I will never weigh 272 pounds again! I’m ahead of my Weight-Loss Goal Calendar. It feels divine! I love life when I’m dieting. It’s not only because I’m eating less and losing weight, it’s that I’ve taken control of me again. I haven’t been yelling as much. I’m no longer experiencing acute paranoia. I’m not as frustrated, angry, or depressed. I see my successes more, little though they might be. I feel hope for the future.
Yesterday I went shopping. I bravely (or could it be stupidly?) bought some candy for Jenny to give to her “secret pal” in her church class, and I didn’t buy any for myself. I wasn’t tempted because I kept telling myself, “I want to be thin. I don’t want any of this stuff as much as I want to be thin.” Over and over again. Every time I’d push my little shopping cart into a department with pastry, cookies, candy, snacks, I’d concentrate on “thin” and repeat the words in my mind: “I don’t want it—I want to be thin!”
It may sound silly, but it worked! And from now on, every time I’m anywhere near high-calorie food, I’m putting my brain into remote repeat: “I don’t want it. I want to be thin. I’m going to be thin. I will be thin. I’m getting thinner all the time!”
When I arrived home and unloaded my sack, I had those dangerous little packages of M&M’s right in my hot little fingers. I forced myself to think it again: “I’m going to be thin!” Later, I thought of filling Jenny’s gumball machine with M&M’s for her secret pal. But, I’m proud to say, my mind reverberated with a resounding, “No! You feel safe right now, Rosemary. You feel strong. But if you open the package, it might be too tempting. So, no! Let Jenny fill the bank herself!” And so, I didn’t swallow one little poison pill! I refused to take that last, dangerous step over the cliff. My feet were on firm ground with the bag of M&M’s unopened. But who knows how far I’d have fallen if I had taken that stupid, last step. If I had lost my balance. If I had—gasp—opened the blasted bag.