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Scottie and Logan had a ladder up in Diane’s office and had removed a couple of ceiling tiles to fit with the ruse they were working on repairs. Diane was trying to work, but jumping every time her phone rang.
This morning had been awful. All she had wanted was a hug from her husband. To feel his arms around her, strong, protective and safe. To hear him say he forgave her, and everything was going to be alright.
“Hey Diane, Liam’s just checking in.” Scottie held up his phone. “If you think he’s calling, just shout my name.”
She gave them a weak smile. “No problem.”
She stared at a case file, but so far, she hadn’t got passed the first page. A beep announced a text message.
Steve: Just wanted to let you know everything is good with Megan
Diane: Thanks for telling me
Steve: How are you?
How was she? Scared, lonely. Desperate to have her husband hold her. Her eyes brimmed with tears. Dammit, fighting tears all morning was giving her a headache.
Diane: I’m fine.
She waited for a response. Then her phone rang. It was Steve. She sighed. She couldn’t handle another tense conversation.
“Hey,” she answered wearily.
“Hey, Angel.”
Angel. Hearing him say that tipped her over the edge and tears rolled down her cheeks.
“Angel?”
“Sorry,” she mumbled, grabbing a tissue to wipe away tears.
“Don’t apologize. Talk to me.”
His voice was soft, concerned, and her heart squeezed. How could she be so unhappy with her life when she had Steve?
“I’m OK, really. It’s just a lot. I think everything is catching up with me. I have a pounding headache.” She sniffed.
Scottie opened the door and raised his eyebrows. She shook her head, mouthed ‘Steve’. He nodded and stepped back outside. No doubt he had seen her red eyes and was given her some privacy, which she was grateful for.
“I’m sorry about this morning. The way we were. Strike that. The way I was,” Steve said.
“I’m sorry, too. About everything.”
“I know. Please stop crying.” His tenderness was her undoing. The tears came harder. This was too much. All she wanted was to be with her husband.
“I don’t know if I can do this, Steve. Stay here and pretend to the partners and everyone that things are normal. Nothing is remotely normal.”
Her voice had risen slightly, and she closed her eyes to calm herself.
“I’m not coping. Everything... It's all too much... I can’t do this anymore.” It was as if the past months, everything she had been feeling, had crested, and with the Volkov situation she had reached her breaking point.
After a long silence that rattled her chest and threatened her with more tears, Steve spoke.
“OK, Angel. Hang in there a little bit longer. I’ll take care of it.” He ended the call, and she was left staring at the phone. What did he mean he’d take care of it?
Wiping her face, she got up and opened her door, forcing a smile.
“Sorry, guys. I’m just going to the washroom. Be right back.”
Scottie and Logan gave her a sympathetic smile and let her pass. She knew they would hover in the doorway until she returned safe and sound.
Inside the washroom, she splashed cold water on her face. Her mascara had smudged, and her face was deathly pale. Feeling lightheaded, she headed into a stall and just made it before throwing up. When the retching subsided, she sat on the floor and breathed deeply. Her headache was turning into a migraine. Slowly, she got to her knees and flushed the toilet. The stress, not eating, the tension, all were taking their toll. Getting to the sink and washing her face once again she straightened herself as best she could and stepped out into the hall. Scottie was walking toward her.
“Hey, we were getting worried. Are you OK?” he asked quietly. “You don’t look so good.”
“No, actually, I don’t feel too good. I think I have a migraine coming.” She placed a hand on the wall as the hallway spun.
“Whoa. Good job you’re going home then,” Scottie took her arm.
“What?”
“Steve called you then called me when you didn't answer. He’s cleared it for you to go home. Just tell work you’re not feeling well and leave. Looks like you’ll be telling them the truth.” He gave her a small smile.
“What about Volkov?”
“Divert your office line to your cell. That way whatever line he calls, you can still answer it. Nyx will continue to watch here to see if he shows up. We’ll get him if he does. Come on. Get your things and go down to your car. Liam will follow you home.”
Diane wanted to cry in relief, but she held it together. With Scottie holding her arm, she walked back to her office. Ten minutes later, she felt steady enough to leave on her own. When she got to reception, Michelle looked up.
“Diane, you look terrible. Is everything alright? Can I get you anything?”
