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He does not head back toward the castle, he rides away from it. I lean back against him and his arm locks around my waist. We ride until we are one with the horse and the land around us. It is dark when he rides into the stables and hands his horse off to a groomsman. Sebastian grabs me when I walk away from him taking my hand. I let him lead me through his old castle to his chamber where he dismisses his servants. He bolts the door, so that we will not be interrupted, or so I cannot run away. I stand still as he watches me. I want him to see what he is getting. I want him to know that I want him too.
“I am not stopping tonight, Mae.” Bash warns me. “Not until I fuck you and spill my seed inside you.”
“I refuse to be your whore, Sebastian.”
Once I give him my willing body, I will be his whore and the entire household will know it. As much as I want to be his lover, I cannot be his lover without being his whore.
“But you smile and flirt with Ramsay Antonov for all to see?” He demands angrily. “You offer him what should have belonged to me?” Sebastian’s fingers free me from the purple silk and he shoves it down off my body. “You wear my wife’s dress while you entertain another man in my home?”
“I entertained no one. It is you who is entertaining this week. Who cares who I flirt with anyway? I am a lowly Beaumont whore who lives here on the king’s charity.”
“You talk too much.”
Sebastian lays me down on the bed. I am nervous when he tugs down my undergarments. He uses his foot to push them the rest of the way off. I am a married woman. He should not be touching me this way and I should not be enjoying it. I cannot help myself when my lust takes over me. I knock his hand away and kiss him instead of fighting it. I need this. I need him. His muscles flex when he walks around the chamber, dousing the oil lamps and lighting a handful of candles. He pours himself a glass of wine drinking it down and pouring another. He drinks it down too, before returning to the bed.
“Do you need to be drunk to lay with me?” I ask him sadly.
“No, Mae.” He lays down beside me and gathers me close. “That was to calm my nerves.”
When I look into Sebastian’s eyes, I know that it is possible to be in love with one man and still want another. I know that there are two things you cannot control; your destiny, or your heart. He touches me with deft, experienced hands to soften me to a new man’s touch. His gentle consideration eases my fears and his pink lips on my brown skin eases my doubts. I feel like a virgin again when he pushes my knees apart sliding his hand between my thighs.
“I will not stop even if you want me to.” He whispers softly, pressing a kiss to my temple as his finger delves between the folds of my slick flesh. “I need you to give yourself to me.”
I care for him and I am aroused, but deep down inside, it does not feel right. I do not want him inside me while I carry another man’s child. Nor while my heart is with another.
“Sebastian.” I whimper weakly. “I want to, but I am not sure if I am ready.”
“You seemed more than ready to give yourself to Ramsay Antonov. You would choose him over me knowing how I feel about you?”
Bash kisses a trail down my breasts, then over the gentle swell of my belly. It is bittersweet when he kisses another man’s child on his way to kiss my...
“Ahh.” My body arches up off the bed when his tongue slips inside me. “Sebastian...”
I let my legs fall apart. Bash presses them wider pushing his tongue deeper as I bite my lip and bury my fingers in his dark hair. It is a stark reminder that he is not Christian. I close my eyes and pretend that it is his fair head between my thighs. His big, golden hands digging into my hips. When Bash crawls up my body and presses his lips to mine, I keep my eyes closed and I keep pretending. I bite back tears when he enters me, and his hips begin to move. He deepens his thrusts when I whisper.
“Stop.”
“Mae.”
He lifts my leg and whispers my name again. I let him begin this and I should let him finish it. How can I say no after I let him kiss me down there and put his cock in? This is not the time to play innocent or deny him anything after all he has done for us. But I cannot help feeling guilty and hurt for betraying my love. It is too late to take it back. I let him have his way with me and I pretend that it does not hurt me. This hurts me all over. I regret letting things get this far.
“Christian.” It tumbles out on its own, and I do not realize what I am saying until I sob it again. “Oh, Christian...” Please come for me. I want to go home.
