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“I got the food, Cap’n.”
“Thank you, Jem.” I smile warmly, and he blushes all the way to his boots. “That was fast.”
“Milady.” He mumbles, setting the wooden bowl on the table. “I’m at yer service.”
“Stop flirting with my lady and get back to work.” Ramsay snaps at him.
“Yes, Cap’n.” He bows his head before leaving us alone again.
I uncover the bowl and reach for the bread first. I am starving. I take bites of sharp cheese with the bread while watching Ramsay steers the ship. Damn. I do enjoy watching him. His is a dream come true and makes me rethink everything that I thought I wanted. He makes me want something painless. I munch on an apple wondering why he is not married with children of his own by now. I know he has women waiting for him somewhere. The good ones always do. Then I will show up and ruin their plans. The last thing I want to do is live with a jealous woman. Jealous women will make anyone’s day miserable. I empty the basket and yawn tiredly.
“Lay down.” Ramsay jerks his head toward the hammock.
“I prefer to sit.”
“You will do as I say, Mae.”
“I am not sleepy, Ramsay. I want to sit in the chair.”
I yawn again proving myself a liar. He walks over and picks me up laying me in the net himself. I do not want to sleep knowing what awaits me.
“Ramsay, please.” I beg. “I need to stay awake.”
“Why?”
“Because I hurt myself in my sleep.”
“I will be here watching to make sure no harm comes to you.”
“You cannot help me.”
“Only if you stop me from doing so. Tell me why this happens.”
“If I knew why, I would stop it myself. Maybe I am cursed.”
“Who is powerful enough to curse a high witch? It has to be more than that. I should take you to see a warlock that I know. He can tell us why this is happening to you.”
“No!” I interject too quickly. “I mean, I am sure my nightmares will go away once I have a home and know where I belong.”
“I hope meeting with the Beaumont helps you find whatever it is you are looking for.”
“What if he refuses to see me?”
“We have already discussed this. Christian will see you.”
“What if he—”
“Maeve, you are torturing yourself, when there is no need to. I promise you, he will see you.”
My heart goes pitty-pat when I think about seeing him again. It has only been a few months, but it feels like a lifetime. It has been long enough for a bump to form on my middle. A reminder that Christian’s child is coming, and time is counting down.
“Where are you taking me, Ramsay?”
“To the Beaumont palace.” He smiles. “I am taking you to see your Butcher.”
“How long before we arrive?”
“Three weeks by sea.”
So soon? I am caught between being ecstatic and scared to death. I could be killed for crossing the border. I have been banned from both sides of it. The sea belongs to no one and is not considered trespassing, but the church will not care if they find out I am close. Is Ramsay crazy enough to sail right up to the Christian’s dock, with me on his ship, and walk me right up to the palace gates?
He stands at the helm whistling and enjoying the perfection of the blue afternoon. This man who wants me for himself, is taking me back to the place where this all began. I need only to relax and enjoy the trip. It should be easy to do with the Antonov to keep me company. Someone is climbing into the box.
“It is nice up here.”
“What do you want, Beth-Ann?”
“We should not be fighting over the Butcher. He broke our family up once before, and we need each other now. I apologize for smacking you.”
“I accept because I love you.” I hug her in return. “But you still raped him.”
My smile turns into full-on laughter when she giggles.
“Maybe so.”
“It pleases me to see the two of you behaving like sisters and not common hussy’s.”
“Are you not going to apologize to me?” She asks him.
“Hell no.” He sniffs. “Why would I?”
Beth-Ann rolls her eyes, nudging me. “Move over.”
“I am sorry, who invited you to stay?” He asks her.
“Ramsay.” I warn him.
“Fine.” He allows. The Antonov is far too agreeable. “For a little while.”