“No, thank you. My headache is back, and I think it's turning into a migraine. I’m going home. Can you let the partners know for me? I’ve diverted my phone and will monitor my calls.” “Of course. Get some rest and let me know if you need anything.”
It took just over twenty minutes to get home. She had spotted the black Onyx SUV a couple of times in her rearview mirror. A welcome sight. Seeing Steve’s truck on the driveway of her house felt even better.
She parked, grabbed her purse and laptop bag, and hurried to the front door. It opened as she got to the top step, and she kept walking straight into her husband’s arms and promptly fell apart.
Steve’s arms squeezed her tight and she felt him shift and kick the door shut with his foot.
“Hey, Angel, Ssh, it’s OK.” He rubbed a hand up and down her back and took her bags from her, placing them on the stairs. Her whole body trembled as she sobbed. She gripped his t-shirt, hanging on for dear life, afraid if she let go, he would disappear.
“Diane, come on, calm down. I’m here. I got you.” He kissed the top of her head, and his finger under her chin was gentle as he lifted her face. He frowned and she knew from seeing her reflection earlier she looked terrible. Without another word, he scooped her up in his arms and carried her up to their bedroom, putting her on their bed.
Her sobs subsided, but she couldn't stop shivering. She watched her husband as he quietly undressed her.
“Angel, talk to me. Are you sick? Do I need to get a doctor?”
Diane let him pull one of his t-shirts over her head. “Migraine,” she said quietly.
Steve nodded.
Migraine, and probably also shock, exhaustion, fear, and her whole life falling apart. She wanted to go to sleep and then wake up in Steve’s arms to find this was all over.
“Get under the covers.”
He coaxed her down on the bed. She went willingly, craving darkness and sleep. The last thing she remembered was the feel of Steve’s lips on her forehead as exhaustion finally won out.
***
STEVE SAT BY THE SIDE of the bed and watched his wife sleep. The sight of her, deathly pale, crying and scared, had rocked him to his core. He was her husband. For better or worse. He’d been a shitty husband. He’d not been there when she’d needed him the most. Not been supporting her through this mess and handling this whole situation all wrong. It was clear to him now, he was angry at himself, not Diane. Angry for not seeing what had been going on. For not being the man his wife could come to. And he felt overwhelming shame.
When his phone buzzed in his pocket, he left the bedroom to answer Dex’s call.
“Hey, just checking in. How is she?”
“Not great. She’s sleeping now. The stress brought on a migraine, and I think she’s in a little shock, too.”
“I’m sure she’s glad to be home with you.”
“Yeah. Thanks for hearing me out on this one. I appreciate you and Sam being on board.” He had been ready to go to her office and drag her out of there and home himself.
“It was the right call. We were asking a lot of her. If someone is watching, Diane went to work and came home sick. As she was genuinely sick, her colleagues can vouch for that. It won’t raise any red flags at her firm. If Volkov hears about it and is concerned, I have no doubt he will call. She’s been so strong. You should be proud.”
“I am. I need to stay here, Dex.”
No way was he leaving her. He needed to be here when she woke up. He needed to be with her, right by her side until Volkov was captured or killed. He didn't care which. Then he would stay by her side until they worked through everything else going on between them.
“Not a problem.”
He sighed in relief, forever grateful he was with Onyx.
“Nyx are going to rotate keeping watch on her firm," Dex said. “See if Volkov turns up there.”
“Appreciated. No more news?”
“We’re working on it. Might have a lead on Myers. I’ll let you know when we have more. Just let us know if he calls.”
“Yeah, no worries, I have her phone right here. What about Megan? It’s almost three. As much as I want her here with me, I’m not sure it’s a good idea.” He hated the thought of her not coming home, but Volkov was still a threat. He did not want his daughter in the middle of a dangerous situation. It was bad enough Diane was caught up in this.
“I’m glad you said that because I was thinking the same thing. Sam spoke to Dale. Agent Adams said she’s happy to take Megan to her place. She has a condo with excellent security. Dale will also make sure it’s surrounded. What do you think?”
“I’d feel happier it was Raven or Nyx watching her.”
“I get it. But you know why it can't be. Both our teams need to be ready to go.”
Steve rubbed the back of his neck. Onyx had to secure the sarin and Volkov. That needed two teams. Putting a team on babysitting duties was not an option as much as he might want it to be. Dale Sanchez was ex-Delta and a close friend of Sam’s. The man had handpicked the agents on his team. There was no reason not to trust them.
