Chapter Sixteen

On Saturday morning, Dave committed fully to the gig and brought his guitar downstairs for a practice run. With Jake and Teo cooking in the kitchen and Livie working in the office, this was as private as he could expect.

He studied the bar and dining areas. No space set aside for performing. No dance floor. No PA system. Too bad all his sound equipment was in California. Oh, well, he’d been considering upgrading his system. Guess the time was now. He’d hunt down the necessary equipment and do this gig right.

The wall beneath the blue tang had a convenient power outlet and looked to be the best spot to set up.

Dave let his hands and mind fall into tuning and an aimless and relaxing warm-up. He shut his eyes, listening to how the sound played the room. This guitar wasn’t the fanciest or most expensive he owned, but she was durable, traveled well, forgiving over weather extremes, and her lush voice rang true for him to his soul.

He wandered into a Mason Williams tune he’d always loved. “Classical Gas” was one of the pieces that had caught his imagination when he was a kid and drawn him to the guitar.

What if he’d followed his heart in college and declared in music rather than biology? Bio had been easy and interesting, and yeah, he should have applied himself more, but he was already dedicated to firefighting and none of the post-graduation options had interested his adrenaline-junkie side. Then he’d gotten into the smokejumpers. Composing had faded to a sporadic hobby, and the guitar playing sidelined to easy off-season money.

What might his parents have thought about his footloose life?

He shook his head. Probably be as confused by him now as they’d been then. Losing them, losing the chance of confronting them, of building some connection—Water under the bridge. Not everyone was cut out to be parents.

As for the last time he’d followed his heart in a relationship? He’d made mistakes with Tess. The truth was clear. He hadn’t loved Tess all the way, hadn’t fought for her love all the way.

So where was he with Livie? This was different from Tess. Everything was different with Livie.

As he mulled the options facing him, his fingers wandered through chords, the peace of playing stole into him, and Classical Gas segued into Bach and B.B. King and Metallica and into his own slow, flamenco-inspired piece, driving his memories to making love to Livie under the desert stars.

He finished, and stared at his fingers resting on the strings. If only decisions were as simple as choosing chords. Getting into a relationship while his life was so unsettled was idiotic, but not trying…

“That was wonderful.”

Feeling rawly exposed, he swallowed and looked up. Livie perched on a barstool, softly smiling. How long had she been listening?

“Hey there.”

“I heard you play last year at the river, of course, but this was incredible.”

“Thanks.”

“Your guitar sounds beautiful.” She cautiously walked over.

“I need to pick up some sound equipment, but, yeah, she’s got a sweet voice. Playing her always feels right.”

“Get whatever you need and make sure you give me the receipts.” She delicately traced her fingertip over the glossy wood. “Why do you call your guitar she?”

He winked and scrambled for a joke to escape the memory flashes of her shy hands stroking him in the desert sunlight, on him stroking her…“Anything with these curves and her sweet voice just has to be female.”

Livie laughed. He loved that sparkle in her eyes.

Their eyes caught. And held.

He dragged his gaze away. “I’d better clean up here, then hit the road for the equipment.”

“Before you go, could you give me a hand getting some Halloween decorations down from the attic?”

“Sure.”

“We can stash them in the office, and I’ll decorate little by little this week.”

“Some” decorations ended up being six large, worn cardboard boxes brimming with decorations Jake must have collected over the decades.

“He really gets into this, huh?” He stacked the last box in the office.

“Christmas, New Year’s, Valentine’s Day, Memorial Day, Fourth of July, Halloween, Veterans Day, and Thanksgiving. Christmas is his favorite. He closes on Christmas Eve and throws a private party for family and friends. It’s a wonderful time. I missed so many while mar—”

She sighed. “I just missed them. Oh—if Uncle Jake hasn’t already mentioned it, he decided on a pirate theme this year and we all dress in costume.”

“I can do that.” He slung his guitar over his shoulder. “I’ll try to make this equipment run fast.”

“Thanks. I can’t believe he asked you. I mean, I’m glad he did. We’ve discussed getting music in here on occasion. You’ll be great. Getting him to make a change like the new barstools usually takes talking until I’m blue in the face.”

“We’ll see how it goes.”

Walking away without touching her was hard. Deciding how to break this limbo here was harder. Everything kept circling back to Livie and what he was going to do about his life. Her life was here in Florida. His was in California.

