Tomorrow is garage sale day. I want to make this garage sale unforgettable for Dad.
Dad is a true DIY type of guy.
He is even making his own unique secret sauce garage sale signs so that the local folks from Savannah and the neighbor cities like Robert M Hitch Village, Clearview, Spauldings Settlement, Carver Village, and Pine Gardens are being lured into Dad's sale.
Dad knows that a lot of work goes into a garage sale. He loves to run these truly memorable DIY garage sales once a month and to Mom's regret.
Mom of course is not pro DIY stuff but pro BIY (buy it yourself) to Dad's full regret.
Dad does not actually mind Mom's lack of DIY taste.
Instead, he takes this opportunity by the hand and teaches Timmie and Susie how to run a truly unique and unforgettable yard sale from home.
Timmie is all in and offers to sell his Lego art. Susie loves to help Dad with fabricating her own homemade lemonade and home baked cookies.
Dad starts his lesson with showing the kids how to make the perfect yard sign. Dad is asking them: "Do you know how to make the perfect garage sale sign?"
They shrug, and he goes on: "Do you know that the most crucial steps of having a garage sale is making that perfect garage sale sign?
I prefer to make mine out of real wood because it adds atmosphere and wood smells good!
You can also attach some lovely colorful balloons and ribbons to the wooden sign.
These secret sauce yard signs are beneficial because they point customers toward the garage sale which in turn might bring in more sales."
Dad carries on: "Listen up! A good garage sale is a wonderful way to sell old items or self handmade crafts that are sitting around the house."
I am annoyed by this boring talk. I only have one question for Dad. When is the action with the air finally going to start?
I do not need boring yard sale lessons, but I need some of Dad's customers to test out some of my new gassy cloud techniques that I have been working on in my secret fart lab.
Instead of action, Dad continues the boring talk and is asking Timmie and Susie: "Do you know how to host a perfect yard sale without Mom?" They shrug again.
Dad tells them all his secrets about hosting the perfect garage sale.
He goes on and reveals: "The evening before the yard sale gets started you must absolutely watch the weather report because keeping an eye on the weather forecast for the day you have chosen for your yard sale can make or break it!" You know there are always a few die hard people out there like myself who are willing to visit a garage sale in the rain, but most people are more like your Mom and they prefer to watch the shopping channel on a rainy Sunday.
If you can absolutely not change the day of your yard sale, I am always ready for plan B.
It's a good idea to keep at least some of the stuff inside the garage. Sometimes, I also like to set up a large outdoor open-sided canopy. This is a smart way to display all the items for sale beneath it.
Next you need to collect clean items for the sale because nobody wants to buy dirty stuff or if it is full of spider webs and dead dusty flies!"
Dad passionately carries on with the pep talk: "Timmie, you must always take the extra time to dust the items you want to sell for maximum profit!"
All I care about right now is some serious windstorm coming into Dad's next yard sale. I can mingle in and blow my own sneaky fart clouds to bring some action into Dad's yard sale.
As I am getting excited about my sneaky fart cloud method idea, Dad continues to talk about pricing and other boring stuff.
Dad states in a raised voice: "Let me tell you this. Pricing your items is everything. No matter how small your item is you have to price it in a reasonable way. Next place the items around on several tables. This is a sneaky trick because it gives the appearance that you have more stuff to sell.
Garage sale shoppers are more likely to stop if you are setting up a real impressive presentation for them.
Dad lets another sneaky trick out of his bag and says: "Another sneaky trick is to ask a friend, neighbor, or family member if they would like to contribute some items. The more the merrier!"
Dad says to Timmie: "Timmie, let's do a fun field trip. Go and ask Grandma Guzzmann, our neighbor Misses Sizzledrizzle, and your friends at school for some contribution. This will give you some practical work to do!"
Dad continues the lesson: "The next thing you need to do is put a large and clearly written sign along our street."
He says to Susie: "Susie! You have a lovely hand writing and this job is for you!"
As Dad goes on talking about some more critical points and tips, I am thinking about the yard sale sign balloons. I am also thinking of how I could have my own show with my world famous flatulent fart gas balloon smashers.
I guess Dad's boring pep talk and my fart balloon imagination mixed together in my head gave me the idea for the garage sale box slammer!
I am sure that there might be other expressive names out there, but I like the sound of garage sale box slammer.
I am sure the garage sale box slammer is going to be a massive success because my bursting vapor style balloon stink farts are fun stuff!
Dad finishes up his valuable lesson with this: "Let me give you some last words of caution: "When you are collecting items for your sale, price your stuff as soon as possible and put everything in boxes. Like this you are going to be able to carry the items outside of the garage the next morning when the garage sale is going to get started."
He proudly points to his own yard sale boxes that he has already stacked up in the garage for tomorrow's garage sale.
He adds one last secret tip: "You can store them in the garage and you do not need to close the top of the boxes. Like this you are set, and you only need to take the boxes outside and place the items onto one of the tables!"
This is Dad's secret trick?
Leaving the boxes open in the garage throughout the whole night!
Hahahahahahahahahaah! Isn't Dad setting up the perfect conditions for the garage sale box slammer?
