ms. LaKey. Rayla offered to walk with me to the office; the whole way I tried to think of something to say, but I couldn’t. It was a bit weird, like I was on death row, and she was escorting me to the gas chambers.

Rayla stopped at the door, and holding it open meekly, said, “See ya.”

I nodded and headed in.

Miss Rose gave me a sad smile as I entered. I took a seat like she instructed, and I saw Rayla wave through the window. Had Toby not been sitting next to me, I think I might have burst into tears on the spot. I was so happy to have friends, but now that they weren’t standing next to me, nervousness enveloped me. His presence gave me the strength I needed to endure the wait. I knew I wouldn’t have been able to make it through any of this if Toby weren’t with me. Yet somehow I felt just a bit stronger.

With a flick of her hand, she beckoned me over. “Ms. LaKey has some photocopying for you to do. Once it’s done, you may be dismissed for your lunch. Do you know how to use the machine?”

I shook my head.

“I’ll show you.” She led the way down a short hall to the copying room.

It was a small room, not much bigger than the school bathroom, and the same awful sterile green that made me want to go to sleep if I stared at it too long. One wall was lined with shelves, which were more like cubby holes, and each was tagged with a description of what was supposed to be in it: pink paper, lilac, blue, lined, white, off white and so on. The next wall had a long table pushed against it, but apart from a large paper cutter on one end, it was completely empty. The wall opposite the shelves had two machines, a photocopier and a laminator.

Miss Rose walked over to the photocopier and showed me how to work it, then left. It was a fairly simple procedure—three stacks: one that just needed to be duplicated, a second that was double-sided, and the third that was to be copied onto a very bright pink paper. I was warned that my biggest concern would be to change the paper and un-jam the machine if it got stuck. The problem was that our school had an older copier, so it would likely get stuck, almost every fifty sheets.

The next twenty minutes were a crash course on every place a paper could jam and how to locate it and remove the sheet. I’d have to reset the machine, recalculate how many papers were still needed and start the whole process again.

With each paper jam, Toby became more and more agitated, but I felt fairly calm—I was safer here, and the rhythmic whir of the photocopier was almost soothing.

He had spent the whole time pacing and finally stopped to rest against the wall. Leaning his head back, he closed his eyes. “If I was still alive, I’d be loving this.” His tone was filled with contempt.

I watched the machine spit out copy number 37, 38, 39 and so on. Almost done this batch. Glancing at the clock, I saw that I still had 25 minutes left in the lunch hour.

“This explains a lot about how I was able to get away with everything I did.” Toby ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t blame anyone else for what I did—it was my choice, no one made me do those things. Now I can see how wrong I was… But I wonder if I would have been half as cruel if someone had stepped in and called me on all my…” He stopped. The copier had whined and shuddered with its eighth jam.

Slowly I searched for the location; there were seven spots that paper could get stuck. As I pulled the crumpled paper out of its hiding spot and replaced the cover, I laughed at the irony; just three more pages were left.

“This is no different than any other time I’ve been picked on,” I explained with a shrug. “It’s always: I didn’t see her, or I didn’t know it would hurt, or I was only joking, or can’t she understand it was just a game? It’s all the same believable excuse.” Only this time was different. The teachers knew there was a problem and didn’t deny it. Even if they only gave me lip service about it, the teachers finally recognized my problem. Just the thought of that made my spirit soar. Also, I had friends that cared: I didn’t know that could make such a big difference. But it did.

The photocopier clicked to a finish. I gathered the three stacks and took them to the secretary.

Looking up from her desk and glancing at the clock, she said, “Well, at least you have some time left for lunch.” Again she gave me her sad smile. “I’ve been informed that Ms. LaKey expects you every lunch hour next week.”

I nodded and left. Walking from the office, I stopped and pondered what I should do; barely twenty minutes were left before the end of lunch bell, not enough time to buy and eat any food, and with no idea of where Rayla or the rest of my friends would be… I didn’t know what to do. Toby tapped me on the shoulder, and I looked down the hall to where he was pointing.

Rayla was leading the way, with Charlie, Cindy and Teb following her. As they neared she called out, “Finally finished? Can you have your lunch now?”

“There isn’t enough time,” I answered, but I beamed as I looked at the gang.

“You’ve got plenty of time!” Cindy smiled then caught my wrist and headed in the direction of the lunchroom.

