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“I can fight, you know. Better than most men.”
“Ericksons do not need women to fight our battles.” Eldred says arrogantly. “Especially a woman with child. Go below or stay here if you do not care about your unborn.”
I jump up too fast. He is here to catch me when I stumble.
“Careful, Maeve.” The Erikson murmurs.
I look up at him with my heart beating fast. My tender breasts are smashed against his chest and it feels likes hands squeezing them.
“I would not want you to hurt yourself.”
I exhale the breath that I did not know I was holding when he walks away. I watch his straight back until he turns and points to the hatch. He caught me staring at him. I am confused and more than a little needy right now. My body is changing, and my feelings are changing with it. I attached myself to Bash because of the feelings I had for him as a budding girl. I thought they meant something when they were nothing more than the remnants of my childish infatuation. His feelings for me were a lie to get me where he wanted me. In his armory to use at will and hide away from his enemies.
“Go.”
It is an order that I do not refuse. Eldred Erikson is not the type of man that you refuse just to be difficult. I go below where I bump into Winn Erikson on his way out of my sister’s cabin. He nods at me before he passes, but he does not speak. I slip into her room unannounced. The musk of their lovemaking is strong in the air. My sister is stretched out across the bed with her arms over her head. Her halo of wild, black ringlets spill across the white linen pillow in runaway curls. I do not see her hair down very often, nor have I seen her smiling this way in a very long time. Beth-Ann is staring up at the wood paneled ceiling basking in the afterglow of her lover’s touch. My eyes follow her hand, as it skims over the tiny dark brown pebble at the peak of her perfect golden breast. I knock on the door in case she starts touching herself or something. Her face softens when she sees me. For the first time in my life, my chest aches with envy for her. Is this how I looked after I am bedded by Christian? Is that why he always told me how beautiful I looked? I am jealous of her and her new lover.
“Mae, come in my love.” She beckons me forward with a wave of her slim hand. “I was just thinking about you. How are you feeling? Did you get too much air today?”
I think she forgot that I live by the sun, and that I spent most of my days outside in the forest before I left Juniper and my sanctuary to rescue them from the Christians. There is no such thing as too much air for me. I sit on the edge of the bed careful to avoid the center where their coitus took place.
“Another ship approaches. He sent me below.”
“By he, I suppose you mean the handsome Erikson? I think he likes you, Mae. If I were you, I would seduce him into my bed and marry him before my child comes. Winn is more than willing to marry me and help restore our numbers. Bash is too mean for you. The Erikson is the perfect gentleman and a fair ruler.”
“He does not want me that way, Beth-Ann. I told you before. I think it is because I am with child. Sebastian did not care, and I wanted to be in love with someone besides Christian, so badly, that I did not care either.”
The pain crushing my insides will not go away. This yearning and fever that I have for the Butcher, is worse than any sickness. At least sickness can be cured. If it cannot be cured, death will show up on your stricken doorway and put you out of your absolute misery. The sickness I have is worse. It will not kill me. I will have to live with the pain forever and ever, until it drives me insane, or I fall in love again.
“I thought the Bloodtakers wanted to protect us, Mae. I was wrong. Winn said they wanted to use you against the church to help win the war. He wanted to walk you into battle with him, as if you were some servant or pot boy.” She says angrily. “A woman in your condition does not belong on a battle field.”
“You nearly killed me yourself when you demanded I heal you.” I say bitterly. “I risked my child, Elizabeth-Ann. And all you cared about was being pretty again.”
My sister has the decency to burst into regretful tears. “I was hurting, Maeve.” Her doll-like face crumples in despair. “You saw me. I was trapped in that hard skin. I could not stand up straight or use my hands. Someone else fed me and wiped my ass! I was blind and the pain... I cannot explain the pain.” She whispers. “Day in and day out, I lived with it wishing for death. But I held on to my faith in you. I knew you would come eventually and make the pain go away. I did not think about your relationship with the Butcher... I was wrong.”
“I love him.”
There is no shame or regret in my voice. Not like before, when I admitted my feelings for him. Our love made me feel low and dirty once I was back with my own kind. Their dirty looks and the self-disgust that I carried around was heavy. Everyone knows that I participated in the murder of my family by sleeping with the enemy. Today, I am proud to love him even after he left me lonely and empty. I miss him. I miss him, so much. Will I ever see him again?
