“You can stop shivering, Pal. It’s over for the time being.”
Augie’s presence was real to the priest. The voice seemed to have taken a concrete form. Hugh saw Augie slumped on the floor against the wall of the shelter. His artificial leg stuck out awkwardly while the other leg was pulled up against his body. He rested his elbow against this leg and squeezed a half-smoked cigar between his stubby fingers.
“Hey! Do you think were in the smoking section of this dump?”
He chuckled at his joke, but Father Hugh was silent. His face was haggard and his lips were pressed tightly against his teeth.
“How long has it been since you last did business with the colonel, Hughie?”
“You mean we, don’t you?”
“All right, Kid. Have it your way. How long has it been since we did business with the guy?”
Father Hugh didn’t want to talk. He thought that if he kept quiet the voice would go away.
“Well? When was it that you last talked to the bastard?”
“Look, Augie, I don’t want to talk to you anymore. I’m getting out of this place, and I’m heading right back home. I don’t know what I’m doing here in the first place.”
“Just a minute, Buddy. No one’s going anywhere until I say so.”
Augie’s words had a paralyzing effect on Hugh. He felt as if his neck were pinned to the wall by an invisible nail. He looked over to Luz but she was silent, and her head was still reclined on her knees.
“Come on, Hughie boy. When was the last time you danced with our friend the colonel?”
“This time a year ago.”
The colonel’s face suddenly appeared. He was looking intently at the priest as he did whenever they met. The white face was a mask.
His pale hand was offering the priest the expensive cigar Hugh always smoked when he finalized a deal with Colonel Delcano.
“Hugh, you knew that the colonel was involved in the death of the old Archbishop back in 1980.”
“No, I didn’t!” The priest ’s voice was raspy, on the verge of cracking.
“Ha! You’re such goddamn liar! Sure, you knew it. I knew it. And I knew that you knew. We just didn’t talk about it, did we, old chum ? Mainly because we just didn’t give a shit.”
Hugh was quiet for a long time remembering that he had suspected Colonel Delcano’s involvement in the assassination but had turned his attention away from the matter at the time.
“You knew, didn’t you, Hugh?”
“What difference does it make now, Augie? What’s the point? It’s been almost ten years! What’s the difference?”
“It makes a lot of difference, Pal. Believe me.”
Augie paused. He seemed to be reflecting. After a while, he asked, “Are you sorry?”
Hugh’s head whipped around. He was muttering under his breath.
“Sorry? For what? What are you talking about? I didn’t have anything to do with anyone’s death. Back off, Augie, you’re making me sick! You’re a fine one to talk about being sorry.”
“I know, Hugh. I have no right to ask you this.”
The priest was surprised by Augie’s words, and especially by his tone. Hugh thought he heard humility, even remorse in Augie’s voice.
“Hugh, did you know that the colonel was behind the murder of a lot of people?”
“No! I didn’t know any such thing. I had work that kept me from meddling in other people’s business. Remember? I was busy doing my job at the university and… .”
“What, my friend? The business of murder was too insignificant for you? It was for me and I admit it.”
Father Hugh knew that there had been several murders, all of them unresolved. He was thinking that some of them had been Americans. “Look, Augie, if people died—and I’m not ready to say I know who was responsible—they shared in some of the blame. You tell me, what do people expect when they stick their nose into politics?”
“I don’t know what they expect. That’s not the point. They were murdered, and we knew who was responsible, and we did business with that murderer. That’s the point, Hugh. Don’t you see?”
The priest was on the edge of panic, he felt the shelter becoming intolerable. He looked over to where Luz was leaning against the wall, and he saw that she was sleeping. He made a move to stand. He wanted to run to Colonel Delcano who could make sure that he got back home.
“Are you sorry, Hugh?”
Augie’s voice was a whisper pressing Hugh’s body back down onto the concrete floor.
“There you go again! Sorry? Sorry for what?”
“For all those deaths, Pal.”
“No! I’m not sorry! Why should I be? I had nothing to do with….”