“FBI it is then. I should talk to her, so she’s not scared.”
“I’ll have Agent Adams call you at end of school, and you can speak to Megan directly. Now go and take care of your wife. I’ll keep you posted.” Dex ended the call.
Steve walked back to the bedroom to find Diane still sleeping. He settled in the chair beside the bed and placed both their cellphones on the nightstand. She looked so peaceful in sleep. Beautiful. He swallowed down the emotion bubbling in his throat. Nothing else mattered except Diane and Megan. Damn. Diane had stood by him, supported him, encouraged him every single day as he went through training. Then SEALs, now Onyx. He had never given much thought to what it must have been like for her. Those early years with Megan, Diane had practically raised her alone. Then she balanced home life and law school while he was deployed. He had pulled his weight whenever he had been home, but truthfully, that hadn’t been often. And it had not been enough. This beautiful woman, his wife, had kept going, stayed strong and determined. She’d not complained and taken care of everything. She had succeeded in becoming a lawyer, and an amazing mom. She deserved so much more than the selfish, angry bastard he had been recently.
It was time for things to change. It was time for Diane’s life to take front and center stage. For him to support her in any way possible. If that meant his career took a back seat, he could do it. After all these years, she deserved it. He vowed to give her whatever she wanted.
***
DIANE AWOKE ALONE IN bed. A wave of disappointment swept over her. Then she heard Steve’s voice. It sounded like he was talking on the phone. At least he was still here in the house. He hadn’t left her. Tentatively, she moved her head to gauge how bad the pain was. It wasn’t gone, but it was much better than earlier. The room no longer spun, and the nausea appeared to have subsided.
She glanced at the clock on her bedside table. It was just after six o’clock. Megan should be home. Volkov? Had he called? She looked for her cellphone, but she couldn’t see it.
Needing the bathroom, she got up slowly. The headache was still present, and a little lightheadedness, but it was bearable. Finishing her business, Diane stripped off Steve’s t-shirt and stepped into the shower. She wanted to look somewhat human for Megan.
Fifteen minutes later wrapped in a bathrobe, she opened the door to Steve sitting in the chair by the bed. She spotted her cellphone on the nightstand.
“Feeling better?” he asked with a small smile.
“Much. Thank you.”
She moved to the bed and noticed the steaming mug in his hands. He held it out to her.
“Peppermint tea. You always say that’s good for migraines, right?”
She took the mug. “Yes. Thank you. It’s eased to a bad headache. Sleep helped.”
“I’m sure it did. You were exhausted.”
She looked past him to the door. “Where’s Megan?”
“She’s not here and, before you worry, she’s fine, and you can speak to her soon.”
“I don’t understand? Where is she? Did something happen?” Alarm crept into her voice.
“Megan is with Agent Jessica Adams at her place.”
“What!” She put down the mug as her headache intensified.
“Angel, nothing has happened. Volkov never called, and I agreed that maybe it was better that Megan stay away a few days until this is over. Where she is protected and safe.”
Diane bit her lip, suppressing tears. “You really think I’m in that much danger? What's going on, Steve? What else is Volkov involved in? Why can't Megan be here with us, and you can protect us both? I don't understand why you would hand our baby over to someone else. It makes no sense.”
He surprised her when he caught her hands in his. As he squeezed them gently, his gaze met hers.
“Diane, you know there are parts of my job that I can’t discuss with you—”
She cut him off and snatched her hands back. “Oh, right, yes. We can’t forget that. This is our daughter...” She stood, her shoulders rounding. It was useless to argue. He would never put his job at risk, even though she wasn’t sure yet if she had broken her oath as a lawyer by telling him and his team everything she knew about her client. She had yet to even consider if there would be ramifications of that.
“She’s safe?”
“Yes, I promise. She’s taken a shine to Jessica and is happily eating dinner and watching TV. I just spoke with her.”
Diane relaxed a little. Megan was happy. “She must be confused? She would normally be with grandparents if we couldn't watch her.”
“I know. I told her you were sick and that I had to work, and your folks were out for the day. Mine are out of town, which is the truth. As far as Megan is concerned, my friend Jessica offered to help out and watch her. To be honest, I think she’s more excited that she gets to skip school and hang out with one of Daddy’s work people. Her words.”
“I want to talk to her.”