I am horrified when Sebastian stills, and his cock shrivels up inside me.
“I... It came out on its own.” This is my best try at an explanation. “Forgive me.”
He crawls away from me and off the bed. My eyes fill with tears when he points toward the door. His face is red, and his blue eyes are so cold, that I get a frostbite in my fingertips.
“Get the fuck out of here.” His voice is calm, but the warning is clear. Get out, or else.
“Sebastian, please?” I beg him to listen to me. He needs to understand. It is not my fault.
“You have one minute before I throw you out.”
I scramble for the purple dress discarded on the floor.
“Leave my wife’s dress, you fucking witch. You do not deserve to touch her things, let alone wear them on your whore body. Leave this room the way you came to me. Dirty, naked, and used.”
His eyes travel to my stomach where they linger for an uncomfortably long few seconds. My heart beats fast when the truth starts walking around in my head. Sebastian does not love me. He wants my child. No, he wants Christian’s child to use against him in some dastardly way.
“At least allow me the bedcover.”
“No.” He shoves me toward the door. “Go ask your Christian, for a bedcover.”
“Bash...”
Sebastian grabs me by my face and squeezes hard. I knock his hand away and he grabs me by my throat instead.
“If you ever call me that again, I will deal you fifty lashes myself. A hundred if it is a sunny day. You could have waited until after I came to fuck it up for me.”
We are both naked when he shoves me out into the empty corridor. The door slams so hard that it shakes the walls. The corridor is empty because the two guards standing on either side do not count. Their eyes are glued straight ahead but I know they see me and probably know what happened. I walk away in search of something to cover myself with. A woman hurrying by, picks up a small rug from the floor and wraps it around me before continuing on. It does not cover all, but it hides my breasts and ass which is more than I can hope for. My tears prevent me from seeing more than the color of her gown. I owe her for helping me. It is the most embarrassing and degrading moment of my life when the men laugh as I pass, and the women titter and whisper behind their fancy silk fans. How can I show my face again after this?
Out of nowhere, a big blanket is thrown over me, an arm comes around my shoulder, and three large bodies circle me to further shield me from view. When we reach my door, I look up at Ramsay Antonov with tears in my eyes.
“Thank you.”
“I am not waiting two weeks. I can be ready to travel in two days to return you to the Beaumonts. The way he is treating you is despicable, even for a lowly Bloodtaker.”
“I will be ready.” I promise.
My chamber is clean and empty when I lock myself inside. After I wash myself, I dress in a nightgown and curl up on the bed. I am hurt, and thoroughly shaken, but I do not cry. I will not cry. Sebastian is not worthy of my tears. Ramsay promised to return me to Christian and everything will be fine. I jump when someone pounds on my door.
“Open the door, Mae.” Sebastian demands. “I know that you have the Antonov in there. My brother saw the two of you walk back here together. You do not have permission to whore under my roof.”
I throw the door open and wave my arm around the empty space. He takes in my nightgown and the cap on my head. I am dressed for bed, not a seduction.
“There is no one here, Sebastian.” I bite out angrily. “I am alone, so fuck off.”
I slam the heavy door in his face and drop the bar again. This time when I throw myself upon the bed, the tears fall like rain. Sebastian’s lair will be my place of death if I do not escape soon. I miss sunlight. Never did I imagine that I would one day admit to missing the clean white and open air of the palace. You feel as though you are walking outside when you are roaming its open vastness. This place is a dungeon in comparison and I refuse to be a prisoner to it or subjected to a Bloodtaker’s abuse.
My patience is not very strong when I am missing my husband. Can I wait two days to leave when I want to see Christian at this very moment? Two days will give me time to say goodbye to my sister before beginning my journey home. When I say home, I do not mean Beaumont palace. Christian Michael Beaumont is my home. Wherever we are together is home for us.
“I need two plain dresses and sensible boots.”
