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“My brother should have the final say in this before he leaves to meet with the Antonovs. He hopes to convince them to join the resistance and fight with us.”
“Victory is certain with them by the king’s side.” Beth-Ann’s words are slurred, but her eyes gleam with excitement. “We will have our freedom.”
“So, we shall, dear heart.” He turns to me. “I will return shortly. Do not heal her until Bash agrees. Go back to your chamber and rest. You have bags under your eyes.”
I follow Nickie when he goes to find his brother. He is right. I am tired and not only in body. My heart is broken. It has weakened, and I am not sure how much more I can stand before the rest of me is broken beyond repair also. I am in love with the enemy and it has made me the enemy among my kin. It does not take long to find Bash who is already astride his black stallion with fifty loyal Bloodtakers ready to follow him anywhere. His red, black, and silver makes him seem darker, more attractive. His black hair tumbles down around his ears when he removes his helmet to see his brother more clearly. My husband is fair where he is dark. Only, the Bloodtaker is no Butcher. Make no mistake, Bash is dangerous, but he is no slaughterer of innocents. They exchange heated words before Bash singles me out with his haunting eyes. I cannot look away. Not until he shrugs his shoulders at Nickie in indifference. Not until he returns his helmet to its rightful place and rides away.
Bash does not care either way. In fact, Sebastian thinks I owe it to her too. She laid down her life for me, and now it is up to me to do the same. My child is not a child in their eyes. It is a chain that instead, binds me to the Butcher of Beaumont. The Prince of pain. The bringer of death. The keeper of my traitorous heart.
“Mae...wait.”
I slow my escape to allow time for Nickie to catch up. I know what Sebastian told me, but I need to hear it to remind myself of what I have done and what I deserve.
“He is angry and speaks in anger. Your sister can wait. I will escort you back to your chamber and send your maids to see to you. Jane and Brandy puff up with self-importance when they speak of their mistress. I fear you might be stuck with them forever.”
I smile. Worse things have happened to me. My sister’s maid comes for me soon after Nickie leaves. I want to deny her, but I cannot. I go to her and we both strip naked. I climb into bed with her and I hold her gnarled body in my arms.
“How long has she been like this?” Sebastian demands angrily.
“Three weeks, my king.” It is the maid, Jane who responds. “The poor dearie nearly killed herself helping that sister of hers. We were not sure if she would make it until a day ago. It was the first time she showed any signs of life.”
“How did this happen?” He turns on Nickie. “I left you in charge while I was away.”
“I relayed your message to Beth-Ann who defied your orders and sent for her anyway. I left to visit Freda and found Mae this way upon my return.”
“And you are certain she will live?” Sebastian asks the maid.
“There is no way of knowing, but her eyes opened, and her breathing is not as shallow. She was so silent and still for so long that we feared we were caring for a corpse.”
“Her child?”
“There was bleeding, my king.” The woman says tearfully. “So much bleeding, but I found no child as of yet. She is so brave.”
I feel fingers in my hair before he speaks. “Foolish is what she is. Her sister bullied her, but she was foolish to risk her life. Do you hear me, Maeve Payne? You are a foolish woman.”
“I am worried brother. What if she dies in our protection? It will be said that the Paynes died at our hands.”
The heavy door opens and closes as another person enters.
“Has she awakened yet?”
I recognize my sister’s cheerful voice when she breezes into my bedchamber.
“No, Milady.” Jane answers sadly.
“We must not give up hope. Keep her bed under the window in the sun.”
“She stays in the sun, Milady. Still there is no change.”
“Why would you disobey me and make her heal you in her weakened state?” Sebastian turns on her. “You have been this way for months. A few days more would not have mattered.”
“You saw me, my king. It was hell living in that burned-up body. I could not stand it another hour knowing she was so close. I deserve to be my old self again.”
“She is with child and came to us in a weakened state.”
“A Beaumont child.” She says dismissively.
“A child is a child, and I am not the Butcher!” Sebastian yells at her. “I spare children.”
“How many of our children has he spared? What about the babe that I lost in the fire?”
“There was no help for your dead babe. What you did was selfish and dangerous. What happened to you was not her fault. She was not the person who sent the Christians after you. If she had stepped in, she would have died with the rest of you.”
“Where is all of this coming from? You were angrier at her than I was.”
“I have had time to think. Ramsay pointed out things that I did not take into consideration before. My blame lies with the Christians, not the victim.”
“I am a victim.”
“You are a selfish bitch!” Bash snarls at her. “Mae.” He speaks firmly. “Maeve Payne, open your eyes.”
“We have tried, my king.” Nothing works. “What if she never wakes up?”
The maids begin to sob in unison. It makes me sad that they would cry for me after what I have done. It gives me comfort to know that someone still cares.
“Mae, sweetheart.” He slaps me gently. “You need to wake up. I will not ask again.”
