“It is rare these days to find an unequivocal non-dual communication. Attempting to describe that which is beyond understanding, process, or path is hardly ever embarked upon. However, Richard undertakes this task in his own inimitable style. He also includes relevant stories and perceptions about the human condition gleaned from a rich and varied experience.”
—Tony Parsons, author of The Open Secret
“The reader is guided on an exceptional journey into the unknowable by an expert in psychology and spiritual traditions who awakened from the dream of separation.”
—Christian Salvesen, MA, author of Advaita
“Richard Sylvester fields a spectrum of questions that covers personal journeys and non-duality culture. He barely breathes on questions and…they disappear. To try to say what remains would invite more questions, yet it is present on every page.”
—Jerry Katz, editor of One
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books
Copyright © 2016 by Richard Sylvester
Non-Duality Press
An Imprint of New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
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Cover design by Amy Shoup
All Rights Reserved
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data on file
With deep appreciation to Tony Parsons for communicatingnon-duality so clearly and with such love and humour
Also by Richard Sylvester
I Hope You Die Soon
The Book of No One
Drink Tea, Eat Cake
Too many people have contributed to the writing of this book to list them all here. However, particular thanks are due to Tony and Claire Parsons and to the following: Allan Bloxham, Brett, Cha, Dawn, Jason Lee, Jay Mistry, Jeremy Robinson, Jonny Roth, Karin, Michael Dobias, Rosemary Cochran, Rupert Peene, Seamus Gilroy, Terry Murphy and Thorsten.
“I have no use for traditions or traditional knowledge. If you do the slightest research on tradition you will see that it is all a concept.”
Nisargadatta Maharaj
“A day will dawn when you will laugh at all your past efforts.”
Ramana Maharshi
“There is no rider on the horse.”
Sam Harris
THE TOPICS IN THIS BOOK INCLUDE NON-DUALITY AND…
a course in miracles angels anger anxiety astrology attachments awakening bliss buddhism celibacy channelling children choice and choicelessness christianity conflict between teachers of advaita conflict with family and friends consciousness contraction and localisation death de-personalisation depression despair detachment drugs electronic voice phenomena emptiness evolution evolutionary enlightenment fear god gratitude gurus john rowan karma liberation madness maslow meditation mindfulness mystical experiences mystics negative habits negative thoughts neuroscience neurosis nisargadatta maharaj non-action non-duality trolls out-of-the-body experiences paranormal phenomena past-life regression paths and practices positive thinking post-modernism pre-destination projections psychosis psychotherapy quantum physics ramana maharshi ramesh balsekar ramtha rebirth and reincarnation relationship difficulties religion sacred cows sadhana seeking self-enquiry separation spiritual fascism spiritual paths spiritual people suffering superstition teachers of awakening the cosmic ordering service the golden rule the laws of attraction the mind the secret the shadow the tiger’s mouth the witness thinking time transcendence unconditional love wei wu wei zen
For about ten years people sent me questions on non-duality by e-mail and usually I answered them. I am no longer able to do this, so I have put some of these questions and answers into this book. If you have a question, I hope you will be able to find the answer here. Alternatively, you could come to a meeting and ask it and you will get a cup of tea and a biscuit as well.
Most of the questions have been edited to maintain anonymity. Where names have been given, this is always with permission.
Question: You say that there is no separate person and therefore no free will. So is it simply a matter of chance whether the sense of self drops away?
Richard: Answers to questions such as this one will always be frustrating for the mind. Liberation, or the seeing that there is no separation, is either seen or it is not seen. That is all that can be said.
As soon as we suggest that it is a matter of chance, or of fate, or it is willed by God, or it is earned by spiritual striving or purification, or it is the result of karma or grace, we are entering into another story.
Of all the stories that there are about this, I quite like the one that says that it is grace. But that is also a story.
The same experience that you and Tony Parsons describe is very familiar to me from several years ago. At the time I felt very joyful. In fact I laughed out loud. I felt a tremendous sense of peace, freedom and relief. This state lasted for about two years, during which life was simply living itself and there was no searching for anything else.
But then somehow I found myself searching again. I started reading about non-duality, going to meetings, talking to all sorts of people about this. I’ve become terribly frustrated with trying to understand this and very confused by what different people say about it. Some teachers tell me that I should develop awareness, others that I must become totally present in the here and now. Could you comment?
What you describe is quite common. There can be an unequivocal seeing of This, Oneness, Presence. Then after a while the mind can come back with all its theorising and with its suggestions that maybe, just maybe, there really is something more than This. That is how the mind tries to clamber back onto its throne, or into its Managing Director’s chair.
So heigh ho, we are back on the hamster wheel and searching again, with all the terrible frustration that this can entail. Many people who write and talk about non-duality encourage this, wittingly or unwittingly. They may suggest that the seeing of Oneness can be used instrumentally in a variety of ways, for example to improve our life and our relationships. Often they teach that we can approach closer to Oneness by increasing our Awareness or by practising being Present.
And then off we go on another merry-go-round of inadequacy and searching.
If I gave advice, I’d say “Forget all that and relax.”
“Becoming totally present in the here and now” is a phrase which is time-bound and space-bound. It has nothing to do with the seeing of non-duality. It encourages people to think that they can be more present by making an effort. Indeed, some people can, but it usually doesn’t last more than a few minutes.
Seeing Oneness has nothing to do with making an effort or being totally present or anything else that a person can do. No amount of effort will reveal presence. There is only This, only presence, which is either seen or not seen.
Does it matter how the apparent person lives their life? Does it matter if I simply eat, drink and be merry? How free am I?
It is not a question of how free or not you are. Ultimately it may be seen that there is no you, so you can neither be free nor bound.
In the meantime, life will be lived as it is lived. I am not sure whether your question is about morality, but if it is, the golden rule covers a lot of eventualities. It says simply “Don’t do to others what you wouldn’t want them to do to you.” It can be written on a postcard and it is simple enough for a child of five to understand.
The event that you describe as liberation happened at a definite time and place. Have you come across other individuals for whom similar events have happened? And if you have, is this becoming more common?
Tony Parsons describes an event. He was walking through a park, then there was just walking through a park but nobody walking. Nathan Gill describes an event. He was riding a bicycle down a lane, then there was just riding a bicycle down a lane but nobody bicycling. I describe an event. I was walking through a country town, then there was just walking through a country town but nobody walking.
Others also report events like these. The realisation of liberation may come with such an event, or afterwards, or not at all. Or the realisation of liberation may come without any event. There are no rules in this, because liberation is all-embracing and therefore excludes no possibilities.
The trouble with hearing these stories about ‘liberation events’ can be that they set up an expectation that something has to occur. This can lead to yet more searching. However, if searching for an event happens, then it happens. I know this is a tautology, but it expresses nicely the hopelessness of our case. If that hopelessness is realised, then there might at least be some relaxation.
It is becoming more common for people to report these events. It cannot be known whether that is because the events themselves are becoming more common or because more people are communicating about them. For other people there is no event, just a gentle gliding into the realisation that liberation is already the case.
I live in Tehran. Today I came across you by chance on the internet. I appreciate the beautiful sharing that you’re engaged in. I have a question for you.
I know someone who claims that liberation can be achieved only by following a guru tradition, involving many spiritual techniques that will purify the emotional, mental and body systems of all their accumulated toxins from the past. I’ve met a guru from such a tradition. He says that those who claim self-realisation without following any method have done many techniques in their past lives and this is why they have now reached liberation. I don’t have any way of judging whether they are right or whether this is just another story. I have used spiritual techniques, but I find it hard to persevere with them. They seem to provide temporary relief, but then my suffering returns. And while I’m doing them, I seem to lose contact with the moment.
The seeing of liberation is not something that the person can achieve by following an evolutionary path because the seeing of liberation is impersonal. In other words it has nothing to do with the person. I also agree with you that, while we are doing a ‘future-orientated’ technique, we may be missing this moment. However, some of these techniques can be helpful psychologically and emotionally. I meditated and engaged with different forms of therapy for about thirty years and I do not regret this.
Of course, as you indicate, there is always a story that can justify to an individual whatever they wish to believe. So if someone believes in rebirth, they can explain ‘sudden’ liberation as the result of good karma accumulated in past lives. But how would they—or you—ever know whether this was true? It may seem like a reasonable hypothesis, but it is not even testable. So it can never be more than an opinion. Some people would call it a superstition. A superstition is an improbable belief, held without sufficient evidence—often in fact with no evidence at all. Another phrase for this is ‘baseless supposition’.
If someone is drawn to doing ‘evolutionary techniques’, then that is probably what will happen. If not, not. Meanwhile, all there is is This, and in this the seeing of liberation may arise.
Is the life of a person already written in advance?
No, the life of a person is not written in advance, because there is no person who has a life.
As soon as we start speculating that our lives may be written in advance, we engage with a story which takes us away from presence, from the miracle that is This. We might also notice that the idea that our life is written in advance is only one of many different possible stories. Why should we choose that story rather than any of the others?
When it is seen that there is no person who has a life, our fascination with stories about the future or the past tends to drop away. Then what is left is this ever-changing play of consciousness.
But I think that what we have to experience from birth to death is already written when we are born.
That is a story which appeals to many people. There are other appealing stories, such as that we can create the reality that we desire through understanding and practising ‘the laws of attraction’ or that we should accumulate good karma and avoid accumulating bad karma.
But what I am pointing to is that there is no person who has a life, or who creates their own reality, or who accumulates or avoids karma. And that there is no birth or death or time. All there is is This, whatever is apparently manifesting in Oneness, this present outpouring of unconditional love.
Then why are there people? Surely it’s because Oneness wants to have the experience of being a person.
The mind lives in a world of time and of cause and effect, so it cannot help asking “Why?” It is its inescapable fate. The mind loves to entertain itself with questions about meaning and purpose and it creates answers of ever greater complexity so that it can silence its own doubts. Its answers may be religious or spiritual or existential. They are immensely varied, colourful and entertaining. And they often contradict one another.
If one of these answers appeals to you, then have it. But meanwhile the joy of presence is likely to be missed and this moment becomes a shadow, drained of energy and glimpsed only through a veil of speculation about meaning and the future.
You can have stories about meaning and purpose and endeavour or you can have presence, the simplicity of the leaves rustling in the breeze. You cannot have both.
I feel that I can still do something to help myself see through my illusory self. It’s not that I’m trying to achieve anything. It’s rather that I’m trying to let go of whatever it is that keeps me in a state of separation.
Does it not make sense for us to practise letting go, through Zen for example? Can we not learn through daily practice how our mind keeps our illusion of separateness intact?
I am going to try to undercut your question by pointing out that everything simply unfolds of its own accord. If there is an interest in following Zen, then following Zen will probably happen. If there is no interest in following Zen, then following Zen will probably not happen. Neither of these possibilities has anything to do with you, nor any relevance to liberation.
Zen may be followed and liberation may or may not arise. Zen may not be followed and liberation may or may not arise.
If you are drawn to Zen, it probably makes sense to practise it. If you are not drawn to Zen it probably makes sense to avoid it. In either case, I wish you well.
What is the difference between liberation and death? If these two events are equivalent, what is the point of even talking to anyone about their realisation? I know there is no point to liberation, but if this body-mind is extinguished at death, why work to see what will happen at that instant?
The difference between liberation and death is that in the first case the dream story continues, but now it is seen to be a dream story. In death the dream story ceases.
There is no point in talking to anyone about their realisation and it is not theirs. There is no point in working to see what will happen at death, but if that happens, then it happens. In other words, everything is exactly as it is and it cannot be any different.
TRANSPERSONAL LOVE aND PRACTICE
I really enjoyed the conscious.tv panel discussion. I noticed a difference in the answers the three of you gave to some of the questions. There seemed to be an especially clear difference in the answers about whether anything can be done to ‘get closer’ to Oneness, with one of the three of you claiming to run workshops in which people had this experience. Could you comment on this?
The differences about whether anything can be done arose because we were talking about different things. One of the panellists was describing workshops in which the participants are encouraged to experience emotions which are less egoically based than those we normally experience in ‘everyday life’. Sometimes these emotional experiences are referred to as ‘transpersonal’, because they take us beyond our usual personal boundaries. However, they are still experiences, albeit experiences of a refined kind.
This part of the discussion reminded me of my training many years ago in the transpersonal psychology and human potential movements. From my experiences at that time I know that it is quite easy to take a group of people who are willing, and invoke in most of them an experience of these less egoic emotions.
This can have benefits on a personal level, for example feelings of increased well-being and of kindness towards others. Usually these don’t last very long. These practices also often create difficulties on a personal and relational level. I have witnessed this many times. Sometimes this leads to spectacular break-downs of existing relationships and the forming of often very short-lived new relationships amongst workshop participants who have shared a very intense experience. In the heightened atmosphere of the group, it is very easy to ‘fall in love’ in what seems like a very pure way. But as soon as daily reality hits, there can be a sudden coming down to earth. Mariana Kaplan wrote “You can’t stay in God’s world for very long. There are no restaurants or toilets there.” We could add “And there are no mortgage payments, colour schemes or electricity bills to squabble over either.” Ram Dass also describes very well the difficulty of coming down from the spiritual mountain and trying to live daily life from that heightened state.
An Australian acquaintance of mine summed all this up very succinctly. She said “We go on these workshops. We feel wonderful. We’re in love with everyone. And then our lives fall apart!”
Nevertheless, doing intensive group work of some kind can be a very effective way of dealing with personal issues.
The seeing of non-duality has nothing to do with transpersonal experiences. Liberation is a paradigm shift which does not relate to any experience we have ever had, whether it be transpersonal or not. It is the seeing that, although experiences of many kinds arise, there is no experiencer.
On the one hand astrology seems to fit with the idea of non-doership, because it suggests that everything that happens is ‘written in the stars’ and can be found in our horoscope. On the other hand I have the feeling that astrology is just another story. But if it is just a story, why do our horoscopes so often match our experiences of life?
The variety of phenomena that occur in this waking dream are so varied and numerous that if you wish to you can find evidence to support any story. If you wish to believe in astrology, you’ll focus on the evidence where it seems to have got things right. If you wish to discount astrology, you’ll focus on the evidence where it seems to have got things wrong. The same will be the case for dream interpretation, psychic readings, shamanic prophecies, hand analysis, numerology and many other systems such as the Myers Briggs Type Indicator and Jung’s theory of psychological types. These systems go in and out of fashion. Few people try to determine the future through the augury of birds’ intestines anymore, luckily for the birds. But many people still have their astrological charts plotted.
We all suffer from a cognitive bias known as the Forer Effect and this contributes to the continuing popularity of these systems. The Forer Effect describes our propensity to rate as highly accurate generalised descriptions of personality when we believe that they have been individually tailored for us. Many psychological experiments have been done which have proved beyond doubt the power of the Forer Effect. For example, in one experiment subjects were invited to supply the date, time and place of their birth and apply for a free individual astrological reading. Most subjects rated their reading as highly accurate. They did not know of course that the same generalised reading had been provided to all of them. Psychics and others adept at the art of cold reading also know—or intuit—the usefulness of the Forer Effect in pursuing their chosen trade.
Meanwhile there is only This, presence, in which any kind of story about life and its meaning may arise. All these stories are essentially meaningless, an entertainment with which we structure time and try to inure ourselves against the pain of separation.
I have experienced a spontaneous shift in perception, and it is clear now that I’m not this body-mind organism, but awareness itself which witnesses everything. This has brought a great sense of freedom. It is clear that there is only ‘now’, and that the past and the future are just present thoughts. It is also clear that everything is simply happening, so there has been a dramatic reduction in the sense of responsibility and guilt.
Nevertheless there is still a sense of separation. I relate to what you write about a period of being in a desert, without hope, help or meaning. I see that nothing can be done to bring about the end of searching, but I am still waiting for it to happen, and this is sometimes very painful.
I would be really grateful if you could comment on my hopeless situation.
In awakening it is clearly seen that there is no doer, there is only the unfolding of whatever is apparently happening, and you give a very clear description of this. But awakening is only seeing the emptiness from which everything arises. The fullness, the loving unconditionality of Being, is not seen in awakening. This leaves a sense that there is still something to be realised, yet it is also known that there is nothing that we can do to realise it. Hence the sense you have of being in a desert, without help or hope, still waiting for liberation.
I don’t give advice, but if I did it would be to relax and take enjoyment in some simple everyday thing that you like doing. It could be a walk in the park, a cup of coffee, a trip to the cinema, a drive in the car—whatever it might be for you. You’ll recognise, I think, the paradox in my writing this, because of course there is no one who can choose to do any of this. But if it should happen for us, then we are really blessed.
DISAGREEMENTS ABOUT NON-DUALITY
I’ve just been reading a book by Nisargadatta and I’m very confused. On the one hand he states quite clearly that there is nobody and that all there is is This. Several other books on Advaita say the same. But then he says that there is something prior to consciousness. Another contemporary writer on Advaita tells me that there is the ‘I’, the ‘I am’ and the ‘I am Sarah’. He also says “It never ends” and “Next time you may be born as a worm.” This seems very different to what you say.
I find the messages given about this very confusing. They are like the contradictions found in religions. Are these all just concepts? After many years of searching, I feel that I know nothing more than when I started. But paradoxically, I cannot give up the search.
