RAMÓN WAS BORING!
How could I have imagined myself in love with such a self-regarding prig? Lorena’s assessment of him had been accurate. Ramón had a nondescript face with no mark of character on it; he was a silly boy who’d become a weak and vain man. I reflected on the wisdom of my papa, whom I now believed had stalled the marriage contract, realizing that the Salazar family only wanted access to his money and that Ramón was an unsuitable match for me. Whereas I’d been flattered, my head turned by the first young man who had paid me much attention.
Papa! I thought. I wish you were here that I might thank you. In my foolish wilfulness I hadn’t seen that he was working to protect me.
Eloisa stifled a yawn behind her hand. Ramón had supped with us for over two hours. After allowing me to bring him up to date with some of the events in my life, he’d spent the rest of the time talking without listening, regaling us with tales about himself. Eloisa signalled me with her eyes and looked pointedly at the wine decanter. I guessed she was telling me to take the opportunity to speak with Ramón before he drank any more and became insensible.
‘I would like to walk in the courtyard here before going to bed,’ I announced, rising up from the table. ‘Señora Eloisa, would you allow Señor Salazar to accompany me? As you know, he’s a childhood friend from home and I will be quite safe.’
‘Indeed, yes.’ Eloisa was on her feet before I’d finished my request, bringing me a wrap to put around my shoulders and ushering us through the long windows that led to the paved area outside.
I began by enquiring of Ramón if he’d been in touch with Lorena just before her death. I believed him when he said he hadn’t. He claimed to have been very busy at the siege of the city – to hear him one would have thought he’d single-handedly defeated the entire Moorish army. But I knew now how intimate he’d been with Lorena and thought him callous to be so unaffected by her passing.
‘I heard that you were financially ruined by a terrible fire that burned your home to the ground.’
Now I saw why he was no longer interested in our fates. He thought the money gone: we were of no more use to him.
‘You know I have just become betrothed to a girl who is both rich and noble,’ he went on importantly.
‘I am happy for you,’ I said.
‘And I am so glad you are secure in the convent, Zarita,’ Ramón said patronizingly.
‘I’ve decided not to make my final vows,’ I said.
He looked at me with interest. ‘Why not?’
I didn’t want to tell him my reasons so I made do with giving him a partial truth. ‘I have no true religious vocation.’
‘What plans have you made?’
‘None as yet.’
‘Ah, Zarita’ – Ramón’s voice purred – ‘then perhaps we could come to some kind of arrangement.’ He glanced towards the apartment and lowered his voice. ‘You know I’ve always found you most attractive.’
At first his meaning didn’t register with me.
‘Of course, any relationship we might have would have to wait until after I was married.’ Ramón took my hand in his.
‘Do you mean that you want me to be your courtesan?’
‘You would be my mistress. You would have a house and servants and I would give you money for clothes and buy you jewels. We could be together at certain times.’
‘Ramón!’ I pulled my hand away. And in that instant I decided I wouldn’t tell him about the baby. I knew that, far from welcoming this news, it would seriously inconvenience him. Most likely he’d disown the child, and then the child’s fate would be in peril – cast off, and at risk of having no inheritance whatsoever. In any case Ramón didn’t deserve the gift of such an adorable baby, and certainly the innocent child didn’t deserve such a shallow person as a father. ‘Ramón,’ I said distinctly, ‘I have no wish to have any kind of relationship with you.’
‘You have become very forthright, Zarita,’ Ramón responded sourly. ‘I warn you, men do not like such manners in a woman.’
‘And I do not like your manners much either, Ramón,’ I retorted.
He made one last try to win me over. ‘I can’t believe that you allowed your beautiful black locks to be shorn from your head.’ He raised his hand and touched my hair as he used to love to do.
‘You should go now,’ I said coldly. ‘And we will forget that this conversation ever took place.’