With sweat pouring down her face, and her chest so tight she could barely breathe, Heidi ran down the driveway toward the road. Over and over, she called the children’s names. No reply. Where are they? Dear Lord, please help me find them.
When Heidi reached the end of the driveway, she looked up and down both sides of the road. An English man sped by in his noisy pickup, blowing her dress all about. She clenched her teeth and held onto her skirt. Some of the locals drove too fast on the back roads.
What should I do? Who should I call? Oh, I wish Lyle was here. He was auctioneering again today, and probably wouldn’t be home until close to suppertime. This problem had fallen on Heidi’s shoulders, and she needed to find Randy and Marsha. Her first course of action was to walk down the road and search for the children. If she couldn’t find them, she would go back to the phone shack and call the sheriff.
As Heidi looked up and down the road, she bit down on her bottom lip. Which way should I go—left or right?
As Velma pulled weeds on the back side of the mobile home, she thought more about her idea of sleeping outside tonight. Peggy Ann and Eddie would probably enjoy it, and they could pretend they were camping. It would be fun to look up at the twinkling stars in the coal black sky and watch fireflies coming up from the grass.
A sigh escaped Velma’s lips. “Haven’t had a good time with my kids in a while. We should sleep pretty good out here too.”
Some giggling nearby broke the silence. Thinking it must be Eddie or Peggy Ann, Velma went to see what they thought was funny. She was surprised to see two young children dressed in Amish clothes in the front yard. It didn’t take Velma long to realize it was Marsha and Randy. Heidi had stopped by with the kids last week to drop off some produce from her garden, so Randy and Marsha knew where she lived. However, Velma thought it strange that Heidi wasn’t with them today.
She hurried over to the children. “What are you two doing here?”
Randy smiled up at her. “We came to look at the hinkel.”
Marsha remained quiet as she bounced on her toes.
“What’s a hinkel?”
“It’s a chicken,” the little girl spoke up.
After a bark of laughter, Velma asked, “Now, how’d ya all know I had any chickens?”
“Cause Peggy Ann said you was gonna get some.”
Velma tapped Randy’s shoulder. “Well, I guess she did. But where’s Heidi?”
“Mammi’s at home.” Marsha looked up at Velma with all the innocence of a child.
“Does she know you’re here?”
Randy shook his head.
“Oh, boy! You two need to skedaddle on back then.” Velma reached for Marsha’s hand. “I’ll walk you both home.”
“But I wanna see the chickens.” Randy inched closer to Velma.
“Okay, you can take a quick look, but then I’m escortin’ you back where ya belong. If Heidi knows you’re gone, she’s probably worried sick.”
Marsha’s forehead wrinkled. “Mammi’s sick?”
“No, that’s not what I meant. But she might feel sick if she worries too much.” Velma led the way to the coop, surrounded by wire fencing. “Now hurry and take a peek.”
Randy and Marsha stood giggling as the two hens chased each other around the enclosure. “They’re funny.” Marsha clapped her hands.
Several minutes later, Heidi rushed into the yard. “Oh, Velma, the children are missing. Have you seen any sign of…” She stopped talking, and her mouth formed an O, as she focused on Marsha and Randy. “Oh, my!” She ran to the children, bent down, and grabbed them both in a hug. “What are you two doing over here? Don’t you know how worried I was?”
“Came to see Velma’s hinkel.” Randy pointed to one of the hens. “They’re bigger than our chickens, though.”
Tears gathered in Heidi’s eyes. “I’m glad you’re okay, but you should not have left the yard without my permission.” She shook her finger. “And never go anywhere outside of our yard without me or Lyle along. Do you both understand?”
Randy nodded, and Marsha’s chin quivered. “S–sorry, Mammi. We didn’t mean to make ya sick.”
“What?” Heidi glanced at Velma.
“I told ’em if you discovered they were gone, you’d be worried sick,” Velma explained. “And just so ya know—I was about to take ’em home when you showed up.”
“I see.” Heidi hugged the children again. “You’re not in trouble, but please don’t ever leave the yard again by yourselves. Something bad might have happened to you.” She rose to her feet. “Let’s go home now.”
As Heidi left the yard with the children, she called over her shoulder, “Thank you, Velma. I’ll see you and Peggy Ann a week from Saturday.”
Velma watched as they walked down the driveway and turned in the direction of Heidi’s house. She glanced toward the double-wide, surprised that Eddie and Peggy Ann were not on the porch. “Bet they’re inside watchin’ TV,” she muttered, heading in that direction.
Darren entered Jeremy’s bedroom to call him for supper and was surprised to see him standing in front of his dresser, rummaging through one of the drawers.
“What are you doing, Son?” Darren questioned.
“I—I’m just lookin’ for something.”
“What is it? Maybe I can help you find it.” Darren stepped forward.
Jeremy’s ears reddened as he quickly shut the drawer. “It’s nothin’, Dad.”
“Really? Then why the guilty expression?”
Jeremy’s gaze dropped to the floor, and he shuffled his feet on the carpet.
“Come on, Son, fess up. What were you looking for?”
Jeremy lifted his head. “I’ve been lookin’ for that fancy doodad Mom used to wear in her hair.”
“Do you mean the barrette I bought for her a few months before she died?”
“Yeah.”
Darren rubbed a spot on his forehead, just above his brows. “Why would you be looking for it in your dresser?”
“Cause it’s missing.”
“I know that, Son. It went missing a few days before your mom passed away, and we never found it.”
Jeremy lowered his head again. “I found it down the side of the couch last Saturday, before we left for the cooking class.”
“Was that what you were fooling with in the car?”
“Yeah.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you’d found it?”