Life? Ha! No job, remember? A trailer bachelor pad and a boat—Not exactly a life. You ready to change for her, be what she needs? She’s going to want the ring, the love, honor, and cherish until death do you part, two point five kids, and a house without wheels thing. You ready for that reroute of your life plans?

Ring, love, honor, and cherish, yeah, he could do that. But kids? He’d never wanted a family. Tess and he’d been in sync on the no kids and the mobile life, but that hadn’t kept them together. And he’d been faithful, although Tess refused to believe him. Committing to Livie meant committing to staying in Florida and her dreams of running the bar. No way she’d want to live in his trailer and move around on a whim.

He found a great deal on the top-quality portable PA system he been wanting and the other equipment he needed. He’d no intention of giving the receipt to Livie. He’d just sell his old system to make up for the splurge.

After much fussing from Livie, and multiple reassurances from Dave and Jean to keep an eye on Jake, Bettie dragged Livie off for their planned girl’s night out to celebrate a friend’s birthday.

Maguire arrived, later than usual, taut with anger, and ordered a Maker’s Mark.

As Dave poured the bourbon, Maguire’s cell phone buzzed. He rejected the call without a glance at the caller ID.

“I swear I’m going to strangle the old buzzard.” He downed half his drink. “And the rest of my family. How the hell am I supposed to deal with Granddad, Grams, Dad’s shit, the shit at the ranch, and Sherrilee’s—well, shit.” He heaved a breath, mouth pressed in a bitter line. “Sorry.”

“No problem.”

“Some days I think my brains are goin’ to blow from the steam. I can’t do a damned thing for Dad except hang in here for him, and Sherrilee—my youngest sister—is running around like a brainless buckle bunny after some jerk-ass bull rider. I know Granddad’s set in his ways, he’s in pain from the arthritis, and he misses Grams, but hell. Days like today make me want to go back to sea. Nuts how you can love someone and hate their damned guts at the same time.”

Oh, yeah, been there, done that. Dave nodded.

When Maguire’s cell buzzed again, he powered off the phone. He downed the drink, and hesitated with narrowed eyes before pushing the glass over. “Hit me. I’ll walk or call a taxi. I’m off duty.” He slid his keys across the bar.

****

Chinese food and drinks with good friends on a rare Saturday night off to celebrate Krissy’s birthday, followed by a comic chick-flick, should be a fun relaxing evening. Should be.

“So, Olivia, what’s the deal with Dave? Is he sticking around?” Bettie smiled innocently above the salted rim of her margarita glass.

Olivia poked her spring roll around on the plate. “For a little longer.”

Bettie sighed. “You need to stop mooning over him and work this thing out.”

“No! We don’t have a thing. Well, we had a vacation…thing. He’s going through some stuff. It’s…he’s not the right man. He’ll be heading home to California.”

“Methinks the lady does protest too much.” Bettie grinned.

Shannon laughed. “Confess, Olivia, you are completely into him. And have you seen the way he watches you? Totally melt-worthy.”

“You know, he flirts with everyone.” Seeing Dave settle in to working at the bar was wonderful and difficult. A subdued Dave felt so wrong, but seeing him flash his smile and casually flirt with the women customers hurt.

“Jake likes him.” Bettie scooped more rice onto her plate.

True. Jake hadn’t liked R.J.

Krissy chimed in, “Honey, he may flirt, but the way Dave looks at you, it’s not because you write the paychecks.”

“He’s not…” Olivia floundered. They weren’t a couple. All they shared was a past affair, a hallway, and a workplace. He was free to flirt with any woman he wanted. “Dave’s not…”

Bettie laughed. “The right guy? Honey, you did the ‘right’ guy thing, and that was a flop. Stop thinking what your parents want for you. What do you want for you? Give that sweet ol’ bad boy of yours a chance. Does he drink too much? Sit on his ass and let others do the work? Knock women around?”

“No, no, and no!” The way he’d protected her from R.J. flashed to mind.

Yes, she wanted Dave, but if she did what Bettie suggested, she was opening herself up for another painful fall. With Dave, her eyes had been opened, not only about sex, but to many things about herself.

Too late. You fell the moment you told him to stay.