The mind will spin endless stories about Advaita and make them ever more complicated. These stories are indeed like religions and some of them actually become religions. As long as the mind takes an interest in these stories, there will be confusion.
However, when the sense of being a person collapses, or is seen through, or evaporates, then it is seen that there is just This and the stories that the mind tells become irrelevant. Then statements like “You may be born as a worm next time” or “There is something prior to consciousness” or “There is the I, the I am, and the I am Sarah” will probably lose their fascination.
If I could recommend anything I would say forget about all these stories and take a walk in your local park. But of course there is no one who can choose to forget about these stories. They will be there till they are not and then they will be gone.
In a recent talk you briefly mentioned angel channelling. I suppose that the existence of angels is a story of the mind, so I am wondering where the channelled words come from.
For some time I seemed to be channelling messages. These were full of advice about what people should and should not do. Now I feel that there is no need for such advice.
Where does channelling come from? Does it come from the mind? My channelling sounded different to my usual speaking style and I’ve noticed the same with others.
Yes, angels are a story of the mind and channelling comes from the mind. This is the same as saying that it comes out of Oneness like all other thoughts. Psychologically, channelling comes from a somewhat deeper level of the mind than everyday conscious thoughts do, but not from a deeply unconscious level which the everyday mind cannot access so easily.
What channelling requires is that we simply open ourselves up to this slightly deeper level of the mind. Almost everyone can do this quite easily if they simply relax and allow the thoughts to begin to flow. Of course most channelled messages are obvious and banal. “Be nice to one another.” “Be kind to one another.” “Try not to destroy the planet.” “Deal with your fear if you are able to.” “Try not to kill one another.” These are not revelations of deep spiritual wisdom that require the intervention of angels, archangels or cosmic beings from beyond the dog star Sirius.
As to the different style of these communications, this is very common. For example, many people channel in archaic English, which they might hope will make them sound much wiser than they really are. J. Z. Knight’s channelling Ramtha is particularly amusing in this way. Get her (or him) up on youtube, sit back and enjoy a good laugh.
By the way, I understand that the latest fashion is to channel unicorns. But I may have got this wrong.
REALITY, APPEARANCE aND ILLUSION
I have heard you say that this is an appearance and it is very convincing. Could you explain in more detail how it is that we think that this is real but it is not?
Sometimes I suddenly have the realisation that of course there is nothing, that this is simply obvious. These moments make my ‘reality’ wobble.
And what do you mean by “There is no mind”? Some people describe the mind as an energy field surrounding the body. But if there is no mind, then what are thoughts? Are they simply brain activity?
I do not say that we think that this is real but it is not. The closest I can get to explaining this is to say “It is both real and unreal”, rather as quantum physics suggests. A metaphor that I like to use is the quite traditional one of comparing this to a night-time dream. While we are having a night-time dream, it is utterly real. Or we could say that its appearance seems utterly real. To the one who is having the dream, it makes no difference whether it is real or whether it only seems real. However, as soon as we wake up we can see that actually nothing happened.
Some people call this waking reality ‘the waking dream’ and some call it ‘an appearance’. I like both those expressions. Others call it ‘an illusion’. I don’t like that expression, because, as most people understand the word ‘illusion’, it is misleading. If the word ‘reality’ has any meaning, which it clearly does, then this is the only reality there is. By ‘this’ I mean whatever is happening in presence, right here, right now. Of course whatever happens can only happen in presence in any case. There is no other time and no other place for it to happen in.
Most of us think we have a mind because thoughts come so thick and fast and they have so much energy that they create the impression that there is an entity, the mind, thinking them. But actually thoughts arise out of nothing, or No Thing. We could say that there is a brain which transforms the pure energy of Being into thoughts, and then we imagine that there is a personal mind thinking these thoughts. As a metaphor we could say that the pure undifferentiated white light of Being enters a prism (the brain) and emerges as the differentiated colours of the rainbow (thoughts and other perceptions).
You ask what thoughts are. Thoughts are Oneness thinking. Feelings are Oneness feeling. You are Oneness ‘Mary-ing’ and I am Oneness ‘Richard-ing’.
Thank you for your reply. It seems as if the thoughts which arise out of Oneness are based on the past experiences of the body-mind, as if our conditioning causes our thinking to be a certain way. Is this true?
Yes, within duality there certainly seems to be cause and effect, and past experiences apparently condition present thoughts and feelings. When Oneness is seen, it is quite likely that this conditioning will be seen as less important or not important at all.
LSD AND OTHER PSYCHO-ACTIVE DRUGS
I have some friends who take LSD for spiritual reasons, although I’ve never tried it myself. Do you think psycho-active drugs can help people destroy their concepts about being a person?
I last took psycho-active drugs over three decades ago, so I’m not very up-to-date. Their effects are very individual, but for myself, I would say that taking LSD revealed that our normal experience of reality is provisional. In other words it is just one possible version of reality. So how reality is experienced can depend greatly on our individual circumstances. If you meddle with the brain even slightly, an entirely alternate reality may appear.
Later on I took Thai magic mushrooms, and I described that experience at the time rather pompously as “Knowing God and understanding the nature of the Universe”. Of course, by the next morning I had no idea what this meant.
Taking psycho-active drugs can profoundly alter our concepts of who we are as a person. But this has nothing to do with the seeing of non-duality. Drug-induced experiences are still experiences—that is, they still happen to a person. The seeing of non-duality is not an experience, because it doesn’t happen to a person. And our concepts about ourselves and about non-duality have nothing to do with the seeing of non-duality.
I was recently invited to take part in an ayahuasca ceremony but I turned the invitation down. I am no longer interested in taking psycho-active drugs. The experiences they offer are another ride in the fun-fair of life. Sometimes they are an exciting ride like the ferris wheel, sometimes they are a frightening ride like the ghost train. But once Oneness has been seen, the ordinariness of life tends to be seen as so extraordinary that an interest in fair-ground rides usually dies away.
Can the person return and go back to their previous ways after awakening, and lose all the transparency? Although this has not just been concepts for me, I’ve become very involved in the story again. It seems to me that suffering is especially good at making the person feel real once more.
Anything is possible. Especially after awakening, the person can come back and become completely immersed in the story again. Suffering can have a particular hold on us and make the person feel extremely solid.
Sometimes, even when liberation has been seen and there is nothing left to be realised, there can be ‘neurotic mechanisms’ which still have their own momentum and which can still be running. It can simply take time for these remaining neurotic energies to run down or dissipate. Remember in any case that being asleep and being awake are the same. Life goes on as before, it is simply seen that it is not going on for anyone.
PSYCHOTHERAPY, DETACHMENT AND PRACTICES
I’ve heard you say that some spiritual practices are very good for people but others are damaging. You’ve specifically mentioned, as bad, practices that encourage people to distance themselves from their experience through detachment. Could you tell me a bit more about why you regard those practices as damaging and also which practices that includes? Do they for example include mindfulness?
I am interested in this because I teach meditation to people as a way of coping with stress and I would not want to cause them any harm. In my psychotherapy training we are also taught to use the Observing Self as a tool with clients.
There is evidence that mindfulness practices can be helpful in dealing with suffering, whether they are taught in a spiritual context such as Buddhism, or in a secular context as they are within the National Health Service. Observing thoughts and feelings, especially feelings, can also be therapeutically beneficial. I have myself taught Focusing to people as a way of doing this. Meditation can also be extremely helpful in reducing stress and in other ways.
Techniques that seek to develop detachment, which is the opposite of the connectivity of mindfulness, can be quite unhelpful or even damaging to an individual. Although they can create a bulwark against suffering, this is often at the cost of our aliveness. It is healthier to connect with our suffering in an open way and see where that takes us. Techniques that encourage us to try to control our thoughts can also be counter-productive and create more stress for us. This is partly because of what psychologists call ‘the rebound effect’, whereby the more effort we put into excluding unwanted thoughts, the more intrusive they become.
As an experiment in this, for the next thirty seconds try not to think of rabbits.
It is healthier simply to pay attention to our thoughts and notice what happens.
I wish you well, both with your teaching of meditation practice and with your psychotherapy training.
Thanks very much for your reply. I’m really pleased to hear that you feel mindfulness is safe and useful.
Could you explain more about the unhelpful practices that encourage detachment? What might a teacher of such techniques say to a student? For example, are you talking about Advaita teachers who encourage students to try to discover their true nature as some kind of pure awareness?
No, I’m not talking about the techniques recommended by some Advaita teachers, generally known as self-enquiry. I’m talking about certain techniques, often yogic ones, which encourage detachment, often through many hours of meditation practice a day.
Unless an individual has made an informed decision to live the life of a recluse, such techniques are not suitable for them. In other words they do not suit the majority of us who are living as ‘householders’. They can provide a certain level of protection against the pain of everyday suffering, but only at the cost of being cut off from life. If you have the sort of rare personality that craves reclusiveness, you will probably already know this.
Similarly, techniques which encourage an individual to control or avoid their thoughts or emotions, rather than pay attention to them, can be very damaging to our aliveness and spontaneity. I hope this helps to clarify what I have said.
Thank you very much for taking the time to reply to me. I had never thought about it in that way and so it’s been very helpful. I can see now that even meditation has its shadow side.
SENSE OF SELF, CHOICE AND CONTROL
You say that things just happen and there is no authority on any level. However, in my daily life I feel that there is a ‘me’ inside my body. This body doesn’t do everything I would like it to do, but nevertheless I seem to have some control over things. For example, I can decide whether to continue typing this or not.
Are you saying that this sense of control, admittedly a limited one, is an illusion? If so, could you explain how this can be? As long as the sense of self exists, it seems undeniable, at least to me, that there really is some kind of control. As an example of this, I could have decided not to write this message.
Firstly I would not call “this sense of control” an illusion, but rather an appearance which is absolutely convincing until it is seen through. As you say, “as long as the sense of self exists, it seems undeniable”. However, when the sense of separation comes to an end and the self is seen through, it is equally undeniable that the self has always been an appearance within a dream. Then life goes on as before, but it is seen that there is no one living it.
When the sense of separation drops away, the absence of a central self is seen directly. However, many neuroscientists, psychologists and philosophers would also deny the existence of a separate self from the evidence that is being gathered from research into the brain and into perception. If you are interested in reading about this, you might enjoy David Eagleman’s ‘Incognito’, Sam Harris’s ‘Free Will’ or Julian Baggini’s ‘The Ego Trick’.
CONFLICT WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS
The more I find myself drawn into non-duality, the worse my relationship with family and friends gets. Whenever I see my parents I find myself behaving like a teenager again. This causes both them and me considerable hurt. I’m also finding it more difficult to get on with my friends as we seem to have less and less in common.
I know this is all a story, but it’s a story I don’t like!
I doubt whether you’ll give me any advice but I’ve still felt like writing this to you.
It is quite common for individuals to go through a radical re-alignment of their relationships when non-duality bites. Sometimes this can happen catastrophically, sometimes not.
As far as your relationships are concerned, especially with your parents, all I would suggest is “Follow your heart”. I’m in favour of a stress free and relaxed life and that’s difficult to have when we’re feeling incomplete with significant figures in our story. Our sense of incompleteness binds us as well as them. So if you want to be able to wish your parents well, I hope you’re able to find a way to do that.
Of course none of this is advice.
DE-PERSONALISATION AND AWAKENING
Could it be that awakening is simply depersonalisation disorder?
And what is meant by “This is all there is”? I can’t see you right now, so who is reading this message? Is there any ‘out there’? If there is no ‘out there’, does the reply just come out of nothingness?
When an attempt is made to describe awakening, that description can be confused by some people with depersonalisation. However, when an individual has experienced depersonalisation, and at another time awakening has occurred, there will probably be no possibility of confusing the two.
As to your question about “This is all there is”, I can only answer it by referring to the metaphor that this is like a night-time dream, in which many things are happening and yet in the morning when we wake up it is realised that nothing actually happened. This makes no difference to the dream as it is experienced. We could say that you and I are both dream characters who can only have experiences within the dream. The dream unfolds, and yet it is also seen that This is all there is. There is no possibility of the mind understanding this. It is either seen or it is not seen, and it doesn’t matter which.
Yes, the reply comes out of nothingness, just as everything else does. That includes you, me, puppy dogs, the smell of coffee and rain on an autumn afternoon.
AWAKENING AND RELATIONSHIP DIFFICULTIES
After an awakening event this year, experience has taught me not to say anything about it to my family and friends. But because I don’t have anyone else to talk to about this, I’m beginning to feel hopeless.
I am feeling very frustrated after this event. During it, there was only pure being and ‘my story’ disappeared in a gentle way. I didn’t even really realise that anything had happened until a few days later. The person who had been looking for Paradise wasn’t there anymore and suddenly instead there Paradise was, beyond any experience of time and space.
But now the seeking energy has started again even more powerfully than before and I feel I’m back in the ‘story’. At the same time I now know that seeking is hopeless. My friends and family are finding it very difficult to cope with the changes that have come over me and cannot understand why I no longer share the interests we had. This is even threatening my marriage. Can you suggest anything?
This is quite a common problem after an awakening event. I don’t usually give advice, but you could simply be as patient with and kind to your partner, family and friends as you’re able to be. It can be a great challenge for them to be confronted with the changes that may suddenly come about when someone they know well undergoes an awakening event.
POLITICS AND A GREAT UNKNOWING
You may find this a weird message. I’ve been reading about internet surveillance, the infringement of civil liberties, and the Orwellian State. I used to be shocked by stuff like this. In a way I still am. But somewhere deep inside me I know that I just don’t care anymore. There’s no one here who can care anymore.
Whether you find this weird or not, my friends certainly are having a problem with it! I don’t want to save the world anymore, but they still do. In fact, these days I just feel quite ignorant about everything. How do you feel now?
Thank you for your ‘weird’ message. The personality is still the personality, so an individual who has seen through separation may or may not still be engaged in social and political matters. There are no rules and in any case it doesn’t matter. However, if their engagement had been neurotic, it’s likely, though not certain, that it will lessen when Oneness is seen.
Awakening tends to burst the stories of meaning that we used to believe in. Liberation tends to bring them completely to an end. ‘Ignorant’ is a good word to describe where this leaves us, although I prefer ‘not knowing’, as this seems a little kinder to myself and others. What we are talking about here is undoubtedly a plunge into A Great Unknowing.
NEITHER A BLESSING NOR A CURSE
Dear Richard, Nothing has changed except that life no longer seems to be happening for anyone. Every thought gives way to This. Stories peter out and I have no influence over them.
Nevertheless my feelings have grown stronger. I am affected very deeply by the suffering of others. But all of this passes quite quickly. I relate to your mantra of “Hopeless, helpless, meaningless”.
There is almost no desire to visit the past or the future and my memory gets worse and worse. But life still seems to happen quite effectively.
So it seems that seeing Oneness doesn’t necessarily make life easier and it is neither a blessing nor a curse. It is just what it is. Best wishes, Jonny
Dear Jonny, I love your descriptions. And what you describe is so commonly experienced when Oneness is seen. Feelings tend to become stronger but don’t stick around for long. Memory gets worse. The past and future are no longer visited so much. Nothing about this necessarily make life easier.
Best of all is your “It is neither a blessing nor a curse”. As a Zen monk said to a seeker, “Why do you want liberation? How do you know you’d like it?”
Best wishes, Richard
SEARCHING AND DEPRESSION OR DESPAIR
I am in my sixties, and for many years I was searching, sometimes through politics, sometimes through psychotherapy and sometimes through spirituality. Then one day I came across Tony Parsons’ ‘The Open Secret’ and I knew that my searching had ended.
But I am still a person and in my case a person who often feels despair. In the past I could always do something which felt worthwhile to try to fix myself, but now I feel that nothing helps. Books, psychotherapy, spiritual techniques and even my friends can’t help. Worst of all, my friends can’t even understand what’s going on for me. They try to be helpful by for example suggesting psychological exercises that in fact I did years ago, but I can’t do these again because I don’t believe in them any more. I wonder if I’m becoming depressed. All I want to do is play games on my computer and read books. Do you have any suggestions for me?
Thank for sharing your story with me. Like you, I spent many years involved both with psychotherapies and with spiritual paths. Like you, when I came across Tony Parsons and non-duality I couldn’t engage with any of that any more and it all fell away, leaving a certain amount of despair. From the people who write to me, I would say that this is quite a common experience.
When in the past I was in despair, I used to talk to Tony and he would suggest that I find something simple that I enjoyed doing, such as walking round the park. Now, although I do not give advice, I find that this is what I suggest to others. It may not sound deep, but it has the virtue of being simple.
How do you deal with the environment? And did you ever look for proof that liberation had happened?
Here everything seems transparent. Sometimes there seems to be more ‘me’, sometimes less, but there is always a constant. Sleeping and being awake are known to be the same.
Doesn’t a decreased interest in the story make it difficult for the character to function and be involved?
I don’t deal with the environment. Life goes on, stuff happens, and in separation we think we’re doing it. When separation ends, it’s seen that everything is unfolding of its own accord.
No, I never looked for proof of this. When Oneness is seen, it is simply seen. What happens after that can take many forms, none of them important.
‘Transparent’ is a word which I think many would relate to. And yes, the ultimate seeing is that in any case, being asleep and being awake are the same. It’s just that while we’re asleep, that can’t be known.
