Steve was a man with a plan, out the door at 7:00 a.m. on Monday. First stop: Cayla’s Café. Instead of beelining it for the coffee counter, he immediately looked around for Cayla and found her sitting at the same old table.
“You have a lot of explaining to do, Cayla.”
“Do I?” she said, arching her brows.
“I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but my curiosity is killing me.”
A server began to bus the table next to them.
“Could you bring us a couple of coffees and a pair of scones?” Steve asked.
The server gave a distracted nod and walked away.
“Okay, back to the explanations,” Steve said.
Cayla met his gaze. “I’m quite sure you have many legitimate questions, but don’t you think we ought to focus on the most important questions first? How are you going to handle your lunch with Rhonda? How are you going to save your job? How are you going to implement the plan you and Blair put together?”
“See? That’s what I mean!” Steve said in a rising voice. “How do you know Blair and I put a plan together?”
Cayla made a palm-down motion. “Calm yourself. I saw the two of you during the race. You are both very bright, so I just figured you would leverage your partnership and come up with a plan for today.”
“Fine,” said Steve. “Your great powers of observation and reasoning have worked again. But why were you there observing in the first place? I don’t remember telling you about the race.”
Again Cayla responded matter-of-factly. “I knew some other people in the race, and I was there to cheer them on. You might have noticed one of them—a wonderful lady. She’s eighty-two and she’s still running! Finished before the two of you, I might add.”
“Glad Blair didn’t notice that,” Steve said under his breath.
“What was that?” Cayla asked.
“Nothing,” Steve said with a half-smile. “I guess I jumped to conclusions. But you have to admit there have been an inordinate number of coincidences lately. Like our chance meeting near Hal’s Harleys, for example.”
“Life is full of pleasant surprises,” Cayla said. “Look, you have only a few hours before your big meeting with Rhonda. What questions do you have about your plan?”
Steve pulled out the multipage plan that he and Blair had created and handed it to Cayla. It was then that he realized they hadn’t gotten their coffee and scones. As the server walked by, Steve caught his attention.
“Excuse me,” he said abruptly. “Is our order on the way?”
“I’ll check,” said the server as he walked off.
Cayla was still concentrating on the plan, making little noises in apparent approval. Steve decided that her “uh hum’s” were not enough, and decided to ask for feedback.
“Since I’m at the D2–disillusioned learner stage as a self leader—especially when it comes to my meeting with Rhonda—is it okay to ask you for more specifics?”
Cayla didn’t respond immediately. She seemed to be weighing his question.
Fearing he’d blundered, Steve stuttered, “If you can’t, I mean, if you don’t want to give me feedback—”
Cayla put her finger to her mouth. “Watch,” she whispered.
As the server walked by again, Cayla reached out to get his attention. “Excuse me, Gary. I need to ask you about our order. My colleague here is getting grumpy without his morning java!” she said with a smile.
“Oh, I know the feeling! Let me check.” The server turned around and hurried back to the coffee counter.
“Thank you!” Cayla called, oozing appreciation.
Gary returned a few seconds later with the coffee and scones.
“Must be your charming personality,” Steve quipped. “He ignored me when I asked.”
“Not charm—technique,” Cayla explained. “I simply used the two most powerful words in the English language to get what I needed.”
“‘Thank you’?” Steve ventured.
“That didn’t hurt, I suppose. But that’s not really what made the difference. What was different about the way you addressed Gary versus the way I handled the situation?”
Steve tried to think.
Cayla provided the answer. “I used the two most powerful words in the English language for getting cooperation.”
Steve waited to hear what the two words were.
“I need,” Cayla declared.
“That’s it?”
“Correct,” Cayla said firmly.
“That’s interesting, Cayla, but what does that have to do with you giving me feedback?”
“It’s not that I don’t want to give you feedback, it’s just that there is a much more powerful way for you to get feedback from me. Don’t ask.”
Now Steve was totally lost. “But I thought I should be proactive as a self leader and ask for feedback.”
“I said get the feedback—I didn’t say ask for it. Let me be more precise. Don’t put the request in the form of a question. In this case, playing Jeopardy!® puts you in jeopardy.” Cayla smiled at her play on words before reinforcing:
“The two most powerful words to get what you need to succeed are, ‘I NEED.’”
