Random Survivor Tips from Teachers

Dear Children:

If you find yourself caught

in quicksand

sinking

do whatever it takes

to get horizontal

move as little as possible

so you will sink slower

and increase odds

of being rescued.

Dear Students:

If you find yourself captured

by a python

squeezed and squeezed

till your eyes nearly pop

you must pinch

that snake hard

pythons famously hate

being pinched

and if you pinch hard enough

it will drop to the ground

and leave you alone.

Dear Females:

If you find yourself attacked

by a rapist

rake your nails across his eyes

punch his throat

knee his groin.

Although, be warned that

resisting the rape may escalate things,

and you could get yourself murdered,

also be mindful,

you really shouldn’t scream

because that’s what he wants.

And try not to call out, “rape!”

Instead, yell, “fire!”

because if you shout “rape!”

nobody will come to help you.