“What of William?” I wonder aloud. “Do you miss your husband?”
“I do.”
My question is unexpected. A blush of embarrassment colors her cheeks.
“I grieve his loss every day. I loved him, and he was good to us.” Her eyes are sad when she speaks her heart. “William is gone now, and I need a man, Mae. I want children and a family. I want to be loved again. Winn Erikson does not love me. It is too soon to speak the word between us. What I do know, is that he is teaching me what I was missing in my marriage. Heat and excitement. Being with Winn is exciting... and new, and I am glad to have met him. Love can grow from this.”
“How do you know that? What if he does not feel the same way you do?”
“Why are you doubting a man that you know nothing about?”
“Aside from his cock size, I know as much as you do.”
I am being bitter, but I do not care. Why should she get to find a man, and be in love after making me so miserable after I found her? It matters not if she is being kind now. I want her to be miserable with me.
“You are being nasty because you are jealous. It is not mine nor Winn’s fault that the Butcher used you and sent you back to us after getting you with child. Instead of being mean to me, you should think about finding a man of your own to help you raise your child.”
“Why do I need a man for that? I can raise my child on my own.”
“Good, because it is probably what you will end up doing, unless you can find a man who will look past you bedding a murderer.”
“Go to hell, Beth-Ann.”
“You started this and now you are upset? I am not your whipping post to take your anger out on. Find someone else.”
I stand up to leave before I start a fight with her.
“Sit your ass down.” She tells me. “You cannot insult people and run off when they insult you back. Grow up, Mae.”
“I miss him so much, Beth-Ann.” My shaky voice cracks when I get it out. “It is killing me inside. I cannot stop thinking about him. I cannot stop wanting him.”
“Dear heart, I am so sorry that he hurt you this way. We cannot go back and forth throwing barbs at one another because we are upset. I hope he realizes his mistake and comes back for you one day. He was lucky to have you.”
“That is what he used to say.”
“There, there now.” She clucks her tongue when she reaches for a napkin on her bedside table to wipe the tears streaming down my face. “It does not seem like it right now, but maybe this is for the best. He knows something that you do not, and he knows he could not keep you.”
“They hate me.” It is reason enough for him to let me go. “His family, his church, his people... They all hate me.” I blow my nose into the clean linen. “That is why he left me.”
“If I ever see that bastard, I will kill him myself. How dare he make you love him only to break your heart? But he is a striking devil, is he not? With his sunshine hair and emerald eyes.” She sighs. “He could be beautiful if he was not a butcherer of human flesh.”
He is beautiful and she all but admitted it. Which means that even as he was taking her to her death, she could not help admiring his looks. It brings me to another subject. She told Bash that Christian raped her. Did he really? Why would she say it if he did not? I want to ask her, but I do not want to hear her answer. I am afraid of the truth. How can I cry for a man who raped my sister? However, would she be mentioning his good looks if he had raped her? I cannot say, but I do not think so. My rapist would be the most disgusting, vile, and hated man on earth. There is no way in hell that I would call him almost beautiful unless I enjoyed it. I shudder when I think about Christian Beaumont, shoving me down on the hard ground forcing himself on me. My nipples get tight. I get a painful yearning deep inside my lady parts. They shudder with the rest of me. God, how I miss making love to him. It makes me cry harder. What am I supposed to do? How can I ever move on from him?
“There are a hundred men on this ship that will have you. We will find you a husband to make you forget about him.”
I do not want another husband. I want Christian. Not even the Erikson’s perfection can make me stop loving him or wanting to be with him. He ruined me for other men in more ways than one. I am a whore in the common sense, for having a child out of wedlock. Even if I do find a man willing to have me, it will be because of my curse. And no matter how kind and handsome he is, I will always belong to another. Is that fair to me or whoever I end up with? Sebastian offered to take in my child, however, he never mentioned loving it like his own. Not that I remember. My only concern was sweating in his arms to take away this emptiness.
“What is going on up there? Why did Winn tell me to stay below?”
“We are being followed.”
“Followed?” Her eyes widen with fear. “By whom? Is it Sebastian?”
“I was sent down here before I could find out.”