“As a self leader, it is your responsibility to get the feedback, direction, and support you need,” said Cayla. “The problem is that instead of stating what you need in a direct, forthright manner—especially when you are at the D2–disillusioned learner stage—you get trapped asking dumb questions.”
“Like what?” Steve queried, fearing he’d just asked one.
“Here’s a great example,” Cayla said, full of enthusiasm. “A man got on the subway in New York City and discovered that there was only one seat left. But there was something on the seat that he didn’t want on his slacks, so he laid his newspaper down and sat on it. A few moments later a woman tapped him on the shoulder and asked, ‘Excuse me, sir, are you reading your newspaper?’ The man thought that was one of the dumbest questions he’d ever heard. He couldn’t help himself. He stood up, turned the page, sat back down on the paper, and replied, ‘Yes ma’am, I am.’”
Cayla laughed at her story. “That’s the problem with a dumb question. You get a dumb answer.”
Steve cracked up—more at Cayla than at her story. But he wasn’t sure about this question thing. How could he ask for help without asking a question? Steve took a risk.
“Cayla, I hope this isn’t another dumb question. But what makes a question dumb? Obviously not all questions are dumb. In fact, I’ve always heard that there’s no such thing as a dumb question.”
“Smart question,” Cayla said. “There are three types of dumb questions. One, when the answer is obvious. Two, when you’re not willing to hear a certain response. And three, when you already know what you want to hear.
“For example, Rhonda is running around with her head cut off, but you need some help. So you ask, ‘Are you busy?’ That’s a dumb question. Of course she’s busy! So she says something like, ‘There just aren’t enough hours in the day.’ You feel guilty, so you get flustered and leave her alone so as not to add to her burden.
“It is better for you to just simply state your needs truthfully: ‘Rhonda, I need fifteen minutes of your time to discuss this project. If this isn’t a good time, I can come back at three o’clock.’”
Steve couldn’t deny that he often asked what appeared to be the dumb question instead of stating his needs directly. “What makes the ‘I need’ phrase so powerful?” he asked.
“When you tell someone you want something, their first thought is often, We all want things we can’t have. When you use the I need phrase, you’re coming from a position of strength. You’ve thought about what it’s going to take to succeed and are requesting a person’s help. It’s amazing, but human beings love to feel needed. They love to think they can help you. ‘I need’ is very compelling.”
“All right. I’ll try not to ask dumb questions. But I reserve the right to ask smart ones,” Steve said. “How’s this: I need specific feedback on my plan so I can get what I need to make it work.”
Cayla complied immediately by turning her attention to Steve’s neatly printed plan. After reading it over, she summarized:
“You challenge assumed constraints, the first trick of self leadership, by listing potential and actual assumed constraints that could limit your success on the United Bank account. The way you flipped your assumed constraints is very effective—this one, for example: ‘My assumed constraint is that I think Roger is egotistical and won’t listen to anything I say.’ The flipped statement: ‘Roger is not egotistical and is open to my recommendations.’
“You activate your points of power, the second trick of self leadership, by highlighting your strengths and resources. But you’ve gone even one step further and identified other people who have points of power that you can draw upon as you implement your plan. You must feel good about that.
“And, finally, you have started using the third trick of self leadership—be proactive to get what you need to succeed—by prioritizing your most important goals on the United Bank account, diagnosing your development level on each of them, and determining the leadership style you need.”
For the next hour, Cayla helped Steve create an agenda for his meeting with Rhonda. Finally, it was time for Steve to go. He packed up the papers and took a last swig of his now cold coffee. Before he left, Steve reached over and gave her a big hug.
“This meant a lot to me today. I won’t forget it—no matter what happens.” Cayla was visibly moved. She squeezed his arm and headed for her office. As Steve walked out the door, he heard her voice calling out:
“Don’t get derailed by disillusionment!”
Steve smiled. Cayla always seemed to have the last word.
Time to work the magic, Steve thought.
He straightened his already straight tie and glanced in the rearview mirror to get a sense of himself before going into Irma’s Eatery. He was a few minutes early. The last thing he wanted to do was keep Rhonda waiting.
