A young woman was driving along an old road in the country and had become lost. She was trying to find her way back to a gas station to get directions when she ran out of gas. So she grabbed her gas can and began to walk down the old dirt road. She had been walking for half an hour without seeing a single car, when it began to rain. She pulled her jacket up over her head to help keep the rain away, but it began to rain harder. Then it began to thunder and lightening, so she knew that she must find shelter quickly.
Up ahead she saw an old abandoned house, so he ran onto the porch. Certainly nobody would mind. But the wind began to blow harder and blew the door to the house right open. The wind blew so hard, that it blew the rain onto the porch soaking the woman even more. So she went inside to get out of the rain. The house was very large and, though it was abandoned, dirty, full of cobwebs and in need of some repair, it kept the woman dry.
All of a sudden, a big gust of wind blew in the door and then back out again, slamming the door shut. The woman tried to open the door, but the rain had caused the door to swell, wedging it in the door frame when it slammed. She could not open it.
Just then, she heard a voice call out "Do you know what I do with my red sloppity lips and my long green fingers?" Startled, the woman turned around and as the next lightning bolt illuminated the room for a split second, she saw standing next to the door a large green hairy monster with huge red lips, pointed fangs and gangly legs and arms with very long fingernails. The woman panicked and ran down the hall. The creature followed her.
Again, she heard the monster say, "Do you know what I do with my red sloppity lips and my long green fingers?" as it followed her down the hall. The woman, in a panicked fright, ran up a set of stairs at the end of the hall. The creature pursued her getting closer with every step, gooie saliva dripping from its horribly huge red lips.
As the creature was getting closer, she heard it say louder, "Do you know what I do with my red sloppity lips and my long green fingers?" The woman ran faster trying to get away from the pursuing creature. At the end of the hall at the top of the stairs, there was a room, so the woman ran into the room closing the door behind her. She heard the creature’s loud footsteps coming down the hall getting closer. She quickly looked around the room for a means to escape, but there were no windows in the room only a small closet.
In an instant the bedroom door flew open and again she heard the monster say even louder, "Do you know what I do with my red sloppity lips and my long green fingers?" The woman, petrified with fear, tucked herself into a corner of the closet and hid as best as she could.
The closet door sprang opened wide and the huge hairy creature stood before her. The creature looked down at the woman and, after a short pause that seemed like eternity, said in a voice so loud that it hurt the woman’s ears, "Do you know what I do with my red sloppity lips and my long green fingers?"
The woman shook as she answered with fear in a quiet voice, "no".
The monster smiled and said, "Then I'll show you."
BLBLBLBLBLBLBL (Rub your fingers across your lips while you make the "b" sound. Cross your eyes if you can.)
*****