I let her lay beside me even though, if I must be squeezed up with someone I would rather it be him. Beth-Ann stares at the sea instead of speaking. I stare at Ramsay with a load of troubles weighing heavily on me. The scenery from the beautiful ship helps lighten my mood. I have never sailed anywhere before this is the best room on the ship. Ramsay has a clear view of the sea and every inch of the deck from where he is standing. He can easily spot another ship and even a small bird from miles away. The heavy cannons that I noticed while boarding, could blast anything out of the water. Including Christian ships.
“What if they try to take me?” I whisper sometime later.
“I will consider it an act of war.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that I have permission to kill some people, Angel.” Ramsay says coolly. “You are a ward of the Antonovs now.”
That makes me feel important. I am a ward of Ramsay’s and if he says no harm will come to me, I believe him. Beth-Ann has curled up behind me and fallen asleep.
“She is cute.” He decides. “I like her.”
“I like her too.”
I smile getting comfortable in the crowded hammock. It is like old times when we shared a small bed. When he turns back to the sea, I know where his heart is. In every crashing white wave, and each blue drop. He is a true seaman. The woman he marries had better enjoy living on a ship because he does not spend much time on land. Ramsay makes his home at sea. It calls to him even when there is earth under his feet and he sways like a drunkard on dry land. The swaying of the ship has become his still. It is his mother’s bosom rocking him to sleep at night. His garden, where beautiful things grow. It is his life. Ramsay lives out here where the only enemy is the restless sky which brings forth gusting winds and fearsome storms. He does not suffer the sort of worries that I do.
My sister jumps before she begins thrashing beside me. Her arms and legs flail wildly as she bucks and garbles in her sleep. Ramsay lifts me to safety before trying to wake her.
“Beth-Ann!” I cry reaching for her hand. “Beth-Ann!”
“Stand back!” Ramsay yells at me. “She could hurt you.”
“Elizabeth-Ann?” I watch him shake her and tap her cheeks with his palm. “Wake up, sweetheart. You are having a bad dream.”
It is no use. She is trapped inside her nightmare. Sebastian has her. Beth-Ann is caught in his web of terror and there is no telling what he is doing to her. Ramsay shakes her harder.
He picks her up and carries her down the ladder to the deck. Where is he going? What is he doing? I scream when I realize his intentions. He tosses Beth-Ann overboard.
“No!” I scream.
Ramsay dives in after her. I cling to the rail waiting for them to surface. I count the seconds. When my fear is at it limit, they break the surface together. Ramsay looks like a merman and Beth-Ann is coughing up water and clinging to his neck as he does his best to calm her. Two men jump in after them, but he has no need for their help. He keeps them both afloat with ease as he speaks to her in a calming voice. Ramsay clears her wet hair from her face and smiles when she ceases her struggles. He hugs her as she cries against his shoulder. I get a twinge of envy when he rubs her back and kisses her head. I know he is only comforting her, but it does not take the twinge away.
I leave the rail and return to the hammock to get over myself. She is my sister and he is helping her. This is Sebastian’s doing. It has to be. He warned me of what he would do, and I waited for it to happen. If I tell Ramsay, what can he do about it? The only way to end it would be to kill Bash and who knows where he is after suffering defeat at the hands of the Eriksons? He could be behind us. He is always in my dreams.
“Why did you run away like that?”
Ramsay and my sister look like two drowned rats when they climb into the box.
“I did not run away. I walked. You had everything under control.”
Beth-Ann is still holding on to him and shaking uncontrollably. He sits down on the chair pulling her onto his lap where she continues to cry. She ignores me when I try to comfort her wrapping her arms around Ramsay’s waist instead.
“Give her a moment. She is afraid.”
She should be with Winn. He should be the one caring for her when she needs a man. I begged her to come, and now I am acting childish because she is here? The Antonov and I are having an affair. We are fond of each other, but there were no promises made between us.
“I am taking her to her bed. I will sit with her until she calms down.” He offers kindly. “Try to sleep while I am gone.”