A decreased interest in the story might make the character less involved. In some circumstances that might actually make action more effective. And it’s possible that the character might still take a lively interest in aspects of the story depending on their nature.
Awakening is not what I was expecting. I’m less neurotic now but I still worry about whether I turned the gas off on the stove. I don’t really behave any differently but there is no person behind my behaviour any more. Really anything can happen.
Isn’t there something profoundly relaxing about resting in the realisation that everything, all states and ways of being, can simply be allowed to be? No special experience is required or necessary. It’s okay to be whatever the character is. It’s okay still to be somewhat neurotic. We can finally let go of all our stories and projections and expectations about enlightened states of being with a mighty exhalation of relief. That can be a blessing, although it’s not what anybody is expecting.
I believe you’ve been involved professionally with psychotherapy. I’ve been in psychotherapy for many years, having had a traumatic childhood. My feeling is that it works for the person, especially where there’s a ‘resonance’ with the therapist. Do you agree with this?
For the apparent person, living in apparent separation, there are many ways of making life more comfortable. Where neurosis and childhood trauma are concerned, engaging with psychotherapy for a while is one of the most intelligent things a person can do. If there is a resonance with the therapist, the therapy will probably be more effective. However, it would be a mistake to assume that the process of psychotherapy has anything to do with the seeing of liberation.
Even after liberation, there is still an individual who will probably prefer to be comfortable. So psychotherapy may still be engaged in, although that is less likely. Other ways of keeping the body-mind healthy, such as yoga or tai chi, may also be followed.
Remember that liberation has no necessary implications. Life just goes on, only now it is seen that nobody lives it.
I have a close friend who thinks that we are on a path and need to reach a spiritual goal. Sometimes I want to talk to him about non-duality but I don’t want to start sounding like a guru, even though I know that seeing liberation has absolutely nothing to do with me.
When you first started giving talks about non-duality, did you feel schizophrenic? What do your family and friends think of this?
By and large I tend to avoid talking about non-duality except to people who are really interested. But I’m noticing that more and more people seem to have a feeling for this. For example today I was talking to a friend who, after following Buddhism in a small way for a long time, simply came to the conclusion that “This is it”. As she said “There is no point in searching for anything else so I might as well get on with enjoying it.”
No, I didn’t feel schizophrenic when I started giving talks about this. It’s usually a delight to be able to talk about this to people who are interested in it. In fact it’s a privilege. As to my family and friends, some of them are interested in this and some are not. It doesn’t matter.
Does liberation always follow awakening? I feel like I have been in the desert for a long time, although unexpectedly joy arises at the oddest moments, like yesterday when I was doing the washing up.
There are no rules. Liberation can happen soon after awakening, or at the same time, or after a long time, or not until physical death. Sometimes I talk to individuals who are still waiting for something else to happen, yet my feeling is that they have already seen everything that there is to be seen. They simply have an idea persisting that there must still be something more to find.
Taking joy in doing the washing up sounds good to me.
I feel increasingly lately as if I am watching a play. My thoughts simply appear and then dissolve again. It feels like everything is being done without ‘me’ doing anything. I cannot take the sense that I am a person seriously anymore.
What you describe is often experienced in awakening, particularly the feeling that everything is being done without a person doing anything. “Actions there are, but no doer thereof.” You were never doing anything. It just seemed as if you were.
AWAKENING OR CLARITY AND ASTROLOGY
Recently I’ve had the feeling that things are just happening, that events are simply unfolding. I used to be very interested in philosophy, but now I’m becoming very bored with philosophical discussions about life and how to live it. I’m also becoming bored with people telling me about what is happening in their lives, although this used to fascinate me.
Is this awakening or is it just clarity?
What you describe is often experienced by individuals as they become drawn to non-duality and they open to awakening and liberation. There can be a lessening of interest in the stories of people’s lives and in philosophical speculation and an increased connection with the simplicity of whatever is arising in presence.
I tend not to use the word ‘clarity’ in my description of awakening as it can imply mental understanding which has nothing to do with the seeing of Oneness. It sounds as if what is happening for you is a more fundamental shift than a change in ideas.
Thank you for your reply. It leaves me, delightfully, with nothing. However, I have one more question. A few years ago, an astrologer gave me a very accurate description of my character and also predicted that I would go through a difficult period at a specific age. Although I don’t believe in astrology, everything happened as he said it would.
If there is no time, how is it possible to ‘see into the future’ in this way?
In liberation it is seen that there is only This and there is no space and time. However, until there is physical death, this ‘waking dream’, to use a common metaphor, continues apparently to unfold in space and time.
In this dream, time, space, people and events all apparently continue to happen. Your astrologer reading your character and predicting your future is part of that dream which is arising without any meaning or purpose. That is its beauty and magnificence—that it needs no meaning or purpose, but simply is what it is.
If liberation is seen, how does the person know that it has been seen?
There are no rules about liberation, but sometimes there is a sudden ‘event’ in which liberation is seen. In this event, the sense of contracted separation that belongs to the person dissolves and it is seen that there is no one, there is no central identity or self. Words really break down at this point and perhaps the best we can do is to say that Oneness sees itself, or if you prefer, Oneness recognises itself. There is a knowing that all is empty, but also full, and that the nature of that fullness is love.
Whatever is happening right now is also Oneness experiencing itself. But included in that there might be the sensation that this is not the case, that there is a separate person who is doing the experiencing.
There is a kind of hopeless delight in your answers. They refresh me and plunge me into despair at the same time.
I used to assume that if awakening or liberation happened, there would be constant joy. But now I can see that you were right in your description. It is simply the seeing that there is no one here and that everything is just happening. Apart from that everything remains the same.
If there were a formula to express this it might be GJ + GD − TP = N + IM
(Great Joy + Great Despair − The Person = Neutrality + Intense Moments)
I like your formula, but it often settles down into a bit better than neutral. Often there may be quiet joy.
I’ve just heard that you won’t be coming to Munich this Spring. That’s a pity because I wanted to buy you a beer.
I’m not sure what’s happened here. Perhaps I would describe it as a shift in energy. Everything that was happening before is still arising including ambitions and neuroses, but somehow they’re not taken seriously anymore.
It’s not a state of bliss and it’s clear that there’s nothing to be gained from this. It’s as if this was always known although it wasn’t seen.
I read somewhere “The bad news is that you’re in free fall and there’s nothing to hold on to. The good news is that there’s no ground to hit.” I like that.
I’m sorry to miss the beer. Maybe another time.
Yes, seeing This is not especially about bliss, although of course bliss may sometimes arise. Your description is very good. There’s an energy shift and then life goes on.
I like the quote very much.
At the moment I find myself feeling quite desperate. This seems to be because of a particular trauma that I experienced. I see a therapist and a lot of powerful emotions come up with him, but there still seems to be a deep unease underneath my feelings.
Do you think that trauma can be alleviated? Or do you think it is just a story? Do you have any suggestions as to what I might do? I’ve glimpsed liberation and I think this makes it difficult for me to really engage fully with therapy. My glimpse seems mainly to have left me with despair.
I’m sorry to hear that you’re having such a hard time.
It is quite common for people who have been through an awakening to go through a difficult period afterwards. Your description of deep unease and despair is very similar to how some other people describe that period. Indeed I relate to your description myself when I remember how the time after awakening felt for me.
Beyond that, it is difficult for me to make suggestions. For myself at that time, I valued certain therapeutic activities, particularly ones such as Focusing, which helped to direct me to the feelings involved rather than to the story in my head about them. I also found certain transpersonal techniques of some help, as well as doing simple everyday things that I could take some enjoyment in. But of course we’re all different and we each have to find whatever’s most helpful in getting through this period for ourselves. I send you my best wishes.
Liberation to me is indescribable, but the words “There is only love” come closer to touching it than any other. For me there was a profound and dramatic unfolding and then the drama of life simply went on as if nothing had happened. What was seen was completely impersonal. It was seen that there can be no mistakes and life flows as it has to. The individual who is left cannot really know what happened because it has nothing to do with them. That sense continues now in spite of doubts sometimes coming in.
One other thing. Can you cast any light on why it is that, after total expansion, a sense of localisation returns?
You describe this very well. As you say, there is a sense that life just happens and that there can be no mistakes. Strangely enough, the neurotic mind can still come in at times and doubt this, because anything is possible in liberation. Yet somehow that doubt is seen to be just a thought and it is known that this is simply life flowing “as it has to”. However, we need to be careful with that phrase, as it is very easy for the mind to start weaving more stories around it. Perhaps it’s better just to say that “Life happens.”
I can’t throw any more light on localisation returning. From what you write, you have sensed that yourself, and it is a common experience. First there is no sense of localisation or separation, then localisation returns but separation has ended. As far as I know, localisation always returns eventually. Perhaps it’s necessary to protect the body-mind organism.
When you say there is just This, do you mean that literally? Do you mean there is only whatever is happening right now?
Yes, when I say there is just This I mean it literally, just as you describe. It really is that simple. But the sense of there being a separated person with a past and a future and all their other concerns gets in the way of seeing this.
RECOGNISING OR NOT RECOGNISING LIBERATION
I’ve never really felt that the stuff that’s happening in life was important in the way that everyone else seems to experience it. I’ve never felt like rejecting it and it’s always somehow felt like a dream.
I have had two liberation experiences exactly as you describe them. Consciousness suddenly and unexpectedly expanded and was seen to have nothing to do with ‘me’. It was seen that everything is literally appearing out of the void or abyss moment by apparent moment, just as you describe. This everything includes me, thoughts, experiences, feelings, other people, all natural phenomena and all objects. From clouds to cars to trees, it’s all nothing being something.
I have listened to a lot of so-called non-dual speakers suggesting that if we do some process or other we will become liberated. I know that all of that is ridiculous. I liked your ‘Buddha at The Gas Pump’ interview and thought it was very funny, but not as confrontational as Rick Archer’s note about it suggested. I found it funny listening to someone determinedly wanting to know how the character could become liberated. The character cannot bear to hear that it has no more persistence than a cup of coffee. It arises, seems to exist in time and space and then disappears.
I feel I have always understood non-duality and yet there is still a sense of self. The character is still somehow regarded as real. Therefore ‘I’ still experience the pain of separation, even though I know it is only an idea. And I know that everything is as it ‘should’ be. I don’t really understand why, even though I have had this understanding of non-duality, there is still something here trying to escape from a sense of separation. But in spite of this, there are many times when the self fades away and at those times there’s no confusion about this at all. Then even the simplest things in life are seen as amazing.
I seem to exist in and out of two worlds, sometimes an ‘I’ and sometimes nothing. It’s as if Consciousness is flickering back and forth. At one moment I’m a ‘me’ and then it is seen with total clarity that the ‘me’ seems to pop into existence but isn’t real. There is everything and nothing at the same time and they are both somehow the void.
In spite of what I have written, I lead a very ordinary life which I enjoy a lot. I want to thank you for communicating about this so clearly.
I very much enjoyed reading your description. You write with great clarity about this.
Sometimes when I talk to someone about this, I get the impression that everything there is to be seen in liberation has been seen. Nevertheless there may still be a remaining thought or an idea that there is something still missing. Maybe they feel that the experience of life after liberation (excuse the time-bound language) should be different and better in some way. But everything is simply what it is. It will probably tend to go on as before, except now it is seen that it isn’t going on for anyone. From your description, it sounds like you may have always recognised this in some way, so the shift probably won’t seem very dramatic for you—not as dramatic as for someone who had previously had a more solid sense of separation. I don’t know if that’s what’s happening in your case but it might be worth thinking about.
Thanks for your reply, Richard. I neither reject the world nor experience it as entirely real. And I’ve always experienced the dramas that people enact as a kind of play “signifying nothing”.
I listen to you and Tony and it seems like a great joke that the ‘me’ is still waiting for liberation to take place. It really is a great joke.
I like it that in your communication about this there is nothing for sale. And when someone says “So what you’re saying is there’s nothing I can do? I should just stop trying?” I almost laugh out loud. The ‘me’ just can’t hear this.
I felt a resonance on reading your books, but I have two questions. Firstly, you seem to be saying that there is no cause and effect. So if you have a toothache, do you go to a dentist? And if so, isn’t this a contradiction?
Secondly, when you say that there is nothing happening, do you mean that events take place but without any purpose?
In liberation, this is seen to be a waking dream and then everything goes on as before. So if a dream character has a dream toothache, the sensible thing to do is to go to a dream dentist. You see, liberation makes no difference to this.
Seen from the perspective of liberation, there is nothing happening because there is no time. Past and future exist only as thoughts arising in this. However, you are also right to say that events are (apparently) taking place but without a purpose. Life does not need a purpose. Life is its own justification. A flower does not need a purpose for being here and neither do you. The flower and you are already Oneness manifesting as a flower and as an individual.
May I ask you two more questions? Some time ago I was sitting in my room and just for a moment there was no more seeking. There was just looking around, hearing the sound of a car, feeling the summer breeze on my face. There was no need for thoughts about any phenomena. Everything was perfect. Everything was still. Everything was simple. Everything was connected to everything else. Is liberation really that simple? You say that there is just This. Do you mean that literally? Is there simply a room, a character, sensations, and nothing else, nothing happening, no cause and effect?
And what about suffering? This seems to be such a problem. Does suffering really have no meaning?
In liberation it is seen that there is emptiness, and out of emptiness this waking dream that we call life arises. Just as in a night-time dream, there is apparent cause and effect, and just as with a night-time dream, this cause and effect can be seen through. It is seen through in liberation. But when liberation is seen, the waking dream goes on until there is physical death, so as I said before, if there is a tooth-ache, it is sensible to go to a dentist.
As to suffering, if you want to reduce your own suffering there are lots of things you can do. Similarly, if you would like to reduce other people’s suffering, there are also clearly many things you can do. And if you want to perceive a meaning in suffering, then you can buy into any one of the many religious or spiritual or psychological stories. And in the meantime, there is still only This, in which stories about suffering and many other things arise.
“Nothing is happening” is meant literally. There is nothing happening and yet this dream of time and space arises. The mind can never make sense of this, yet in liberation it is clearly seen.
I notice that your German publisher says that one of your books will “give life meaning and value”. I think that’s very funny, because you are obviously saying that there is no meaning.
Recently I asked you what someone could do when all meaning and purpose had been seen through and all previously-held concepts and theories had fallen away, but the person was still there. You described it as being like a desert and that is my experience of it.
Because I have changed so much, my friends and family are very confused about what may have happened to me. We used to share a common belief in the importance of following a spiritual path, but now I’ve lost all interest in this. The people I hang out with most are very concerned about this and hoping that I can be persuaded back into spirituality. But now that all just seems like a game to me—a game that the ego plays. Even though I’m uncomfortable with what’s happening now, I know I can’t go back to the old spiritual ways.
Whenever something negative happens to me, like I have an illness, my partner feels that I must find the deep reason why this has happened so that I can learn from it. She means well, but I can’t take these beliefs seriously now.
I resonate with what you say, especially about the time spent in the desert, and about the impossibility of believing any longer in stories which seek to give an explanation for everything from the ‘spiritual’ level. All such stories come under the heading of ‘baseless supposition’ or ‘superstition’.
I hope you come out of the desert soon.
Is the mind the same thing as the ego? Are these just synonyms describing the same thing? And what is self-realisation?
The mind is simply the process of thinking. In other words there is no mind, there is a thought and then another thought and then another. These thoughts arise from nothing and fall back into nothing, but the sense that they arise from a mind creates the impression that we live in separation.
The word ‘ego’ is used in different ways, which makes it very confusing. Sometimes it is used to mean the sense of ‘I’, or in other words the sense of ‘self’. But often it is used to mean our sense of self-importance, as in “He has a very big ego”. And sometimes it is used in the Freudian sense, to mean the ‘Reality Principle’, or the part of ourself which mediates between the moralistic demands of the super-ego and the pleasure-seeking demands of the id. In this third sense, the ego is like the Managing Director of our life, which sits behind a large desk believing that it controls things.
But in whatever way we use the word ‘ego’, when separation is seen through these are all seen to be meaningless phenomena, like waves crashing on a shore.
Ironically, self-realisation is the realisation that there is no self.
Sometimes I still find myself doing spiritual practices, as if I am doing them automatically. Then I may not do them for a while. At the moment I feel that practices are futile, but I know that it’s at least possible for them to start again. I feel that self-enquiry is particularly futile and yet I know that even that could re-assert itself.
Sometimes I walk round the park with my dog. Sometimes I watch television. Sometimes I phone Tony Parsons. I know there’s still a sense of separation here, but I suppose I could lose it at any time, regardless of what I am doing. Do you have any comments?
Walking round the park with your dog sounds good to me, whether you lose your sense of separation or not.
What you describe is often experienced by others as well. Sometimes there’s practice, sometimes there isn’t. Sometimes there’s the belief that practice is useful, sometimes there isn’t. And sometimes there’s the knowing that nobody is doing any of that. Everything simply arises of its own accord.
‘You’ can’t do anything, which is why I sometimes suggest to people that they find something simple that they enjoy and go out and do it. I hope that doesn’t sound too paradoxical—that’s just the nature of language. I know that Tony sometimes suggests the same.
REPORTING ON THE NON-DUAL STATE
I loved your book but I have a question. How can anyone report back from a non-dual state if non-dual awareness is not even aware of itself?