“I don’t know. Guess I thought you’d be upset ’cause I wanted to keep it.” Jeremy looked up at Darren with tears in his eyes. “I miss her, Dad, and I wanted to have something of Mom’s to remember her by.”
Filled with compassion, Darren pulled Jeremy into his arms. “We have lots of things in our house to remind us of your mother. I was planning to give you some of her personal things when you got married someday, but if there is something you’d like now, just let me know.”
“I wanted the hair clip because I knew it was special to her.” Jeremy’s voice broke. “But now I’ve stupidly lost it.”
“You had it last Saturday, though, right?”
Jeremy nodded. “It was in my jeans’ pocket, except for the time I took it out and was looking at it.”
“So maybe you lost it someplace at Heidi’s. And if that’s the case, we can ask her about it when we go to your cooking class a week from this Saturday.”
“Do we have to wait that long? Can’t we go back there now?”
Darren shook his head. “I’m on call this evening and may have to fill in for one of the men who is sick. I work tomorrow, too, so we’ll have to wait till Wednesday to go to Walnut Creek to see Heidi.”
Jeremy flopped onto his bed. “If Heidi did find it, I bet she threw it away. I’ll probably never see Mom’s hair clip again.”
“Don’t give up, Son. If you lost it at Heidi’s, I’m sure you will see it again.” Darren gave Jeremy’s arm a squeeze. “I’m going back to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee. Let me know if you need anything.”
Jeremy nodded. “Okay, Dad. I’ll probably go to the living room and watch TV.”
When Darren entered the kitchen, he poured himself a cup of coffee and stood by the window. As he looked out, he thought about Jeremy and the special keepsake symbolic of his mother. It had been only a little over two years since Caroline’s death, but certain things, like the mention of her barrette, brought back memories and kept the pain alive.
In Darren’s eyes, his marriage to her had been no less than perfect. Well, maybe not perfect, he admitted. But we were happy and filled with hope for the future until Caroline began having severe headaches. The pain had been manageable at first, but then the headaches got so bad she found it hard to do anything except lie down. When Caroline went to the doctor after about a month of misery, he ordered an MRI and several other tests. The results were devastating. It was discovered that she had an inoperable brain tumor. The prognosis was that his wife had less than six months to live. Caroline declined having any treatments. She wanted to live life as normally as possible and didn’t want the side effects of chemo.
Darren remembered how they’d explained things to Jeremy and the way his son had taken it like a little man. But Darren also remembered walking by his son’s room one night, a few weeks later, and hearing him sobbing into his pillow.
Darren cried too, but privately. He wanted to be strong for Caroline. But no one was stronger than his precious wife. Her insistence on living life as normally as possible kept her going, even though she dealt with pain, dizziness, and disorientation. The doctor gave her a prescription for medicine that helped her function for a while.
About three weeks before she died, Caroline could no longer manage even the simplest of chores. She became couch-ridden, preferring to recline there rather than in the bed she had previously shared with Darren. She was so brave and beautiful from the inside out, even though the tumor wracked her body with pain. She lost weight but still had her beautiful hair, and that is why Darren bought her the barrette. She wore it every day, but no one seemed to notice when it fell out of her hair and apparently got lodged between the couch cushions. Her condition by then had grown hopeless. Jeremy and Darren cherished every last hour, minute, and second with Caroline.
Darren’s thoughts took him back to the night when Jeremy had snuggled up to his mom on the couch and they had fallen asleep together….
Darren sat in the dark, with only the light of the moon filtering in through the living room, watching his son and wife, with tears streaming down his face. Then sometime around two o’clock, Darren could no longer keep his eyes open, and he nodded off.
Sometime later, Darren was awakened when he heard Jeremy cough. He looked over at his wife and saw that she was looking at him.
Darren picked up his son and carried him to his room, being careful not to wake the boy. Then tiptoeing down the hall, he went back to the living room to be with his wife.
Caroline reached out and clasped his hand. “I need you to promise me something,” she whispered.
“Of course, honey, anything.”
“I want you to be brave and not mourn for me after I’m gone.”
“I will try to be brave, but I can’t promise not to mourn.” Darren could barely speak around the lump clogging his throat.
She lifted a shaky hand and stroked his cheek. “Thank you for being such a wonderful husband and father.”
“It’s easy to do, since I love you and our son so much.”
“And I love you, but I want you to move on with your life when you’re ready to let go. Do not feel guilty if you find love again.” Caroline paused and drew a shuddering breath. “I will always have your love with me right here.” She touched her chest where her heart would soon stop beating.
Darren couldn’t talk. He simply gathered his precious wife into his arms. She clung to him, and then took one last breath. He felt her body relax, and just like that, his beloved wife was gone.
Darren shuddered, and he wiped the corners of his eyes as his mind returned to the present. He never thought he would find love again, but now with Ellen, he knew that wasn’t true. Given the chance, he was almost certain they could build a strong relationship.
As Darren finished his cup of coffee, now lukewarm, he stared out the window. It was something, how when a person left the earth, life still went on. Darren, like others who had lost loved ones, had been numb with grief. Each day he’d had to get used to waking up without Caroline. At times he could almost feel her right beside him. But on other days, he was afraid he would forget her beautiful face. As the weeks drifted into months, and the months into more than two years, the horrors of what he and Jeremy had gone through were replaced by all the memories they shared. Not a day went by when something didn’t remind him of Caroline and her sweet ways or reflect on things they used to do as a family.
Now that he and Ellen were getting close, he had to put some thought into their relationship and decide how serious he wanted it to get—especially with how his son felt. If only Jeremy could learn to appreciate Ellen as much as Darren did.