As we rounded a corner, I thought I saw Sara duck into one of the rooms. Was Effie near? My heart skipped a beat, but when we passed, I didn’t see or hear anything.

Dan and Elijah had saved a table, and someone had taken the liberty of buying me the daily special. I was jokingly threatened not to waste the food, so I sat. The whole thing had me feeling euphoric, making it hard to swallow over a new kind of tears: joy!

Everyone had taken a seat, and I felt as if they were all watching me as I raised my fork. Instead of eating, I ended up breaking down and crying. Pulling my elbows onto the table, I hid my face behind my hands. Why was I doing this now? It was embarrassing!

“Just relax,” I heard Toby say from behind me as he placed his hand on my back.

“What’s wrong?” Rayla asked.

I couldn’t answer; the tears were coming too fast.

“Was Ms. LaKey mean to you?” someone asked.

I shook my head behind my hands. How could they understand? I’d never felt kindness like this before.

“Mariah, don’t push them away,” Toby pleaded. “Don’t shut them out!”

I shook all over, but not so much from my sobs. I was scared: here it was—they had proven they were true friends, yet I still didn’t think I could trust them.

I felt someone put their arm around my back. It wasn’t Toby, and turning I saw Charlie. Looking into her face, I suddenly felt braver.

“I’m really happy,” I said. “I don’t ever remember having friends as nice as you.”

A tear ran down Charlie’s cheek, and she hugged me fiercely. Rayla embraced me from the other side, along with Cindy. And it didn’t feel uncomfortable.

Teb, Dan and Elijah, who all sat on the other side of the table, suddenly embraced each other, saying things like, “Man, I love you”, “No, I love you”, and “You’re the best”.

“Boys,” Charlie muttered, “can’t live with them…”

“Wouldn’t be alive without them,” I finished and snuck a look behind me at Toby. He chuckled.

“Well I was going to say ‘can’t shoot them,’” Charlie said, patting me on the back, “but alright, we’ll go with survival of the species instead.”

Everyone seemed to be in a better mood. Dan joked about not knowing that lunch came with a show. Everyone laughed, and then the subject changed. There were complaints about the letter I’d received and the general unfairness of it all. When interest in that topic died down, it became a conversation comparing TV shows and movies.

I was able to eat most of the meal while listening to them chatter before the bell to signal the end of lunch sounded. Elijah and Dan offered to walk with me to my locker, Elijah because he needed something from his own locker and Dan because he shared the next class with me. When that class was over, Dan walked me all the way to my final class before he left for his own.

“They’re trying to keep you safe,” Toby said as I took my seat. “It just might work.” When the final bell of the school day rang, I jumped to my feet.

“What’s the rush?” Toby asked as I hurriedly gathered my papers—I didn’t want to tell him that I was excited to get ready for my date. “Just take your time.” He kept looking over at the door.

I tried to slow down as I watched the room empty; I ended up being almost the last student in the class when Rayla and Teb showed up out of breath.

“That’s what I figured,” Toby said under his breath. I felt warmed just seeing them.

They walked with me to my locker, where Charlie, Cindy, Dan and Elijah all joined us, and we went out to wait for my bus. Cindy was the only one who lived near me, so she and I got on and waved to the rest.

Cindy kept talking about interesting facts she’d picked up. She was a self-proclaimed scientist; she explained that she loved finding information, then sharing it with anyone who would listen. I enjoyed the way she could keep the conversation going almost all by herself, and she didn’t ask too many questions.

Toby stayed quiet, but he seemed amused. It was only for the last two stops, after Cindy had gotten off, that his smile began to fade and his mood became agitated. The walk from the bus stop to my house felt like it took an eternity, mostly because he was dragging his feet. I used the extra time to think about the events of the day, like playing a movie in my mind: my heart soared when I remembered the way Cindy had looked back as she was leaving and said, “Remember, sleepover tomorrow!” But when I thought of being tied up, my breath caught… Were everyone’s lives as crazy as mine? Was this normal?

Toby stopped on the sidewalk in front of my home. “Are you still planning on going on this date tonight?”

Scanning around and seeing no one, I answered, “Do you have a good reason why I shouldn’t?” I really wanted to go!

“Only the same as before: Tony only wants to use you.”

I closed my eyes against the bluntness of his words. I could see Tony in my mind—he was leaning in to kiss me, and those familiar tingles raced up my spine. “What if I want to be used by him?” I asked without opening my eyes.