Without another word, Steve pulled his phone from his pocket and made the call. Diane listened as he spoke briefly to Agent Adams, but then he passed the phone to her, and Megan’s face filled the screen.
Diane sank onto the bed, battling to keep the tears from flowing with relief at seeing her baby was OK.
“Hi, Mommy. Are you feeling better? Daddy said you were sick.”
She forced a smile. “I’m feeling much better, now I’ve seen my beautiful girl,” she answered honestly.
Megan then proceeded to chat away about her day. She told her how her new friend Jessica had helped her with math today, how Daddy’s training mission had gone well, and how they had made pasta and were watching a movie.
“Daddy said I should stay here while you’re sick, so you can rest while he works. I don’t mind staying here, so make sure you rest, Mommy. It’s like we’re still on a mission, and I get to skip school.” Megan’s words made her smile widen.
“Thank you, Megan. Mommy does need to rest, but hopefully, I’ll feel better soon. I can’t wait to see you.”
“Me, too, Mommy!”
They talked a little longer then said their goodbyes. When Diane handed the phone back to Steve, he spoke with Megan for a few seconds before finally ending the call.
“Feel better?” he asked softly.
“Yes.” She picked up her phone and saw three missed calls. All from her office.
“I checked the voicemails because I didn’t want to wake you. Sydney Michaels called to check in, and Michelle called twice, worried about you.”
She nodded, not bothering to acknowledge it irritated her he accessed her voicemails so easily. He was Onyx. Of course, they could do that.
“Nothing from Volkov,” she said, not sure if she was relieved or disappointed. She just wanted this over.
“No. I had your phone with me all the time. Those were the only calls. If it had been any other number, I would have woken you. He never showed at your office either.”
Putting the phone down, she stood. “I’m going to dry my hair and put some clothes on. She went to walk past him, but he grabbed her wrist and stood up.
“Diane. We're going to get through this. I love you. I’m sorry about how I’ve been. The way I’ve handled this. It was wrong, and I wish I could take back some of the things I said.”
When she didn't say anything, he said, “Why don't you come downstairs? I’ll fix us something to eat and we can talk. Properly.”
She wanted that more than anything. To talk. Clear the air. Move on. Could they? She was beginning to doubt it. This whole thing had uncovered another problem in their marriage she hadn't realized had been there until now.
“What would we talk about, Steve?” she said quietly.
Steve looked confused. “Us? What’s happened.”
She reached up and cupped his cheek. “And how would that go when we can’t tell each other everything? I have an oath as a lawyer. Your job means you can't tell me where you are or what you’re doing half of the time. Secrets. I think we’ve both been guilty of that over the years. Not intentionally, but because of what we do. How can we have trust and honesty in our marriage knowing we hold back big parts of our lives? So many secrets.”
“Diane, I don’t share what we do partly to protect you. You wouldn't want to know the details. Trust me.”
She lowered her hand. “Why? Because I'm so weak I wouldn't be able to handle it?” She raised an eyebrow at him.
“No. There are rules and well, some of what we do, I don’t want to talk about it. There are some things I’ve seen and done that cannot be unseen or undone. I don’t want you involved in that.”
“Do you know what it’s like when I go out with the girls? Kelly, Mira, Sophie?”
When Steve frowned, she sighed. “It’s like I’m on the outside looking in. They all know what you do and seem to deal with it pretty damn well.”
“Kelly and Mira work at Onyx. Of course, they know. Sophie has some clearance because of her position as the base ER doctor. It’s different with you because you’re not...” When he trailed off, she gave him a sad smile.
“I’m not part of the team.”
“That’s not what I meant.” Steve turned, dragging a hand over his face.
“Maybe not. But it’s the truth.”
“There are rules.”
“Yeah. I know. I’m your wife, Steve. Ten years I’ve been by your side through every step of your career. I don’t regret a day because I am so proud of you and what you do. I love the team as much as you do because they bring you home safe to me. Perhaps I am foolish to think I am part of your team. That the support I’ve given you helped you be a better teammate.”
“Of course, it helped. I would not be half the man, the special operator I am today without you.”
“And yet, I’m still on the outside looking in.”
Steve’s phone rang.
“I know you need to take it. Go ahead. I’m going to dry my hair.”
She walked back to the bathroom and closed the door, resting her head against it. Now her heart hurt as much as her head.
***