ZANDOR, OR THE GRAND High Emperor Zandor as he had decided he should be called, was enjoying his reign. Stuff was happening to keep him safe and that was cool. He’d asked the Thing to take care of the local army and police guys because they would be the ones who were a threat at this stage of setting up all the Empire and domination, etc. The Thing had shown him pictures in his head of the secret bunker and the local commando barracks and the cop station house and so those had been dealt with. Everyone with a uniform was standing along the rim of a fairly regular border which ran roughly in a circle with a ten mile diameter, which was OK for now. In the end, it would be the world, but for now ten miles was safe.

Zandor knew to pace himself and not draw attention to himself yet. He had to get more of an idea about how all these crazy new powers he had worked and did – as far as he knew – whatever he asked it to. But you couldn’t rely on Things. In the end, Zandor would take all the power and get rid of it.

He imagined having a footstool and watched as one blossomed upwards out of the church’s stone floor. He propped his sneakers up on it and imagined a hot dog with mustard.

Zandor guessed that he’d have to crank up his wishes a little, because they weren’t that impressive yet, but he was definitely enjoying himself. Maybe in a couple of days he’d be able to reach over and destroy his old school and feed all his teachers to the Thing. And his high school would have to go. And that weird guy who always shouted at him when he pushed ahead in the line at the drugstore, because waiting in line wasn’t a thing he’d ever enjoyed doing, so why should he do it…

The one wish he’d loved so far had involved putting both his parents in quite a small cage that now hung from the ceiling by a chain. They could stay up there for ever, for all he cared – which he didn’t. He’d made something happen that sealed up their mouths, so they couldn’t speak any more. He didn’t much care how that was arranged – he only knew they had no mouths now. It was cool and funny. They wouldn’t be able to eat, either – which he hadn’t meant to happen, but he didn’t much care now that it had. They could starve up there and be out of his hair and think they were lucky. A lot of much worse stuff was happening elsewhere – the Thing let him see bits of it in his head and it was freaky. It was making him laugh. It was like the best TV show ever.