Bettie narrowed her eyes. “Please, oh, please, you don’t regret divorcing R.J.”

“Absolutely no regrets over the divorce.” Over the marriage’s failure, yes. “I suppose being childless was lucky. One less financial issue to dispute, right?”

“Honey, you’ll have kids someday.”

Her heart ached. What a fool she’d been. At least he never got any of his flings pregnant.

“Dave’s not like R.J. Heck, he even handles Old Roy’s crap. That mean old fart nearly choked on having nothing bad to say about that old-fashioned Dave mixed for him on Monday. We vote you give Dave a chance.”

“Neither of us is at a stable point in our lives for a relationship.”

Shannon laughed sharply. “Liv, sweetie, if you love him, it’s the right time.”

“Dave and you’d make such pretty babies.” Krissy sighed dreamily. “Can I be an honorary aunt?”

“Ask him if he wants kids, silly. Heck, I’ll ask him for you.” Bettie’s eyes gleamed with amused threat.

“No! I know he doesn’t want kids.” Olivia shook her head at them. “He said so. He’s not the kind to settle down.”

“Are you so sure? He looks real domesticated in those pictures playing with your friends’ kids.”

“You girls are going to drive me to drink.”

“If that will help you jump his hunky body—waiter, we’re ready for another round.” Krissy waved her hand.

“She’s blushing. Our Liv is so into Dave, oh, yes.”

“Could we please change this conversation, please?”

The girls finally took pity and agreeably changed the subject. The movie was as lighthearted and fun as the reviews promised and finished in time for her to get home before closing.

As she walked in the bar, Uncle Jake’s smile lit up, and sparked her own rush of happiness. Dave was at the far end, taking an empty beer mug from Royce, who slouched in the corner looking worse for wear.

Dave waved, his smile raising an entirely different steamy rush. “How’s the movie? Have a good time?”

“Yes.” The dinner interrogation flooded her, and she blushed.

“The lovely Liv at last.” Royce saluted her and grinned wryly. “Yeah, before you ask, I’m mostly shit-faced, and yeah, I called a taxi.” His old Texan drawl came through heavy.

“What happened, or do I not want to know?”

“Just a short shore leave. Or I’m AWOL, dependin’. I have not answered my phone. At all. Have I, Dave?”

“Nope.”

“Will you be okay?”

“Yeah, no worries about me, Liv, never get sick. ’Cept on the ocean. Iron stomach on land, no matter what. Had a great time here tonight. Nice guy, your Dave. Downside, have to deal with a hangover and Granddad and phone calls tomorrow. Oh, hell. Family, can’t live with them, cain’t—can’t ignore the phone forever.” He swayed to his feet and steadied. “Taxi’s comin’. I better wait outside.”

Royce walked remarkably steady and straight. Uncle Jake met him at the corner of the bar, clapped a hand on his shoulder, and murmured something. Royce burst into a broad laugh and threw his arm around Uncle Jake’s shoulders as they headed to the door. “You’re so right, Jake. See you around.”

Livie sighed and slipped onto a barstool. “Poor Royce, he’s got his hands full.”

“Yeah, gathered that.” Dave grinned. “Maguire’s chatty when he’s had a few and chilled out.”

What had Royce said? She refused to regret that one sweet and unrepeated kiss.

“How were things here tonight?”

“A good night, busy enough.” Dave rang out their last customer.

“Door’s locked, and Junior’s off okay in the taxi.” Uncle Jake eased wearily onto the stool beside her, and Dave poured him his evening nightcap. “Rough seas ahead for Junior. He can do it though; only one in that family with enough backbone to handle Old Roy since Del took sick. His Gramma Violet, she was sweet as Old Roy is mean. He wasn’t always an old crabby cuss, but between Violet with the Alzheimer’s, his arthritis, and being a stubborn asshole…He’s chased off his son, daughter, and every grandkid who’s tried to help. Dave, make Olivia a Black Russian, then pour yourself some of that new single malt and grab a seat. You’ve been on your feet long enough.”

“I’m fine.”

“Sure you are, and you deserve a good drink.”

As everyone took a seat at the bar in the pleasant after-closing quiet, Dave busied himself fixing the drinks. Uncle Jake kept a routine of light cleanup at closing, sitting down to talk over the day and plans for the next, and leaving the heavier cleaning and setup for the morning after a good night’s sleep.

