Wannabe

There are all kinds of shitty showbiz jobs

and I commence combing my way through them.

PC Expo at Javits Center

I tower in heels

handing out

floppy disk startup trade show pamphlets.

Am told they appreciate my enthusiasm

“but please stop trying

to explain the software.”

A graveyard photo shoot

for a supermarket rag

titled, True Story

to run alongside a piece

about a girl’s dead dad

she can’t forgive.

My green suede skirt

“all wrong”

my reddened eyes

won’t stop watering

from the makeup and wind,

which is unfortunate

because the girl in the story

doesn’t cry for her dead dad.

Posing

for a catalogue

the photographer rants

about my cuticles as if

they’re not attached to a human being

with ears and feelings.

Apparently, manicures

are an unspoken norm,

I’ve never had one,

can’t imagine

paying good money

when I have an ocean of

wet n wild polish at home.

A runway star, not at Fashion Week,

modeling wedding gowns for eager brides-to-be.

Not aggressive enough

as a department store perfume sprayer

but find my groove goofing around

with guys at golf outings,

helping the men

laugh and spend money.

Finally, a non-speaking role.

Pretending to talk on the phone.

I way overact,

flipping pale, damaged hair in fake glee.

Typical ridiculous

embarrassing talentless clown.

I channel my inner-Sequinette,

wearing elaborate costumes

to gigs with an event DJ.

I am a sexy pirate. Salsa dancer.

Space cadet in knee-high silver boots.

Dance everything

from ballroom to vogue.

Perform at bar mitzvahs,

birthday bashes and holiday parties

all over Manhattan.

At Windows on the World,

the top floor of One World Trade,

I stand on a speaker,

buzzed from free screwdrivers

teaching party guests

how to pantomine Y and M and C and A

dancing with earnest abandon

I am not too much

look out through

the back wall of windows

constellation of lights

twinkling far below.

This city is mine.

Or it will be.

I want everything.

Lust for NY like a lover

jealous girlfriend.

I cannot get enough

just wish I could make

NY love me back.