Dad, I can't wait to see your face tomorrow morning!
Here is my 1-2-3 magic for making Dad's Sunday garage sale an unforgettable one.
Step 1:
Once Dad has stored the last garage sale box in the garage, I sneak inside to check out if the boxes are easy to access.
Step 2:
The next day before Dad opens the garage, I am sneaking inside the garage to have some fun of my own.
Step 3:
The goal of the garage sale box slammer is to share my flatulent gas air with the rest of the world.
Once I feel my tummy rumbling with gassy air, I am clenching my teeth, and I am squeezing every ounce of my flatulent and bloating gas into Dad's garage sale boxes.
Step 4:
I have a laugh on Dad at a nearby hiding place.
Step 5:
I am watching what happens next.
Here we go with the action!
Dad gets hit by a steamy cloud the vapor style.
Yes, my friends these are the types of fart clouds that you will be able to produce once you are part of the flatulent elite!
Like one of my buddies Smarty Pants Mc-Boum who once caused his Dad a disastrous catastrophe with one of Smarty Pants's world famous garage exploders.
Smarty Pants Mc-Boum had such a gassy bottom, so he caused the following disaster to happen.
Smarty Pants Mc-Boum was launching a series of gas clouds into the garage and accidentally caused a gigantic explosion that caught the garage on fire.
The fire department told Smarty Pants Mc-Boum's Dad that he was lucky that the fire only hit the garage and not the house. One of the fire men found traces of gasoline inside the garage.
I am thinking that Smarty Pants Mc-Boum's gassy cloud was probably catching fire. He is one talented bean gas blowing dog and has joined our secret fart club a long time ago.
Probably Smarty Pants Mc-Boum accidentally produced one of his dangerously gassy vapor-style clouds.
This dangerous mix of flatulent vapor bean gas plus the open canister of gasoline that Smarty Pants Mc-Boum's Dad had accidentally left in the garage most likely set the whole god damn garage on fire.
Yes, this is dangerous stuff, and I do not recommend this mixture to the faint hearted!
If you are in the flatulent elite never go and try out the garage sale box slammer in a closed garage. Heck, even a small amount of gassy air might be enough to ignite the gasoline and then it is too late.
This explosive mix is so powerful. It can totally end in a dangerous explosion and burn down the house.
Poor Smarty Pants has undoubtedly caused his Dad lots of trouble with the burning garage.
My Dad never carries a gasoline canister in his garage because Dad's car runs on electricity. Dad's Sisca is plugged into the wall's socket. I can safely blow beans even in a closed garage.
If your Dad runs his car on gasoline make sure to be extremely cautious and never place your farts too close to your Dad's gasoline canister.
Here is what's happening next.
All I have to do now is stay at my hiding place and have a peek at the action on the yard.
As Dad is grabbing the boxes with his antiques and the vintage collection he is getting hit in the face by some of the stinkiest fart clouds that have ever hit a garage sales man - Hahahahahaha!
But wait there is more fun ahead!
The antique shoppers that are already assembled in Dad's yard get hit by the next series of farty clouds.
They sure are in for a great surprise. One shopper is saying: "I am all in for buying some antiques and look at these stylish vintage handbags! Gosh, this stuff smells moldy and rotten like it has been stored for a thousand years in some unvented attic or basement!
Pffffuiiiiiiiiii! Wat a disgusting and sickening odor!"
One other treasure hunter that loves antiques asks Dad: "Sir, where the heck have you stored these boxes with these antiques? They smell more disgusting than the stinkiest shoes that I bought off of eBay a while ago?"
I guarantee these yard sale shoppers's noses have never experienced such a stinky mix of odors at any other yard sale that they have been before!
By now the treasure hunters are running around like crazy loony people.
One reporter that is reporting for the local Savannah news journal is totally disgusted and can't believe what is happening. The reporter is even talking about some weird gas cloud and a gassy contamination that is spreading through Savannah!
The yard has quickly turned into a chaotic, emotionally charged, and passionate place.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahah! Can you believe these treasure hunters and neurotic news anchor lunatics?
This is such a fun Sunday, and I am secretly cheering on the crazy craft and antique hunters to search for the rest of the vintage stink bombs and flatulent antique treasures.
Hopefully the crazy garage sale hunters are finding what they were looking for!
I am cheering them on to dig even deeper into the flatulent treasure hunting heaven.
Yeah folks, stick your curious noses into the boxes! You will surely find what you are looking for.
As I am taking another peek outside, one of these crazy treasure trove hunters gets smashed with another vintage stink bomb right in the face!
One elderly lady sticks her nose deep into one of the rotten bean smelling boxes and says to her husband: "Sorry, I can't help it but do you smell this odor, too"?
As she continues to stir up the stinky stuff in that box she screams in disgust: "Some water, I am fainting!"
Another lady fingers through the boxes filled with stinky gas and screams: "SOS there is a stink bomb inside this box!"
I am having a blasting good old time watching the lady bargain hunters negotiating for the last pieces of stinky garbage out on the yard.
Gosh, I wish we could do this every Sunday because this kind of blowing action is exactly what this neighborhood needs on a sunny Sunday!
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