Alateen

Dad heads back to

Ray’s Inn, NY,

becomes what Mom calls

an “active alcoholic”

and stops calling,

even on some birthdays.

Lewis, furious

about the fireplace,

paces the basement

with such rage I fear

all the walls will crumble into dust.

I downplay the axe incident.

Mom already feels guilty

for leaving me.

Lewis fixes the fireplace

the ducks, Bob and Anna, come back

and Mom takes us to Alateen

where other kids

talk openly about their alcoholic parents.

Like it’s okay

to say all this stuff.

It’s a backwards, opposite day

bizzaro world where

we only discuss

things I can never talk about.

Like how the people

who are supposed to protect us

sometimes can’t

or don’t.

Painful family secrets are exposed

actual feelings rendered into words.

Impressed by the proceedings

I open my mouth, share my

axe-dad story. Even joke about

The Shining but confess

how freaked out I was. Terrified.

The other kids of alcoholics

stare at me with round eyes.

When we leave,

I carry a lit lantern.

The dark basement

less lonely,

its dangerous pull

weakened.

But Mom is busy with her

new counseling gig

on top of her teaching job

plus planning a

brand-new fresh start wedding with Lewis

and doesn’t bring us back,

which is probably for the best

since I shared too much anyway.