“No, Mariah,” Toby said, and I could hear him move in front of me. “Believe me, beautiful, you don’t want to be used like that.”

Yet I couldn’t believe him—I didn’t want to.

Toby grabbed me by my shoulders. “I know what you’re feeling! I remember, I remember a little too well now! I know he makes you feel special. I can see it clear on your face, and it feels good to him too…I remember!” His grip tightened. “But it’s not good, it’s not special, and when this feeling passes, it will leave you worse off than before!”

I pulled myself out of his grip. I didn’t like what he was saying. How could that be true? He’s just jealous because he’s not allowed to feel this way any more—he misses it! I turned from him and headed into my house. Nothing he did or said for the rest of the afternoon could convince me otherwise. Finally he gave up and fell silent.

I choose to wear the tight jeans I’d worn the previous night and one of my new tops. It was a deep burgundy colour. I felt a twinge of guilt about my attire. After all, it had been Toby who helped me pick it out… But I didn’t let that stop me. The shirt had a very low neckline, but now that most of my ant bites had started to heal, I had no reason not to wear it. I styled my hair the way Molly had showed me, so that my curls would be their most bouncy, and applied a smidge of flattering make-up.

It wasn’t until I stood out in the parking lot where Tony had dropped me off before, and we were now supposed to meet, that Toby tried to talk me out of the date one last time.

“What about Elijah?” he asked.

“What about him?” I retorted, keeping my eyes fixed on the street, watching for Tony’s car. “Weren’t you the one who told me we should just be friends?” I knew I was taking Toby’s words out of context. But I didn’t care right now.

“Mariah, Tony’s a dog! He doesn’t care about you, he’s only interested in how far he can score with you.”

“You don’t know that!” I spat. “This time could be different! He could be different with me!” I crossed my arms. I didn’t even want to imagine that Toby could be right.

“We both know that’s not true.” Toby sounded defeated.

“Listen,” I said, turning back and catching his hand in mine, “just let me have this one date. I’ve never had a date before, and who knows if anyone will ever ask me again!”

Toby shook his head. “That’s a lousy excuse to let Tony have his way with you.”

“I promise I won’t let things get out of hand. I just…I just,” I just want to kiss him again, I thought, but instead I said, “I just want to go to the movie with him. And besides, this gives me another chance to try to give him your message.”

Toby tried to pull his hand away, but I held on, so instead he brought it up to my cheek. “He won’t listen to you, not like this,” he said quietly, his dark eyes looking sad.

“You don’t know,” I protested. Those eyes reminded me of Tony. I couldn’t wait for him to get here!

Before Toby could say another word, Tony pulled up. He wore a loose button-up shirt and baggy jeans. His hair was slicked over to one side, and he wore his school ring. Toby looked green at the sight of him.

“Hop in, beautiful,” Tony said as he reached across the car and swung the door open for me. I felt Toby squeeze my hand tightly as I tried to let go. In one quick jerk, I wrenched myself free and stepped up to the car. Tony smiled, his eyes lingering on my plunging neckline. I felt myself blush as I climbed in. I was barely aware of Toby slipping through the back door and taking a seat behind me. Tony adjusted the mirror. I caught Toby’s reflection. He wore a scowl. Tony’s smile widened as he slipped the car into drive. We were off.

He seemed infatuated with me; he kept looking over at me as we drove to the movie theatre, like he couldn’t get enough of me. He let me pick the show, and paid for the pop and snacks. As we entered the theatre, he asked if we could sit at the very back, because his eyes felt strained if he was too close. Also, this way we would be able to be alone, because no one else liked to sit so far back. I agreed, even though Toby was shaking his head.

Tony led the way down the back aisle and took a seat in the centre of the row. I sat next to him and placed my large pop in the armrest to the right of me. Tony put his drink to his left and suggested that this way we could keep the popcorn between us, and we wouldn’t have to worry about spilling drinks. Toby tried to sit in the chair on my left, but it wouldn’t unfold for him, so he ended up standing and leaning against it. This didn’t improve his already dark mood, but I was too distracted.

There was a commercial for the latest video game console, and Tony started going on about how he was going to buy it. He loved video games, though they weren’t much of a challenge. He usually ended up beating them in a few days. Luckily, his dad bought him every game he wanted.