I refuse to lay here and be the victim. The Paynes are not victims. We are fighters.
“Are you running away, Milady?” Janet asks in concern. “There are Christian spies about, and nomads without tribes roaming these hills. I fear for your safety.”
“Janet, there is nothing out there that I fear. Not even death. If you speak a word of this to anyone, it will cost you your life. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, Milady.”
I do not need to search out Beth-Ann, she comes to me.
“How could you shame our family this way?” My sister starts in on me before I can say hello. “Everyone knows you whored for some man who tossed you out naked! Breeding with a Beaumont is troublesome enough, but this could ruin my chance for a good marriage as well.”
“How was I to know that he would throw me out?” I yell at her. “I am humiliated!”
“You are more than humiliated. You are utterly ruined.” She paces back and forth. “Who is he? We can petition the king to force the man to marry you.”
“I do not want to marry him.”
“The king wants to speak with you. He is waiting in the hall.” Beth-Ann is understandably upset. “It is about your behavior tonight, no doubt.”
“The king can kiss my ass.”
The three women gasp in shock. Janet faints dead away. I roll my eyes at her theatrics and turn back to the window.
“You can tell him what I said.” Fuck Sebastian. “Good day to you.”
My sister huffs before she turns away with the maids on her heels. I know that she repeated me word for word, when his guards show up and knock down my door when I do not answer.
“Get your hands off of me!” I scream when they grab me. “I can kill you if I want to.”
If I kill them, I will be Sebastian’s prisoner to lock away for as long as he wants to. My freedom is imperative, so I let them drag me past villains and guests to the hall where he is lounging on his throne. A man reaches out and squeezes my breast. Another one slaps me on the ass. The women pull their skirts out of my path as they raise their noses in disgust. When the guards release my arms, my foot flies out and kicks one offender between his legs. My fist flies next, smashing the other in the nose with a very satisfying crunch. I am not their plaything. Beth-Ann screams when a guardsman slaps my face. I am proud of her when she attacks him with her eating dagger.
“That is enough!” Sebastian booms, standing up. “No one touches her! Do you understand me? Arrest those men and toss them in the gallows for rape.”
“But my King, she is a Christian whore.” One man argues. “She has no rights here.”
“My King, she asked for it, prancing around naked the way she does. The Christian bitch is lucky the Antonov was there to protect her last night, or she might have been passed around the entire village.”
“Go to hell.”
Being around Bash and his shitty people make it easy for me to use words that I normally would refrain from using so casually. I swear sometimes, but it is not a part of my basic speaking.
“I will have your tongue for that, Christian whore.”
“And I will have what remains of your manhood.” I laugh at his meager threat.
“Take them away.”
Bash waves them off before stepping down from his throne to approach me. My back straightens, and I stand a little higher. I will not shrink away or bow down to him. He faces no coward here. I meet his gaze head-on with my heart full of hate. His eyes flash with something I cannot read before he turns to the crowd.
“Clear the hall.”
“My king?” His head of guard does not think it safe. “She could be an assassin.”
“I do not want to be left alone with him.” I tell whoever will listen. “Please, take me to the gallows. Take me to the executioner. I would rather die than have him touch me again.”
“Shut up.” He grabs me by my hair. “Before I give you what you are asking for.”
“My sister was attacked and left naked and afraid. You should be finding her rapist, not attacking her as well!”
“Who the hell are you to tell me what I should be doing, Elizabeth-Ann Payne?”
She waits patiently until everyone is gone except Nickie, who stays behind to see how this plays out.
“This is serious, Sebastian.” Beth-Ann says tearfully. “She could have been killed. There is a madman on the loose and he needs to be found.”
“There is no madman, madame. Mae was with me.”
“You?”
“Yes, me.”
“What happened? Did you send her out of your chamber naked?”
“I did.”
“You had no right to treat her that way when we are in need of husbands.” She yells at him. “What is wrong with you?”
