Charlie sat back in her chair and put her hand on her stomach. “Oh my God. I’m so stuffed I think I’m going to blow up.” Dave was still polishing off his mountain of cashew chicken and fried rice, but Charlie was so full of lo mein that she couldn’t think of eating another bite. “That was good.”
It was extra nice to have a night out without the baby … in some ways, this felt like more of a date than their official date had. Tonight Meggie Collins was at Charlie’s house, getting to know Daniel and crocheting something pretty out of pink yarn. Josh’s idea had been a good one. Charlie loved looking after Daniel, but the break was lovely too.
Dave nodded. “I haven’t had takeout like that in ages. When I was stationed at Little Creek, there was this place we used to go to that had the best hot-and-spicy beef thing. It was perfect with a cold beer.” He grinned at her. “Or two.”
“Do you miss that life?” she asked. “Being in the Navy?”
“I wasn’t just in the Navy, Charlie. I was a SEAL.”
His smile had faded. “I know,” she answered quietly. Just as she knew there was a difference. She’d never asked him what he’d done or seen or anything more about his job. She figured a man couldn’t do a job like that without facing a few ugly truths about the world.
They sat in silence for a few more moments and then Charlie couldn’t stand it. She got up and started clearing away the mess. Maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea after all. Dave didn’t seem his usual happy-go-lucky self. He was … broody.
She rinsed the plates and started running water in the sink to wash the few dishes they’d dirtied. His chair scraped against the floor as he pushed it back and stood, and her heartbeat quickened a little when he came up behind her and reached around for the drying cloth.
“You didn’t ask me about yesterday,” he said. “It must be killing you.”
Annoyance flared. “Don’t flatter yourself.”
He gave a little laugh at her sharp reply. “Easy, tiger. I just meant that you aren’t always patient when it comes to wanting answers. I figure you’re either not interested in what happened or you’re too afraid to ask.”
She hoped her expression portrayed calm and perhaps a touch of ennui. “Why on earth would I be afraid?”
“Charlie,” he said quietly, and her heart knocked against her ribs.
“Don’t say my name in that kind of voice. I’ve been an idiot, okay? We can just go back to being friends, like we said.”
She scrubbed at a plate and put it in the drying rack. He instantly picked it up and dried it. “Whoever said we were just friends?”
She didn’t reply. Damn, he was patient. More patient than she was. They continued washing the dishes until there was nothing left to wash, and then Charlie finally said what had been on the tip of her tongue ever since she walked in the door.
“You promised you’d call.”
He put down the towel. “Okay…”
“When I left. You promised to call to let me know how it went. And then you didn’t.” She looked up at him.
“Charlie…”
She waved the rest of whatever he was going to say away.
“I know I’m being stupid. But you were right, I was jealous. You were talking about your family, and I kept thinking about you and Janice talking, bonding. And it’s stupid, but when you didn’t call…”
His lips curved the slightest bit. “Charlie, sweetheart.” There was such warmth in his voice that it cut into Charlie. “Janice is pregnant again.”
The words made Charlie look up at him quickly. To her surprise, he didn’t look upset by the information. “She and her husband?” Charlie asked, then realized it was a stupid question. Dave and Janice had been over for a long time, right?
He nodded. “Yep. She’s happy. Far happier than she was with me.”
“And that bothers you?”
“That she’s happy? Of course not. I’m happy for her, and happy for them. I guess if I was looking for a sign that Janice and I were wrong for each other, this is really it.”
Charlie didn’t even realize she’d been holding her breath until she let it out again in a long, measured exhale.
“I’m going to take a few days before Christmas and drive down. Take Nora her gifts and spend some time with her. That’s what Janice wanted to talk about.”
“Are you thinking of moving closer? It’s not a huge drive from here to there, but it’s long enough.”
“Would it bother you if I did?” he asked, and silence fell in the room. What was he asking?
“Why would it bother me?” Why couldn’t she come right out and ask what she wanted to ask? Say what she wanted to say? She didn’t usually have a hard time speaking her mind. Maybe it was because she was afraid to hear the answer. “I’ve seen you with Daniel.” She met his gaze. “I would never want to do anything to stand in the way of your relationship with your daughter.”
She smiled up at him, feeling completely false. She wasn’t cheerful. Wasn’t happy. She was let down. Mad at herself for getting her hopes up. For pretending that it didn’t matter that he wasn’t looking for a relationship. “Anyway, I should go.”
“So soon?” He came closer, close enough she had trouble breathing. “But I haven’t decorated the tree yet. I thought we could do that together. It looks so naked, sitting in the stand with nothing on it.”