“You impressed yet?” Toby asked snidely.

What’s so bad about liking video games? I wondered, but instead I nodded as Tony droned on. I wasn’t interested in most of the games Tony talked about; he liked the real blood and guts kind, and I was partial to the adventures.

“Oh ya,” Tony answered as I mentioned one of the games I liked, “I’ve played that one. It’s a bit slower-paced.” Then he recounted one of the most gruesome games he’d ever played, a pirated copy out of another country because it was banned from ours.

“Still believe he’s interested in you?” Tony asked quietly.

I was starting to feel less than special, but I didn’t want to admit it.

The previews began, and Toby fell silent. He even seemed to forget that I was there. I was trying to figure out what I liked more about movies, watching them or seeing what was going to be released in the months to come.

As the opening credits began, I felt Tony slip his arm across my shoulder. A tiny shiver ran through my body.

“Cold?” he asked quietly, and before I could answer, he pulled me closer.

I liked the feel of his hand across my neck, but as the movie started, I got caught up in it, oblivious to Tony’s arm or anything else. We had only been watching for about fifteen minutes when I realized that Tony had put the popcorn on the floor and placed his free hand on my knee. I could feel his hot breath near my cheek and, turning to him, our lips met, and he began to kiss me.

This is what I had wanted, and it felt every ounce as good as I hoped it would. Tony was passionate, kissing me for long periods of time and drawing me as close as he could. His one arm slipped down my back to my waist, and his other traveled up my knee to my thigh.

I felt good all over. I brought my left hand up to Tony’s neck, and he moaned softly. Then he took his hand off my thigh, grabbed my right arm and pulled it around his waist. I grabbed him, and he returned his hand to my thigh. We kissed for what seemed an eternity. I was only mildly aware of the movie playing in the background, and I had lost all sense of Toby sitting next to me.

Tony stopped for a moment and looked at me. “I want you,” he said in a seductive voice. “Let me have you.”

These words excited me and scared me at the same time. I wanted to be had; I wanted to give myself to him, I think… Tony unbuttoned his shirt and pulled my hand around his back. I closed my eyes with the thrill of feeling his smooth warm skin against my hand. Tony’s hand worked its way up my shirt until he was touching my bare skin, just below my bra. I felt dizzy, like I had been spinning a little too long. But before I could think or do anything else, Tony’s lips met mine again, and he opened his mouth, causing our tongues to touch.

What was I doing!

Toby interrupted loudly. “Excuse yourself to the bathroom. Now!”

Tony’s hand had just found my bra clasp, and I felt him working to get it undone. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to see where this was going to go.

“Now, or I make the pop spill onto your lap!” Toby said, giving the pop a push with one finger. The ice sloshed against the plastic sides.

“I have to…” I said as I tried to pull away from Tony’s strong embrace and fought my own desire to stay. “I have…” Tony had unclasped one of my bra’s hooks. I continued to struggle. “I need to…” Tony’s fingers continue to fumble with my bra but the two remaining clasps were holding fast.

Then I felt Toby yank me up by my arm.

“I have to use the washroom,” I said, shocked to find myself standing.

Tony had grabbed my arm as I stood up. He now held it with great force. “Hurry back,” he said.

I nodded, not even wanting to go, but Toby held me under the arm and started to haul me down the aisle and out of the theatre, all the way to the washrooms. Walking me to the counter, he pushed me against the sink and turned the cold water on. Catching a bit in his hands, he splashed it up into my face.

“What are you doing?” I spat, anger welling up so fierce that I shook.

“Stopping you!” he said, anger in his own voice.

“I don’t want to be stopped,” I said, turning from Toby to my own reflection in the mirror. I was stunned at the sight; though my cheeks were flushed, I looked rather nice. I admired myself and marveled at how far I’d come in just over a week. What a whirlwind it had been, but here I was looking back at my reflection and enjoying what I saw.

Toby looked sadly at me in the mirror too. “Mariah,” he started, sounding a bit calmer, “I need you to remember why Tony is in your life.”

I bit my lip; I didn’t want to think about that, because I knew it was Toby who had made it all possible.

“I needed you to do me a favour.” The memory of Tony’s hand on my back was more persuasive then Toby’s words.

“I feel like this is all my fault. If I hadn’t asked you to do me that favour, then you never would have gone to see him again. In fact, it was my idea for you to go to the bowling alley in the first place.” His voice was full of regret.

