I feel strong today. I feel in control. And yet… I’ve felt in control before. But this time, I think I might make it… because I know I might not.
Today, I bought a Twix candy bar for Tyler, a dangerous thing to do! It became warm and soft in the car and was too messy for Tyler to eat the second half. When I came home, I put the leftover, squishy half in the freezer. Not for one second was I tempted.
But I am being wary about my diet. I am peeking around corners. I am waiting for the old cravings to attack me with their deadly little spears of desire, of “but-I-deserve-just-onelittle-bite-itis”! So before the enemy could attack, I built up my defenses. I erected the walls of my fortress. I set out booby traps. What I actually did was tell Allen I had put half a Twix candy bar in the freezer, and he’d better make sure it was there later, and was welcome to it.
I was proud of myself for not getting a candy bar for me when I bought one for Tyler. I was proud of myself for not eating that soft, warm, luscious, extra half that would have melted in my mouth with pure pleasure. I was proud of myself for thinking ahead to a possible mishap by telling Allen where I’d put the candy bar. But most of all, I was relieved to find the Twix candy bar gone when I opened the freezer to look for it several hours and numerous traumas later.