What if it is Bash? What if there is a battle and someone dies? It will be my fault. The bodies are piling up in my wake. People are dying because of me. Beth-Ann screams, when the ship lurches under the force of another ship. We were rammed from the side. She screams again when the hull of the other ship, breaches the room in a splinter of wood and a flood of seawater. We need to get out of here! Beth-Ann is frozen, when I try to drag her from the bed. The door slams open and the Erikson wades through knee deep water over to me. He takes my hand and pulls me away from Beth-Ann as I scream for him to let me go. Winn pushes in past us as the Erikson drags me away.
“If she wants to kill herself it is her choice. I cannot allow you to die with her.”
I am relieved when I see Winn following behind us with Beth-Ann tossed over his shoulder. The water is waist high when we reach the steps. He pushes me up ahead of him. I slip twice, but his hands are always here to catch me.
“We are sinking.” Eldred says grimly. “I need to get you off of this ship.”
I am met with the ring of clashing swords, and the wet sound of splitting flesh. The air is tainted with the coppery smell of spilled blood. The deck is slippery with it as the Erikson walks me through the chaos with the calmness of a man walking through a garden. My sister screams when she sees the madness surrounding us. I look up and my eyes lock with Sebastian’s, who is fighting for his life against an Erikson who is as fearless as he is beautiful. I am the distraction that he needs to cut down the vampire king. I turn away when Bash falls to the bloody deck. The Ericksons are out-numbered and overwhelmed, but they fight like none I have ever seen. Except for one. My Christian. Our path is blocked by two Bloodtakers that I recognize from the castle. They reach for me with bloody hands that fall like stones before their heads follow.
The Erikson cut them down with our fingers still locked together.
“Come on.”
He urges me when I falter. Where is he taking me? There is a battle cry before another group of men swarm the deck and join the fray. They wear the Antonov colors and they are here to kill Bloodtakers. Ramsay walks through the battle-untouched and perfectly clean. He stops in front of us and the Erikson hands me over. Why does this feel like a prisoner trade?
“What are you doing, Eldred?” I am confused.
“The rebellion must be put down, and it is my task to see it done. They have broken several treaties, which gives me permission to kill them. Ramsay will keep you safe.”
“But...” I am overcome with sadness. “What about us?” I ask him. “I thought...”
A smile softens his blood-splattered face. “You are lovely, Maeve Payne. But there is no us.” He wipes away the tears that fall down my cheek. “Some things are not meant to be.”
I gasp when he grabs me up and kisses me until I am weak and clinging to him. I do not want him to stop, but he does and steps away from me.
“We will see each other again, Maeve Payne. You have an ally in me and I will always be close enough to keep you out of trouble.” He turns to Ramsay. “She is in your care now, Antonov. You know what must be done.”
“I will guard her with my life.”
The Antonov is surrounded by his guard who kills off the Bloodtakers that get too close.
“You cannot just hand me over to this man! I do not know him! I want to be with you.”
“That is why you should go with him. You are falling in love with me and I cannot let that happen because I do not love you. I am fated for a different destiny.”
“What is wrong with me?” I ask him. “Why do the men that I care for always leave me?”
“You are too important.” The Erikson gives it to me honest. “I cannot bed you with no intentions of marrying you. It has nothing to do with you. Please believe me when I say that you are meant for greatness, not my bed.” His fingers trail over my cheeks. “Get her out of here.”
“Come.”
Ramsay takes me by my arm and pulls me away. My sister is on her feet and clinging to Winn who has an arm locked around her waist.
“Beth-Ann?” I wonder why she is not coming with me. “We have to go.”
“My wife stays with me.” Winn speaks for her.
“Sister?” I plead with her as the ocean covers my ankles. “Would you desert me when I need you most? Would you turn your back on me for this stranger?”
“Mae, you do not understand.” She cannot look me in the eyes. “I want him. I want to be with Winn. When we are settled, I will come back for you and your babe.”
“I need you.” I beg her. “I have no one else. You promised me that we would be a family.”
“We are family, sister.” Beth-Ann rushes forward and takes my hands. “Stay with the Antonovs. Wait for my return. You will be safe with the them.”
“I am sorry for letting them burn you. I should have done something. Please.” I beg of her. “Come with me. I do not want to be alone again.”
She looks to Winn with tear-filled eyes. “My sister needs me.”
“You are my wife, Elizabeth-Ann. Your place is with me.”
“Your wife?” I sputter. “How?”