I wasn’t unhappy to be here. Toby took a step closer and put his hand on mine as I held on to the counter. The initial cool feeling of his touch, melting into pure warmth that traveled up my arm, was like an old friend returning. It chased away the thoughts of Tony’s caresses faster than the wind blowing fog away.

I opened my eyes again to look at Toby in the mirror. “Believe me,” he said, “I want you to be loved and experience the pleasure of someone who really enjoys being with you.” I tried to pull my hand away, but Toby held fast. “Tony is not the boy to give this to you.”

“Yes,” I said, feeling my emotions choking me, “yes, he is!” Toby’s sad eyes stared deep into mine, and I shook my head again. “Yes, he is. He has…he does,” I argued.

“He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t even care about you,” Toby persisted.

“I don’t care!” I felt my voice break. That wasn’t true.

“Please, please, Mariah, I know I’m the one who put you here, but please don’t do this. I’ve taken this road, and I know it leads to heartbreak. Do you think Tony’s going to want to be friends? Do you think he even cares about how you get home? If you give in to what he wants, do you think you’ll ever see him again?”

I knew Toby was right, but that didn’t make it any easier. I thought of Tony in the theatre waiting for me. What would he do if I returned and didn’t let him touch me, kiss me, undress me? Would he just leave me here? I could imagine him getting forceful—what would I do? What if he became insistent? Could I stop him? Did I have the ability to resist him? I didn’t think I did.

“You’re probably right,” I said, leaning forward and placing my arms under my head to half lie on the counter.

“I know I’m right,” Toby said, but his voice was kind.

“It felt so good,” I sighed. “I didn’t want to stop.”

“Believe me Mariah, this isn’t right. I could see Tony’s intentions—he was tallying up the points before you even got in the car. This whole night was a set-up to take you as far as he could go. He wears that stupid ring only on the nights that he intends to score!”

I did believe him, but it had felt so good. When I was in Tony’s arms, I could believe that I was beautiful and lovable, if just for a moment. I hadn’t realized until that night how much I ached for attention from a boy, any boy really.

Toby was still talking, and I listened as he said, “And if I hadn’t stopped you, Tony would have had your bra off by now, and your hand would have been down his pants.”

“What’s wrong with me?” I asked, standing up but holding tight to the counter for fear I’d fall over. My knuckles turned white with the pressure.

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Toby said, but he hesitated, his eyes narrowed. Looking at my face through the mirror, he added, “I think you need to sit down.” He guided me to the floor.

As I went out of sight, I caught my reflection. I was as white as fresh-fallen snow. I sat and shook, wondering how this evening was going to end. The events of the other day came back crystal clear and washed over me like a flood. I leaned against the wall, where Toby had propped me.

I played out the scenario; I woke with someone in my house… Why hadn’t I run as soon as I figured it out? Why did I hesitate? Why was it so important to put my bra on? Did I deliberately delay myself and get caught? Why hadn’t I called out for Jake right away, instead of allowing them to get their hands on me…? Had I wanted it?

My stomach lurched, and I rolled to my side just in time to miss being sick all over myself, as the washroom door opened and an employee walked in.

She stopped, looking disgusted, then asked, “Are you alright?”

I couldn’t answer, as visions of Nick, Rock, Mims and the dream with Toby got all muddled up on my brain.

“Do you need help?” The employee came next to me. “Are you here with someone?”

“Yes,” I choked, and I told her which theatre she could find Tony in.

Looking relieved, she left to find him. I leaned over as I continued to shake heavily. It didn’t take long for the employee to return, with Tony just steps behind her.

“Beautiful,” he snapped as he rushed into the washroom; his tone was anything but kind. “I got it,” he told the woman, and she left. Shaking his head, he leaned down and lifted me to my feet. I was shocked that he had the strength to pick me up. Once I was standing, Tony put my arm around his shoulder and guided me all the way to his car.

It was strange how just a few minutes ago I had wanted him to touch me and hold me. Now that I didn’t care if he ever called me again, I needed his help. All I wanted was to get home. Though Tony couldn’t tell, Toby was walking along on my other side, keeping me from collapsing the whole time.

Tony let me fall into the front seat of his car. “If you are going to be sick, try and miss the seats. They may be vinyl, but puke gets stuck between the cushions.”