“Yes you did! We both did! We made the Colonel successful; we saw to it that he got away with what he wanted. We didn’t pull the trigger, but we sure as Hell made it possible. I’m sorry for it all, Hugh, why can’t you be?”
“Leave me alone!”
The air in the shelter was nauseating Father Hugh. He looked around at the people who had been lumped together during the night. He saw that they were moving. Shadows were crossing from one side of the place to the other in silence. Hugh focused his eyes on one of them, convinced that he was staring at him.
“They’re suffering, Hugh.”
“Who’s suffering?”
“They are. The ones you’re looking at. They don’t know it, but they might as well be dead. Just like me.”
Hugh could no longer endure Augie’s voice, so he decided to leave the shelter to find Colonel Delcano.
“Hugh, wait! Are you sorry?”
“No! I’m not sorry.”
“Are you sure you’re not sorry, Hugh? Not even for what you did to Father Virgil?”
“Damn it, Augie! I’ve done nothing to regret.”
As Father Hugh spoke, he looked at Augie. The vision was so real that he felt he could actually touch his outstretched leg. It looked natural, not stiff and artificial. Hugh looked up at Augie’s face and shoulders. He saw that he had something draped over his shoulders. It hung on him like a priest’s stole, and his head was reclined against his hand as if he were listening. The priest began to laugh at the idea of Augie hearing his confession.
“Hey, Augie, what the Hell do you think you’re doing? I’m the priest, not you, remember?”
Hugh laughed louder. His laughter was hollow, nearing hysteria. He stopped abruptly and got to his feet. He looked at Luz. She was still crouching, and she didn’t look up at the priest.
“Never mind, Hugh, leave her alone. She’ll be along in a minute. Come on. I need to show you a few things before we can leave.”
Father Hugh pulled back in an attempt to put space between himself and the voice. “Look Augie, let’s get this thing straight,” he emphasized, “I’m not going with you. I’m going out into the daylight where I’ll be able to put my brains back together again, and then it’s back home.”
Father Hugh made his way toward the exit of the shelter. He had to maneuver himself around the crouching bodies, carefully going around some of them, creeping over others. He wondered why they were all so still, why they didn’t show signs of wanting to return to the streets and to their homes.
Once outside the building, the priest squinted in the grayish early morning light. He rubbed his eyes, blinked and looked around him, breathing deeply, grateful to be out of the rancid air of the shelter. The street was filled with rubble, and he saw several bodies lying under pieces of concrete and trash. Their limbs were twisted and they were beginning to bloat. Hugh turned to make his way toward the center of the city, and from there to Colonel Delcano’s office.
There was an eerie silence. The wind was blowing through the shattered walls of buildings, creating a sucking sound that echoed softly. Father Hugh seemed to be the only living person left in the city. At first he walked as quickly as his stiff legs could manage, his footsteps making a crunching sound that bounced off the walls. Then, wherever the streets were not clogged with rubble or pocked with holes, Hugh ran as fast as his legs would permit.
He was relieved when he finally saw two men. Then he began to meet more people, men and women who seemed to be heading in the same direction. The number kept growing. Soon it became a large crowd. Hugh decided to follow it figuring that he was bound to find someone to help him.
The streets filled with the murmur of voices, and the people surrounding Father Hugh were agitated. They exchanged comments that were out of his hearing. He sensed, however, that something important enough to halt the fighting of the past days had occurred. A battered ambulance, its red light flashing and siren blaring, careened by the priest. It was headed in the direction in which the crowd was moving. The ambulance was followed by a military truck loaded with soldiers, prompting Hugh to run in the hopes of catching up with them. He knew that one of them would put him in contact with the colonel.
When he turned the corner, he found himself facing the wide entrance of a residence. Its small garden was filled with soldiers and ambulance attendants. Hugh pressed his way through the on-lookers. His eyes caught view of a man’s body, still wearing his underclothes, stretched out on the grass. As Hugh looked up, he saw a priest standing over the body. The priest was actually a bishop, he realized. Hugh squeezed even closer, looking beyond the corpse. There were other bodies, and their heads seemed to have been blown open .