“So tell us about the movie.” Uncle Jake sipped at his drink.

Livie shared her night, omitting the discussing-Dave-at-dinner part. Seeing Uncle Jake laugh and Dave relaxed and smiling—this was good, this companionable family mood settling between them.

She sipped the sweet strong drink and looked up to find Dave’s eyes blazing with the warm want the girls had teased her about. Conflicted, she wrenched her gaze away. What if their affair wasn’t a simple rebound from the trauma in their lives? What if doing everything wrong had somehow spun everything right again?

This time, Dave waited with her as Uncle Jake took his stubborn, solo walk home. This time, as Dave followed her upstairs, the tense air between them shifted from prickly distance to charged with question. This time, when they said goodnight and she shut the apartment door between them, the ache in her heart eased.

What if the wrong man was the right man—for her?

****

Dave listened for the click of Livie’s door and stepped inside his apartment.

Another day done and still no decisions.

He popped a beer, stretched out on the bed, and dialed Nate’s home number, taking a chance Nate was home and awake.

However, Kay answered, happiness ringing in her greeting. “Hi, Dave.”

“Hey, Kay, how are you?”

“I’m awesome today. I finished a new painting, which I’m so happy with, and I painted our bathroom. Now I’m being lazy and reading with a glass of wine before I fall asleep. Nate’s out shooting a wedding tonight. How are things in Florida?”

“Ah, good…” Not exactly the truth. He sighed. “Strange? Trying to figure out what I’m doing from here.” Livie and Kay being friends made choosing his words tricky. “Bottom line is I want to fix things with Livie, but is it the right decision for us or am I being selfish? I haven’t been serious with anyone since Tess and I screwed that up.”

“Stop! Put the blame for your breakup where it belongs. You were faithful. Tess wasn’t. She wanted you to be someone you weren’t. You at least made an effort to make things work.”

He grimaced. He could always count on Kay for matter-of-fact blunt. “Not enough. Not by a long shot.”

“Spilt milk. More important, Livie’s not Tess, and you’ve changed since then. You can’t compare the two situations. That was then, this is now.”

“Livie’s settled here, with the business, friends. I don’t have a career to hold me anyplace. But she wants kids. I don’t know if I can do that.”

Kay sighed. “I wish I had an answer for you.”

“I know. I have to sort this out for myself. I don’t even know if she’ll give me a second chance.”

He had no right to try to fix things unless he was willing to give her the children she wanted, but what if he sucked as a parent? “Are you and Nate thinking about kids? You can tell me to butt out if that’s too personal.”

Warmth filled her chuckle. “We are. I never thought I’d be cut out to be a mother, considering the family I come from. I certainly never had the urge for a child like JoAnn did, but with Nate, everything’s changed.”

“Don’t you worry about how you were raised screwing you up as a parent?”

From what she’d shared over the years, and what he’d heard from JoAnn, Kay’s entire family was an emotionally-abusive pack of nut jobs. He’d been lucky having Nate’s and Lloyd’s families intervene in his life and give him a haven from his parents’ self-destructive addictions and neglect. Kay hadn’t been so lucky.

Kay was quiet for a moment. “I did, for a long time. I realized I have the choice to drop that baggage. I’m not my mother. I’m not my father. I know when we’re ready to start a family, I won’t be doing it alone. Nate will be an awesome dad. Anyone who’s as patient with me as he is, has to be, right? He wants a family, and I want to give him that, because I love and trust him.”

“I see myself being too much like my dad.”

“But you’re not him. As for Livie giving you a second chance, you won’t know unless you try. I liked what I saw when you two were together at Mohave. You were happy in a way I’ve never seen you before, Dave. I want you to be that happy again. Bottom line: do you love Livie? If you love each other, you can handle anything. I’m rooting for you both.”

“Thanks.”

Kay’s question simmered in his mind as the week flew by. Did he love Livie? Yes. Maybe. His heart felt as rickety as his legs had been that first day out of the wheelchair.

Friday arrived. Livie fussed all morning, rearranging every table to showcase Dave as he played. Jake grumbled, but approved the new layout. She had a good eye for room flow and Jake’s gruff grumbles were all show. He’d set the tables with flowers, silver, and crystal if she wanted.

