The time has come, the suckfish said, to get rid of professional Boxing in America. It has been a horrible traveling hoax since Muhammad Ali’s retirement, and now it has turned itself into a bag of Poison scum. Those crooked bastards have finally gone too far. The U.S. Congress should immediately pass a special Criminal Fraud law to permanently Banish professional boxing spectacles like Saturday night’s Moseley–De La Hoya fight from all public airwaves in America. There is some shit we won’t eat.
That is strong language, in some circles, but when you start talking about the ugly, evil nature of boxing today, no language is strong enough. Like “Wait a minute, whoreface! That’s my airspace that your hired swine are stealing and using up there! That space belongs to me. That is public property, and I am part of the public. You’re trespassing! You are a brazen shit-eating criminal, and it is legal for me to kill people like you!”
You want to be vaguely careful when you start screaming about killing people. It can be a touchy subject. Never threaten to kill people in front of witnesses. Take my word for it.
Ah, but never mind that. Let’s get back to some pure sport, like professional football in the USA. It may be fixed, but at least it is Artfully fixed, compared to the out-front, in-your-face, screw-you kind of cheap-ass shuck that boxing is.
I can say that with a straight face because I have a special knowledge of boxing that comes with growing up with Muhammad Ali as our champion—which is sort of like living in a time when toys like Acid and Marijuana were legal. It was a very different time.
Indeed, and so much for that craziness. The Denver Broncos looked tough in a whole new way on Sunday, as “new” quarterback Jake the Snake Plummer finally came to life. It was a nice surprise to see him throwing and diving for first downs, in the style of John Elway. If Plummer has finally meshed with his Offensive line, Denver could ambush a few people later in the season. Clinton Portis is a major new running back, and second-year wide receiver Ashley Lelie will go to many Pro Bowls. I watched him when he played college ball in Hawaii. I never cease to be amazed at Coach Shanahan’s eye for raw talent. Denver keeps rolling along.
Hell, I am full of sports news and judgmental opinions today. Boxing sucks, the Raiders look maybe a full step slower this season, George Bush is looking weaker, Wes Clark looks Interesting, and it looks from up here that Washington and Indianapolis will meet in the Super Bowl next year.
How’s that for looking ahead? Why not? It is always safe to say the Yankees will win the World Series. Big money works wonders in America … but apparently not in Iraq, where we are spending 2 billion dollars a week just to keep from being humiliated in the eyes of the world, which is no longer all in our corner.
Which reminds me somehow of the Philadelphia Eagles, who have lost more than just a step since last season. One of the most basic factors in sports is that Winning becomes a Habit and Losing is the same way. When Failure starts to feel Normal in your life or your work or even your darkest vices, you won’t have to go looking for trouble, because trouble will find You. Count on it.
Our dangerously goofy child-president from Texas is a squalid example of trouble coming home to roost. He is like a half-bright football coach who goes into a big game without a Game Plan. BOOM! Shame and failure will follow you for all the days of your life. Selah.
The Bush family reeks of fraud and bad karma. But even worse than our wretched gibbling president are the cowardly whores in Hollywood who are currently smearing film stars and music people like Johnny Depp by calling them unpatriotic Americans for righteously questioning the wisdom of invading a whole nation of Muslims—which is a dangerously stupid idea. Disagreeing with Donald Rumsfeld about bombing anybody who gets in our way is not a crime in this country. It is a wise and honorable idea that George Washington and Benjamin Franklin risked their lives for.
These thieves in the White House are so crazy with greed and power, and they are causing so much drastic damage to the world we live in, that they are the ones who should be put on trial for treason.
Okay. I am getting a little excited here, so I think I’ll wrap this up quick, before I spiral out and burst into flames. I am widely known as a bedrock, natural-born patriot and a lover of what this country used to stand for. The Statue of Liberty wasn’t out there for nothing. Beware of Warmongers. They don’t give a hoot in hell if you live or die. They are in this racket strictly for themselves. Mahalo.
—September 15, 2003