WE ARE FORTUNATE when a gifted clinician drills down into a specific problem many have, and then writes about it in a way most of us can make sense of it. When Ken Adams’s Silently Seduced first appeared, the book became an instant classic by providing recovering people the links and insights that help make sense of unfathomable incongruities. In therapy, we learn to watch the patterns of the mind, first to stop dysfunctional behavior and then to construct new and reengineered thinking patterns leading to sexual and relationship satisfaction. For many, Silently Seduced was key in that process.
Within the field of sex addiction, Ken Adams focuses on the set of dynamics that many sex addicts find true to their patterns. Loving a person but not being able to be sexual with that partner is a great irony when sex is easy with anonymous or unavailable partners. Moreover, sex is often driven by an anger for which we use the term eroticized rage. Sex addicts are aware of the sexual arousal but oblivious to how their behavior is angry. Further, why there would be such anger is a mystery to them, given that they felt so cared for as children. In Silently Seduced, the anatomy of how this happens is laid out in a way that is so helpful.
Dr. Adams followed up Silently Seduced with his book When He Is Married to Mom, which looked more closely into the issues involved with the mother bond. Taken together, these books have been a literal godsend to patients and a resource to therapists.
This new version of Silently Seduced is an enriched and insightful edition of an already successful book and updates the original content with new findings, expanded discussions of key points, and a section of frequently asked questions. It adds insight and clarity to the topics of women who were their mothers’ surrogate companions, gay men, single parents, and spouses or partners of covert incest survivors. Dr. Adams also expands his discussion regarding overcoming the fear of commitment, setting boundaries, and how best to handle dating and new relationships. For those of us who are book watchers, we note those who work for continuous improvement and model integrity, both as authors and clinicians. That is the way I have always known Ken Adams to be: thoughtful, thorough, and insightful. His books are always worth the effort of a careful read.
—Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.