I cannot help that
my volume dial is broken
I am loud
too loud
and excitable
and when I’m excited?
Way too LOUD.
Forget myself until I hear “shhhhh,”
like ice water tossed in my face.
Reminding me I’m too much.
Should be less.
I hate the absoluteness of me.
Try to act laid back
but forget myself
constantly exposed by
a suicide vest of
laughter bursting from my chest
drawing stares,
reminding me I need to be cool
stop being
too much
too big
too earnest
too intense-in-your-face
too freaking loud.