I’m glad you enjoyed my book. I don’t recognise the description “non-dual awareness is not even aware of itself”. I don’t know who it’s from, but it’s not from me. My description would be that non-duality is either seen or it isn’t. If it is seen, it is seen impersonally. In other words its seeing has nothing to do with the character of the individual who is reporting back on it. That’s why liberation cannot be induced by an individual working on their emotional, psychological or spiritual state.
Of course, although there’s always only Being, if there is no individual around to report on it, there will be no description, either accurate or misleading.
The description was from a book by John Wheeler. It made me wonder what the point of being in a non-dual state was if there was no one to recognise that this is the case. The individual would still be as ignorant of liberation as they were before. Perhaps I’m still hoping for a liberation experience but I can’t understand how there can be an experience without an experiencer.
The seeing of liberation is an energy shift, not simply a change in cognition. When non-separation is seen, it is incontrovertible. This seeing tends to have a transformative effect on the character of the individual who remains, unless of course it coincides with physical death, in which case there is no more individual and no more character.
There is no one who is either ignorant or not ignorant. Being asleep and being awake are the same thing, except that in being awake it is known that they are the same thing, whereas in being asleep it is believed that they are different. This knowing also tends to transform the individual, because all the stories of meaning and searching that ran their life tend to drop away.
Thank you for your reply. I once had a drug-induced energy shift that I described to Tony Parsons. My ‘sense of self’ included everything—the fields, the trees, the river, the sky. Everything felt like it was me. I described it as like walking through myself. Tony said that was because ‘I’ wasn’t there.
Yes, I agree with Tony about that. But the trouble with drug-induced ‘energy shifts’ is that they often do not have the transformative effect that tends to happen when the sense of self collapses of itself, without any help from pharmaceuticals, opiates or hallucinogens.
Dear Richard, I’ve been watching the discussions on conscious.tv between yourself and two other non-duality teachers. I found it interesting and informative, but I noticed that there seemed to be differences in opinion between you. So it seems that even Advaita speakers fall into the trap of disputation.
I have also noticed that various books on non-duality seem to disagree with each other, and some speakers declare that other speakers are misleading.
So is Advaita descending into the same mess that has happened to the major world religions? Are divisions, dogmas and conflicting teachings appearing?
I’m sorry if I sound like one of the Advaita Police, but I’m interested in your view on this. Best wishes, Jason
Dear Jason, The terms ‘Advaita’ and ‘non-duality’ are umbrella terms that do cover quite a lot of ground. So yes, you will find different points of view expressed, and it is probably inevitable that sometimes one speaker will comment adversely on another’s point of view. As you point out, we can compare this to the schisms in religion which inevitably arise from our somewhat combative psychology. I like to mis-quote the New Testament on this: “Where two or three are gathered together in my name, there will be discord, disharmony and a punch-up.”
The antidote to all this, I suggest, is to remember that no point of view really matters. If you find yourself taking it too seriously, have a cup of tea and a walk round the park, or whatever else you enjoy doing. All the versions of Advaita are stories. None of them can really encapsulate the reality of liberation. Other than that, I would simply steer clear of anyone who has an agenda about non-duality, that is, anyone who seems to think it is important that you buy their version.
The conscious.tv discussions were great fun to do, but you are right, there were definitely differences in what we were saying. One speaker, for example, was talking about leading groups through transpersonal experiences. It is not difficult to evoke transpersonal experiences in a group of people as long as they are willing to be taken there. I have done it myself many times as a transpersonal trainer and I have experienced it many times as a participant in workshops.
Transpersonal experiences are lovely, although their intensity can wreak havoc in your personal life afterwards. However, they have nothing more or less to do with liberation than any other experience. Liberation is not transpersonal, it is impersonal, and it cannot be reliably evoked during a weekend workshop, not by me, not by anybody. It has no reference to any experience, whether transpersonal or not. It has nothing to do with me, and if it is seen where you are sitting, it has nothing to do with you.
I like the idea of you acting as the Advaita Police. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it. Best wishes, Richard
Non-dual speakers say that the personal self has no existence, but I suspect that they are not talking from a wide enough perspective.
For example, I have a strong feeling that I am responsible for my actions. I can even carry out simple experiments to demonstrate that I have free will. For example, I can choose to raise my arm or not, choose to make myself a cup of tea or not and many other actions.
Perhaps the self really exists in some form prior to awakening, and dies during liberation. If there is really no self at all, why does our everyday experience feel so much as if there is a self?
The only perspective that anything worth saying about non-duality can come from is the perspective of direct seeing. As no other perspective can have any bearing here, it doesn’t matter whether this perspective is too narrow or wide enough. There simply isn’t any other valid perspective to draw on.
Life as you describe yourself experiencing it is simply what it is like to feel that we are separate. When that sense of separation ends, it is over. What is experienced after that may not change very much, but it is seen then that there is no one doing any of it.
You suggest that the self may exist prior to awakening and die during liberation, rather than there being no self at all. But ultimately what difference does that make? These are just alternative ways of trying to describe that which cannot be described. However, if you think that the self might exist in some form prior to awakening, it might be interesting for you to speculate about what that form might be.
You comment that you can carry out simple experiments to demonstrate that you have free will. Neuroscientists can carry out sophisticated experiments that demonstrate that your sense of free will is illusory.
If there is nobody, who is aware of that?
Rather than ask “Who is aware of that?” it might make more sense to ask “What is aware of that?”
No one is aware of that, it is simply seen. Or we could say that Being, or Oneness, is aware of that. Being is aware of itself. But this is a little misleading because now it sounds as if we are personalising Being. Unfortunately that is just the way language works.
We could equally say Nothing or No Thing is aware of itself.
The thought “There is nobody” apparently arises for a person in a mind. But the direct seeing that there is nobody occurs when neither the person nor the mind are there. The thought “There is nobody” has no value but the direct seeing that there is nobody may transform everything.
My mind seems to come up with more and more questions and wants to become doubt-free. I think this is because the reality of Seeing seems so far off that it’s a relief to get some concepts clear. The trap for me of course is that as soon as my mind gets an answer to one question, another question immediately appears.
Yes, that is the nature of the mind. The point I made about language is simply that there are many different ways to answer these questions, and the apparent differences, paradoxes or even contradictions, don’t really matter.
The reality of Seeing can seem so far away, but actually it is closer than we are to ourself. But it can’t be seen as long as we are there, blocking out the view.
IS THIS JUST ANOTHER RELIGION?
I’m troubled by the thought that non-duality might be just another religion, like Buddhism, Christianity or Judaism.
What makes this communication different to a religion is that there is no agenda attached to it. With religions, and even with spiritual paths, it is usually felt that it’s important that others should get the message, and that people should do what the teachers, priests, rabbis, swamis or gurus tell them to do.
However, with this communication there is no suggestion that it matters whether it is understood or not, and certainly no suggestion that anyone should do anything in particular about it. It is simply a sharing among people who feel drawn to share in this way.
Of course non-duality can be turned into another religion. I’d be very wary of anyone who tries to do that. A big clue is if they suggest that this could be useful in any way. I recently participated in a conference on non-duality where one of the speakers wanted everyone there “to help move non-duality into the mainstream” so that it could “help people with their suffering.” It is in this way that ‘Non-Duality’ as yet another religion is born.
What I love about this communication is that it’s so refreshing after all the religious stories I heard as a child with their instructions to do what the priests told us to do.
Nevertheless I am feeling a lot of fear which seems based on those childhood stories. In recent years I’ve been following spiritual teachers rather than priests, and now, instead of fearing hell if I don’t do what the priests say, I fear bad karma in my next life if I don’t do what the spiritual teachers say. How crazy is that! Yet I don’t seem to be able to free myself from these stories about death.
You are experiencing something very common. Many people feel that their life is ruled by fear. Much of that fear may be focused on death, especially if they’ve been brought up with the cruel threats of an unkind religion.
Dealing with fear takes us into the therapeutic area. I don’t venture into that area much anymore, but I will simply share with you what I feel after many years involved with therapy.
One of the simplest and most effective ways of dealing with fear, or indeed any uncomfortable feeling, is to spend a certain amount of time each day tuning in to the bodily sensation of the feeling. You could keep your attention on it without trying to change it in any way, but if it changes of its own accord, just allow your attention to follow whatever change takes place. This has a completely different effect to paying attention to the story about fear in your head. Gradually the feeling may release and transform. If you want to know more about this process, you could look up Focusing or some similar technique on the internet.
Certain transpersonal techniques, such as meditation or Symbol Therapy, might also be helpful. You can also find out more about these on the internet.
As you can see, this communication comes more from ‘The Therapist’ than from ‘The Non-Duality Communicator’, because that’s what feels more appropriate at the moment.
I frequently wake up with a feeling of overwhelming fear. Although this is terrifying, I also find it interesting. Do you have any suggestions as to what I can do? Should I just let go?
I also feel depressed and anxious. This seems to have started when my relationship broke down a year ago. Can depression precede awakening?
Nothing in this reply should be construed as advice. Nevertheless, you ask “Should I just let go?” Many people would suggest that this is probably the best thing to do in the circumstances that you describe, that if possible you don’t resist this kind of experience but allow it to unfold. In psychotherapeutic circles this is sometimes known as ‘experiential non-avoidance’.
As to your question about depression, yes, it is possible that a period of depression can precede awakening. But it’s also likely that your depression is associated with the end of your relationship. Of course it might be unrelated to either of these. I believe that Eckhart Tolle wrote about his severe depression, and Suzanne Segal wrote about her profound anxiety. You might like to look at some of their writings.
When I was still searching and in despair, I used to ring up Tony Parsons. Fundamentally, what he said to me came down to “Find some small simple thing that you enjoy doing, and do it.” I would say the same myself now, although I recognise that this is not easy when we are feeling depressed and anxious.
Thank you very much for your reply! I understand that it’s not possible for you to give me advice. In fact as soon as I had written to you I realised that my questions can’t be answered by anyone. Nevertheless, the answers you gave are what I wanted to hear.
I have read Eckhart Tolle and Suzanne Segal and I thought they were both very interesting.
Does awareness persist after physical death? If so, how can it do so when there are no sensory organs?
It is natural for the mind to speculate about death and to create endless stories about it. But it is also, in a profound and rather obvious way, a waste of time. All I can say is don’t worry, it will be okay. When Oneness is seen, it is seen that death is not a problem. This is partly because it is known then that what you really are was never born and so can never die, and partly because the mind grows bored with baseless speculation. Of course, all speculation about “after physical death” is baseless.
However, in separation, we will do with these statements whatever we will. We will embrace them or reject them and it doesn’t matter which.
MORE DISAGREEMENTS ABOUT NON-DUALITY
I would like to know what you think about the different views on non-duality that are being expressed at the moment. I feel that what you and Tony Parsons say has little to do with what most non-dual teachers are talking about.
They say things like “You are already present awareness, but to discover this you must investigate the belief in ‘me’.” One teacher says that you must have the courage to live as awareness. Another one says that you must stop believing in the concept of ‘me’. I’ve been given lots of advice, most of which seems to be designed to put me firmly in my place.
But you, Tony and a few others say that seeing Oneness is a kind of energetic shift and that it has nothing to do with how much we self-enquire or how much we understand about non-duality.
So there seems to be a lot of confusion around the subject. This can be very puzzling for the seeker. But waiting for an energetic shift to occur can also create a lot of expectations. Can you throw some light on any of this?
The clue is in the word ‘teacher’. Speakers who say that they are teaching non-duality are usually prescribing a path of becoming, some version of the story that separation can be seen through by some kind of effort. It can’t be. Whether separation drops away has nothing to do with the one who feels themself to be separate. However, paths and practices can have psychological and emotional effects, and these can be pleasant or unpleasant and make life less difficult or more difficult.
Understanding concepts about non-duality, or believing or not believing in the concept of ‘me’, are irrelevant, because they are things that a person can do and the person can never see non-duality. As for having “the courage to live as awareness”, I have no idea what this means, nor how you would go about doing it. But it sounds painful and therefore appealing to those of us who are masochists. It would also enable us to beat ourself up every time we ‘failed’ or become pompous every time we ‘succeeded’.
I would be very suspicious of any teacher who tells you that you must or should do anything. Many psychotherapists have a good understanding of the negative effects of ‘musts’, ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts’. They warn against the perils of ‘hardening of the oughteries’ and ‘musturbation’.
You are right that waiting for a shift can also create a lot of expectations. These will neither delay nor hasten the seeing of Oneness. If advice were possible, which it isn’t, I would suggest that rather than waiting for a shift, you find some simple thing you enjoy doing and do it, perhaps taking a walk in the park, or drinking a cup of coffee in a café, or whatever seems pleasurable to you.
I find that doing something simple may be sufficient for five minutes, but then I start thinking “OK, what’s next?”
If it’s so simple, how come we keep missing it?
You are right. For the person who lives in separation, doing something simple is not sufficient, or not sufficient for long. That is why there is no point in giving advice about this.
The reason we miss it in spite of its simplicity is that there seems to be a person there looking for it in some other imaginary place and in some other imaginary time. When the sense of the person collapses, it becomes obvious that “This is it” and there is no need to look for it anymore.
From my own experiences, I recognise a lot of what you say in ‘I Hope You Die Soon’.
I practised Zen and some years ago there was the experience that I wasn’t there anymore. This lasted for a while but then my sense of self returned.
Recently the self has disappeared again. My sense of time has changed a great deal and my relationships with people do not feel important any more. It’s as if the physical world isn’t quite real now. But very strong feelings can come up, sometimes of intense peace and sometimes of intense fear, although it doesn’t feel as if I ‘own’ them. Sometimes this is wonderful, but sometimes I feel that I could be going mad.
I have no one I can talk to directly about this, so I’d really appreciate it if you could comment.
The experiences that you describe are quite common in awakening. They are not experiences necessarily to be overly concerned about, even if some of them are sometimes disturbing. Awakening is often a shock and in both awakening and liberation all kinds of feelings can still arise. These can include fear, anger and sadness among others. From the point of view of managing them, probably the best thing to do is simply to pay attention to them as they arise in the body and let them, as it were, unwind.
Of course anyone who is concerned about their experiences might find it helpful to seek out a therapist if they feel drawn in that direction. Unfortunately not many therapists are familiar with awakening. However for those who feel very disturbed by awakening, there is an organisation called The Spiritual Crisis Network which might be worth looking into. (www.spiritual crisisnetwork.org.uk)
Thank you for your answer. I’m feeling less fearful and more peaceful now.
I’ve read that, like me, you are a psychotherapist. Since the realisation that neither I nor other people are ‘real’, practising as a psychotherapist feels quite difficult for me. Nevertheless, I’m still practising and observing what happens in the sessions.
In a way it seems quite ridiculous for ‘no one’ to work with ‘no one’ to try to help the person become healthier, especially as I see now that there’s really no such thing as a relationship. But although my mind thinks that this is a problem, inside me there’s a knowing that it couldn’t be any other way.
Can you comment? Do you think there’s something wrong with me? Do you still work as a psychotherapist?
I trained in therapy, counselling and humanistic psychology but then worked as a lecturer and trainer rather than as a practitioner. I have recently retired from lecturing and training work.
The concerns you express are quite common among psychotherapists when non-duality is seen. It doesn’t sound to me as if there is anything wrong with you. My own view is that a psychotherapist who is not there (I hope you know what I mean by this) is preferable to a psychotherapist who is there. The psychotherapist who is still there as a person will probably have some agendas, which may get in the way of them being present for the client. When the psychotherapist is absent, there can be more presence. In that presence, the client may flourish.
Although it is seen that there is no such thing as a fixed relationship, an entity, a noun, relating continues as a fluid and ever-changing process, a verb.
When you say that your mind thinks this is a problem, but inside you there is a knowing that it couldn’t be any other way, you sum up very clearly the experience of many individuals where Oneness is recognised. Even when there is an undeniable knowing, the mind may fight against so many of the implications of this knowing. But that ‘mind energy’ will probably diminish over time.
In your reply to me you wrote “relating continues as a fluid and ever-changing process, a verb.” I cannot understand this because that would imply the existence of time, but there is no time.
Before awakening, a relationship seemed like a movie to me, but now it seems like a series of separate photographs with no process linking one to another. Yesterday I saw my closest friend. Today she is not here and there is no experience of having this friend. This frightens me, because all my roles have disappeared. I am no longer a friend, a sister, a colleague or a daughter. I am nothing. My mind rebels against this.
Last year I heard Tony Parsons say “There is no London. There is only This.” Inside I feel that he is right, but my mind says “No, he is so obviously wrong!”. I am sitting here writing to you. But is there really a man called Richard who I’m writing to? Inside I feel that there is no one to write to, but my mind still thinks there’s a reason for writing.
Can you cast any light on my confusion?
In this waking dream, which continues when liberation is seen unless there is physical death, an apparent process of relating, of thinking, of feeling, of perceiving, even of writing to apparent other people, continues. This process can only unfold in time. If we want to be more scrupulous with language, we could say “This process can only unfold in the appearance of time.” The appearance of time unfolds in consciousness. There is nowhere else for it to unfold.
That is why you are apparently able to write to me in one place and time and I am apparently able to read your words in another place and time. Perhaps you could see yourself as writing to yourself in order to ask yourself to clarify some confusion for yourself.