“We were wed last night.” Her voice is hoarse with shame. “I was going to wait to tell you.”
The ship tilts precariously underneath us as cold-water rushes around our knees. Ramsay picks me up and walks away. I reach out my hand to her begging her to come with me. The Antonov leaps over the rail into the sea. I brace myself for the freezing water. We land in a waiting boat. A body falls with us. My sister misses the boat and hits the water with a splash.
“Goddamn it.” Ramsay mumbles fishing her out by the collar of her dress. “Row, man. Get us the hell away from this ship.”
I grab my sister and hug her dripping body while she sobs. Beth-Ann never learned to swim and a dunk in the shark infested water is enough to terrify anyone. I hold her shivering body as she cries like her life is ending. It takes a while for me to realize she is stiff and distant in my arms. It is not until she pushes me away that I realize she does not want my comfort. She wants her Winn. The ship is almost completely submerged and heads bob in the waves as they swim to shore. One of them is the Erikson. Ramsay removes his fancy coat and wraps it around Beth-Ann’s shoulders.
“Are you okay, Milady?” He asks her softly.
She shakes her head no. I reach out to push her wet hair out of her face. I am shaken when she knocks it away.
“Beth-Ann?”
What did I do? Why is she looking at me with such contempt? Is it because I want her with me? I am her sister. We should stay together, so that we can help each other. Who knows where the Antonovs are taking me? I should not be alone with them and I need her when my child comes.
“Leave her be.” Ramsay snaps at me. “She is upset.”
“I only mean to comfort her. I need her comfort also.”
“Your sister does not want your comfort. She wants her husband and since he is busy killing Bloodtakers before the Eriksons retreat to their lair, I doubt if she will ever see him again.”
“They will see each other again. If he truly wants her.”
“She left him. Ericksons are particular about things like that. Loyalty is everything to them. Their women stay by their side until death. Your sister made her decision when she jumped into the ocean. She chose you over her man.”
“What kind of man makes a woman choose?”
“An Erikson.” Ramsay pushes a hand through his golden hair. “What kind of sister would ask her to leave her husband?”
“We are family. I need her.”
“How old are you thirty? Thirty and five? You are old enough and capable enough to take care of yourself. Your sister did well by marrying an Erikson. You would have been better off choosing a lower man instead of setting your sights on Eldred. I offered you my hand in marriage once.”
The man sitting across from me is everything a woman could ask for in a man. Look at him. He is wealthy, powerful, and holds his own where handsomeness is concerned. The way he is comforting my sister right now is something that my Christian would not do. Sebastian is not the petting sort either. Ramsay would make a fine husband, and I doubt if he tried to use me, or mistreat me.
“I wanted to take you home with me so that we could get to know each other. I think you would have made me a good wife. Sadly, for you, I only ask once.”
The Antonov with his storybook looks and big, blue eyes is letting me know right now, not to fall for him either. I had my chance with him and I chose Bash. What a fool I was. Now I have no man and a sister who cannot stop crying. Was I wrong to make her come with me? Is it not her duty to stay with me? I need her. Or do I? Did I not survive most of my life without her? I should have left her with Winn. It is where she belongs, and I belong with Christian. Would I leave him to go with her if it was me, with my man and her running from the Bloodtakers? Not if she was leaving with Ramsay Antonov. He is more than able to rescue a woman and keep her safe. The Antonov is right. I am old enough to take care of myself and my sister should be with her man. Her crying makes me sad. It seems I keep making mistake after mistake.
“Hush now, love.” Ramsay comforts her. “Your husband is not lost.”
“Do you promise?” Beth-Ann asks tearfully. “I miss him so.”
“I give you my word as an Antonov.”
While he is holding my sister in his arms, I am sitting here feeling like a selfish monster for feeding into her guilt to make her come with me. We are not children anymore and a woman belongs with her husband, not babying her twenty-nine-year-old sister.
Two strong men dressed in Antonov colors row us up-river, where another ship comes into view. The Antonov crest is on bold display across the white sails. The small craft bumps against the side and a rope ladder is tossed overboard. Beth-Ann is not the best climber. I wonder how they expect her to climb that high? A swing of sorts is lowered beside it. I watch the Antonov lift her up and settle her in the seat before giving a sharp whistle. She is lifted quickly aboard before it drops down again.
“Come on, Princess. Your turn.”