“Jesus…!”
The word escaped Hugh’s lips. His heart began to race.
“¡Son sacerdotes. Todos!”
Father Hugh shuddered at the sound of the voice, and his head whipped around to see who had spoken. It had been a woman. He questioned her.
“¿Sacerdotes? ¿Está segura, Señora?”
“Sí, Señor. “
A lump was knotting in Hugh’s throat as saliva caught in his mouth. The blood in his head pounded against his temples, and his hands were shaking uncontrollably. Voices of on-lookers pressed into his ears, buzzing shrilly, and he felt that he was going to faint.
“What’s the matter, Hugh?”
Hugh was caught off guard by the voice. Augie came to him during the dark hours of the night, never during the day.
“Sorry, Buddy, I didn’t mean to spook you. You’d better relax though because there are still a few more things we have to do before it’s all over.”
Father Hugh was stunned. He didn’t know what to say or think. As he looked over his shoulder his eyes narrowed in surprise when he saw Luz leaning against the concrete wall of the garden. Her arms were serenely folded over her chest, and she seemed to be observing the dead bodies. When he left the shelter he had thought that he would never see her again, but now he felt he needed to go over to her. However, he was stopped again by the voice.
“Were they involved in politics, too? Seems to me you said a while ago that was the reason that people got plugged.”
Hugh’s mouth was clamped shut. His jaw had locked.
“Hugh, look over there. No, not there. More to your right…over there by the one with the shoes on. You got it. What do you see on the ground, my friend?”
Hugh couldn’t answer the question even though his eyes were riveted on the used shell casings.
“You recognize the gauge, don’t you, Buddy? Yes, you do, don’t play dumb! It’s identical to the junk we peddled down here. We might as well have loaded the weapons ourselves.”
Father Hugh attempted to lurch toward the gate with the intention of running away, but something held him back.
“Not so fast, Pal. You’re going in the wrong direction. Come with me.”
Hugh found himself surrendering. He turned once more to take a final look at the murdered priests, but the crowd blocked his view. Hugh, however, saw that Luz was just behind him, and that she was standing with her hands stuffed into the side pockets of her dress, while she turned her head, searching in different directions. She looked like a lost child.
“Señora, come with me!”
She joined the priest, and together they walked the streets of San Salvador for hours, without pausing even to speak, staring wordlessly at ruins of homes, shattered streets, and burned tree stumps.
“Tell me Hugh, what do you smell? You always had a good sniffer.”
“Nothing!”
“Yeh, you do. You just don’t want to Jess up to it. You’re smelling the same thing I’m smelling. Rotting human flesh. Smells kind of sweet, doesn’t it? You’re smelling human shit, too. Did you know that most people do that when they’re scared out of their wits? I mean, they actually crap in their pants. Could happen to you too, Pal.”
Father Hugh was sickened by what he was seeing and hearing and smelling. The air was polluted by the stench of dead bodies and rancid sulphur. Maimed children with limbs missing sat crying for someone to help. Distraught mothers ran up and down the winding streets.
“We’re a part of it all, and we did a good job, didn’t we Hughie? And it’s not over yet. There’s more to come.”
The priest knew his nerves were shattering. He felt that he and this strange woman had died, and that together they were walking the streets of Hell. Then he told himself that it would pass, that neither he nor the woman were dead, and that he was not insane. He muttered this over and again, saying that it was natural that he should be undergoing stress, and that few people could stand up to the horrors of what he had experienced over the past several hours.
Unable to convince himself, however, Hugh felt that he couldn’t wait any longer. Leaving Luz behind, he began to run. At first he trotted, then he broke into a sprint. The priest ran from block to block, hoping that someone would help him find Colonel Delcano.
At last he found two guards. “Where can I find Colonel Delcano?” he asked them.
Hugh was out of breath, and he could hardly pronounce the words. One of the soldiers pointed in the direction of the Estado Mayor.
“Allí.”