Sweetheart? Did he call me sweetheart? I drag my eyes open one eyelid at a time. Sebastian is still wearing his riding clothes, which tells me that this is his first stop. I am surprised that after three weeks away his first stop would be to see me. His clothing is wet with sweat and caked in road dust. He smells of horses and hard riding. His touch in my hair is comforting, and I feel the absence when he takes it away. I want to see his eyes, but I cannot move. As if reading my thoughts, Bash kneels beside the bed. All I can do is sigh. Our eyes hold for an uncomfortable length of time before he leans over and whispers in my ear.
“If you die on me, I will kill you.” He turns to Beth-Ann who is watching us. “If Mae dies, you die with her.”
Sebastian stands and leaves the chamber. Why do his words scare me so? His threat to me may be empty, but his meaning is not. He still cares for me.
What gives me hope. What keeps me going in the following weeks, is the child hanging on inside me and her father who is either searching for me or has moved on by now. My recovery is slower than anyone would like. I healed two people one after another. A dead man and a woman burned to a crisp. It took nearly everything that I had. After being cared for like an infant, I am able to sit up in bed and feed myself. I need help using the pot, but I am awake, and I am still breathing. My sister acts as if nothing happened, so I go along with her. At least we are friends again. Since I healed Beth-Ann it seems she has set her eyes on a new husband. She wants Nickie. The man who visits me daily to her consternation. I told him that it is unnecessary, but he still shows up twice a day. Once, before they leave in the morning, and again before supper.
Now that I am back in her good favor, Beth-Ann is her old self again. Which means she thinks she is my other mother. Telling the maids what to feed me, when to bathe me, what to discuss around me and everything else that is not her decision to make. I let her do it and I defend her because I need her on my side. I need my family to love me.
Beth-Ann is always around when Nickie comes to visit and dressed in the finest dresses she can find. She wears the Lockton colors proudly and she always has a smile on her face. Smiling suits her. A smile is the only adornment that a beautiful woman needs to engage a room. Women like me have to be charming, talented or very, very wealthy. You can be wearing the most beautiful gown in the world, have the nicest hair, but that beautiful girl in the potato sack will always be looked to first. It’s something that plain girls get used to early in life. Unless... they are witches like me. We have no need for beauty or charm.
“You are improving.”
Little Nickie is not so little anymore, but he will always be little Nickie to me. He sits on the edge of my bed which I absolutely hate and feels my cool forehead. That is a place reserved for one’s husband or intended. I frown when he takes my hand in his.
“Hello Nicholas.” Beth-Ann says tightly when he ignores her. “How are you today?”
“I am wonderful, Elizabeth-Ann. And yourself?”
“Looking forward to the festivities coming up. Will your Freda be here?”
“Yes, her family is coming. I will tell her that you asked after her. They look forward to seeing you again.” He says sweetly.
It is no secret that Beth-Ann and Freda fought often as children. Freda’s jealousy of her was unparalleled. They were older than us but not too old to intermarry when the time came. She is nearly ten years older than Nickie and a widow with children. Beth-Ann tells me daily how much better she is for him. They can start a life with the two of them and have children of their own. If I was her, I would go for Bash. He mourns his wife and he has no plans to wed. There is a chance of him changing his mind. Nickie is marrying for money. As Freda’s husband he will have control of her last husband’s vast estates. He will be the lord of his own manner. Beth-Ann comes with a beautiful face and kind heart. There is no contest between the two. Not for a young Bloodtaker Prince striking out on his own. Ambition made the choice an easy one. His heart has no place in his quest for wealth.
“And you, do you look forward to seeing me again tonight?”
Nickie blushes with embarrassment and Beth-Ann puts her hand on her hips.
“Shut your mouth, Elizabeth-Ann.” Nickie bites out. “How dare you discuss our private affairs in the open for anyone to hear.”
“Are you ashamed of what we did?”
“I am not, but you should be. It is not wise to brag about being a man’s whore. It will make it hard for you to find a husband when I leave to marry Freda.”
“You told me yourself that you have no love for her.”
“And I have no respect for you. That makes the two of you even.”
They begin to argue right in front of me, as if I am not here to witness it. My sister is jealous, and it is making her act out in ways I have never seen.
“Stop this childish bickering!”
The three of us look up at the angry Bloodtaker King. He is dressed for dinner and carrying a missive written on fine parchment. I forget about them arguing. I forget they are still in the room as I stare at him wondering what kind of woman he married? What were they like together? If I could stop these thoughts, I would. He was the first boy I ever loved. That feeling never goes away no matter how you parted ways or how much time passes. I am married. I love my husband, but that is the truth.
“This had better not be about last night.” Sebastian tells his brother. “You two are idiots.”
“What do you know about last night?”
Nickie is surprised to hear him mention last night. My sister blushes looking away.
“You two go fight somewhere else. I need to speak with Mae.”
“How did you learn of it so soon?” He turns his attention to Beth-Ann. “Who did you tell?”