Briefcase in hand, he found the most private booth available and faced forward so he could catch Rhonda’s attention when she entered. He pulled out his laptop and reviewed his notes on the United Bank proposal. The waitress dropped off a glass of ice water.
“Thanks, Tina. I need another glass—someone will be joining me for lunch.” Steve smiled at how well the little things worked. Tina was not only prompt, but attentive.
“Looks like an important meeting,” Tina observed.
“Could be one of the most important in my career so far, as a matter of fact,” Steve said.
“Is there anything I can do to make it go more smoothly?”
“Wow, that’s really kind of you. Come to think of it, yes. If this is too much to ask, let me know. I need to stay focused, so I’d appreciate it if rather than checking in on how we’re doing and risk interrupting a delicate moment, you wait for me to signal that we need something. Oh, and make sure you give the check to me.”
“Consider it done.” Tina gave the thumbs-up sign. “And good luck!”
Steve smiled. It felt good to be proactive about getting what he needed to succeed.
Outside the window, a silver-gray BMW pulled into the parking lot. He watched as Rhonda gathered her things and made her way to the restaurant’s entrance. Confident and poised, Rhonda was someone Steve admired on general principle. He prepared himself for her direct, no-nonsense approach. She would pull no punches, get right to the point, and leave with a general plan of action. As nervous as he was, he realized how much he wanted to work with her—he had so much to learn.
He stood so she could spot him. She smiled. He observed that the smile was genuine but restrained. He understood that she needed to hold back, given the seriousness of the situation.
Steve stepped out of the booth to greet her. They did a semiprofessional half-handshake, half-hug hello. After Rhonda sat, so did Steve.
Typically, Steve would wait for Rhonda to speak. He would listen, formulate an opinion, and then decide how or whether to respond. But this was a time to be bold, so before Rhonda began, Steve launched the first volley.
“Rhonda, I know you cut your trip short because of this meeting. You expressed disappointment that you heard about the outcome of the presentation from Roger and United Bank before you heard from me. I’m not going to give you excuses. I think your disappointment is warranted. I’m here to bring you up to speed with what I know and listen to what you think. But, I also need you to know that I’ve done my homework. I have ideas for moving forward and I trust you’ll be open to discussing them.”
“What kind of ideas?” Rhonda asked.
“I’ve got a two-pronged approach. One is a strategy for communicating with Roger and rescuing the ad campaign. Obviously, that is the most pressing concern for you and Creative Advertising. The second approach is a plan for the way you and I should collaborate going forward. I didn’t realize until this past week that I need direction and support from you and others to do my job effectively while I’m on the learning curve. I plan to be much more proactive in the future to get what I need to succeed—and not let you or the agency down.”
Rhonda took a moment before replying. “There’s no doubt the United Bank account is in crisis,” she said. “If I had a dollar for every time we’ve had to rally to save a client, I could retire. I need to get your update, but I’m confident we can save this one,” Rhonda said.
Steve heaved a silent sigh of relief. Losing his job would have been bad enough, but the guilt from losing the account would have made it worse. He was reaching for the proposal to begin filling Rhonda in, but she wasn’t finished.
“Frankly, Steve, I am more worried about you. I know how conscientious you are about your work, and the pride you take in doing good work. I don’t want to lose you, but I feel you slipping away.”
Steve could barely take it in. She was afraid of losing him? He blurted out what could have been the dumbest question he’d ever asked.
“You mean you aren’t going to fire me?”
To his astonishment, Rhonda laughed. “I’m sorry,” Rhonda said, trying to control her amusement. “I remember hearing a story—who knows if it’s true, but it’s a great story—about Tom Watson, the legendary leader of IBM. A young man sent to Watson’s office was terrified because he’d been in charge of a project that had lost thousands of dollars—maybe millions. The number goes up every time I hear the story. Anyway, the young man went into this intimidating office and Watson said, ‘Tell me what happened, what you learned; what went right, what went wrong.’ So for an hour the young man spilled his guts, told Watson everything he thought was relevant. At the end of the meeting Watson thanked the young man and shook his hand. The young man sat there stunned and asked the same question you just asked me—‘You’re not going to fire me?’ You know what Watson said?”