As he walked around to the driver side, I brought my knees up to my chest. I was still shaking, and the waves of nausea continued to wash over me.

“Mariah, you’re going to be okay,” Toby said before Tony got in. Then Toby reached over from the back seat and put his hand beside my head. I leaned my head over to rest on it.

“Home or hospital?” Tony asked curtly.

“Home,” I moaned.

Without another word, he turned the engine on and sped out of the parking lot. I closed my eyes against the jarring lights. Tony stayed very quiet while Toby kept whispering reassurances in my ear. Though it felt like the ride took longer, I knew we had made it back to my complex in half the time it should have.

With the car in park and the engine off, Tony turned to me and sighed. “What did you take?” He sounded like he had calmed down a little.

“Nothing,” I answered weakly.

“Ya right, nothing,” he scoffed.

I was starting to feel more normal. I sat up a bit but kept my legs tucked against my chest.

“I’m no stranger to a bad trip…” Tony persisted.

“That’s not a lie,” Toby interrupted, pulling his hand away. “Come on Mariah, let’s go.”

But I wasn’t sure I had enough strength to walk yet. “I don’t do drugs,” I protested.

Tony narrowed his eyes. “Then what? Are you an epileptic?”

“No,” I said, but I continued to shake.

“Alright then, can you get yourself home?” He seemed anxious to get rid of me.

I still wasn’t sure. Toby was insistent that he could help, and I should just get out, but I couldn’t find the strength to even open my door.

Tony let out a sigh, then said in the gentlest tone I’d heard him use, “Alright then, I’ll help you get home.” I looked straight at Tony, and despite myself, I still found him attractive: his deep, soft eyes, his reddish wavy hair, his smooth olive completion. He got out and made his way around to my door.

“Don’t trust him; once he gets you home he won’t leave!” Toby protested. But he stopped when Tony had my door open and was offering me his hand.

I didn’t know what to do. I was still nauseous and barely had the strength to stand. Tony leaned in and guided my feet to the floor, and then he held me around my sides and pulled me up. It still felt good to have Tony so close, but that thought only disgusted me, so I tried to push him away and walk myself, but I stumbled.

Toby sighed loudly. “It’s alright, let him walk you. Clearly you need his help.” I was shocked and confused, but I stopped fighting and let Tony help me.

“You know, I’ve done my share of drugs. I could even get you some if you wanted,” Tony said as he helped me up the steps away from the visitor parking.

Toby, who had taken up his spot on the other side of me, only scoffed at his friend’s comment, but stayed silent.

“Just level with me, you took something…” Tony insisted.

I shook my head then directed Tony down the path that led to my townhouse.

“You want me to believe that you’re like this for no reason?” Tony chuckled. “Not possible, beautiful, you had to have taken something.” I closed my eyes as we walked. “Just do me a favour. Next time you want something, use a different dealer.”

I didn’t respond, but I did open my eyes. I kept directing Tony until we made it to the bottom of my steps, but instead of walking up, I sat down on them. Tony followed suit.

“Don’t let him into your house,” Toby instructed, and I nodded. I had no intention of that any longer.

I was amazed at how quickly my lust had subsided. There was no shred of desire for Tony to kiss me or do anything of the sort. He brought his elbows to his knees and placed his chin in his hands. He looked out across the front walk, beyond to the road.

“You know how I told you that Toby’s ghost had come to me,” I said, leaning away from Tony and on the banister. Toby stood next to me, his hand on the railing.

“Ya.”

“Well, it’s true.” I looked at Tony. He kept staring forward. “Do you believe me?”

“No,” he said flatly, then he added, “It just proves that you’re on something.”

“How come it’s so easy for you to believe I did drugs but not that the spirit of your best friend is trying to help you?”

Tony didn’t answer, but Toby did. “That’s his world,” he said sadly. Toby squatted down in front of me, but looked over to his old friend. “He’s more stuck than you are. I don’t know if I can help him now.” There were tears in his voice, and it made my heart break for Toby, and Tony.

Tony was oblivious; his whole world was the pursuit of more, but never the enjoyment of what he had. Feeling compassion for him, I placed a hand on his knee.

Tony slowly turned to me and looked deep into my eyes. “You should go lie down,” he said softly. “I’ll help you get in.” He stood and held out a hand to pull me to my feet, and we walked the eight steps to my front door.