“Could be someone saw you sneaking out of my chamber this morning, Milord.”
“It could very well have been your screaming, Milady.”
“I warned you against sleeping with them, Nicholas.” Bash shakes his curly head. “You brought this upon yourself. Now get out, before I kick you out.”
He waits until they are out of hearing before he hands over the missive. My heart races when I recognize the Beaumont seal. It is a letter from Christian. I break the seal and open it. No, it is not a letter. It is a document saying that he has annulled our marriage. It is signed by the Cardinal and Christian left his mark underneath it. Is this real? It looks real. It feels real in my hands. The words definitely feel real in my chest. This is his seal and his mark. I look up at Sebastian.
“He delivered it to the border himself.”
“He lives then?” I ask desperately. “Christian is alive?”
“Aye.” Bash nods his head. “The Butcher lives to murder another day.”
“Do you know what this says?”
“I knew nothing until I saw the pain on your face when you were reading it.”
“He has abandoned me.”
I hug the paper to my heart because it is the closest thing to Christian that I have. I bring it to my face with my eyes closed hoping to pick up his scent. The words streaming down the pages mirror the tears on my face. I am too weak to snatch it back when Sebastian takes it from my hands. I watch helplessly, as he shreds the paper into small pieces, throwing it out of the window where they scatter on the wind like snowflakes.
“Why?”
“Because you are above him.” Sebastian says angrily. “He is not worthy of your tears.”
“I love him.” I sob into my hands. “I am sorry for falling in love with him, Sebastian. I know you hate me for it.”
Bash frowns. “Who told you that I hate you?”
“Words are unnecessary when you wear it in your eyes.”
“I do not hate you, Mae.” He sighs. “I was angry with you and I am wrong for the way I spoke to you. It does not mean that I hate you.”
“Why would he turn his back on me? Why does he not want me?”
“It is no fault of yours. It is him. He is a Beaumont, first and foremost. His home is the battlefield and his first love is his sword. His second love is the church.”
“I thought he loved me. I thought he wanted me.”
I am ashamed when I break down in front of Sebastian. I fall over onto my side with my face buried in the covers and cry. What will I do without my husband?
“Mae.” Bash sits on the bed, pulling my limp form onto his lap and into his arms. “Maybe he had no choice. He could have been forced.”
I cry harder. No one makes Christian do anything that he does not want to do. He chose his faith over me and his own child. A child who is fatherless without him.
“You can stay here with me. I will help you raise your child. I owe it to your mother.”
“I do not need your charity, Sebastian. I need my husband to give me what he promised me. He gave me his word. He told me that he would never leave me.”
“I promised my wife that she would be fine when she labored with my son.” He says. “Sometimes things are beyond our control. This is one of those things.”
Bash holds my head against his heart the way Christian did and his fingers toy with my braided hair. He lied to his wife to ease her worries. My husband left me to ease his church. I need to see him. The Beaumont will look me in my eyes and tell me that he is letting me go. Only then, will I let him end our marriage. He is worth fighting for. Our love is too deep to throw away. When we are together, and I am in his arms again, he will see that he is wrong. We belong together. If my sister had not made me heal her, I would not be in this situation and I could go to him now. What can I do from this bed? How much longer before I can stand? How much longer than that before I can walk? I could be in this bed forever. I do not know because I have never drained myself to this point before. I brought Christian back from the dead and it almost killed me. Then I healed my sister’s ruined flesh from the inside out with a Beaumont growing within me.
“You do need my charity and my protection no matter if you want it or not.” Sebastian has stepped in and made himself my guardian. “You are being hunted, Mae. What you have is more valuable than gold or jewels. You are the last known healer and it is important that you do not fall into the wrong hands- again. They will never come here. Not even your Christian, would dare to trespass in my kingdom.”
Sebastian stretches out on my bed adjusting me on top of him so that my head is resting on his shoulder. It feels wrong when I am mourning the loss of my husband.
“I can help you, Mae.” He offers. “I can heal you if you will allow me to.”
“No.” I gasp in horror. “Please, leave me as I am.”
“My blood will heal you, not turn you into one of us.”
“I am healing on my own.”
“You are healing too slowly for my liking.”
For some reason, this makes me smile through my pain. He is not so mean and cold now.
“You might lose your reputation if anyone finds out you are treating me kindly.”
“I am starting to understand you better.”
Sebastian goes quiet, so I stop speaking. My head juggles my troubles like a court jester. There are numerous things that Christian and I expected to happen. We knew there would be war. We knew people would die for us. I never imagined he would leave me after he made me fall in love with him. I say he made me because it was he who seduced me. He was inside my head before I left the square where my family was put to death. The Prince was inside my body before my mother was cold and buried. I wish he had killed me as an alternative. I wish I was dead. Bash is quiet when I begin to cry again. He stays with me and lets me cry hot, salty tears for the enemy of the people who did this to me. The enemy who broke my heart.