Steve shook his head. “What?”
“Story has it that Watson bellowed, ‘Fire you? I just spent thousands of dollars training you, why would I fire you?’” Rhonda laughed her hearty, full-throated laugh. “Steve, I’m in the same boat as Watson. I figure you’ve learned more in the last week than any MBA program could teach. I can’t afford to fire you!”
Not one to trust good news immediately, Steve had one more issue to raise. “I heard rumors that you were going to replace me with Grant on the account.”
Rhonda screwed up her face in a look Steve couldn’t decipher. He waited for her to respond. Finally she said, “Remember the children’s game of telephone, where one kid whispered a message in another’s ear, and that kid passed it to the next kid, and by the time the message got back around it was a total distortion of the original message?”
“So what was the original message?” Steve asked.
“It wasn’t a message; it was just an idea I was considering. Grant has real potential and wonderful people skills, but he lacks focus and attention to detail—the very qualities you have in spades. My thought was to have him become your junior account executive so you could teach him a wider variety of skills.”
Steve felt like jumping for joy. “Well, if you’re not firing me, and I’m not quitting, I guess we’ve got a lot of work to do. And I obviously have a lot to learn before I start mentoring Grant. Let’s order lunch and I’ll show you my plans.” Steve signaled Tina, who was on the spot in a second.
As they ate, Steve showed the United Bank proposal to Rhonda, explaining why he thought the client rejected the budget, production plan, and creative approach. “I was a master budget and schedule-maker when I assisted you, but I didn’t—I don’t—know how to gather the right information and get by-in from the client. Those were your responsibilities that I never learned to do.”
Steve had decided to avoid using the D-laden language of the Situational Leadership® II Model. The model would guide his thoughts and comments, though he feared it would confuse things to speak a language Rhonda didn’t know. But as he shared his insights he remembered how much easier it had been to communicate with Blair when they both spoke the language. So he pulled out the model and gave Rhonda a brief overview.
Rhonda was more than receptive. She asked for specific examples. Steve pulled out the sheet where he had prioritized his goals, diagnosed his development level on each, and determined the leadership style he needed. He explained to Rhonda that she wasn’t the only one he would rely on for leadership.
“I’ve challenged the assumed constraints I had about my team and the client. I’ve also activated my points of power and come to realize there are many people and resources available to me. In other words, you’re not the only one who can lead me.”
Rhonda seemed relieved that the responsibility was not entirely hers. “So you’re saying,
A leader is anyone who can give you the support and direction you need to achieve your goal.”
“That’s right!” Steve said brightly. “But as my coach, boss, and, right now, savior of the United Bank account, I need as much direction as I can get from you.”
“Well, here it comes,” Rhonda warned. “The reason this presentation failed is because you focused on what you were comfortable with and missed the point. You attempted to use the budget and production schedule to drive the strategy. It’s got to be the other way around. Strategic approach first, then creative, then budgets and schedules. You went with what you knew, but in this case it took you in the wrong direction. That’s why Peter and Alexa couldn’t come up with anything creative. They were working in a vacuum.”
“But I couldn’t get the client to come up with or agree on strategy,” Steve groaned.
“Steve, I’m going to turn your model upside down on you here. Has United Bank ever mounted a full-blown ad campaign before? Have they ever worked with an ad agency, let alone our ad agency, before? Are Roger and his reps advertising experts?”
Steve looked at Rhonda, to the model, and back to Rhonda as the realization hit him. He had abandoned United Bank just as he’d felt Rhonda had abandoned him. They didn’t have a clue how to give him a strategy.
“Talk about the blind leading the blind,” Steve conceded. “They were enthusiastic beginners at D1 and now I’m sure they are disillusioned learners at D2 on the entire process. We need to give them high direction and high support to get buy-in for the strategy.”
“Let’s get together tomorrow afternoon and I’ll help you work on the strategy,” said Rhonda.
They pulled out their phones and scheduled a meeting.
At Steve’s signal, Tina slipped him the check and a questioning look. She motioned, Thumbs-up or thumbs-down? Steve replied with an under-the-table double thumbs-up. In a quiet voice he said, “Thanks for your graciousness, and keep the change.” He gave her a wink and a generous tip.