“Thank you,” I said, feeling almost better. I slipped the key from my pants pocket, but before I could get it into the keyhole, Toby had put his hand over the door handle.

“It’s time to say goodnight,” Toby demanded.

“Why don’t you give me a tour of your house?” Tony said, and I felt like he was slipping back into his commanding role.

“Maybe another night,” I replied.

Tony looked disappointed, but he smiled and leaned in to kiss me one last time. My body trembled as our lips met. His were soft and warm against mine, and I suddenly wanted more than anything to invite him in, but Toby’s hand stayed firmly over the keyhole. Eventually Tony stood back, and letting out a soft sigh, he gave his school ring a kiss, said his farewells then headed down the stairs. I watched him until he turned the corner, and I couldn’t see him any more.

Toby snatched the key from my hand and unlocked the door. He took me sharply by the shoulders and led me into the kitchen, plunked me down on the only chair pulled out from the table, went to the fridge and started to rummage through it.

“You need to eat something,” he said curtly. I watched him as he put some ham, cheese and crackers onto a plate and poured me a generous glass of chocolate milk.

I ate slowly; each bite helped me feel stronger. My nausea had completely subsided, and I wasn’t shaking any more. As I chewed, I wondered what had happened to make me so ill? I had never had a problem with this before Toby came into my life, but now I’d had two, or maybe three, episodes when I’d just fallen completely apart. What was wrong?

Toby watched me as he stood with his arms crossed, leaning against the counter. “I feel so useless!” he exclaimed. “What am I doing here?” He pounded his fist on the counter. “Do you know?” he asked, looking to me.

I shrugged. How was I to know? “You’re the one who’s supposed to know these things,” I said.

“This is getting too confusing!” Toby pulled out a chair and threw himself into it. “In the beginning it was so clear, I was here to help you…” He looked me up and down. “But now you don’t seem to need my help, and you sure as hell don’t seem to want to listen any more!”

“What do you mean?” I protested, putting down the cracker I had been nibbling on.

“I mean everything, Mariah!” Toby slapped his hand on the table. “I told you not to go tonight, but you didn’t listen! I tried to stop you, but you didn’t want to! So why am I still here?”

“Because I still need you!” I yelled. The thought of him leaving filled me with fear. I wasn’t ready; he promised he wouldn’t go until I was! I reached out and grabbed Toby’s hand.

“Then why wouldn’t you listen to me?” he asked, hurt all too clear in his voice, but he didn’t pull away from me.

“Because…” I started thinking back on the whole night. “You don’t understand how I felt. It was nice having the attention—it felt so good.” I closed my eyes and thought about it. “And when he kissed me, and touched me…”

“Stop!” Toby pulled his hand back. “I don’t want to hear it. I can feel it too.”

I was shocked to the core. “Did you feel what I was feeling?”

“No, not even close.” Toby ran his hand through his hair. “Like I told you, I do remember what it used to feel like. Only now, just like your pain, I feel your lust in its truest form. It felt like ice was pumping through my veins, making me so cold, it burned.”

I didn’t take my hand away from my mouth. I could barely breath. That’s what he had to endure while I was enjoying myself? I wondered how something that made me feel so alive and wonderful could be so horrible, and then I remembered a secondary emotion that I had managed to ignore at the time.

I brought my hand down on the table. “I didn’t like that he put my hand on his chest,” I admitted. “I mean, it felt exciting, but somehow wrong. And I really felt a bit scared when he put his hand up my thigh, and worse when it went under my shirt.” Tears came to my eyes as I continued. “And when he started to unsnap my bra…”

Toby reached out and placed his hand over mine.

“I felt like a trapped animal.” I swallowed hard. “Why didn’t I stop him? Why did I think I liked it?”

“Because you were trapped,” Toby answered. “Tony had you cornered right from the start. And you were an animal, acting on instinct and emotion.”

I didn’t feel any better, and I wondered if Tony were to show up now, would I behave differently, or would I be just as easily preyed upon? I made a note to keep as far away from Tony as I could… I couldn’t trust him… And I couldn’t trust myself to be around him!

My brain felt full. I cleaned up and settled down to watch TV in the living room. Several hours passed while I did nothing but watch mind numbing shows. Toby stayed quiet. He seemed calmer now, and as the night wore on, I slowly leaned on him and rested my head on his arm.

“I’m glad you’re here,” I said sleepily as a commercial came on.