There were a few moments last night when I felt like a fairy princess—like a real, bona fide Cinderella! It was divine. Allen and I attended a dance at church, and I fell in love with a new man. He was a delightful partner, unspeakably handsome and perfectly groomed. Why, Allen would never dance like that!
But it was Allen! He whirled and twirled me around till I, at 229 pounds, felt almost light on my feet. There were a few moments when our steps were perfectly synchronized. It was a feeling I’d never before experienced. It was as if we were one person creating graceful, beautiful movements on the dance floor. Then my energetic partner proceeded to hit an all-time high while dancing to “New York, New York.” He was electrifying! Was this the rather quiet, dignified man with whom I had come in? Why, he was Fred Astaire or Gene Kelly, but certainly not Allen Green.
I had a revelation right there on the dance floor, a revelation that would have left me in tears one month ago, before I was in control. Before I was on my way down. Why, after living with this man for almost fourteen years, there was another side to him that I did not know. He had more feeling and rhythm and zest for life than I had ever realized. And while I would have cried a month ago because I couldn’t be part of it, last night I was thoroughly enthralled. I could visualize myself losing more weight and becoming part of that feeling and rhythm and zest. We would be able to share it and feel it together.
I was distressed and saddened by the inhibitions I had thrown over Allen because of my own self-consciousness and embarrassment over my weight. Thank goodness the fun of the evening overshadowed the shame and sadness I felt. I experienced euphoria as I contemplated shedding not simply 104 more pounds, but also the fears, frustrations, and life-sucking inhibitions those pounds have created! I have much to look forward to, many years to make up. I’m going to have superconcentrated good times. My life is going to become full to the brim. The more I lose, the more I’ll gain. It was sensational last night, dancing with Allen, but it was only a tiny taste of the glory to come.