Crystal has an arsenal of
cute friends
I crush on a husky one,
despite her warning
“He’s a dog.”
I’m thrilled
he likes me back.
We talk, laugh
go out for drinks at dance clubs
where I dance and he drinks.
After, we make out
in the family room of his house
while his parents sleep,
presumably—
I’ve never met them.
And I perpetually block
his barrage of attempts
to have sex,
because frankly
I’m scared of sperm.
He takes me on a weekend trip
to a cabin upstate,
asks if I like champagne
“Not really” I respond
right before he presents
a classy pink bottle.
He pouts at how I’ve ruined
his perfect surprise
and I give him a
consolation blow job
because, hey, I barely ate today
and my sperm-o-phobia
happens to be
fertilization specific.