Here are 10 Ways to Tell If You Play Too Much Pokémon
1) There’s over $5 billion worth of Pokémon stuff sold in the world. You made your parents buy $4 billion of it for you.
2) You keep asking your parents when your baby brother or sister will “evolve.”
3) You keep asking your parents when your teenaged brother or sister will “evolve.” (Don’t worry about this: your parents are probably asking themselves the same question.)
4) You traded the family dog for a Jigglypuff.
5) You can name every single Pokémon, but can’t find Texas on a map and think Weepinbell could have once been the president of the U.S.
6) You think your teacher might be a secret member of Team Rocket.
7) You know for an absolute fact that the school cafeteria lunch lady is positively a member of Team Rocket. And her Pokémon are of the really high-level Sloppy Joe, fish sticks, macaroni and cheese types. Run, Pikachu, run! They’re serving the mystery meat again!
8) You taped over your parents’ wedding video with Pokémon cartoons.
9) You dress your giant-sized Pikachu stuffed toy up and insist your older sister take it to the prom as her date. (Note: If you did this, then you’re not really a total Poké Fanatic. Everybody knows Pikachu can’t dance. Machamp would have been a much better date for her. Maybe that’s why she started to cry.)
10) You begin to notice how much a certain purple TV dinosaur looks like Charmander.
“In some stores a Pokémon card will cost $20. I think that’s a little much for one single card. I think Pokémon cards are a little high-priced in some stores. Some of them are $6 or $8 and I went into a store once and they were $10 a pack. And sometimes you don’t even get good cards in them. These are the 11 packs.”
—Allie
The Real Deal
A lot of this stuff is funny, but it’s serious, too. That’s because too much of anything is bad. Even too much of a great game like Pokémon. Yes, it’s a great game and a lot of fun, but even Pokémon isn’t more important than schoolwork or house chores, like cleaning your room. Pokémon is, after all, just a game … and a TV show, and a movie, and trading cards.
There are certain rules every kid should follow when playing video games:
A) Keep It Down: Listening to a video game being played is nowhere near as much fun as playing it. Whether you are playing at home or in a car, keep the volume down so you don’t annoy others.
B) Share: Yes, your little brother may only be four and keeps trying to put your Game Boy in his mouth, but you can still show him how the screen works and maybe a few simple moves.
C) Don’t Buy Everything: Don’t make your parents buy every Pokémon product in the world. Yes, I know, it’s fun to collect Pokémon stuff. But if you have a ton of stuff, then how can you enjoy all of it anyway, right? And remember, a lot of stuff—yes, even this book!—won’t necessarily make you a better player and it won’t help you enjoy the actual game any better. The only thing that can make you a better player is playing the game. I know, I know, a lot of the stuff is really cool and you really, really, really want it, but take it from me (someone who once had a complete collection of monster hot rod models)—in the long run, it’s not worth pitching a crying fit over.
D) Don’t Play Too Much: Too much of anything isn’t good. That is also true for too much Pokémon and video games and TV. Baseball is still fun, even if you’re not that good at it. Football and soccer are also a lot of fun. Get exercise. Don’t sit around all day in front of a screen. Read books! Draw pictures! Learn to build or cook something. Pay attention to your parents every once in a while, they might just say something interesting.