In awakening it is seen that This is all there is and there is no friend, no sister, no colleague, no daughter, no relationships of any kind. This is certainly sometimes experienced as frightening. You describe all this very well. But to the mind, this can make no sense, because the mind lives in time and in a world of cause and effect and continuity, so of course to the mind all these relationships exist and continue. However, after awakening, even for the mind these continuing relationships will probably be somewhat transformed.
What is seen in awakening is not seen by the mind and cannot be understood by the mind. If we want to have an argument between the mind and Oneness about the nature of reality, the mind will always win. But this makes no difference to the seeing of Oneness.
If you want to harmonise what is seen in Oneness and what the mind thinks it knows, you are on a road to nowhere. You will always fail. And yet Oneness is still seen, no matter how much the mind may revolt against it.
I have lost all reference points for my physical existence. All sense of a physical body has gone, even though there are thoughts and feelings in the ‘space’ which the body used to occupy. Awareness is just everywhere with no location at all in space. Sometimes this feels beautiful, but sometimes it’s frightening because everything that happens seems to be happening within ‘me’. I seem to have no physical boundary at all, so when I am with a client, for example, she and I seem to be part of the same ‘everything’.
I feel conflicted about this. I love it and I don’t want it to end, but it’s frightening so I do want it to end.
The experiences you are having are not unusual. The disappearance of the person often provokes both joy and fear. I don’t give advice, but if I did I would say just allow the fear to be and stay with it while it is there.
Very few people actually die of fear, you know.
When the fear isn’t there, simply enjoy the disappearance. And don’t be disappointed when the intensity of this event comes to an end, as it inevitably will. It might feel then as if you have lost something but you won’t have, except of course for yourself.
I understand you as having written that there is nothing beyond what is happening here in my room, and that there is nothing beyond what is happening there in your room. There must be a contradiction here as both cannot be correct.
This is the construction that the mind puts on the words that it hears. Remember that words can in any case never describe Oneness.
The mind may hear these words as contradictory. That’s okay. But I would say instead that these and many other words about non-duality are paradoxical.
The mind absolutely cannot understand non-duality. There is a complete disjunct between how the mind perceives reality and what is seen in awakening or liberation. Then it is seen that there is neither a person nor a mind and that This is all there is. This is why seeing non-duality can be such a shock.
The mind may try to work out this puzzle, but that has no importance. Working it out, if that were possible, would not bring liberation any closer. Not working it out will not keep liberation at bay.
Perhaps you could view this metaphorically as like a zen koan, which defies logic and goes beyond the mind.
As you have mentioned koans, from the point of view of non-duality, how would you reply to koans like “What is the sound of one hand clapping?”
Although I mentioned koans, they tend to make my head hurt so I don’t pay them much attention. I’d rather take a walk round the lake in the park and have a cup of coffee in the café there.
However, I recently saw someone respond to “What is the sound of one hand clapping?” by simply striking the table they were sitting at with one hand. I thought that was very clever. However, I don’t think cleverness is really the point where koans are concerned.
Here for you to puzzle over is my own non-duality koan: “How do you get out of a prison that you are not in?”
SEEKING BEFORE AND AFTER LIBERATION. DO THINGS REALLY CHANGE?
Why are you not still seeking? If life continues after liberation unchanged, surely the body-mind will still be seeking, just as it was before liberation?
You and Tony Parsons both say that nothing changes after liberation but then you say that seeking is over. But this is not what you would have said prior to liberation. So apparently liberation does have an effect on the dis-identified body-mind after all.
The most important word in your what you write is ‘apparently’. What I say about liberation is that nothing is changed, yet everything is transformed. Everything goes on just as before, but now it is seen that it is going on for no one.
Once it has been seen that This is all there is, that there is only Oneness, that there is unconditional love, that there is no need for meaning, how could there be any need for searching? What could there be to search for?
Communication about non-duality is bound to be paradoxical. To anyone who objects to this, all I can do is apologise on behalf of Oneness and remind them that they are doing it themselves. Before we go off chasing after any more hares, let me say that this last phrase is only a metaphor.
Thank you for that reply. I think I understand this much better now.
But it’s time for my next question. Can I trust that events will proceed normally once liberation happens? Or is this really a non-question? Would there even be an ‘I’ to be concerned if events did not proceed normally?
I have a fear about the possibility of losing the ability to function normally on an everyday basis in liberation. This might really be a fear about something as basic as survival.
I wonder what ‘events not proceeding normally’ could possibly mean.
Whether you trust or don’t trust makes no difference. This is still all there is, Nothing appearing as everything, the One appearing as the many.
Perhaps you have a fear that ‘you’ could somehow get in the way. But the very sense of ‘you’ is false and so it cannot interfere with anything.
Fear around this is a common experience. It’s probably best just to pay it some attention as it arises in the body and then afterwards do some simple thing that you enjoy. Of course some people, if fear becomes very intense, like to deal with it with a therapist. In this case, a therapist who understands something about non-duality might be a good choice.
I do not understand how there can be no ‘I’. After all, I have conversations. Do the words simply arise of their own accord?
What would have happened in history if everyone had been liberated, including great thinkers like Darwin, Marx and Freud? Would they still have thought of their theories?
I think that really I’m feeling the need for reassurance that the realities of life if I am liberated will be okay.
You ask “Do the words simply arise of their own accord?” Yes, that is exactly what happens. Everything is proceeding quite satisfactorily without there being any need for an ‘I’. Oneness is writing these words and Oneness is reading them.
Pretending for a moment that there is such a thing as time in which history can unfold, Darwin was Oneness Darwin-ing, Marx was Oneness Marx-ing—you get my drift. And all our memories, thoughts, ideas and speculations about your question can only arise in This. Why is that? Because This is all there is.
No one is liberated. No one has ever been liberated. No one will ever be liberated. There is only liberation, in which the existence of people who believe they are not liberated arises.
TRYING TO KNOW WHO YOU REALLY ARE
Many teachers emphasise that we need to discover who we really are. You and Tony talk about who we are not, but you don’t say much about who we are. Could you comment?
I wouldn’t worry about discovering who you really are unless you are interested in exploring yourself through psychotherapy, self-development or other means. Knowing who you really are will not help the seeing of non-duality. What (not ‘who’) you really are is Oneness, Being itself. As a person living in separation we are unable to see this, but when the person drops away, it is seen in non-separation.
CAUGHT BETWEEN AWAKENING AND LIBERATION
I may be one of those unfortunate beings who is stuck between awakening and liberation.
From a young age I was searching for enlightenment and some years ago I went through powerful kundalini experiences. I don’t think they actually had anything to do with enlightenment but they were certainly disturbing and painful.
Then I began to realise more and more that everyday life is a dream. This seems so obvious to me that sometimes I find myself laughing out loud at the joke of it.
My reading about this has produced some clarity but some of the authors, such Nisargadatta and Balsekar, have also really pissed me off. I do get that there is no one who owns their actions and there is no point asking “Why?”, but your ‘The Book Of No One’ really shook me to my foundations. It’s very hard for someone like me to lose all sense of meaning and hope but still be ‘trapped’ as a person.
I’m progressively losing my sense of a future or a past. I can’t project myself imaginatively into the future anymore or even plan quite simple things. And it no longer seems to me that I have an actual past that I lived through. I have a strong sense that our whole life only consists of the present moment. ‘I’ seem to be gradually disappearing.
Of course the autobiographical material stays intact. I know where I live and, if pushed to it, I can even find where I parked my car. But there’s nothing ‘inside’ that feels as if it is essentially ‘me’. Nevertheless, there’s still a painful sense of separation and a longing to be free.
You write about the despair that can be felt when meaning has been seen through but the sense of separation is still there. That’s what it feels like for me. It’s really terrible to realise that I don’t want anything out of life anymore.
Reading your book has sometimes produced a real sensation of shock in which my mind simply shudders to a halt. I really want to lose ‘me’. Is there anything you can say that may bring about ‘my end’?
I relate to a lot of what you say, especially the pain that can be experienced between awakening and liberation. Even when this is seen through in liberation, suffering can still arise, sometimes even more strongly than before. This is because the filters of separation have come off. However, in liberation it is common for suffering to become more visceral, to be sensed directly in the body rather than indirectly as a story in the head. I think it was Koho Zenji who said “No one knows sorrow like a Zen master.” However, if suffering does arise, it is likely that it will be moved through more easily. It might be more intense but it will probably be less long-lasting.
I wish very much there was something I could say “to bring about your end”, but you probably already know that there isn’t.
I’ve heard you say that even in liberation, suffering (including depression) can arise.
But who is it who suffers, if the person has been seen through? Some people seem to live very relaxed lives, but I find myself suffering a lot. I’m thinking of having some psychotherapy. Do you still think that psychotherapy has some value?
Anything that happens before liberation is seen can happen after it is seen. However, depression and boredom are much less likely to arise.
Who is it who suffers? No one suffers. Thoughts, feelings, physical sensations and perceptions, whether of suffering or of pleasure or of anything else, all arise out of Oneness and fall away again. In separation, it appears to be “my suffering”, or “my perceptions” or “my feelings”. But in liberation it is seen that this never was the case.
You mention psychotherapy. In dealing with suffering, it may be a very good idea to have some psychotherapy. Psychotherapy belongs to the drama of the waking dream. Non-duality sees through the drama of the waking dream. But the drama still goes on, just as the waves still go on even though it may be known that they are the same as the ocean. If the boat is leaking, it might be a good idea to plug the leak. If life involves a lot of suffering, it might be a good idea to see a psychotherapist.
It disturbs me when I read statements like “This is all there is”, “What’s happening is all there is” or “When you are inside a lift, that’s all there is”. These are sweeping statements about the nature of reality, but I cannot see any proof of their accuracy. You might say that nothing exists ‘behind me’. Nevertheless, when I turn around, I always see something. You could say that there is nothing outside my closed front door, but when I open it, behold! It’s my front garden!
The fact that something is not being observed at the moment does not guarantee that it does not exist, although I grant you that it does not guarantee that it exists either.
So how can you be so confident of what you write?
The points you raise make perfect sense to the mind. But a statement such as “This is all there is” is not a concept which I would want to argue for or against with the mind. Instead, it is simply an attempt to describe what is impersonally seen when the sense of separation drops away.
If you find these statements disturbing, it’s probably best just to leave them alone and forget about them. They have no importance and after all what difference do they make? Whatever concepts the mind may hold about them, if you open your front door and look out you will probably, as you say, behold your front garden. And when the lift reaches the ground floor and the doors open, my bet is that the lobby will appear.
There is a well-known Zen saying that after liberation “Mountains are no longer mountains”. The shock of seeing through everyday reality can be extremely profound and sometimes there is a desire to try to put into words a description of what is seen. “This is all there is” is a part of that description. But the Zen saying continues “Then mountains are simply mountains again”. In other words, this new way of seeing eventually becomes the normal way of seeing. After that there might be less excitement about trying to communicate about it.
LANGUAGE—‘CONSCIOUSNESS’ AND ‘AWARENESS’
Some people who communicate about non-duality avoid the words ‘consciousness’ and ‘awareness’ believing them to be misleading. They prefer the word ‘being’ because it is more neutral and has no specific qualities. But I have heard you talk about both ‘awareness’ and ‘consciousness’. And sometimes I think that words have to create confusion and arguing about them is just a mind-fuck. Could you comment?
I’ll comment on the point you raise, although these things often simply come down to how different people use specific words differently. On that level arguing about them can indeed, as you suggest, be a mind-fuck.
As language never really gets close to describing Oneness, descriptions that may sound different are sometimes actually not. I understand the reluctance of some people to use the words ‘consciousness’ and ‘awareness’ and their preference for ‘being’.
The trouble with using ‘consciousness’ and ‘awareness’ is that many people immediately personalise these terms and think of them as ‘my consciousness’ or ‘my awareness’. Then they may go racing off down the path of trying to ‘develop’ their awareness or consciousness as a way of finding non-duality. There are many teachers who will encourage them in this futile endeavour.
This is less likely to happen with the word ‘being’. It is more difficult with ‘being’ to interpret it as an internal quality which needs to be developed.
Nevertheless, there are circumstances where the words ‘consciousness’ or ‘awareness’ may throw some light on what we are trying to describe, as long as we resist the temptation to personalise them. For example, it is self-evident that there is ‘being’. Without ‘being’ there would be no appearance. But we might also suggest that it is self-evident that there is ‘consciousness’ or ‘awareness’, because without ‘consciousness’ or ‘awareness’, the appearance would not be known to exist.
The problem is that this description immediately sounds dualistic, as we now appear to have at least two things, ‘being’ and ‘consciousness’. If we add that there is also ‘unconditional love’, we are in an even worse pickle. But this is just the inevitable effect of using language.
We could try saying that there is only Oneness and that it has three characteristics. There is a well-known precedent for this, which is described in the traditional satchitananda. The three characteristics could be named as ‘being’, ‘consciousness’ and ‘love’. But this too can sound hopelessly dualistic.
At this point I can only apologise on behalf of Oneness because we have reached the limits of language. Language is always determinedly dualistic, dividing Oneness into this and that and the other. We have also reached the limits of the mind.
Of course none of this has any significance at all. If Oneness is seen, it is seen regardless of what language we use to describe it. If Oneness is not seen, it does not matter what language we use to describe it, we will not get any closer to seeing that there is nothing to seek.
DOES IT MATTER WHAT WE DO?
I’m reading your book ‘I Hope You Die Soon’ and I want to thank you for this gift. I can see that the body-mind arises within presence, as do all phenomena including thoughts, emotions and all other perceptions. I can see that I am not living life but that life is living me and all other people, but we make the mistake of thinking that it is we who are living life.
But I don’t agree with you that it doesn’t matter what we do. When I notice suffering, I am moved to help however I can, and especially by helping people to see that it’s all a story. So is it not the case that Oneness acts through us, in order to express unconditional love?
You say that nothing brings about awakening, but surely Oneness is calling out to us. Surely Oneness wants us to realise Oneness. Meditation may not bring about awakening, but doesn’t it help to create the right circumstances for awakening to occur and encourage us to let go of ‘me’?
Thank you for your kind words about my book.
I have never said that it doesn’t matter what we do. I have said that there is no one who does anything. That is quite different. When you (Oneness) see suffering, you (Oneness) may be moved to help. Oneness may also be moved to get drunk or to cheer at a football match or to shop for a new hat.
Oneness doesn’t act through us, because there is no ‘us’. This is the revelation that is seen when the separate self collapses; that there is no need of ‘us’ to help, to drink, to cheer or to shop for a new hat. All of that is going on quite satisfactorily without any need for ‘us’ at all. As for unconditional love, whatever is apparently happening, unconditional love is the case.
Everything is calling out to us constantly to notice Oneness. That is the nature of this waking dream. But to say that Oneness wants us to realise Oneness is to personify it misleadingly and to add yet another story to the simplicity of This.
I have found meditation to be wonderful, but there are no right or wrong circumstances which will create or hinder the seeing of Oneness. That is simply another story. If a person is letting go of ‘me’, they are still a person, and if there is no person there, then there is no need to let go of ‘me’.
I have a concern about death. I am wondering whether death might turn out to be temporary, the end only of this particular incarnation.
When ‘I’ die, another ‘me’ might arise out of the void. This would be a new embodiment, arising as the old one did. Then ‘I’ might have to go through the whole bloody process again, or it might be even worse!
Ramesh Balsekar was once asked this question but his answer wasn’t satisfactory. Maybe he didn’t understand the question or maybe he couldn’t answer it. I am not asking it frivolously. I would really like to have a satisfactory answer.
There will always be stories, either to torture ourselves with or to inspire us. Any speculation about death is just that, a story. We may also notice how contradictory many of these stories about death are.
When liberation is seen, it is realised that there is no separated self. Then concerns and questions about death have a tendency to drop away. This is partly because it is seen that what you really are was never born and so can never die. It is also recognised that the question that you ask belongs to the unknowable and, once this has really been recognised, the mind tends to become bored and lose interest. I would also add about death “Don’t worry, it will be okay.”
It is also possible, although not guaranteed, that when the self is seen through and This is seen for the miracle that it actually is, life will no longer seem like a bloody process but might be enjoyed with gratitude.
I hope you didn’t find my previous question daft. Ramesh Balsekar talked about ‘The Pool of Consciousness’ in which the impressions of a past body-mind are ‘recycled’ into a new body-mind.
This is really about God observing itself, isn’t it?
There really is no such thing as a daft question. I have read some of Ramesh’s theories on death, including the theory you refer to. I thought he was very confused and confusing. I was tempted to throw the book across the room, but as I was in Watkins Bookshop at the time this seemed ill-mannered.
Yes, this is about God observing itself. God is typing these answers and God is reading them. Or if you prefer a different kind of language as I do, Oneness is asking questions and Oneness is answering them.
CONSCIOUSNESS, AWARENESS AND DEEP SLEEP
Consciousness has the apparent aspects of awareness and the content of awareness, and these cannot be separated. They are one. But content and awareness are not there in dreamless sleep. So how can Consciousness remain in deep sleep?
To me it sounds confusing to say that awareness is something that Consciousness has. I use the words ‘Consciousness’, ‘Awareness’, ‘Oneness’, Non-duality and ‘Being’ synonymously. My description is that there is only Consciousness (or Awareness, Oneness, Non-duality or Being) in which content apparently arises as all phenomena.