“You overstep, Beth-Ann.”
“And you are an animal!”
“Guards.”
I swipe a guard’s sword when my sister is seized and stick the blade in his gut.
“Release her.” I press it deeper. “Now!”
The Bloodtaker king disarms me with ease, tossing the sword out of my reach. He twists my arm, pinning it behind my back as he forces me to the floor. My sister is dragged away kicking and screaming.
“Is all of this necessary, brother?” Nickie asks nervously.
“Make sure Elizabeth-Ann is taken to her chamber, and not the soldiers’ barracks.”
“I can see Mae back to her chamber as well”
“You cannot control yourself when you are alone with her, brother.”
“That was a terrible mistake, and I am ashamed of my actions. She has nothing to fear.”
“This bitch has not suffered nearly enough.” Bash holds me down with a knee in my back. “I will say when she has suffered enough.”
“The Antonov has taken a liking to her. If you kill her, it might anger him, and we do not want war with them. I would rather war with the devil himself.”
“Who do you think is leading the Christians, brother?” His words are chilling. “The Butcher of Beaumont is the devil. And I am next in line. I am not afraid. Death will be welcome with my wife and daughter waiting.”
“I have no wife and daughter waiting for me. I would prefer to enjoy the life I am living.”
“This is my throne, and if you do not like it, you are welcome to leave.”
Nickie turns and leaves me alone with the jealous Bloodtaker. I blame Christian for this. If he had not sent me away, I would not be in this troublesome situation. I would be home with him growing a baby and being in love.
“Why are you doing this, Sebastian?” I sob. “I cannot get him out of my head. He threw me away and I am still in love with him. Kill me or release me.”
He rolls me over and straddles my chest.
“Do you know how it feels to have the person you are fucking call you someone else’s name? The same way you felt walking back to your bedchamber naked.”
“They all saw me.” I choke out. “I had one man before you. Now I may as well have had a hundred. I am ruined.” I sob.
“You were unsuitable for marriage before I did what I did. No man wants the Butcher’s mistress for a wife. They will fuck you, but cock is all you should expect. You are not even fit to be my mistress with his bastard following behind you.”
“I am leaving. Do not concern yourself with me or my child. Your men will not be tempted to touch me, and your women will have no need to pull their skirts back when I pass.”
“Going where?” He demands. “You have nowhere to go.”
“I have a home. My mother left me on a mountain when I was twelve. There is a house waiting for me, and if I decide to accept it, I have an offer of marriage from a very worthy man.”
I cannot help adding that part after he insulted me. Someone does want me. Someone better than him in fact.
“From who? None of my men would offer their hand without my permission.”
“I would not consider any of your men.”
“It was Ramsay Antonov.” He says softly. “When were you alone with him?”
“Let me go.”
“Was it the night you were on the hill? Did you fuck him too?”
“Get away from me.”
“Ramsay cannot have you. I will never allow it.”
“You do not own me, Sebastian”
“No one else is bold enough to propose to one of my mistresses.”
I slap his face. “I am not your mistress.”
“Are you not?” Sebastian smiles. My handprint is flaming red on his face. “I fucked you without marrying you. You are my mistress.”
“I hate you.”
“Another lie.” He fingers the collar of my old dress. “Why are you dressed in servants rags?”
“Because it is all I have. I came here naked, remember? Naked and used.” I choke out.
“I cannot say that I do.”
He stands up, pulling me to my feet, and into his arms as I struggle.
“Did you consider that maybe I ruined you purposely? For my own personal benefit?”
I slap his face again and shove him away. He shamed me on purpose?
“How could you embarrass me that way? What happened between us was private.”
“I did it because, I do not want anyone else to want you.”
“You are a selfish fool for what you did.” I am fighting to control my anger. “Christian never treated me the way you do. It is no wonder I called his name when I was with you.”
My neck snaps to the side when his hand connects with my face.