I do not sleep. One of his brothers replace him at the helm. He does not even look at me. I lay here and think about going home with the Antonov after Christian and I have words. After which, he can go on with his life, and I can learn to live without him. I want to ask him why he did not fight for me? I want to ask him if he ever thinks about me? Silly questions that are of no importance anymore. My head is filled with hopeless notions of a man who does not deserve it. A man who ruined my everything.
“You are excused, Ennis.” Ramsay’s voice is welcome. “Did you sleep at all, Angel?”
The position of the sun tells me that he was gone for two hours. He has washed and changed his clothing after following my sister into the ocean.
“How is she?”
I change the subject to something I would rather talk about. Me sleeping is not one of them.
“Elizabeth-Ann had a nightmare.” Ramsay explains what we both already know. “She thinks someone is trying to kill her. I wonder if the Bloodtakers cursed you? I know you are against seeing the warlock, but I think he can help.”
“I am not seeing any warlock.” My voice raises in anger. “Stop asking me to.”
His blue eyes go cold. “You are mistaken. I am not asking, Angel.”
“I do not want some witch in my head, Ramsay. I do not trust them.”
“Hiran is an ally, I told you. I trust him and that is what is important.”
The Antonov wants me to know that it would be foolish of me to take his kindness for weakness. I have no say in what he decides to do.
“The warlock is a friend of mine.” His tone softens. “He means you no harm.”
“What can he tell me that I do not already know?” I turn over onto my back. “I am being visited by demons.”
“Do not jest about something so serious, Angel. I have seen men end their own lives when they cannot stand the voices anymore.” He warns. “I want you tell me if demons are indeed visiting you.”
I would rather hear voices than to have a killer show up each time I drift off to sleep. The drift between sleep and wake is a rush like no other. A rush that I am fighting right now. Sleep is like other things of the night is mysterious. You lay down and give your heart, your mind, and the rest of yourself over to a deep dark not knowing where your mind will go, or if you will ever wake up again. The only dark that is darker than sleep, is death. It is much like falling in love with Christian. I would rather sleep than to visit a Warlock who will tell Ramsay that I am bound to a Bloodtaker who haunts me. It was the sharing of our blood that allowed him to bind me unaware. It’s because I fed it to him that he controls my sleep. If I go back, he will leave me, and my people be, but it will cost me. If it was only myself that I had to look out for I would consider it. I am a mother. This child is a Payne. It does not matter if it has been deemed a bastard. In the years to come when my glorious child rides into battle against his father, that will change. Christian will want my brave, handsome Payne son by his side. He will want him to call him father. He will want him to rule. Only to find he waited too late to claim him.
“Why do you do that?”
I look at Ramsay curiously. “Do what?”
“Change the subject, or stop talking when a conversation no longer interests you? It is rude.”
“Maybe it is because I grew up without having to listen to things that do not interest me, nor did I have to speak about things, that displeased me.”
“You even speak like a queen.”
“I was treated like one.” The thought brings with it a concoction of love and sadness swirling around in my chest. “By my family who died for me. I have not done much to make them proud since their sacrifice.”
“You have managed to stay alive, Maeve. That is what they would want. Have children, strengthen your line. That is how you make them proud.”
“My child is a bastard.”
“Your child is the Butcher’s first born. It is royalty, and so are you for marrying him.”
“What if he does not acknowledge it?”
“He does not have to. Everyone knows. If you come home with me, this child will be an Antonov.”
His brother climbs up into the box. I forget which one, but I am thankful for his interruption.
“Good afternoon, brother.” He closes the door behind him. “Miss Payne.”
“Hello.”
“What do you want, Micah?”
“I want to talk about becoming your first mate.”
“I have a first mate.”
“He is not your brother.”
“Gunther is good at his job. He can sail this old bird almost as well as I do. What do you offer besides your annoying habits?”
“What do you mean what do I offer? I am an Antonov. I offer myself.”
“Get out Micah.” Ramsay points to the door. “Find your bunk. You are on watch tonight. Do not expect to get out of watch duty because you are my brother. If you come aboard my ship, be prepared to work.”
