I AM PRAYING, or trying to pray as best I can.
Will I see Mama again, and Papa too, in Heaven? I hope so. There are many things I want to say to them, to ask their forgiveness and tell them how much I love them.
A priest came and heard my confession. After he left I made another private and more sincere apology to my Maker for the wrongs I’d done in my life. The priest said I could hope for some mercy at the end.
‘I am to die. Is that not true?’
‘Yes,’ he agreed. ‘You have been condemned to death at the stake and the sentence will be carried out tomorrow. But, in addition to your confession, there is a final act for you to make. You should call out that you recant. If you do, then, on a signal from the head of the tribunal, the executioner can quickly—’ He coughed and began again. ‘The executioner would end your life speedily and your suffering on this Earth would be over.’
I had not thought to die in such a way.
But I’d made my peace with my God and myself, and only looked forward to seeing my aunt Beatriz and bidding her farewell.
The gaoler told me that she would come one last time after midnight, for she must leave the city before daybreak or her own life would be forfeit. There is only one other person whose face I would want to see again.
Saulo.
My heart became heavy in my breast. I sat down.
How I had wronged him! What stupidity I’d displayed. What a coward I’d been. I should have flung myself in front of Papa and stayed his hand. Saulo’s father would be alive if I had done so, and they would both have been with his mother when she died.
If I am denied Heaven for that, then it is just punishment and I will wait in Purgatory until my soul is cleansed before I enter Paradise.
I hear the keys of the gaoler and his stumbling steps outside my door.