I hope your cranial lightbulbs have been popping on as you’ve read this book. By now, you’ve likely identified the clients in your practice who are addicted to misery.
No wonder it’s been slow going with them. A client addicted to misery can make us feel like we missed some critical class when we were being educated—the one called “What to do when nothing works.”
If at times you’ve feared you’ve lost your touch, do not worry. You’ve just been up against a person’s survival system. You assumed, like I did for many years, that the person was coming to therapy because she wanted her life to improve.
Actually, she does want her life to improve. But even more, she wants to feel safe and to have the internal dialogue that paralyzes her to be comprehended. She wants to be with someone who understands what’s going on for her.
I have an essay written just for you on my Web site. In it you’ll find what I’ve learned about what works and what is doomed to fail in interactions with a client who is addicted to misery or self-sabotage. Included are suggestions for therapy goals, typical dilemmas faced by this client, how to respond to those dilemmas, mistakes to avoid, and examples from my own experience. I also answer the question: does a misery addict have a borderline personality disorder?
A client who is addicted to misery needs a different therapeutic structure than an ordinary client. Indeed, I’ll go so far as to say that expecting misery addicts to profit from a one-size-fits-all approach helps to set them up for more misery. Sadly, it also discourages them from therapy, one of the few venues that can show them (in concert with a recovery program) a way out of their desolation.
You are important to your client. Yet this client, more than many others, may tax your patience and require much of you. Perhaps my suggestions will allow you to relax, take a wider view, see this client more deeply, and embrace what matters most.
Please visit my Web site, www.annekatherine.com, for some support and ideas.