Deep sleep is not simply an absence or a gap. As we have to use words, misleading though they are, we may as well say that there is consciousness in deep sleep, but this is not, of course, consciousness as experienced by an individual.
As there are no phenomena in deep sleep, there is nothing more that can be said about it. It’s quite a boring topic really.
I found your book very helpful in understanding what has happened for me. There has been an awakening here. It happened with the force of an explosion. It was very frightening to see that free will and life purpose do not exist and that there is nothing ‘sacred’ about ‘enlightenment’, it is just very ordinary.
Although my everyday personality took over after this ‘event’, I live with the knowledge that there is no free will and nothing to regret or hope for.
I do not have anyone I can talk to about this. Sometimes I feel despair and hopelessness, so when I read that you also felt these, it was comforting. I get the impression that many people are awakening but without feeling despair or isolation.
I know you can’t give me any advice but I’d appreciate your comment.
I hear from many people who experience something similar to what you have experienced and find themselves sometimes feeling despair and hopelessness as you do. So in a way it is a shared experience. But many people also find that it is impossible to share about this with others that they know, especially with friends and family.
As you say, there is no advice that I can give you. However, if it is possible for you to do some small simple things that bring you some pleasure, that is as good a way to pass the (non-existent) time as any other. When I was in despair I used to talk to Tony Parsons about this, and in his own way this is also what he said to me.
I’ve always felt burdened by a strong feeling of nostalgia. I’ve also always yearned for a deep connection with others. But somehow my relationships with others never fully satisfy me and leave me feeling depressed and lonely. I find this paralysing. Have you any advice that might help me?
There are a variety of things that an individual can do to make the prison of being a person more bearable. But I don’t give advice because different approaches suit different people. Some find therapy helpful, some a practice such as mindfulness. Some find reading useful. If you are drawn to reading, ‘The Happiness Trap’ by Russ Harris might address your situation. Ultimately, finding some simple thing that we enjoy doing may be as helpful as anything—a walk round the park, a cup of coffee—whatever it may be for you.
BEING IN A LIFT—IS THIS REALLY ALL THERE IS?
You say that all there is is This, but do you mean that literally? If that’s the case, what happens to you when I get into a lift? If you are sitting in your room when I get into a lift, do you and your room disappear? If so, that would seem to put me in a rather privileged position.
Does the world literally disappear when we close our eyes?
The mind can never understand this although it is natural for it to try. So all questions of this philosophical nature are futile. When I say “This is all there is” I am not making a philosophical statement. I am describing what is seen when the person falls away. Then it is known that This is all there is and nevertheless the dream of ‘you’ being in a lift and ‘I’ being in a room goes on.
In much the same way, you might have had a dream last night in which you were in a lift and I was in a room. But now you can see that none of that was real.
Can you write something to me about death and impermanence? It all seems so useless.
When it’s seen that there is no person who can die, death becomes irrelevant, a non-issue.
There is only This, whatever is manifesting right now. When This is seen for what it is without the person filtering it, then it is enough, it is all that is needed. Then questions about its usefulness or uselessness fade away.
I read in your book that after death there is enlightenment. But how can this possibly be known? After all, as Hamlet pointed out, no one has ever come back from death to talk to us about it. Even though I know that on one level this question is just the mind up to its monkey tricks, on another level it really bothers me.
It’s important to notice that the words I quoted, which are from Max Furlaud, are “At death there is only liberation” not “After death there is only liberation”. Death is the end of the dream of time, so there is no after death. But don’t expect the mind to be able to understand this, because the mind always wants a story and stories can only unfold in time.
Wondering what happens after death makes no more sense than wondering what happened in your dream last night after you woke up.
The answer to your question, which will not satisfy the mind, is that you can never know this. The person, having a mind, always looks for stories about what will happen next … and after that?… and after that?… and finally after death? But when the person drops away and it is seen that in actuality there never was a mind, all the stories collapse. Then it is seen that there is only liberation and that there is no one who could die because there is no one who was ever born.
WEI WU WEI, IRRITATION AND MEANINGLESSNESS
I find my struggle with non-duality and with life, and the sense of helplessness that it invokes, quite unbearable sometimes. Someone suggested I look for inspiration in the writings of Wei Wu Wei. But I find his books deeply irritating because I have very little idea what they are getting at. I start wondering whether I’m not intelligent enough to understand them.
I am becoming quite angry with my whole involvement with non-duality as my search becomes more and more desperate. But everyday life seems meaningless in comparison. Can you comment?
I tried a few pages of Wei Wu Wei (Terence Gray) myself some years ago but I couldn’t get anywhere with him, so I have some empathy with your irritation.
Mental engagement with non-duality can be very irritating for some people, partly because of the paradoxes involved and partly because the mind can never actually get it. This can generate a lot of frustration. I used to feel angry at meetings about non-duality, but nevertheless something kept calling me back to them.
If it’s possible to relax the mental effort that you are engaging in and enjoy some simple pleasures, that might be good. The mental effort won’t get you anywhere, after all. But of course relaxation and enjoyment will either happen or they won’t. That’s frustrating, I know.
Thank you for your reply. For reasons I can’t explain, I feel somewhat relieved by it. I do know that liberation will either happen or not and that is the crux of the matter.
I’d like to ask you another question. Can non-duality explain what consciousness is?
No, non-duality cannot explain what consciousness is. On the one hand consciousness is self-evident, but on the other hand there is almost nothing that we can say about it that makes any sense. Many psychologists and philosophers acknowledge this. The problem of consciousness is not amenable to a scientific explanation because science deals with the material and objective, but consciousness is non-material and subjective. In writing that I am not introducing any superstitious woo-woo about some mysterious non-physical effluvia, I have simply reached the limits of language.
Nevertheless, we could say that consciousness is embedded in the very nature of existence. The ancient yogic way of characterising the Absolute, which is of course in reality indescribable, is satchitananda. One element of this portmanteau word can be translated as ‘consciousness’. It is not quite correct to say either that the Absolute is conscious, or that it is consciousness, or that consciousness is a characteristic of the Absolute, but nevertheless that is about as close as we can get to a description in words.
You say that consciousness is non-material. Many physicists say that consciousness is simply a product of brain function, in other words entirely material. However, some physicists say that ultimately even matter is non-material. So who is right?
The current standard scientific paradigm, which is sometimes known as ‘material realism’ or ‘scientific realism’, holds that consciousness is an accidental by-product of the increasing complexity of matter as it evolves in brains. Many scientists also believe that consciousness has some Darwinian survival function, but acknowledge that they do not yet know what this is. Philosophers of consciousness posit the (at least theoretical) possibility of ‘zombies’, beings who behave identically to us but who have no interior awareness. They ask why it is that we are not zombies in this way.
We could express the scientific paradigm in this way: “The material creates consciousness. Consciousness is an epiphenomenon of matter.”
But if the scientists had asked a mystic, he or she would have told them that a more accurate description would be to put it the other way round and say “Consciousness creates the material.” Even more accurately, we could say that just as the Absolute and the relative are one, so consciousness and the material are one. Matter is consciousness, consciousness is matter, there is only Oneness and now it’s time for a cup of tea in the park café.
By the way, saying that “consciousness creates the material” has nothing to do with the comforting but facile beliefs expressed in books like ‘The Secret’ or ‘The Cosmic Ordering Service’.
Does transcendence exist? Is it the same as seeing non-duality?
Yes, transcendence exists. It is experienced by many individuals when for a variety of reasons, or sometimes spontaneously, they go beyond their egoic self.
However, this has nothing necessarily to do with the seeing of non-duality. Transcendence may happen without bringing about the seeing of Oneness, and Oneness may be seen without there being transcendence. Transcendence is an experience, although often a very refined ‘spiritual’ experience. The seeing of Oneness is not an experience, because there is no one there to be having an experience.
Nevertheless, it can be a good thing to explore the transcendental aspects of our nature if we want to live satisfying lives, just as it is a good thing to explore the intellectual, emotional, social, creative and physical aspects of our nature. In fact I would say that it is difficult, for example, to fully bring about therapeutic healing of ourselves without some apprehension of the transpersonal or the transcendent. I must acknowledge, however, that there are therapists who would disagree with this.
What is death? I would very much like to believe that at death not all of me will be annihilated. But nothing I’ve come across in non-duality has helped me to understand death.
When it is seen that there is no person and there never has been a person, it is known that at death there is nothing to be annihilated. Then concerns about death tend to disappear. A traditional way of putting this is “What you really are was never born and so can never die.”
It’s all very well for the one who has seen non-duality to say “What was never born can never die.” But for the one who hasn’t seen non-duality, this is impossible to understand. That makes this conversation extremely paradoxical and problematic, doesn’t it?
Yes, you express the paradox and the problem very well. Communication about non-duality can never get us anywhere, apart possibly to a mental understanding, which unfortunately is without value. Nevertheless, some of us are drawn to this communication like iron filings to a magnet.
Recently in a sudden experience the sense of separation and any sense of seeking ended completely.
Since then the apparent ‘me’ has returned. In spite of this I notice a stillness underlying all my impressions. I am both confused and frustrated by this. Any sense of seeking has disappeared, but when ‘me’ returns I still find myself overwhelmed by my negative habits. Why do both these habits and a sense of personal identity still arise, despite this awakening?
I also notice that now I really want to be with people and at meetings where non-duality is discussed. I love anything that points to the non-existence of ‘me’.
You describe a clear awakening event, in which the person suddenly falls away and Oneness is seen, but then the person returns, along with their negative habits.
This is quite common, and the mixture of stillness, confusion, frustration and the loss of a sense of seeking which you describe is also quite common. It is possible that the sense of ‘me’ that you still have coming and going at times may gradually fade, or that there may be another event in which it disappears. Or it’s possible that neither of these may happen, because there are no rules.
Your strong desire for communication with people about non-duality indicates that your head is now in the tiger’s mouth. From this, of course, there is no escape.
I don’t really understand your metaphor of the tiger’s mouth.
Ramana Maharshi said “Your head is in the tiger’s mouth and there is no escape.” This sums up very well the period which many individuals experience when a passion for non-duality has seized them but liberation is not yet seen.
PRESENCE
Everything is happening of its own accord. There is no person and so there is no choice. Sometimes there’s a feeling of contraction, sometimes there’s a feeling of relaxation, but neither of these are happening to ‘me’.
The apparent self deconstructs itself with or without self-enquiry. Past and future are a dream. Thoughts arise and fall away again out of nothing. There is no mind apart from these thoughts.
As you say, there’s nowhere to go and nothing to do. Isn’t that wonderful! Thank you for writing about This.
You give a very clear description. Enjoy presence.
I’ve recently watched a video in which Jill Bolte Taylor talks about suffering a stroke. She seems to feel that the loss of normal left brain functioning gives clearer access to right brain functioning. As a result the boundaries which make things appear to be separate disappear. Do you have any comments on this?
I’ve come across Jill’s video. It’s fascinating, but I don’t recommend a stroke as a way of seeing through separation. As there are no rules governing how the separate self may drop away, having a stroke doesn’t guarantee it and not having a stroke doesn’t prevent it.
Nevertheless, her account is very interesting. By the way, I believe that Ram Dass (Richard Alpert) had something to say of interest about this after having a stroke, but I haven’t followed it up myself.
Why for babies to arise do males and females have to merge? After all, the planet with its seas and its rivers, its sun and its moon, its mountains and its valleys, simply exists.
The mind is addicted to asking ‘Why’ questions. This keeps the mind eternally occupied and eternally in control, which is where it likes to be. Meanwhile the wonder that is This is being missed. Any answer to your question would just be a story, which another mind could easily countermand or contradict with a different story.
I have often heard non-dual speakers deny that time exists, saying that the impression that everything flows with time is an illusion.
If this is the case, how does one event follow another? Are impressions of past events really a kind of false memory?
You may have had a dream last night in which events appeared to unfold in time. But now you know that none of those events actually happened. The time in which they seemed to unfold did not exist. In liberation it is noticed that the same is true of this waking dream that we call everyday life.
Time is constructed by consciousness and events appear to succeed each other only because of consciousness. The past is a thought rising in this.
The mind can never really understand this because the mind lives in time. But in even one split second of awakening, time may be seen through and neither past nor future taken seriously again.
Many people, including me, fear death. Why is that?
As long as there is the sense of a separated person, it is quite natural to fear death because death threatens to bring this person to an end. This is why we make up so many religious and spiritual stories about how we may continue after death in some kind of afterlife or series of rebirths.
When the sense of separation falls away, it is seen that although there is no continuation of the separated person after death, there is no continuation of the separated person before death either, so fear of death tends to diminish or die away—although there is no necessity for this to happen because anything can arise in liberation.
The seeing in liberation of unconditional love also tends to diminish the fear of death.
Why do you speak about gratitude?
There is a great enjoyment of presence here and what arises in presence, so there is gratitude for the life of this waking dream as long as it continues.
Is there really nothing for ‘me’ to do?
It would be more accurate to say that there is no one who does anything. However, if a feeling that you can do something arises and it seems a wise or pleasant thing to do, you might as well follow it.
Can you explain what you mean by the sense of separation? Separate from what?
The sense of separation is the sense that ‘I’ am separate from ‘everything else’. This is what it feels like to be a person—to be separate from everyone and everything. In awakening it is seen that this separateness is an appearance. The underlying reality is that there is no separation.
Am I a person? If I’m not, then what am I?
If you feel yourself to be a person, we might as well say that you are one until that changes. But what you really are is Oneness itself. Alternatively we could say you are Being itself, Consciousness itself, or the phrase which most appeals to me “You are the light in which everything arises.”
But alas, this can only be seen when it is seen—please excuse the tautology. That happens when the sense of being a separate person dissolves or drops away.
After a strange period of seeing with ‘me’ being absent, now everything seems to have returned to business as usual except that it’s also subtly different. Of course I realise that this is also Oneness.
How can anyone really tell that something has been seen, as there is no one there to see anything?
“Business as usual except that it’s also subtly different” is a good a way to put it. We could say that nothing is changed because life simply goes on as before, yet everything is transformed because life is now going on for no one.
In Zen they say “First mountains are mountains”. In everyday life everything seems ordinary.
Then they say “Then mountains are no longer mountains”. In awakening the ordinary is seen to be extraordinary.
Finally they say “Then mountains are mountains again”. Eventually the body-mind becomes used to awakening and so everything seems ordinary again, yet now it is subtly transformed.
One way of describing this is that everything goes on as before, yet no matter what is happening, there is a resting in stillness and silence.
Your last question is too metaphysical for me. All I can say is that stillness and silence are known by no one, even as the drama of the character in the waking dream continues. That is the best description I can give.
Since there is no ‘me’ to bring about the seeing of non-duality, would it be accurate to say that I can do nothing? It simply happens? Is that correct?
That’s correct. It simply happens. But you can’t do nothing. If you try doing nothing you will find that something will always happen, except in dreamless sleep.
In the meantime, if you feel like there’s a ‘you’ who can do things, you may as well do things that make life more comfortable or that you enjoy. For example, I used to do therapy and I used to meditate. These things made life more comfortable. Now I walk round the park and drink coffee at the lakeside café, which I enjoy.
Of course it would be more accurate to say “There is no one who can do anything.”
POSITIVE THINKING AND THE SHADOW
Recently I’ve been feeling confident and pleased with my achievements. But now I’m finding myself immersed in a lot of fear, especially about financial and health matters. This is also bringing up a lot of anger for me. I know that my friends and colleagues would be very surprised by this if they knew, as I seem very together on the surface.
All my achievements seem without value and nothing brings me any pleasure. I’ve never felt so negative before. The only relief I get is when I’m immersed in non-duality, either at a meeting or when I’m reading about it, although I’m still able to get some enjoyment from being in the countryside.
For some time I’ve been practising positive thinking techniques and trying to change my negative feelings into positive ones. However, I feel I’ve finally come to the end of the road with these. I’ve come to the conclusion that they don’t work and they require great effort. Can you comment on my predicament?
I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time at the moment. Many people who seem confident and together on the surface are suffering so much beneath the surface. I’m reminded of the French priest who said that one thing he had learned from a long lifetime ministering to people was that most people are a great deal more unhappy than we think.
These techniques of positive thinking have become an unhealthy modern obsession, almost a religion. When they become an obsession they can have very negative effects on us:- they can drain us of our energy; they can encourage us to beat ourselves up when we inevitably fail to master them; they may make little allowance for the healthy expression of the shadow; they can encourage us to deny how things really are for us and to turn away from what is towards a fantasy reality.
All this can lead to the opposite of acceptance, although ‘the positive thinking sales force’ often preaches acceptance. These techniques can also induce a lot of guilt and easily become a form of ‘spiritual fascism’. I have acquaintances who suffer a lot from this.
Barbara Ehrenreich has written a book called ‘Smile or Die’ about the current obsession with positive thinking. You might find it interesting to read or you could look at the author’s website. Another enjoyable attack on the positive thinking movement is Oliver Burkeman’s ‘The Antidote: Happiness For People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking’.
