The following episode is called the Lego blaster and it is one of my favorites.
Don't get the wrong impression. I love small children, but sometimes they can really get on my nerves, and I especially hate it when these children have older sisters and brothers that are jealous of the little one's
latest lego creations.
I basically had to come up with the Lego blower for self-defense because this Lego situation kind of got unbearable to take. Lego playing Timmy gave me the idea for the Lego blower.
I guess by now you can already see that most of my fart episodes are based on real stories and experiences that I am making with the human kind.
What is the goal of the Lego blower?
The goal is to blow up these ridiculous looking Lego monsters and out of space looking creatures that really do not make much sense to me.
The Lego blower story goes like this.
One day little Timmie's sister Susie kind of got really mad at Timmie, and she took out all her anger on Timmie and his Lego building skills.
I am not a friend of ugly colored Lego monsters myself, but I think that she kind of went too far, in this case.
Even Mom and Dad got mentally involved becaue they did not know from where this ulta loud smashing explosion came from.
I have conditioned Mom and Dad to associate loud sounds with stinky matter. Only this time the air still smelled fesh as green grass in the spring.
Timmie got in a verbal fight with Susie over some stupid stale cookies, and I was the lucky winner because the cookie landed on the ground right next to my feet.
First I did not want to touch that God damn cookie, but I decided to keep on the positive side of things and use it for my energy build up.
Heck, in this house you never know when you need to release a quick energy bomb into the air to make things better.
Susie and Timmie really got involved with each other. The verbal fight between them got tougher from second to second and climaxed into a real dangerous and explosive physical battle. Susie pushed Timmie and he fell over his latest artistic ugliness, the lego monster.
The legos burst apart and fell all over the place into a hundred pieces. By now, I got mentally involved in the fight as well.
Up to this point, I silently applauded Susie for taking a stand, and I silently hoped for a happy end with the
Lego madness.
Timmie was scraming on the the grond, and he tried to save his ugly Lego creature, but he realized that there was nothing to be saved because the scary lego sculpture was already gone.
As he realized his loss, Timmie burst out into loud crying and screaming sounds.
Susie tried to outperform him by making her own squeaky girly voice to show her dissatisfaction.
The situation really got out of hand, and I knew that I had to come up with a surprise for the two screamers.
My idea was born right in the middle of this screaming fight. The two frantic kids were bombarding each other with Lego stones, but I decided to maintain my sanity!
Here are my tips for the Lego blower.
I promise you the Lego blower is a true surprise for anyone who is around.
Get yourself into position and wait for the rumbling air in your tummy. Next, pop out the air in one loud and stinky fart blow towards the Lego creation.
The fart blowing sound will of course not get noticed by the annoying Lego bashers because their attention is on focused on the fight.
As the stinky atoms are going to fill the room, the screaming gets calmer and calmer.
As the stink bomb touches their noses, the situation quickly changes the dynamics and the movement of the fight.
I had a total blast watching this freak show when I released the Lego blower. First Susie and Timmie hated each other and wanted to kill themselves and then they turned into wussies and ran screaming out of the room to get help and gas masks.
Instead of being enemies, little Timmie and Susie suddenly became allies and even shared a gas mask.
You can, of course, profit from the concept of double dipping with the Lego blower.
Just wait for the grown-ups to appear at the Lego battle space, and the adults can fully profit from the smell of the stinky Lego blower as well.
I was pretty satisfied with my first Lego blower result because this fart smasher has truly achieved some magical peace in the rooms of the kids.
To this day, I can not remember one more problem with the scary lego building skills of Timmy because Susie has been avoiding Timmie's artistic failures since then.
This is what I call a true accomplishment!
Do use the Lego blower as a powerful weapon of self-defense.
I swear Timmie and Susie will remember this stinky Lego fight for the rest of their lifes!
Audiobook:
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