The change puzzled the regulars, but Jake just grinned and told them to stop back in the evening.

The usual evening crowd wandered in and then some.

Finally, time, and a full house. This first set would be easier if he had a clue what this crowd liked to hear. During his last sound check, he decided to play to please himself until he got a feel for the crowd. Today he was in the mood for bluesy instrumental pieces, not the “my woman done me wrong” stuff, but the pieces with emotion and drive. Folks soon got into the entertainment and, after his first break, he found several requests written on napkins and bills in the brandy snifter Jake had set at his table.

Maguire wandered in. With a vague wave to Dave, he sat heavily at the bar. At Jake’s question, he shrugged and shook his head. Jake nodded, lips pressed tight, and poured the man a stiff Maker’s Mark.

During the second set, more requests made his musical choices easier. One table was celebrating a birthday and belted out a boisterous “Happy Birthday” to his accompaniment.

Dave caught Livie peeking from the office time to time and once, she was talking to Maguire, leaning close with her hand on his shoulder.

The next time she peeped out, Dave was between songs, idling his fingers around on the strings. His heart wrenched. Wasn’t it time he surrendered to facts? He was never going to stop wanting her. He swung into Billy Ocean’s “Love Zone.”

This time she hovered in the doorway, her eyes wide and dark.

Good. Hear me.

At the bar, Maguire looked from Livie to Dave, nodded, snapped Dave a short salute, paid up, and left.

She stayed to listen through his last set, helping Jake prep toward last call and closing.

Finally, the last holdouts wandered homeward. While Livie locked the doors, Jake poured them all a drink.

Exhaustion dragged at the old man’s face, but his eyes sparkled as he raised his glass. “Here’s to you, Dave Knight, man of the night. They liked you. Damned good playing. Same time, next Friday?”

As they clinked glasses, Dave found himself saying yes.

“How’d you do on tips?”

Under their urging, he counted the bills. Seventy-three dollars.

“Good start. Don’t spend it all in one place.” Jake’s laugh cracked into a wheezing cough. He sipped at his drink and waved off Livie’s concern.

They finished their drinks and made short work of tidying. Jean and the others headed home.

“Okay, you two, off to your beds.” Jake shooed Livie out the door. “I can find my own front door from here.”

Livie shook her head and kissed Jake’s cheek. “I like walking you home.”

“And I’ve been sitting all night,” Dave said. “I need to stretch my legs.”

“Bullshit, but I’ll accept the company.” Jake slapped him on the shoulder.

After they’d waved Jake inside and the lock clicked, Dave turned to begin the walk back. He halted, face to face with Livie, unable to do anything but stare. His breath caught and heart raced.

Her dark eyes widened, and her expression flicked from wondering, to embarrassed, to desiring.

Wait—He couldn’t kiss her on Jake’s doorstep. He cleared his throat. Taking the risk, he offered his hand.

Livie twined her fingers into his, and he could breathe again. “Nice night tonight.”

“Yes. Rain by morning though.”

Overwhelmed by what he wanted to tell her, he said nothing as they strolled along the driveway through the cool, quiet night. Palm fronds rustled in the breeze and insects, maybe frogs, sang in the grass and trees. Gravel crunching under their feet raised memories of their walks at Mohave. He’d been ready to crash when they’d walked Jake home, now he was wide-awake and aching for Livie. He wanted to hold her, sink into her kisses, sink into her body, and reclaim the peace he’d found with her at Mohave.

Be cool. She’s holding your hand. That’s a decent first step.

“Uncle Jake really enjoyed your playing tonight.” She rubbed her thumb against his hand. “I did too.”

“Thanks. Performing again felt good. I’m glad I took Jake up on his offer.”

Dave’s resolve to behave lasted until their door. Slow burning desire flashed into urgent need. He’d missed her so much, missed the feel of her under his hands. He dragged her close, catching his hand on her waist, and crushed his mouth down on hers. His cane clattered against the door.

Her hand tightened on his, and she leaned into him with a desperate sigh. Sinking his fingers into her silky hair, he deepened the kiss, savoring her warm lips, sweet with the Kahlua from her drink, and her sweet eager moans, until they were breathless. So what if this desire was foolish, or selfish, or if their lives were too uncertain.

