Another pound! Four more sticks gone! Oh, every little piece of cake I didn’t take, every sandwich I passed by, and every M&M I said no to—I don’t miss you, I never will! My own strength is growing daily; it’s as if my fat is somehow melting into resolve to lose even more. The lower my weight, the greater my willpower.
In my wildest dreams, I hadn’t planned on the elation, this lift-me-off-the-ground sensation, of this weight-loss experience. Only by suffering the acute misery of fat could I appreciate this intense joy of release. Acquaintances are staring at me everywhere I go. They’re thinking, “She’s losing weight. Wonder how far she’ll go. Wonder how soon she’ll put it back on.” I am determined to show ’em all!
Last night I had an exhilarating experience. I have written before in my diary, “I do have some fine, even noble ideas, and I will yet have my day in court.” Well, last night it happened. A tiny bit of magic—a magnificent and terrifying moment. I attended a middle-school band recital. The parents were in the front seats of the auditorium and student-participants in the rear seats. I was disgusted and angry with the behavior of those students. It was unbelievable. If their rudeness had taken place during the intermission, it would have been inexcusable, but this loud, obnoxious behavior was taking place during the performance itself!
These twelve- and thirteen-year-old students were talking, laughing, shoving, moving, throwing, and snickering while other students were performing! It frightened me when I realized what that meant. Think about it. Parents were in the audience while these youths were behaving abominably. What were these same youths like in school, where no parents “dared to go”? That is a scary thought.
A total of nine school bands were participating. After sitting through the performances of the first two bands, with the young people as rude as could be, I was raging inside. I didn’t have to put up with it! I marched to the middle aisle, faced those smarty little punks, and had my first “day in court.” I had my first opportunity as a getting-thinner person to express myself openly. With all the expertise of a seasoned director of plays, I used my stage voice and could be heard throughout the whole auditorium, sans microphone: “There is absolutely no excuse for the rude behavior that has been displayed here tonight! You are middle-school children, but you’ve been acting like ill-mannered preschoolers. After listening to their children practice for hundreds of hours at home, all these parents have come tonight to hear them perform. How dare you make it impossible for us to hear the music? How dare you? Shape up and behave yourselves—right now!”
Oh, the fury that raged within me. The thrill of being in control of a situation, of myself. And, quite frankly, it was fun to have an audience. (If that doesn’t sound like a frustrated, desperate actress!) I made my exit with an abrupt turn, to the thundering applause of the astonished but supportive parents.
When I returned to my seat, Allen put his arm around me and said, “Good for you! What ever gave you the nerve to do it?” The answer literally sprang to my lips, without forethought, unbidden. My eyes narrowed as I almost spat out, “Forty-six pounds!”
January 1985, 253 pounds, and April 1985, 203 pounds. Yes, I was elated with my weight loss. Who wouldn’t be? Look at the difference!