Rae awoke in the thick dark of the early morning hours in the hotel room.
Wulf’s arm pressed her waist. A slice of red light infiltrated the hotel room’s window that overlooked downtown Pirtleville from a neon sign that someone had forgotten to turn off.
Rae rolled over and found Wulf staring at the light. A red slant reflected on his glassy eyes. She asked, “Are you all right?”
He took a slow breath. “I’m fine.”
“You look awake.”
“Honestly, I’m fine.”
“I don’t mean to pry, but are you sure?”
“The British always say that directly before they have nervous breakdown.”
Rae blinked, surprised. She touched his shoulder and the dark cloud of ink under his skin. “Is that what’s happening?”
“Of course not. I’m fine.”
She didn’t believe that at all anymore. She slid her hand over his shoulder. The hard muscle under his skin felt like suede-covered steel. “What’s wrong?”
He inhaled deep and held it before he said, “I killed two men today.”
“They were kidnapping me. You saved my life. I should thank you.”
He blinked. “It’s not killing them that perturbs me, per se, which is a definitive condemnation of my character. Sniping them was the only way to save you, and I would do it again.” He looked away from the window and into her eyes. “I would do anything to save you.”
“I can’t imagine shooting someone.” She thought she could do it to save her own or someone else’s life, but she could not conceive of what it would feel like to kill a human being, so she just listened.
“I saw them through the scope,” Wulf said in the dark. “I hit both of them in the brainstem, just where I aimed, back here,” he touched where his skull met his spine, “and their heads burst. I have shot thousands upon thousands of rounds at targets and traced their vapor trails and watched each bullet tear through the paper or splash in the dust, and yet I didn’t allow myself to realize that I would see a hit through the scope. It seems obvious, in retrospect.”
Visions of blood and blond children ran through her head. Rae found his hand and held it.
“He must have been able to see us,” Wulf said. “He must have seen me fall and seen the blood on my coat, and yet he kept shooting.”
His calm voice scared her. No one should be that blasé.
“He must have seen Constantin’s head burst, and then he shot Yoshi. He shot three children and yet kept shooting.” He closed his eyes. “I thought that I had forgiven him, or at least dismissed him. It had never occurred to me that he might have seen what he had done and yet continued to shoot.”
Rae wrapped her arms around his neck, trying to shield him with her body.
He said, “I promised you that I would protect you from Mulligan, and I couldn’t.”
No reason to lie about the dead. “He was a terrible person.”
“I should have found a way to keep him quiet in the church.”
“He wanted to wreak havoc. He didn’t care what it cost him. I don’t know if he thought he could outsmart everyone or what, but he chose to do what he did. He probably did it to make sure they disfellowshipped me, and then he could sell me to the slavers and no one would even look for me if they thought I ran off.”
“I never should have let you come here.”
“It was my choice.”
“I should never have let you out of my sight.”
“I lost you guys in the desert on purpose. There was no way you guys could keep up with a native.”
His measured voice sent chills up her spine. “I will never let anything happen to you, ever again.”
“You aren’t responsible for me, and you aren’t responsible for the evil of madmen. You have to let all that go. And really, what can you do? Are you going to leave Hans here to protect me after you move to Europe or Singapore or wherever?”
Wulf kept his eyes closed. He didn’t tremble. “They almost killed you.”
“But they didn’t. You saved me.”
“You saved yourself. You didn’t stand shock still and make an easy target of yourself. When the moment came, you took the opportunity, slammed that man to free yourself, and ran. When they were shooting, you ran faster, and you ran for the cover of darkness. You stayed alive.”
Rae wasn’t sure what to say, so she wound her arms around his neck.
His arms tightened around her. He whispered into her shoulder, “I almost lost you.”