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“I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY,” he said finally. He stopped rocking the chair and turned toward her. “You must have wondered what was going on when I ran off the other day.”
Lexie gave him a tentative smile. “I was a bit worried.”
Jesse placed his coffee mug on the floor of the porch and stared into it for a moment. “That child has lived through things that no youngster should ever experience. I don’t know how he’s managed to stay so sweet.” He sucked in a quick breath of air. “So when I heard him on the phone, begging me to come and get him, I knew it was something serious.”
He wasn’t making sense. Lexie waited for him to continue.
“Luc is my sister’s son. Janie wasn’t married, but she never once considered giving Luc up. She got pregnant in her early twenties and – typical story – the guy didn’t want to stick around to raise a kid, so she raised him on her own. When Luc was about four, she was in an auto accident, and that’s when it started.”
He picked up his coffee mug, raised it to his lips, and then set it down again without drinking. “It was like you see on those television documentaries. The story makes you feel for the people involved, but you know it’s never going to happen to you.” He looked up to see if she was following him. “Janie was in a lot of pain, and the doctors gave her pain killers until she could get it under control. But apparently she never did get it under control, and she was soon taking everything they would prescribe and more. This took several years... years when I was too busy building my own business to take much notice. She always seemed fine when I saw her. A bit thinner perhaps, but then she always complained about her weight, even though she was perfect. We didn’t see each other that often, and looking back now, I realize that when we did get together, she made an effort to look normal.”
He picked up his mug again and this time he drained it. “More coffee?” he asked, holding out the thermos. Lexie shook her head, and he poured more into his mug.
“Anyway, she got a batch of bad stuff from someone on the street and overdosed. Luc woke up in the morning, walked into her bedroom and found her... dead.” He scrubbed a broad hand over his face. “She’d choked on her own vomit. He calmly walked to the neighbour’s apartment and knocked on the door.”
A muscle in his jaw bunched as he fought for control. “For months afterward, I saw that scene in my mind every time I closed my eyes.” He raised his head, his eyes haunted. “I should have known. I should have helped her. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself.”
Lexie allowed several minutes to pass before she spoke. “I could give you a dozen arguments as to why it’s not your fault, but I’m sure you’ve heard them all. Plus some I haven’t thought of.”
He ducked his head in acknowledgement.
“Your sister may have been one of the unlucky ones, but at least Luc has you.”
Jesse raised his head. “That’s another thing. On the phone the other day... when he called me... that was the first time he called me ‘Dad’. I’ve been waiting for six months to hear him call me Dad, and it had to happen over something like that.”
“What happened, Jesse? Why did he call?”
He grabbed his mug, rose and took a few steps to the porch railing. “Somehow some of the older boys found out about Janie’s death. They told him she’d killed herself because she didn’t want him.”
“Oh, Jesse!” Lexie fought back tears. “What in the world is wrong with kids these days? Were we ever that mean?”
“I sure as hell hope not.” He turned to face her. “Anyway, that’s why I ran off.”
“And with good reason.” Lexie rose, boosted herself up on the porch railing and rested her back against the roof support. A few feet away, Jesse copied her position.
“Did you have to fight for guardianship, or whatever they call it?” she asked.
“No.” Jesse traced an initial that had been cut into the railing. “That’s one thing Janie did right. She realized that as a single mother she was vulnerable, so she had a will, and specified that Luc should come to me.”
“What was it like, becoming an overnight father?”
Jesse grinned. “I was terrified at first. I was trying so hard to do everything right that I didn’t pay enough attention to my businesses, and they suffered a bit. But then I realized that Luc needed a normal routine, and that part of that routine was me going to work.” He looked past Lexie and smiled. “He’s full of energy, that’s for sure. Looks like he’s talked Brandon into going down to the beach.”
Lexie turned to see Luc and Brandon weaving their way between the rocks. “He’s sweet, isn’t he?”
Jesse looked up, startled. “You’ve met him?”
“Yes, he came into my room this morning.”
“I’m sorry. I told him he could explore but I didn’t think to tell him not to go in the cabins.”
“It’s okay, really.” She held his gaze. “I thought you were his father.”
“No, I...” her meaning sank in and a devilish gleam lit his eyes. “You thought I was married.”
“Yes.”
He leaned forward, and the heat in his eyes was unmistakable. “Didn’t you wonder why a married man was pursuing you? Why he couldn’t wait to see you again?”
“I didn’t know that.” She caught her bottom lip with her teeth and wondered if he could hear her heart thundering.
“Don’t do that,” he said, his voice rough like sandpaper. “You’re driving me crazy.”
“Jesse...”
His gaze lingered on her lips. “You do that a lot, you know. And every time, I think it should be me nibbling on your lip.” He moved forward, took her chin between his thumb and forefinger, and tipped it up. “Right here,” he said softly, rubbing the pad of his thumb against her bottom lip. “That’s where I’d start.”
“You would?” she asked, wishing he’d hurry up and show her.
“But you’re not ready yet.” He pulled back and smiled down at her. “You’re telling yourself that we only met a couple of days ago.”
“Well we did just meet a couple of days ago, but...”
“No buts.” He moved back against the post and sat there with a confidence that should have been irritating. But it wasn’t... it was intoxicating. “I can wait,” he said.
“You can?” In an odd way, he was making sense. But she didn’t want him to make sense. She wanted him to grab her and kiss her silly.
“I can wait until you think you know me. That’s it, isn’t it? You think you don’t know me well enough. How about another week? Would that work?”
“Yes. No.”
“Which is it, Lexie? One week? Two? Another month?”
“Dammit, Jesse. You’re confusing me.”
“Aha. A little show of temper. Does that mean you care?”
Lexie’s eyes flashed. “You’re toying with me, and I don’t like it.”
“Nothing could be farther from the truth. There’s something between us, Lexie and we both know it. We’re adults, and if we don’t know what we’re doing by now, heaven help us.” Leaning forward, he brushed the backs of his fingers against her cheek in a gesture so tender her legs almost buckled. “What are you afraid of?”
“I don’t know,” she stammered, pleading for him to understand. “You don’t really know me, Jesse. You may think you do, but you don’t.”
A subtle change came over him and for a wild, heart-stopping moment, she thought she’d lost him.
“I do know you, Lexie. I know a lot more than you think.”
He sat back and studied her.
I know that you’re a skilled chef. I know that you’re generous when it comes to sharing your knowledge with others. I know you’re compassionate, and you’re probably a loyal friend.
She opened her mouth to speak and he held up a hand.
“I know that you care about others. That you quit your job over the restaurant’s poor treatment of your suppliers... good people who relied on your business. I know you chew on your lip when you’re unsure, and I also know that within a few days, you’ve instilled an unshakable loyalty in Carly and Brandon. Those two kids would do anything for you.” He glanced over her shoulder. “I could go on, but speaking of the devil, Carly’s on her way over here. He leaned forward again and the air between them sizzled. “We’ll talk about this some more, later.”
He looked up. “Hi Carly.”
“Hello, Mr. Cooper.”
“I’ve told you. Call me Jesse. Or Coop, if you prefer.”
Carly frowned and turned to Lexie. “I came to tell you that the power is back on, and we have some customers. They saw the closed sign, but when the power came on, they said they’d wait.”
“How many?”
“Eight adults and a couple of kids. I thought maybe if we’re going to cook for Larry’s crew...” Her voice trailed off.
“You’re right. Sure, tell them they can stay if they don’t mind waiting.” Lexie turned to Jesse. “Will you be having lunch as well?”
“Why not?”
Lexie gave him a wry smile. “Why not, indeed.”