“Are you suggesting that I do not work?”
“Micah, all your work is done in the bedroom. That is not work.”
“You wound me big brother.” Micah says dramatically. “I think the ladies would disagree with you on that.”
“Go to bed Micah. The men told me how you complained all night in between sleeping the last time. Brother or no, it is not fair to the men that they must work while you prance around and nap in the shade like a woman.”
“Who called me a woman?” Micah’s pleasant face tightens with his fists. “I will show him how this woman fights.”
“Good.” Ramsay smiles. “That is the same spirit that I want to see when you are on duty tonight. If I hear you were sleeping again, this is the last time you travel with me.”
“What kind of brother treats his family so coldly?”
“You should have been an actor, Micah. I told mother that you were meant for the stage when you were still in nappies. If we must work like deck hands then, so do you.”
Another brother invites himself in. It is crowded with the three of them in here, but Micah gets comfortable on the table and the other in the chair. He is whittling a fish from a block of wood. His fingers carry small scars and a fresh nick as a tribute to his craft.
“Good afternoon, Milady.” David’s beard and mustache cover half his face. My guess is that he is handsome underneath his curly hair. “How do you fair after your swim today?”
“That was the other sister, simpleton. This is Maeve.”
“Oh, yes, well at least you stayed dry.” He turns his attention to Ramsay. “How long before we reach home brother?”
David is not one for conversation that is for sure. It is not because he is rude. I believe he is one of those people who only speaks when they have something to say.
“I have a few unexpected stops on the way, so it will take a bit longer than expected. You all are free to get off at the next port and travel overland if you want.”
“Hell no.” David laughs. “I am in no hurry to get back to mother’s matchmaking, or father’s preaching about putting down my paintbrush and picking up a sword.”
“Mother wants grandchildren, David. She drags in heiresses and young virgins for us all. Except for Augustus who married when he was supposed to.”
“He is a momma’s boy.” Micah frowns. “He always was.”
“Always was what?”
Ennis squeezes into the box and plants himself beside Micah on the table.
“Auggie is a momma’s boy.” Micah repeats.
“He always was.” Ennis agrees. “Where are you hiding the wine brother? Not the stuff that you pull out to share with us. The good stuff.”
“Wait, he feeds us cheap wine?” Micah is unpleasantly surprised.
“You are usually too drunk to notice when he switches it. I am a connoisseur of fine things, so I know it is cheap when I smell it.” Ennis boasts.
“It is also how Wesley chooses his women.” Ramsay quips sending them all rolling with laughter. “Where is he anyway?”
“Sleeping off his drink and a night tumbling one of the wash women.” Micah answers.
“I told him to leave the fucking women alone.” Ramsay swears. “All I need is for him to get one of them pregnant. I will be stuck supporting it.”
“Where is the good wine?” Ennis complains.
“You drink what I give you, or drink ale with the crew. I care not.” Ramsay pulls a bag of grog from the chest in the corner.
“What else do you have in there?” Ennis leans over to see.
“The balls of the last nosey bastard who touched my things.” Ramsay slams it shut.
“Ha ha ha!” Ennis guffaws at his big brother.
“I will take it.” David reaches for the bag. “It all gets you drunk.”
“Me first. I am the one who asked for it.”
“After you complained like a little bitch? I think not.”
Ramsay takes a swig before passing it to David who drinks deeply then passes it to Micah. Micah hands it to me.
“Not her.” Ramsay intercepts it. “None for her.”
“What is going on between you two anyway?” Ennis asks him. “I know you share a bed, but do you plan on marrying her? If not, can I court her too?”
“She is too old for you, dummy.” Micah slaps him on the back of his head. “Besides, I am next in line after Ramsay.”
Ramsay slaps Micah on the back of his head, so hard, he flies off the table.
“Shut your fucking mouth about her. She is mine.”
I smile to myself. He is so possessive. I cannot say that I mind it.
