I wasn’t sure how I managed to stay upright as I made my way back through the main entrance of the hospital, across the foyer, even making a point to smile and wave at the woman manning the information desk. I had parted my hair low on one side, sweeping it across the lump on my forehead, and even though my legs felt like limp noodles beneath me, somehow I made it into the elevator without any curious looks from people passing me.
Thankfully, the elevator was empty, and I sagged into one corner, sliding down the wall to a squatting position and covering my face with my hands. I could not cry, not now. The bump on my head was significant enough that it would explain any traces of earlier tears, but I had no reason to still be crying now. At least none that I could give my family.
I headed straight to the restroom as soon as I got off the elevator, wishing for a lock on the heavy door. I wanted desperately to be alone as I washed away what little I could of my humiliation and shame. Dampening several paper towels, I took them into one of the stalls with me. Peeling off the cardigan, I hung it on a hook on the door and turned my back to it, almost as though it might share my dirty secrets with my dad if I let it watch.
There was a large mirror hanging on the wall beside the sink, and before I headed back out into the hall, I gave myself a good once-over. Combing my fingers through my hair one more time, all the while wishing for a brush, I straightened my shoulders and took deep breath. “You’ll do, Savannah Clark. You’ll do,” I muttered.
I stopped at the nurse station first and swept back my hair just enough to reveal the bump on my head. Fortunately, it had shrunk a little, but it still looked ugly. I tried not to release a slightly hysterical laugh as I told the man behind the counter what happened; it was so obscenely close to the truth. “I just banged my head getting in my car. I was in a big hurry and wasn’t paying attention. Do you think I could beg some ice from you?” The words came out in a rush, but I needn’t have worried. The guy stared up at me, his eyes registering shock and concern.
“Good grief, woman. That’s some bump there.” He leapt up and hurried around the counter to get a closer look. “Do you need to see a doctor? You look a little pale. Did you pass out?” He pulled a flashlight from his scrubs pocket and clicked it on, prepared to check my pupils.
“No, no. I’m fine. I’m just frustrated at my own clumsiness.”
“Let me take a look.” He lifted the light and put a hand under my chin.
I didn’t want to make any more of a scene than I already was, so I let him shine the beam of light into my eyes once, twice, and then again for good measure. “I’m fine, really. I just need some ice.”
“Your pupils are dilating nicely. Do you have a headache? Ringing in your ears? How’s your balance?” He still didn’t look convinced.
“I really do think I’m okay. But if it would make you feel better, I’m here visiting my mom, Beatrice Clark, in Room 412. I’ll be here for several more hours. If anything changes, I’m probably in the best place possible to get help, right?”
The nurse chuckled and nodded, slipping his penlight back into his pocket. “Sounds like a plan. You go see your mom—don’t scare her now—and I’ll bring you some ice to the room.”
“Thanks… Chris,” I said, reading the name off his badge.
My mother was asleep when I entered the room, my hair drawn across my forehead again so I could warn them first. My father jumped up, his face clouded with concern and relief. “Oh thank goodness! I’ve been worried sick about you.” His eyes darted to the clock on the wall above the door. “You’ve been gone over an hour, Savannah. Are you all right?”
I hurried to the chair on the opposite side of the bed, not wanting him to come too close. Even though I’d freshened up, I couldn’t seem to rid my own nostrils of the smell of shame and humiliation that lingered in the air around me. I was sure if Dad tried to hug me, he’d smell it, too.
“Actually, I’m fine,” I whispered, not wanting to wake Mom up. “At least, I am now.” I rolled my eyes in exaggerated embarrassment. “Sorry I took so long, Daddy. I went down to the gift shop while I was waiting for Stella to take pictures and send them. I got distracted by all the pretty things and lost track of time. Then I stopped by the bathroom on my way back up, but by then, I was in a hurry, knowing you’d be worried. And you know me. When I get into one of my mad rushes, I get stupid and clumsy.” I swept my hair back and tipped my head so he could see the bump. “I banged my forehead on the door and thought I was going to pass out.” It was amazing how much of my story could be misconstrued as truth. “I waited a while to make sure I was okay, and now here I am.”
“Savannah!” Dad’s voice rose in concern. “You should have a doctor look at that.”
“No, it’s all good. I stopped at the triage out there and a nurse named Chris already checked me out. He should be here any minute with some ice.”
At that moment, the door swung open and Chris slipped into the room, nodding at Dad first, and then crossing over to crouch beside my chair. “How ya doing?” he asked as he pressed the bag of ice to my forehead.
“Good. I’m fine,” I assured him again.
He turned and smiled at my father. “You’re Dad, right?” Dad nodded, and Chris continued. “If she starts to feel lightheaded or nauseated, or can’t remember anyone’s names, you press that ‘call’ button, okay?”
“Yes. Thank you. I’ll be watching her.” Great. Poor Dad now had two patients to tend.
I pulled the phone from my bra while Dad was talking to the nurse. When he returned to his seat, I handed him the phone. “She went on a photography spree. There are more pictures in there than I can count.” I smiled at him, hoping he’d focus on the images of his grandson and not on me.
“Savannah?” Mom whispered my name, even though she didn’t open her eyes. “Are you sure you’re all right, sweetie?”
I patted her hand. “I’ve got pictures,” I declared, making my voice as cheerful as possible. It sounded false, even to my own ears.