Monday, August 1, 1988
239 pounds

Men are chauvinists. For the most part, men have always expected women to “do” for them. After church yesterday, Allen disappeared into his room and took a nap. He didn’t tell me where he was going. He just expected someone to wake him up when dinner was ready. I have five children to take care of and a meal to fix. What did he think I should do? Follow him around and take note of where he decided to relax? Well, I didn’t, so no one knew where he was when we sat down for dinner. And get this! When he did get up, he became angry at me and said how awful I was. Why? Because I asked him to let me know in the future when he was going to take naps while I fixed his dinner. “Oh, yes, my Lord. It’s done, my Lord. Would you like it in bed, my Lord? Can I get you something else, my Lord?”

It was Sunday, for crying out loud! We were both commanded to rest on the Sabbath. Why should I cook while he sleeps? Chauvinism! It isn’t fair! Now, if he had told me he was so tired he was sick, I would have said, “Poor baby… go take a nap! What time do you want to get up for dinner?” But please, show me a little respect.

That was only one event from yesterday. Everything else was as bad or worse. It ended by my telling my children and husband that I wished I’d never married or had children. It was partly true. I am so sick and tired of feeling like a failure that it seems it would have been better never to have tried.