She took a step back. “And then what? I don’t think I can do this.” Her insides trembled. Why was it so hard to say the truth? To verbalize her own needs? She would do it this time. She would.
“Do what?”
“This!” She gestured with her finger, moving it between the two of them. “I know what you said from the beginning. About seeing where all this goes, no pressure or anything. I know all this in my head, Dave. My head is not the problem.”
“Then what the hell is?” he asked, his voice brittle. “I thought we were just going to enjoy being together, no strings, no demands.”
“The problem,” she said, her throat tight, “is that I’m not built that way. I want to be. I want to be that carefree, easy kind of person who can accept something at face value, who can live in the moment and enjoy it. And I’ve tried but it doesn’t work, because that’s not who I am. When you smile at me … when you kiss me…”
“You want more?”
“I want more. I want all of you and I know all of you isn’t available.”
He cursed. His dark gaze heated as they stared at each other, both breathing heavily as the tension closed in on them.
“You know I want you, right?”
God, how could he make his voice so smooth, so deep and sexy and filled with promise? This was what she was fighting against. Fighting and losing. When they were apart, she could be rational. But when he was close, the moment he said or did something like this, she lost all perspective.
“Don’t,” she whispered. And wished the word had come out stronger.
“We’ve been doing this dance,” he said, ignoring her plea. “Keeping things easy. You think your voice of reason is giving you trouble?” He was so close now she could almost feel the heat of his body against hers. “I find myself calling or texting and wanting to be with you and then when I’m with you, I just want to touch you. Damn it, Charlie, it’s been killing me to leave it at a few kisses and then walking away.”
She swallowed. Hard. He was right before her now. Big, strong, former SEAL confessing to wanting her. Her, little Charlene Yang who always stayed in the background and never caused any trouble. Charlene Yang, who had found it so difficult to make friends here that up until a few weeks ago she’d made do with watching him from a restaurant window and the most illuminating conversation she’d had was with a doll at the church nativity scene.
He wanted her. And she wanted him so badly she was nearly dying with it. The only thing holding her back was knowing that she would be giving him the power to really and truly hurt her. If she took one step in his direction, she’d be taking responsibility for that.
“Charlie,” he murmured. “Look at me.”
His eyes were so intense she stopped breathing for a second.
The anticipation was so strong that she would swear she could already feel him touching her even though they were inches apart.
“I used to see you working on the docks and wondered who you were,” she admitted, her voice soft. She swallowed against a lump of nervousness in her throat. “I would imagine that you would show up somewhere and … and … and sweep me off my feet.”
It should have sounded stupid but instead the words fanned the flames of attraction, ramping up the tension between them. “I just…” She bit down on her lip, realizing she was probably doing this badly, but stumbling along anyway. “I just want you to sweep me away. Can you do that?”
His breath came out in a rush and he reached down and clasped her hand, gripping it tightly. “You’re sure? I’m asking because you’d better be damned sure you know what you’re doing.”
“Yes,” she answered meekly. “Please.”
He muttered something incomprehensible, stared at her for a long moment. The air snapped and sizzled between them and she licked her lips, watched his pupils widen, felt her muscles tighten with delicious anticipation. No one had ever looked at her that way. Not ever. Not with such desire and intent and all it did was fuel her own longings.
For once in her life she was not going to think or dissect or weigh the ramifications. She was going to feel and she’d let the cards fall where they may.
He reached over and pulled her straight into his arms. His mouth fused to hers, fierce in its intent, all-consuming and wonderful, his tongue sweeping into her mouth as his strong arms lifted her against his body, hard in all the right places. She loved his sheer physicality, and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held him tight.
His hands circled around and cupped her bottom, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Dave made a raw sound in his throat and took a single step backward, which put her hips up against the kitchen counter, and she pressed her core against him, letting the pleasure of the moment soak in.
He backed off, breaking the kiss, running his tongue over his lower lip as if tasting her there. Her body was feeling jacked up and liquidy all at once. He reached for the neck of his T-shirt and pulled it over his head, revealing a muscled body that up to this moment, she’d only seen in pictures. For the first time in her life, any thoughts of anything beyond the next few minutes didn’t exist. He’d succeeded in wiping them all away.
This time he took a little more time with her. He dropped the shirt on the floor and stepped back into the V of her legs, kissing her again, slowly and persuasively. She slid her hands over the hard curves of his shoulders, loving the feel of his warm skin beneath her fingertips. Encouraged, she reached down and slid her hand along the curve of his ass, pulling him closer against her.
