CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

Make a Commitment to Yourself

If you’ve read most of the chapters in this book, then deep in your heart you want to leave the valley of misery.

And you can. You were not destined to stay there.

You’ll need to help yourself remember to actively do things that keep you from sliding back into misery. Remember that you are vulnerable to sabotaging yourself. Write a sticky note, set an alarm in your computer or Palm Pilot, or do something else that will remind you from time to time to take positive action. Here are some slogans you can use.

Recovering misery addicts are susceptible to three self-sabotaging choices:

 

1. reducing or eliminating their contact with their recovery community.
2. spending time with people who criticize them, use them, or hurt them.
3. abandoning their commitment to themselves.

 

Stay committed to yourself and your life. When something goes wrong or someone says something hurtful, you are vulnerable to thoughts such as What’s the use? or I might as well give up.

Don’t succumb to these. Things do go wrong from time to time for everyone; that’s why there’s a bumper sticker about it.

REVERSE

 

• Don’t get stuck in reverse magical thinking, in your old beliefs that things can’t work out for you. Remember, you learned such beliefs because of how you were treated.
• Don’t let yourself be treated badly by anyone, not even yourself. Tell the person to stop, or just leave.
• Remember that, most of the time, when things don’t work out, it’s due to one of these causes: (1) a failure to plan and follow through; (2) not listening to your instincts; (3) risking too much with hurtful or thoughtless people; or (4) not risking enough with healthy, loving people.
• Don’t spend time with people who can trigger a slide back into misery. You lose options once you are triggered. I repeat: you have much more choice before you are triggered. The best thing you can do with people who will treat you poorly is to stay away from them. Sometimes this may mean staying away from members of your own family.

 

Often, when we’ve been victimized as children, we tend to drift into a victimized stance as adults. One way we play this out is by waiting passively for someone else to do whatever will make something work.

Stop waiting. It’s your life. So go ahead; you make it work out. You have the power. Don’t depend on someone else who may have a different agenda.

ADVANCE!

 

• Make a commitment to yourself. Keep this commitment.
• Take active steps to get what you want for yourself. Ask for things. Ask for opportunities.
• Stay conscious and in the moment. Stay thoughtful.
• Ask for and use help. Don’t turn down good help when it is offered.
• Spend plenty of time with other people in recovery.
• Keep your mind alert by staying abstinent from mind-dulling substances and activities.
• If you feel overwhelmed, ride out the wave. The word overwhelm comes from seafaring Scandinavia and refers to water washing over the helm of the ship. When water rushes over your helm, put on a life preserver and start paddling.
• If something goes wrong, review it to see if you set up a negative outcome. Learn from it. Figure out how you can make better choices for yourself next time.
• Take responsibility for yourself and the quality of your life.

 

You can rise into joy. It is possible. Truly.

ACCEPT YOUR SPIRITUAL CALLING TO BE JOYFUL

You were born into circumstances that you were meant to move beyond.

Your spiritual sources do not want you to suffer. They want you to accept the challenge of climbing to joy. It is your destiny and your purpose.

You are unique. Your life is required. Live fully into the promise of your life—now.