She cupped his face in her hands. “Dave, oh, Dave—”

At the hint of a cry in her voice, he broke the kiss. He needed his brain back in charge. They needed to talk.

“Aw, Livie.” He caressed her waist, greedily unable to let go. He was always needing to apologize. “Sorry.”

“No, no. You make me feel on fire and crazy.” She laughed. “Crazy in a good way. A really, really good way.”

“You make me feel alive.” Pure truth. Without Livie, he was just going through the motions.

“I wasn’t going to get involved with you again. I shouldn’t.” She turned her face away.

Again? Please, yes, let this be his second chance. Please, let him get this right. He firmed his embrace, bringing them cheek-to-cheek, desperate to keep her close. “I know.”

“We’re both rebounding from major life changes. That clouds things.”

“True.” One thing was sharply clear, being here with Livie was right. Never mind his body had beat his brain to that conclusion.

“I married for all the right reasons before and everything went wrong. I trusted.” She tightened her arms around him with a shudder that hurt his heart. “I’m so afraid of being hurt again.” Her voice cracked.

And he’d only compounded her fear. “I’m sorry about Mohave. I don’t know how to make up for that.”

“You hurt me on purpose.”

“Yeah. I was an ass. I told myself cutting you off was for the best for you, that I was a bad bet for you. I told myself you needed someone solid, with his head on straight. I’m still a bad bet. You and Jake had every right to kick my ass out.”

“I didn’t tell him what happened. You needed to stay.”

“He knew.”

She jolted. “How?”

Dave held her tight and stroked her head. “You have a lousy poker face, sweetheart. He knew we had something and that I hurt you, but he let me stay anyway.”

“He likes you.” Livie tipped her face to his, yielding in his embrace, her softness to his hardness.

Dave settled his hands on her hips. “But do you like me?”

****

Olivia laughed lightly and draped her arms loosely about his waist. “I think we’ve already proved that.”

Something far more immense than like filled his deep eyes. She’d missed him so much, his humor and his kindness, his kisses and his warm, strong body. Could this risky leap of faith to let him back into her heart and soul be perhaps the best decision she’d ever made?

What if he pushes you away again?

Stop. Stop. Stop. Be bold, be brave. She had to give them this chance.

“But I can show you again.” Terrified and joyous, she brought her lips to his.

Between their urgent kisses and hungry caresses, she managed to unlock the door and Dave retrieved his cane. They stumbled inside the shadowy stairwell, the light switch forgotten. He crowded her against the wall, dropping the cane in the corner, his thigh shoving between her legs as she pulled him close. Oh, kissing Dave and being in his arms again felt so right.

For this lovely moment, doubts and troubles vanished under his fierce, sweet kiss, leaving only hope. She wanted to cry and to laugh. Joy won. She laughed and arched against him. His mouth was warm, his body was hard, and his hands strong and reverent as he rasped his thumbs over her breasts, tracing her taut nipples, lighting her on fire.

Jolted by pleasure, she rose into his touch. “More, again, that felt wonderful.”

She skimmed her hands under his shirt, stroking his bare skin, sliding down to slip between his waistband and hips. He caught up her skirt, sliding his hands over her bare thighs to her hips. Kiss upon kiss followed, hard and rushed, deep and sweet, tenderly devouring, as if they were both trying to make up for all the lost time apart.

Abruptly, Dave wrenched his mouth from hers, breath ragged, and he planted his hands against the wall. “We need to slow down.” He laughed hoarsely and touched his forehead to hers. “Damn, I can’t believe I said that.”

Too breathless to answer after their wild kiss, she cupped his cheeks between her palms and brushed a kiss to his lips.

“Oh, yeah. You make me lose all sense when I’m around you, honey.” Harsh, winded chuckles shaking him, he pushed free and slumped against the opposite wall. He hooked his thumbs into his pockets. His eyes were deep and serious under the faint light filtering from the hallway above. “I don’t want to mess this up.”

“I believe you.”

“I’m no good at the serious relationship thing…but I want to try. I want to make this right for you. I want to be the right guy for you. Will you give me this chance?”

Buoyed by hope, she nodded and took the answering step forward. Maybe she was setting herself up for pain again, but she loved him. She would be true to herself.

“Yes.” Her heart swelling with the rightness of her decision, she slipped her hands over his. She smiled, needing to lighten this moment. “You know what I want?”