His breathing grew ragged, all from her simple touch. It amazed her that she had that sort of effect on him, and it fed her female vanity.
“You drive me crazy,” he said, sliding his lips over her cheek and pulling her earlobe into his mouth. When making out in the kitchen was no longer enough, he wrenched his mouth from hers and picked her up in his arms as if she weighed nothing.
Swoon-worthy. The guy had gone into total alpha mode and she loved it. She linked her arms around his neck and let him carry her down the hall to his bedroom.
“You took the ‘sweep me away’ thing seriously,” she said softly, looking up at him as he laid her gently on the bed.
“I’m just getting started,” he answered, flicking on the bedside lamp, reaching into the night table drawer for a condom.
Oh God. They were really doing this. And she was going to get to enjoy that body, have it all to herself. What a giddy thought.
Dave sat on the edge of the bed and reached for her. She sat up and moved into his arms, losing herself in the feeling of having him surround her. He gently pulled the elastic from her hair and sank his hands into the heavy mass of it, pulling her head back as he undid the braid, the weight of it falling over her shoulders. With her head tipped back, he took full advantage and dipped his head, running his tongue over the sensitive flesh of her neck. When his fingers slid from her hair and traced a gentle path down the side of her face, goose bumps broke out over her skin.
“You’re sure?” he asked, and she loved the way his gaze searched her face. Hungry, but not reckless. She was hungry too. Hungry for him.
“I’m sure.” Slowly, she reached for the buttons of her shirt. One by one she undid them, slipping them from the buttonholes, pulling the tails out of her trousers. Dave took over then, pushing the soft fabric off her shoulders until she was sitting before him in her bra. She was doubly glad she’d worn the black one today, with the scalloped lace around the edges. Right now she realized the push-up padding wasn’t necessary. Her breasts strained against the material, the peaks hard and pointed in anticipation of his touch.
“Wow.” His grin slipped sideways, teasing her. “You drive me crazy, you know that?”
“Likewise,” she answered, and this time he pushed her back into the comforter and she got to feel the heat of his skin pressed against hers. She was pretty sure it was the most erotic feeling on earth, this skin-to-skin thing.
He reached behind her and undid the clasp of her bra with one hand, then pulled it down her arms and dropped it on the floor. “It’s pretty,” he murmured. “But not as pretty as this.” He cupped a breast in his hand and then let his mouth follow.
She was going to die, she was sure of it. But if this is what it felt like, she was totally okay with it. When he licked her nipple, a moan slid from her throat.
After that everything seemed to speed up. Hands hurried, stripping off the last of the clothing, scattering it on the floor until they were both naked on the bed. His hands and mouth seemed to be everywhere, igniting her senses until her whole body was on fire. Charlie reached out and took him in her fingers and he groaned. “We need to slow down,” he said, his breath hot in her ear. “Or I swear to God it’s going to be over before it gets started.”
She giggled with the sheer elation of pure feminine power.
He reached for the condom. “You’re prepared.” Her heart hammered against her ribs. This was where all the foreplay was leading. To him. Inside her. She didn’t want to wait. She wanted to grab the packet, rip the foil, and get on with it. Never in her life had she felt this pounding need for fulfillment.
“After what happened at your place … I wasn’t going to take any chances. I knew this day was coming.”
She watched, intrigued, as he took care of putting it on. Then all she could do was lose herself in the overwhelming sensations of being completely and thoroughly pleasured by a lover, once, twice, and a third time that left her so weak and sated she could barely move. Then, and only then, did he release the hold on his control, growling her name as he pushed her up the bed until she felt the headboard against her skull.
Moments later, the harsh sounds of their breathing began to temper and the sweat on their bodies cooled. Charlie lay on her side, looking over at him, marveling that they’d just done everything they’d done.
There’d been no choice to make once he’d touched her. She’d been incapable of stopping. They had simply lost themselves in each other. He’d possessed every square inch of her body and now she felt gloriously limp in the afterglow.
Then she heard it … a low, satisfied chuckle that reached in and warmed her from the inside out.
“What’s so funny?” she asked, unable to keep the smile from her face.
“Nothing’s funny.” He rolled over to his side and opened his eyes. “That was just … spectacular.” He grinned at her. “Who knew you were so bendy, Chuckles?”
She should take him to task for calling her Chuckles right now. And she would, except … well, she liked it. From him, anyway. “I’ve done a lot of yoga.”
“I hear it’s supposed to be good for stress.”
If he only knew.