A healthy way of dealing with our shadow and with uncomfortable feelings is to acknowledge them and let our attention be on them for a while, rather than to ignore them or try to force them into becoming something else. The humanistic psychologist John Rowan writes that the best way to get from where we don’t want to be to where we do want to be is to stay exactly where we are, even though we don’t want to be there. In other words, even though we don’t like how we are feeling, we can simply acknowledge it and stay with it with as much attention as we can naturally muster without strain. This may sound counter-intuitive, because our culture teaches us that if we don’t like a feeling we should try to get rid of it, but it is actually highly effective.
If we focus on the feelings in the body, rather than on the story in the head, these feelings begin to change and transform. They often uncover other feelings which we’ve been trying to avoid but which really need our attention. For example, underneath anxiety there may be anger, or underneath anger there may be sadness. Any combination of feelings is possible. There is quite a lot of wisdom in the humanistic saying “What you resist is what you get.” So if we don’t acknowledge our anger, for example, we tend to get more anger.
We don’t need to worry about what to do with these feelings, other than giving them focussed time and attention. That’s all they’re clamouring for. I recommend doing this regularly for a few minutes at a time, or however long feels okay without strain. After that we might go and do some simple thing that we enjoy.
All of this communication has of course been from Richard the therapist. As a therapist I’ve rarely found anything more effective and best of all we don’t have to pay a therapist to do it.
I’m conducting research into mystical and non-dual states and unity consciousness. As you live in a state of persisting non-dual awareness I’m wondering whether you would be interested in participating in this research.
The description of someone who “lives in a state of persisting non-dual awareness” is not one that I’d apply to myself. Instead I’d describe myself as an ordinary chap, where Oneness is seen, but not by me.
Words about this are always paradoxical but my description of non-duality is that it can only be seen when the person has dropped away or is not there anymore. After that, life goes on in a pretty ordinary and non-dramatic way, but maybe with a certain easing of tension, a certain dropping away of stress and neurosis, and a certain ability to enjoy simple things in presence.
LIBERATION IS MEANINGLESS AND JOYFUL
Thank you for your little jewel of a book.
Some time ago all searching ended for me just as it has done for you. Since then life has gone on pretty much as usual. So it seems that in the twenty-first century there’s no need to retreat to the caves or the mountains.
Now everything is seen to be meaningless but gloriously joyful.
Thank you for your lovely message. You express it so well. “Meaningless but gloriously joyful” really sums it up.
I’ve often heard non-duality speakers say “Nothing is happening”. But I notice that motion is everywhere. My fingers type this message, my cat stalks through the kitchen, my chest rises and falls with every breath that I take. How can there be all this energetic motion and vitality, yet nothing is happening?
Perhaps the closest we can get to understanding this is by analogy with a night-time dream. In a night-time dream, plenty seems to be happening but when we wake up it is realised that nothing has actually taken place. The people we met, the journeys we took, the places we visited in our dream, were all unreal. They were transient apparent phenomena arising in This.
We could say that, just as with a night-time dream, this waking appearance is both real and unreal. This is only a metaphor, but it may help the mind to grapple with that which can never be grasped by the mind.
You have written “This is it.” Tony Parsons says “This is all there is.” If I am lying in my bed and I shut my eyes, does the world stop existing?
“This is it” or “This is all there is” are not philosophical statements. They are descriptions of what is seen in liberation when the dream-story of the individual is seen through. However, the mind cannot make any sense of this, because to the mind there is obviously a world out there, for example a house, road and town in which you and your bed are situated.
As the mind can make no sense of this, it might just be better to forget about it. After all, it makes no difference. The dream-story continues whether this is seen or not. But if your mind wants to wrestle with it a little longer, you might contemplate the analogy of a night-time dream. All sorts of ‘realities’ can appear in a night-time dream, yet when we awaken, it is known that none of them were real.
As you read these words from the liberated perspective that you have, do you experience them as words that someone else has written in some other place and time, or as meaningless chaotic energy?
Liberation has no necessary implications. Everything simply goes on as before. Nothing is changed, yet everything is transformed because now it is seen that no one is experiencing it. A cup of coffee, a walk round the park, words on a computer screen, all continue to arise as before, but now they arise for no one.
By the way, I do not have ‘a liberated perspective’ because I am not liberated. No one is liberated. There is no such thing as ‘a liberated person’.
SHARING NON-DUALITY WITH OTHERS
How often do you share your seeing of non-duality with others in your everyday life?
When I’m trying to share about this with friends I find I often end up having to fight my corner.
In my everyday life I rarely talk about non-duality to others unless they are very interested in it. I find that most people are not interested and so when I’m with them we talk about other things.
And I’m wondering why you want to fight your corner.
You have described how your experience of liberation happened at a specific time and place. I assumed that this was the norm but then I heard Tony Parsons say that he had no idea when he experienced liberation. He simply realised at a certain point that liberation was the case.
Have you noticed any pattern with other people? If so, is it like yours or Tony’s?
Tony describes an event. He was walking through a park, then there was just walking through a park but nobody doing it. Nathan Gill describes an event. He was riding a bicycle down a lane, then there was just riding a bicycle down a lane but nobody doing it. I describe an event. I was walking through a country town, then there was just walking through a country town but nobody doing it.
The realisation of liberation may come with that event, or later, or not at all. Or the realisation of liberation may come without any event. There are no rules to this, because liberation is all-embracing and therefore excludes no possibilities.
The trouble with hearing these stories about ‘liberation events’ is that they can set up an expectation that some event has to occur and this can lead to yet more searching. But if that’s what happens, it’s what happens. Sorry about the tautology.
Yes, some people give me descriptions of similar events. For other people there is no event, just a gentle gliding into the realisation that liberation is already the case.
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LIBERATION AND DEATH
What is the difference between liberation and death? If those two events are equivalent, what is the point in writing about liberation, or in working to see what will happen at the moment of death?
The difference between liberation when the body-mind is still alive and physical death is that in the first the story, or waking dream, continues but now it is seen to be a story or waking dream. In physical death the story ceases.
There is no point in writing about liberation or in working to see what will happen at the moment of death. There is no point in anything. But if that is what is happening, then it is what is happening. In other words, everything is exactly as it is and it cannot be any different.
WHY TEACH NON-DUALITY IF EVERYTHING HAPPENS AS IT WILL?
I have heard you and other non-duality teachers say that everything happens just as it will. It cannot be any other way. So why do you and others teach non-duality? How can you or anyone else tell people what they should do or think? How can you give people advice about this?
I don’t teach non-duality. I just get together sometimes with a group of people and try unsuccessfully to describe This. I don’t tell people what they should do or think, or give them advice about this.
Of course I can’t speak for others. You’ll have to ask them directly.
HELP! MY GIRLFRIEND’S INVOLVED WITH A CHANNELLER!
I’m hoping you can give me some advice. For some time I have been very interested in non-duality. At the same time, my girl-friend has been attending weekly meetings with someone who claims to channel an archangel.
The channelled messages always stress how we are totally responsible for every thought we have and every action that we take. They emphasise the absolute importance of our free will and self-responsibility, and how we can create the reality we desire through the power of positive thinking.
I’m finding that, although I do not want it to happen, these beliefs are slowly and insidiously creeping into my skull. I’m being drawn into these beliefs that I should be able to control my life through my thoughts and now I’m getting depressed at my failure to do this. This is happening even though I can recognise that these beliefs are absurd. To make matters worse, my girl-friend is preening herself under the approval of her spiritual teacher, who tells her weekly that she is ‘an old soul’ and ‘spiritually advanced’.
Can you comment on my predicament?
The situation you describe, that of being with a partner who is following a spiritual path that fascinates them, is a common one. The story that we can receive channelled wisdom from great spiritual beings such as an archangel is highly seductive and appeals greatly to our spiritual egos. The very popular theory that we create every part of our own reality, that we are totally self-responsible, and that we can manifest anything that we desire, is also highly seductive. Put the two together and you have an almost unbeatable combination, with a channeller whose acolytes will hang on their every word.
But of course this channelled ‘wisdom’ is still just a story and meanwhile there is only This, presence apparently unfolding itself.
We might also notice how banal the channelled messages are, even when they are dressed up in cod medieval language as they often are.
I don’t give advice, but perhaps the recognition of the seductive power of the story that your girlfriend is following and the nature of its appeal, may help you to stay grounded in presence, the actuality of what is. Then you may be able to enjoy whatever simple things appeal to you, while those around you spin the kind of fairy stories that children love to listen to.
I have just finished your book ‘Drink Tea, Eat Cake’ and I have one question. Who are you?
Sometimes I disappear, leaving only the perfect emptiness and fullness that I long for, but then I return with just a memory of that.
I am an ordinary chap. I am a character, just like you and everybody else.
Perfect emptiness and fullness as you call it are always there, although not necessarily always noticed.
Just like me? You must be kidding! I am still frantically pushing boulders up the mountain.
You say that perfect emptiness and fullness are always there but not always noticed. Do you mean that you do not always notice them?
Being asleep and being awake are the same thing, so there really is no difference between you and me. The problem is that in being asleep, this is not known. Instead it is believed that there is a difference. That’s why searching goes on and that’s the reason for all the pushing of boulders up the mountain like Sisyphus. In being awake it is known that there is nothing to search for, so pushing boulders up mountains stops.
Perfect emptiness and fullness, or silence and stillness as I usually say, are always there. Sometimes they’re in the foreground, sometimes in the background. Sometimes they’re noticed, sometimes not. It no longer matters which.
BETWEEN AWAKENING AND LIBERATION
I like your books because you are non-compromising about non-duality. When I started to read about non-duality, a lot of my beliefs suddenly seemed to be superstitions and they dropped away. My beliefs in karma and reincarnation fell away for example. It felt wonderfully liberating just to be free of these. There were also sudden flashes of insight but after a while everything calmed down and became ordinary once more.
But now I feel stuck in quite a painful place, with lots of overpowering emotions coming up including fear and anger. I’ve stopped reading about non-duality as it seems to consist mostly of compromises on offer, like self-enquiry. I’m no longer seeking but I still have a strong urge to return home. Life is difficult right now.
It sounds like you are in that place between awakening and liberation. Oneness, or the non-dual nature of everything, has been seen, so the stories about meaning and purpose have dropped away. But there is still a sense of something missing, something to be found, while there is also a knowing that nothing can be done to find it. This can be very frustrating. It is like being in a desert or being stuck between an old way of being and a new way. It is one version of what the Tibetans call a bardo.
Many people go through this period. I did myself. It ends when the fullness of everything is seen as well as its emptiness. This can happen suddenly, or so gradually that it is hardly noticed until one day it may be quietly remarked “Oh. It’s all over.”
I’ve followed Zen for some years, partly because like you I feel that if there is a ‘truth’ to be found, it has to be very simple.
Now I’ve started reading about non-duality. You write about an awakening event in which the person vanishes. I cannot imagine how this can be, as there must be a point of localisation, a place from which it is known that this event is happening. How can it make sense to call this ‘a disappearance’?
What I describe is the complete disappearance of any kind of localisation. In this event, awareness is, as it were, seen to be ‘spread out everywhere’. You are right, this cannot be imagined by the person, because they seem to occupy a specific point in space-time.
This complete disappearance of locale does not last. After a while, the sense of localisation returns. What does not return in liberation is the sense of contraction that is experienced by a person. Then it is seen that there is no person, there is only Oneness, undifferentiated being appearing as all differences.
I recognise that this life is a dream. It is not real, yet paradoxically it is real. The great seers say that even the attainment of power over death can only happen within the dream.
Nevertheless are we able to change the dream from within the dream? For example, can we take action to avoid toothache or hardship in general?
Within the dream there is clearly cause and effect operating and it seems therefore that we can influence things. So if our teeth hurt, it is sensible to go to a dentist. If we face hardship, it is sensible to do whatever we feel we can do to ameliorate it.
But I am pointing to the possibility of seeing beyond the appearance, the possibility of seeing that there is no one who does anything, that there is only This, the immediacy of presence in which all activity and apparent doer-ship unfolds. In other words, there does not need to be a person for an appointment with a dentist to be made or for hardship to be ameliorated. Everything within the dream is simply happening, apparently.
Can you sum up for me the non-dual teaching in a few short sentences?
There is no one. There is no separation. There is nothing to find and there is no one who seeks. There is only This. This is it and This is enough. There is unconditional love. This is not a teaching.
So there is only THIS and not THAT? Is that correct?
There is only Oneness but in Oneness the appearance of separation arises and therefore the appearance of THIS and THAT arises.
You sometimes refer to a separate self. Do you mean separate from all that is?
Yes, the appearance of a separate self early in life, or the appearance of self-consciousness as we might call it, creates the powerful impression that ‘I’ am separate from everything else that is.
I’ve read that this is “Nothing appearing as everything”. How can nothing appear as everything? Is nothing full of everything? What would sum this up briefly?
“Oneness is Nothing appearing as Everything” is a good description. ‘Everything’ simply means whatever is. But I’d like to add that these words and concepts don’t really matter. If I had to sum up non-duality in less than five words, I would say “There is no doer.”
This stuff seems insane. Are you saying that the sense of self may just drop away of its own accord? Am I really at the whim of Oneness? Can you not give any guidance?
The mind can never understand how Nothing, or undifferentiated Oneness, can give rise to everything. The mind will always be confused by this and may very well consider it to be insane. This is why mystics are so damned impossible to understand. It can be very frustrating. But if the sense of being (or having) a separate self drops away even for an instant, it can then be seen directly that there is only Being giving rise to the appearance of everything.
That’s the best I can do. I can’t give any guidance about making the self drop away. It’s either there or it isn’t. There’s either someone walking down the road, or there’s just walking down the road with no one doing it.
Because the sense of self is a false sense, there is nothing it can do to make itself disappear. But if this communication doesn’t appeal to you, there are many teachers out there who not only will tell you that you can do something, they will also be happy to recommend exactly what you should do. Many people are attracted to their teachings and would take no notice at all of what I am saying.
Then if there is no doer, everything that happens is supposed to happen and there is no one responsible? So what is this show? Is it a dance, a play of light without substance?
“Everything that happens is supposed to happen” is a misleading phrase because it suggests that there is a plan that is unfolding as it should do, presumably with some purpose to it. But there is no purpose to being, other than being itself. So nothing is supposed to happen.
Yes, what is here is a dance, a play of light without substance. That is a good description. But while we are caught up in the drama of being a separate person, there certainly seems to be substance. In awakening and liberation that is seen through. Then it is seen that This is both real and unreal.
I’ve been reading someone who seems to be saying the same as you only without the recommendation to fart about.
That’s nice to know, but it may turn out that farting about is the really important part!
I suppose that after awakening, everything becomes delightful and not just farting. A cup of coffee, the sound of a dog barking, the texture of the chair I’m sitting on right now. That is the real miracle.
There’s a confusion over language here that needs to be cleared up. ‘Farting’ and ‘farting about’ are not the same thing. I recommend the second but not necessarily the first. I’m going to walk up to my local park now and when I’m there I’ll definitely fart about, but I won’t necessarily fart.
Thanks for clarifying that. So by ‘farting about’ you mean wasting time doing trivial things, focussing on the fun part of life.
Rather than wasting time doing trivial things, I would say that when the self has been seen through, and all the stories about important meaningful things have fallen away, then everything can be seen and enjoyed simply for what it is, the play of Oneness.
So is anything really important?
Only to the one who feels separate. When that’s been seen through, farting about can become quite delightful.
I deeply long for awakening to happen. But I found life more attractive when I still believed that there was something I could do to get rid of myself. Now that it’s seen that there is no hope as awakening either happens or it doesn’t, the world feels emptier.
What you express is a common experience when searching has lost its attraction but the person is still there feeling a sense of separation. This is sometimes described as being in a desert. I don’t give advice, but if I did it would be to spend some time doing whatever simple things you find in any way enjoyable.
Like farting about, I suppose. Thank you guruji!
I’ve read that Abraham Maslow’s philosophy is non-dual. Do you know of him? Would you agree?
I know the work of Abraham Maslow. He was one of the fathers of Humanistic Psychology. The idea of the ‘self-actualising’ human was his. It’s got some similarities with Jung’s idea of ‘individuation’, which Jung saw as the goal of a well-lived life. I would see his approach as being very different to that of radical non-duality. He’s full of recommendations for doing and becoming and interminable self-improvement. It’s okay if you like that sort of thing, but it’s quite tiring. I believe that Fritz Perls once accused him of being a spiritual fascist.
I am going through a lot of suffering at the moment. Although I understand intellectually that there is really no person who suffers, when suffering comes it overwhelms me. At these times, nothing that I know about non-duality helps me. Can you offer me some guidance?
Within this waking dream, great suffering can arise. This can even happen when non-duality or Oneness is seen. All I can suggest to anyone who is suffering is that they pursue whatever seems to offer comfort and makes the dream more comfortable. Although I can’t advise anyone as to what that might be in their case, I found in the past that meditation and paying non-judgemental attention to feelings were very helpful to me. So was doing very simple undemanding things that I enjoyed, such as walking round the park. Many years ago I also found psychotherapy helpful as well as physical practices such as yoga. Now I find tai chi delightful.
Although I enjoyed your book, since reading it I have felt that there is nowhere to go. I feel hopeless and helpless and I can’t find any meaning in life.
I realise that there is nothing ‘I’ can do because ‘I’ do not exist, but I want to have some advice, even while knowing that no advice is possible.
