Chapter Thirty Four

 

 

Sometimes Annie felt as if the world was against her, that everything conspired to turn itself back and annoy her. First, you get used to the shock of being adopted, that the elegant and expensive creatures you had called Mother and Father weren’t you Mother and Father after all, even if they had provided for you loved you and kept you.

Second, you find out your real parents are slum dwellers, lower class, pig ignorant people who knew nothing, read nothing felt nothing but their own basic instinct for survival. Fancy being related to Danny Gibling! He was one step away from Neanderthal man!

And then, as if that wasn’t bad enough, you find out that the man you had reluctantly come to accept as your real father wasn’t your father at all, but some unknown person, possibly an American, possibly an Englishman, and that her mother, her real mother, was and probably is nothing more than a slut!

Annie paced her bedroom floor, anger burning through her, demanding a release, angry at the perfect summer day outside, angry at the emotions churning her up. She had Alfred where she wanted him, had Mark and Niall where she wanted them, but the Giblings! They were the rogue card, they were the ones destroying her peace of mind.

Then I’ll go and see the Giblings, she decided, snatching up her bag and clattering down the stairs.

“Going out, darling?” Mother, clad in leotard and leggings, on her way in, red faced and sweating after another workout at the gym.

“Mother, why don’t you give this all up and grow old gracefully?” Annie demanded, arms akimbo as she eyed her mother with disdain. “You’re making a fool of herself.”

“Just keeping fit for my old age, darling,” she disappeared into the kitchen as Annie crashed out of the house, slamming the front door after her.

Her mini stood in the drive, sunroof open just a little, headlights staring at her. I’m waiting, it said, come and drive me.

Annie got behind the wheel, started the engine and with vicious spurt of gravel swung round out of the drive, sensing Tammy’s thoughts racing after her - where why and what do I do?

Nothing, she shot back silently, pounding the horn as a pedestrian jaywalked in front of her. Nothing. Just wait.

Kensington Drive drowsed under the summer sun, wilting plants and litter offended her eyes, angered her even more. She slammed the car door, felt the Mini rock on its wheels, patted the roof and apologised.

Mrs Gibling - Mother - opened the door as Annie stormed up the path.

“I wondered if you’d be round again,” she said by way of greeting, the cigarette bobbing dangerously in the corner of her mouth. “The old man said he’d told your sister, it was your sister, wasn’t it? Not you. He said it was the quiet one, and you ain’t quiet. Anyway, he said he told your sister what really happened.”

Annie pushed past into the smelly house, feeling the dirt and poverty wrap itself around her. She stood in front of the fireplace, back to the crinkled tissue paper and few dried flowers and grasses, looking at the woman who had given birth to her.

“Who was it?” She asked, cool and calm, controlling her temper well. “Who is my father?”

Mrs Gibling stabbed out her cigarette and collapsed into an armchair.

“I’ve gotta be honest with you, girl, I don’t know. Me old man was on the Continent, see, and the old fires were burning, you wouldn’t know about that, would you?”

“Oh yes, I know,” Annie spoke slowly, with deliberate cruelty. “You could call us sluts too, as I think of you. But I know who my lovers are, Mother.” The word was spat out.

“No,” the dyed hair in tight ugly curls moved around her head as she shook it vehemently. “No, you girls don’t know a thing. Wait till you’ve had a regular old man poking you, then go without and see what happens. After a few weeks you go crazy, near crazy, and my old man was caught up on the Continent with them foreigners, not knowing when he’d be home. So, I went out one night with a few girls down the pub and we got roaring drunk. She said, my friend that is, said I went off with three or four of them, but I don’t remember a thing. It could have been any of them, because a week later I was suspicious and a month later I knew.”

“I was right, you are a slut.”

The woman’s eyes narrowed and the hands clenched tightly together in her aproned lap.

“At least I had an excuse for what I was doing, but you and your sister, well, walking the streets in clothes like that for a ‘social study’ - are we supposed to believe that? We ain’t that silly, you know, just because we live in Kensington Drive! Sluts, both of you, no better than I was at your age!”

“And you gave us away.” Annie ignored the insults, pressed on with her questions.

“Course I did! Think I’d keep two brats from a father I didn’t know? No way, Jose!”

“But you didn’t know what you’d be giving away, you didn’t know if we’d be clever, beautiful or what!”

The cigarettes appeared from a capacious pocket, the cheap plastic lighter flicked and lit it, a cloud of smoke directed at the ceiling.

“Kid, like I said, you know nothing. My Danny was enough for me, the others, the boys, well, they’re all right as kids go, but I had my Danny and be sure nothing else matters to me. You girls were just babies, that’s all, I had you in no time, easy as shitting it was, pushing you out. And I never saw you again until you girls walked in here.!

Annie leaned against the chipped tiled fireplace, looked at the woman who was her natural mother, looked at her with hatred and anger so bad it almost consumed her.

So it never occurred to you we lived here in Salldown, you never gave us a thought when you moved back?”

No. Not for a moment. Mind, I was a bit surprised when you did turn up, I never thought you girls could be so stunning! You. Right proud of you I was, I am! But you ain’t mine, you belong with your fancy names to your fancy parents.”

“Thanks for telling me.” Annie walked across the threadbare carpet, walked to the door, hesitated with her hand on the latch. “Is Danny around?”

“Nah, gone to the amusement arcade in town, he’ll be back later. Why?”

“Oh nothing, I just like to see my brother occasionally, that’s all.”

“Keep your eyes off him, girl, you’re half-sister to him!” But Mrs Gibling didn’t move from the chair, and her expression didn’t change. Annie got the impression that it wouldn’t matter if she did get her eyes on Danny, this woman wouldn’t care, didn’t care about anything.

“No hard feelings, eh? I didn’t mean to call you a slut,” the words followed Annie into the Hall. She ignored them. Instead she slammed the door after her, but felt it was a wasted gesture.

Out in the street, Annie felt rage surging through her, felt consumed by it, and invigorated by it at the same time. She rode the anger as others would an adrenalin surge, felt the sweet taste of revenge coming closer, delighted in it.

She got in the car, turned, and headed for home.