She raised an eyebrow. “Anytime you want to try. Naked yoga is liberating.” His eyes widened and she laughed as she teased him. “Nothing like getting in touch with your spirituality when it’s just you and the mat.”
“Eeeew.”
Her lips twitched.
“You’re teasing.”
“I am.”
He reached over and grazed his fingers over her hip. “I like it.”
She did too. He was the most comfortable-in-his-own-skin man she’d ever met. It was more than the boneless bliss she was feeling after a thorough lovemaking. It was a freedom, a lightness that she suspected came from living in the moment rather than from an agenda.
She shivered and Dave reached toward the bottom of the bed, pulling up a blanket to cover them. Then he lay on his back and opened his arms wide. “Come here,” he said quietly. “We can huddle up to keep warm.”
She was still naked. She suspected she should be feeling if not bashful, at least a little self-conscious. But she wasn’t. She slid over next to him and rested her head along the curve of his shoulder, draped one arm over his ribs, and lifted her knee, settling it along the length of his leg.
“God, you’re a cuddler,” he murmured, squeezing her close.
She never used to be.
“Is that okay?”
“Yeah.” There was this texture to his voice that she would never tire of. A bit deep, a bit husky, 100 percent masculine and sexy. She closed her eyes and let out a breath.
“You know, I’m kind of sorry I stopped things that first morning. If I’d known this was waiting for me…”
He chuckled and the vibration rippled through her. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“You should.”
“You’re not so bad yourself.”
Her hand ran up his back and encountered smooth scar tissue. It reminded her of what he’d been through … the parts she knew about and the parts she didn’t. She traced her finger along its path. “What is this from?”
He shrugged. “Oh, one of my many badges of honor. No big deal.”
“It doesn’t hurt?”
“Not anymore.” Then he smiled wickedly. “Wait. If I said it did, would you kiss it better?”
She swatted his shoulder.
“You want to talk about it?”
“I’ve just had mind-blowing sex and a gorgeous woman is naked in my arms. What do you think?”
She smiled in the darkness. “Obvious distraction, but I still have to ask. You think I’m gorgeous?”
“Are you kidding?” His wide palm curved over her hip. “Have you looked in a mirror lately?”
She relaxed further, sinking into his embrace, twining her legs with his and running her toes up one of his calves. “Hey, Dave?”
“Hmm?”
“I needed that.” After she said it she realized it was a bit ambiguous. She could have been talking about the sex or the compliment. Truthfully, she thought she rather needed them both.
He kissed her forehead. “I know.”
She wasn’t quite sure what he meant, but she was too mellow to ask. He felt so good. Warm and strong. The blanket was soft on her skin and he’d turned off the light, so the room was gray and dim. The woodstove in the next room had been stoked and the heat of it made her feel lazy. She was going to doze off and she was completely okay with it.
She curled into his embrace. “It’s so warm and toasty in here. I never realized how great wood heat was. So much nicer than a furnace or radiator.”
He nodded against her hair. “A stove can really crank it out. Plus, if the power goes out, I can stay warm. Cook. It’s a bit rudimentary, but convenient.”
She imagined being snowbound here with him and the idea held some merit. The stove meant he had to split wood, she thought. She took a moment to appreciate the image in her mind of him with an axe, his muscles bulging and shifting as he split logs. When had she started going for the physical labor kind of guy?
She snuggled in closer. She supposed that happened when she’d first seen him on the docks in the fall, all work boots and broad shoulders and a ball cap.
“Charlie?” His voice was soft in her ear, sending ripples of pleasure down her spine.
“Mmm?” She answered lazily.
“Stay a while?”
She turned in his arms so she could look up at him. His hair, just a touch on the shaggy side, was ruffled and mussed, and his jaw held a hint of stubble after the long day. He was so attractive. So … virile.
“I wish I could. But Daniel’s staying with Josh’s mom and I should get back soon.”
“Right. Damn.” His fingers slid along the soft skin of her arm. “Maybe just a little while longer?”
“A little while,” she agreed.
She hadn’t realized he was tense until his shoulders relaxed. “Cool.” His fingers ran up and down her arm, an absentminded gesture that Charlie reveled in.
Good heavens, what would her mother say? Her mom had always pushed her to “guard her sexuality like a priceless treasure.” Charlie rolled her eyes. Mother probably expected Charlie to have remained a virgin too. She sobered. Well, it had been long enough that she wondered if she could reclaim virgin status. Up until tonight, that is.
Dave’s fingers traced a slow, gentle line up the outside of her arm and she gave in, letting out one last deep breath before sliding into sleep.