I keep thinking of the clothes I will have to wear in two short weeks. My closet is full of them, full of clothes I can’t fit into. But if I remove them from my closet, it’s as if I’m giving up hope, as if I’m acknowledging I’ll always be this fat. So I leave them in there as a sign to me that someday I might make it.
The past few days have been particularly sweet between Allen and me. I love him deeply. I am lucky. This time, he is trying extra hard to help me stay on my diet. Everything is fantastic between us right now.
Sometimes, marriage seems like a roller-coaster. The highs are so high, and the lows are so low, and it seems that one stupid slipup can put me in the pits so fast. I am convinced that marriage is the ultimate test in this life. If I want to pass this test with flying colors, I’m going to have to color me thin, first! If something bad happens in the future, even if—gasp—Allen and I have, shall we say, a little tiff, I am going to try to make myself remember that I can be happy. No matter what the children, or Allen, or a schoolteacher, or a church member does, I, Rosemary Green, can still be happy. Things and people can’t make me happy. Only I can do that.