We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.
—Martin Luther King Jr.
For years, researchers have been attempting to definitively determine what factors lead to a happy and productive life. For over seventy-five years, Harvard’s Grant and Glueck studies have tracked the psychosocial predictors of healthy aging among two populations. The Grant Study is composed of 268 Harvard graduates from the classes of 1939 to 1944. The Glueck Study group is made up of 456 men who grew up in the inner-city neighborhoods of Boston. These studies have been particularly focused on what psychosocial variables and biological processes from earlier in life predict health and well-being among those who live into their eighties and nineties. This longitudinal study is now beginning to examine the children of the original participants.1
Since before World War II, researchers have diligently analyzed blood samples, conducted brain scans, pored over self-reported surveys, and dissected interpersonal interactions with these men to compile their findings. Their conclusion is resounding and singular. According to Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, “The clearest message that we get from this seventy-five-year study is this: good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.”2
Happiness has little to do with how much money we have in our savings account. Happiness has nothing to do with the level of our education or how many titles we have attained professionally. The biggest predictor of happiness and fulfillment overall is how we experience love in relationship. Specifically, the study demonstrates that having healthy, close relationships helps our nervous system relax and our brain stay active longer as well as reduces emotional and physical pain. The data also shows very clearly that those who feel lonely or isolated are more likely to see their physical health decline earlier and die younger.
According to Waldinger, “It’s not just the number of friends you have, and it’s not whether or not you’re in a committed relationship. It’s the quality of your close relationships that matters.”3 Are your relationships marked by vulnerability and enduring depth? Do you feel safe sharing your real self rather than pretending to be someone you are not? Can you relax and enjoy being with others despite your imperfections and theirs? Are both people committed to extending grace and working through conflict without attacking each other’s character? Is there accountability and forgiveness? These are the marks of mature relationships.
George Vaillant is the Harvard psychiatrist who directed the study from 1972 to 2004. According to Vaillant, these healthy relationships have two foundational elements. “One is love. The other is finding a way of coping with life that does not push love away,” says Vaillant.4
Love is not a soft and fuzzy word. Love, as we have seen, is acting in someone else’s best interest. When we love others deeply and allow them to love us deeply, life is transformed. This is true personally and corporately. The best leaders know how to love well. They are purpose-driven, valucentric, and deeply compassionate.
Good leaders know that corporate success is determined by how well we play in the sandbox together. Healthy relationships internally will drive healthy relationships with customers. Healthy relationships make an organization remarkable. Remarkable describes those who are others-focused. They go above and beyond in providing stellar service. They are intent on making someone’s story a little better. They exceed all expectations. They love well. They create value at a world-class level. And they do so to such a degree that those they encounter have an irrepressible desire to tell others about their experience. And when others leave their presence talking about how they have positively impacted lives, then indeed they have become remarkable.
Corporate culture is an expression of the health of relationships. Leaders must be wholeheartedly committed to providing the resources necessary to cultivate strong and lasting relationships among individuals and teams if they want their efforts to be sustainable. Ultimately, clarity and unity are the result of healthy relationships. Clarity and unity will lead to productivity. Likewise, the quality of relationships will determine customer loyalty.
Relational integrity produces cohesiveness and collaboration. Depth and transparency of relationship contributes to retaining top-talent in the life of the organization. When healthy relationships are present, people find fulfillment in their work and productivity soars. When relationships are rich, people are simply happier. Business, to be effective, must be powered by healthy relationships.
In the end, you can have all the money you’ve ever desired, a successful career, and good physical health. But without loving, healthy relationships, life will feel incomplete. The next time you find yourself scrolling through Facebook instead of being present at the table, stop and engage with those around you. If you’re considering staying late once again at the office instead of being home for dinner with the family or getting together with friends, then stop and reconsider. If you begin to treat people as assets to the organization rather than valued individuals who are worthy of your time and attention, then reassess your leadership. If you find yourself hiring with little commitment to the long-term growth and development of team members, then revamp the system. If you begin to feel as though leadership is a solo endeavor, then slow down and spend more time cultivating connectedness with others.
Dedicate yourself to creating a culture in which there is a strong commitment to relational integrity. Become a value creator, intent on not only bringing your best to every endeavor but also insisting that everyone else do the same. Intercept entropy early and engage in RAW developmental conversations. Become a ninja of conflict resolution. Lead beyond self and love deeply. Create a safe environment in which people can be themselves and find the resources they need to accelerate personal growth and professional development.
Relationships can be complicated. But, in the end, relationship catalyzes growth. The good life is built on good relationships. Personal happiness and fulfillment are found in maturing relationships. And thriving businesses are powered by relationships.
››GAINING TRACTION: Questions for Consideration & Application