Yesterday I baked and frosted a cake, even placing M&M’s on top, without taking one little bite. Am I good, or what? Although I will admit that the night before, when I bought those M&M’s, I was sorely tempted. In fact, I finally propelled myself from the kitchen because I knew I had to get away from the temptation.
The important thing is, I was able to mentally talk myself out of eating. I remained rational, though I was tempted to rip into that bag of M&M’s. I had the sense and courage to get myself out! Like Joseph of old, when Potiphar’s wife tried to seduce him, “and he left his garment in her hand, and fled, and got him out” of a compromising situation, I ran out of that kitchen.
Then yesterday, I geared myself up for the task of working with chocolate frosting and M&M’s. I made myself talk to Allen about the ordeal ahead of me. I needed to know he’d be checking on me. By fortifying myself, I made it through.
Allen keeps telling me I’m looking better. Oh, how I need his encouragement. But my situation is pathetic. Even when I lose fifty more pounds, I’ll still be clinically obese and disgustingly fat — not exactly a pleasant thought. This is one long row to hoe! But believe me, when I’m done, I’m never going to let those stinkin’ weeds grow again!
February 19, 1992. I am constantly learning from myself as I read my diary. I read about the difficulty I had in making that birthday cake, and I shake my head in disbelief. Why in the world did I ever make it in the first place? I am wiser now. I don’t make anything that is hard for me to resist. Why should I? No one would ever expect an alcoholic to serve fancy alcoholic beverages to his guests. Why should I feel obligated to make fancy desserts for mine? No more. Yes, I am wiser: I refuse!