You put very well and very succinctly what people often feel when they are in touch with non-duality but haven’t yet seen the fullness of Oneness. I don’t give advice, but I found that when I was feeling hopeless and helpless, I wanted to derive what pleasure I could from doing simple everyday things like walking round the park, reading a book or watching a film.
SUFFERING: IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO?
I’ve been reading about non-duality. Ever since I was young I’ve felt that life is really a game, somehow fundamentally unreal, and now I feel that I may not be crazy after all. There are others who see life in the same way as I do!
Recently, ‘I’ suddenly wasn’t there. This felt like the recognition of something I’ve always known and quite natural. It even felt normal. But once ‘I’ had returned, I felt terribly depressed. I was confronted with knowing how reality really is, but not living that reality. That is very painful.
I’m still able to enjoy certain things such as classical music and the countryside. I know that it’s ridiculous to ask you if there’s something I can do, but I can’t resist. So here goes… Is there anything I can do?
I recognise what you write about very clearly. It certainly sounds as if you are in that period which can often happen after awakening, a time when the unreality of the person has been seen but the person nevertheless comes back. Many individuals report that this can be a very difficult time, a time when they still feel that they are searching for something, that there is something missing, but it is seen that there is nothing that can really be done about this. I went through such a period, which in my case lasted for about a year.
I don’t give advice, but nevertheless I would suggest doing whatever simple things you find pleasurable, as it sounds like you are doing with classical music and the countryside. As you like music, perhaps you could go to a concert. As you like the countryside, perhaps you could go for a walk. If you like food, perhaps you could have a nice meal. At some point perhaps it will be seen again that there is no one who is doing any of these things.
Thank you for your very good non-advice, which I’m following by enjoying music, walking and good food. But I’d like to ask you another question, this time about my relationships with people.
I’m finding my daily contact with people very troublesome. In one way I’d like to talk to them about non-duality, but my attempts have not been a great success, to say the least. And I don’t want them asking me lots of questions if they are not ‘simpatico’ to this. So I’m minimising my contact with people at the moment and talking about superficial things. How do you manage this?
I don’t manage it, or anything else. Everything simply happens. But awakening can certainly make relationships with other people difficult, particularly because we are likely to lose our enthusiasm for so many things that might have interested us before. I’ve lost contact with certain people who are very committed to following spiritual paths and I tend to avoid talking about non-duality to most people that I know. But apart from that, communication with others tends to become quite easy and simple, just like everything else.
It feels like Oneness had a very healthy impulse when it decided to write to you. There’s no searching going on at the moment, just a feeling of freedom from the need to change anything, especially ‘myself’. And the recognition of the simplicity and beauty of the ordinary things that are going on—the cat asleep on a chair, the snow outside the window. I don’t know what I’m thanking you for, but thank you.
BULLSHIT, GLORY AND THE COSMIC JOKE
This morning I realised that life is bullshit. And that life is full of beauty and glory. These two thoughts seem to me to be connected.
This is a cosmic joke, isn’t it? And it’s at our expense.
So what is here writing this to you? Is it just this body of flesh and bones?
It is a great paradox that seeing This as meaningless or bullshit and seeing This as beautiful and glorious are inextricably mixed. For me this seeing gives rise to gratitude.
As we and the cosmos are One, the joke is not at our expense.
What is here is Oneness appearing as all phenomena—including flesh and bones.
WHO IS TYPING THIS? DO POETS WRITE ABOUT THIS?
If nobody was ever born and nobody ever dies, then who or what is typing this message to you?
Are there any poets that write directly about this?
Oneness is typing this, Oneness is reading this.
People mention Hafiz and Rumi. Non-Duality Press publishes books of poems by Nicholas Czernin, ‘Wasteland Words’, and by John Astin, ‘This Is Always Enough’. However I haven’t read either of them, so I can’t recommend them.
WHAT IS ONENESS? WHAT SHOULD I READ ABOUT THIS?
What is Oneness? And if I were your son, and in some sense I am, what one book would you urge me to read before I die?
Any attempt to describe Oneness is futile because words can only describe separation. So all I can write is that Oneness is what is seen when the sense of being a separate person in a world of separate objects and experiences disappears. Then it is known that there is no separation and all the stories that we tell ourselves to make sense of the world are simply that, stories. There are many hints of this in the world’s religions and spiritual philosophies but they are usually quite well hidden.
There is no book that I would urge my son to read, but in the area of non-duality I can’t do better than recommend Tony Parsons’ book, ‘As It Is’.
The older I get, the more I find death a fearful prospect. Why is this? Can you recommend any book about death?
Where there is the sense of a separate person, as there usually is, the continuation of that person seems to be important and its inevitable end seems to be a threat. But once it is seen that there never was a separate person, this no longer seems important.
I’d hesitate to recommend any particular book about death but I very much enjoyed Ken Wilber’s autobiographical book ‘Grace and Grit’. Carl Jung also wrote very insightfully about ageing and death. I might recommend his autobiography ‘Memories, Dreams, Reflections’ though I found it heavy-going in places. More accessibly, you might like a book about Jung. You could try Anthony Stevens ‘On Jung’ which has a whole section on the mid-life to death period.
Can you recommend a book that directly addresses the absence of the individual? That feels more relevant to me than Jung.
The books that I’d most recommend that directly address the absence of the individual are those written by Tony Parsons or by myself. This may not be as narcissistic as it sounds. It’s not that there aren’t other excellent books that do so, it’s just that either I haven’t read them, or if I have, I’ve usually not enjoyed them so I couldn’t recommend them to others. However, you might also enjoy ‘Awakening to the Dream’ by Leo Hartong.
I’m very poor so could you recommend just one?
Tony Parsons—‘All There Is’, published by Open Secret Publishing.
I can’t afford it.
Try Tony’s ‘As It Is’. It’s shorter and therefore cheaper. Alternatively read the stuff on his website for free. Google ‘the open secret’, to find it. Good luck.
HOW MANY PEOPLE BECOME LIBERATED?
I’ve been a spiritual seeker for many years and recently I’ve been a teacher in a well-known spiritual organisation. The basic teachings of the ‘master’ are quite like yours except, like so many others, he says that we can save ourselves and the planet through our spiritual work. This seems to involve giving his organisation quite a lot of money. Like many others he gives 2012 as the ‘big crunch’ deadline for our efforts. (Author’s note: since this message was received in about 2010, this deadline has come and gone quite uneventfully, perhaps because of the good offices of the ‘master’ and his followers.)
I’d like to ask you how many of the people attending your meetings have ‘awakened’ or become ‘liberated’? Can you answer that question?
By the way, I’m quite good at farting about, as recommended (well, kind of) in your books.
I very much enjoyed reading your message. To be accurate, I’d have to answer “None” to your question because no one awakens or becomes liberated. However, in the spirit in which your question is asked, I’d give a resounding “I don’t know”, although the seeing of liberation seems to be happening more frequently nowadays.
I’m glad that you’re quite good at farting about. So am I. In fact I’ve recently given up some part-time lecturing so that I have more time to pootle about, which I also enjoy a great deal. I’m off now to pootle about in the park.
I was so pleased to read your answer. I understand that no one awakens and no one is liberated. Nevertheless, there seems to be an epidemic of awakenings sweeping the world with more and more books on the subject. We will see if the ‘master’ is right and 2012 brings about a great change (Author’s note: it didn’t), but “Don’t hold your breath” as they say. It would be a shame if we destroy the planet—it’s such a lovely toy.
I had started training as a psychotherapist when I unexpectedly came across non-duality. It has had a profound effect on me and now I am experiencing great doubts about whether I should go on with my training. Do you have anything to say about whether there is a conflict between psychotherapy and non-duality?
There is no conflict between psychotherapy and non-duality, unless your mind wants to create one.
You could avoid getting too caught up in any of the many different psychotherapy theories or stories. The best psychotherapists are usually the ones that know a wide variety of them and don’t take any of them too seriously.
Essentially, psychotherapy is a relationship. Beyond that, everything is in doubt.
In my younger days I spent some time in Osho’s ashram. I also read Ramana Maharshi, and once or twice saw Ram Dass. I liked them all and regarded them all as enlightened. Then I started to wonder whether they were simply self-deluded or actually charlatans. And now I find myself wondering the same thing about you.
‘Charlatan’, ‘self-deluded’ and ‘enlightened’ are all stories. Meanwhile This simply goes on being this.
Characters like Osho, Ramana Maharshi and Ram Dass become the targets of many of our most powerful projections, both positive and negative. This is because we live in separation and are looking outside ourselves for that which is inside ourselves. The language I am using here is rather careless but it makes the point well enough so it will do.
Jung expressed this much better than I can when he wrote that the last thing that many of us can believe is that anything good could come out of ourselves. “People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls. They will practise Indian yoga and all its exercises, observe a strict regimen of diet, learn theosophy by heart, or mechanically repeat mystic texts from the literature of the whole world—all because they cannot get on with themselves and have not the slightest faith that anything useful could ever come out of their souls.” (Carl Jung)
When I worked as a lecturer, I had a colleague who said “The trouble with students is that they are always at your feet or at your throat.” The same could be said of devotees. My colleague’s words are a wonderfully concise summary of the problem of projection.
By the way, I saw Ram Dass in Albuquerque many years ago and I liked him.
When it is seen that there is no self at the centre, then life just goes on. As they say in Zen, before liberation chop wood, after liberation chop wood. Life may get better. It may not. But it is seen that it is not ‘my’ life. No one is living it and no one was ever living it.
That is the revelation and that is why sometimes it is said that “Nothing is changed but everything is transformed.” After that our speculations about whether so-and-so is enlightened, self-deluded or a charlatan are likely to seem quite unimportant.
Some time ago, after I had been searching for a long while, there was an awakening. There was no self or time and there were no thoughts. In spite of this, life seemed normal, almost disappointingly so. But after a few days I became aware of ‘me’ again and I started to search for how I could replicate what had happened.
Since then I seem to be integrating all this, but it’s been quite a rocky road. There have been times of deep peace when all paths and practices seem futile and the past and future unreal. But at other times it feels like I’m in a desert, with fear and despair as my companions.
Do you have any comment on what’s going on for me? By the way, when I was writing this I made an interesting typo. Instead of “There were no thoughts”, I first typed “There were no oughts.” Well, those disappeared as well, I guess!
From what you write, it sounds like it is probably all over for you and your head is not just in the tiger’s mouth, but the tiger has bitten it off.
However, the mind may be hanging on to the idea that perhaps there should still be something else—for example that feelings of fear, despair and hopelessness should not arise in liberation. This is just a story which may simply fall away.
And congratulations on losing the ‘oughts’. That alone should allow some relaxation to arise.
It’s odd that so many of us visit so many teachers and spend so much time and money to discover what was always the case. We really are like fish discussing how to get more in touch with the sea.
I feel that most gurus and teachers are misleading. They can’t help at least implying that there is something other than This, some secret that can be discovered, probably only through their help.
Personal enlightenment or any other kind of ‘advanced spiritual state of being’ is clearly an illusion when this is seen for what it is. It’s a relief to give all those beliefs up.
The meetings I enjoy most about this are the simple ones, the ones without any bells and whistles.
Yes, discussions of this are exactly like fish talking about how they can get more in touch with the sea. That’s a wonderful metaphor. “We are fish complaining that we are thirsty.”
Dear Richard, I’m re-reading your splendid ‘The Book of No One’. It’s Friday morning. I’m drinking tea and looking out through the window at a huge sky that is contriving to make a little weather. I laugh and scratch remarks in the margins of your book. I am fond of chuckling and laughing.
A glimpse into the possibility that one’s own grave personage is in fact a fiction, lighter than air, can cause an unexpected levitation. This puts me in mind of St. Joseph of Cupertino who would bob among the rafters if not properly ballasted, or was that Teresa of Avila? No matter. The point is that I find myself occasionally weightless and bobbing around. I can only attribute this to missing baggage, or lost luggage.
It seems No One weighs almost Nothing. So it must be concluded that your book has every right to be considered a very effective means of weight loss. For selfish reasons I’d like to encourage you to write another. All the best, Rupert Peene
Dear Rupert, I love the metaphor. A third book has now been written but alas, it will only be available in German at first. An English edition should appear eventually, but the mills of publishers grind very slow. Best wishes, Richard (Author’s note: it has now been published in English as Drink Tea, Eat Cake.)
Many people are fascinated by the laws of attraction and fully believe that these determine what we experience in life. They say that if we follow these laws attentively, our lives should become smooth and fulfilling and we should obtain whatever we want.
What would you comment? Is this just another story?
The story of the laws of attraction is simply one of many that we love to entertain ourselves with to persuade ourselves that we understand the mystery of being and can be in control of something called ‘my life’. It is a very seductive story and very fashionable at the moment, but like all such stories it takes us away from the simplicity of presence and focuses us on the non-existent future and past.
A superstition is an improbable belief held on insufficient evidence. You can decide for yourself whether you think the story of the laws of attraction comes under this definition.
May I ask you whether, in the light of of non-duality, you think that everything is pre-determined? Or would you say that the reason events happen is pure chance?
To say that events are pre-determined, or that they are chance, or that they are fated, or that they are the result of karma, are all equally stories. There is nothing wrong with holding to any of these stories, but in liberation they are all seen through as equally meaningless.
There is no need to seek for an explanation as to why events happen and no explanation is anything more than an invented story. We could add that because there is no time, nothing is actually happening anyway. But because the mind constructs the appearance of time, there appear to be events happening and the mind would love to have an explanation for these.
In other words, the mind is always trying to solve a non-existent problem which it has itself invented. It is a bit like puzzling over whether God will be angry if we wear a hat in church, or if we do not.
I read your words “nothing is actually happening anyway” and for a while all my questions fell away. But of course after a while my mind came back again and rebelled against this statement. The thought that life is without meaning is very threatening to me from my ‘non-liberated’ perspective. Can you not offer me any hope or any way out?
No, there is no hope and no way out. Some individuals hear this with relief, some with despair. I don’t give advice but if I did I would suggest to people that they relax and do whatever small and simple things they enjoy doing.
I recognise the experience you describe in your book. Some time ago for a few days I simply wasn’t there. This was a joyful time and I was quite sure that it was ‘all over’ for me.
But now seeking has re-asserted itself, just as you write can happen. I have some questions I’d like to put to you about this:-
1. Is this what the Buddhists call ‘rigpa’?
2. Can this experience disappear? I feel that my ego has returned, but in spite of this, presence and stillness are often much more real than before. But at other times my feelings and thoughts completely overwhelm me, even more strongly than before.
3. Can you give me any advice?
1. I know only a little about Buddhism, so I can’t comment much on the term ‘rigpa’. Within Tibetan Buddhism, it is the word that most closely approximates to what can be described as the seeing of non-duality, or the seeing of Oneness. The form of Buddhism it relates to, Dzogchen, is the closest form in Tibetan Buddhism to radical non-duality.
2. Often there is a period of time between awakening and liberation when the self comes back and reasserts itself for a while, even though its unreality has been seen. Sometimes this can be experienced as a very painful time, a time without hope.
Moreover, sometimes even after liberation itself the mind can simply doubt that this is ‘the end’. This is because even in liberation uncomfortable thoughts and feelings can still arise. However, in liberation they are seen through. They may arise but they tend not to be taken very seriously. It is difficult to comment from your description on which of these has taken place, not that it matters in any case.
3. I don’t give advice.
For me there is quite a clear sense that there is no self, there is only Oneness. But I have a problem when Advaita teachers say that there is no time and that nothing has ever happened. I simply don’t understand this. It is obvious that events are happening and have done for hundreds of thousands of years.
Perhaps I’m wasting my energy on something that doesn’t really matter. I feel that for me this is the last real obstacle.
In liberation, when the person drops away, it is seen that This, presence, whatever is happening, is all that there is. It is the totality of existence. Of course there is a past, but it exists only as a thought that arises in This. Of course there is a future, but again it exists only as a thought that arises in This. Of course there seems to be continuity, which requires time, but that continuity is constructed only in consciousness which exists outside time.
The non-existence of time, like the non-existence of space, is either seen directly or it is not. The mind can never get it. As I often say in my meetings, I wouldn’t worry about it. After all, what can you do with it anyway? As long as there is an apparent individual in this waking dream we call life, time and space will continue to appear and the next apparent moment will probably, though not inevitably, arise.
I think I get what you mean. At least your description makes more sense to me than anything else I’ve read about this. But I’m confused by your phrase ‘consciousness which exists outside time’. I would describe this as ‘the ever-present now in which everything is apparently happening, like waves eternally breaking on a beach.’ There’s no real forward progression, but time appears to flow. Do you think that gets it?
Yes, that is as good a way of effing the ineffable, or describing the indescribable, as any.
A CONSTANT STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS?
How did you attain your state of consciousness? Do you experience it as constant?
It is not a state of consciousness and I did not attain it. It is neither constant nor inconstant, because it is outside time.
The seeing of non-separation happens in spite of us, not because of us. Liberation is seen because the ‘I’ is no longer there blocking out the view of non-duality. I’m sorry if this sounds paradoxical or confusing but liberation is not something that can be related to any personal experience.
You wrote in your reply that liberation is not something that can be related to any personal experience. But the appeal of liberation to me is that it offers the promise of improvement to my personal experience of life. If it doesn’t in fact do this, why should I or anyone else be interested in it?