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“Mae?” A voice speaks my name hesitantly.
I stare at the woman who seems so familiar. I know her. Of that I am sure, but I do not remember how. Not at first.
“Jolena?”
“Yes.” She smiles coming closer. “It is I.”
Jolena is Neo’s cousin, who I was friends with for a single day. It was the first time either of us had seen another brown-skinned little girl. We held hands the way we are right now and spent the day that way.
“You are still beautiful.” I whisper.
“You are still important.” She whispers back.
We share a smile. Neo walks up and puts a hand on her shoulder.
“Show Maeve and her sisters to a bedchamber. I am sure they would like to clean up before supper.”
“Yes, cousin.”
Her curtsy reminds me of how disrespectful I am. Neo is lord of his home, and I treat him like a boy. I treated Ezra, Ramsay, and even Christian the same. I never use their titles. I laugh in their faces instead and speak whatever words I choose. So disrespectful.
“Do you remember my sister, Beth-Ann?”
“I fear I do not.” She confesses offering her hand which Beth-Ann shakes. “I am Jolena Salim.”
“Elizabeth-Ann.”
“I am pleased to meet you.”
“This is our sister Marionna.”
Jolena is shocked. “I am pleased to meet you as well.”
Marionna ignores her hand and waits to be shown her chamber. Jolena leaves her be and turns her sights on the handsome Ezra who catches her eye.
“This is Ezra.” I introduce them, so he will stop staring at her. “He is a family friend.”
“I am her husband’s brother. Ezra Beaumont.”
“Your Highness.” She curtsies reverently.
“Please rise.” Ezra lifts Jolena by her plump arm. “We are equals here.” He lies smoothly.
They will never be equals. Never as long as they both shall live. A Prince and the daughter of a pig farmer are different breeds. Pigs which are torn apart by snarling wolves.
Ezra’s hand is still on her dark arm. His eyes are a prisoner to the contrast of his white hand on her deep, brown skin. He cannot look away from her dark beauty. Jolena is Persian. The long, silky black hair tumbling down her back is unlike mine. Her full body is unlike mine, but we are sisters of gold. Our skin makes us the same. They both are disappointed when Marionna clears her throat. It is unseemly. Neo will not appreciate Ezra touching his cousin. Rumi Widowmaker died for touching me. He has two choices with Jolena, either court her for marriage, or make her his whore. Neo would never give one of his kin to a Beaumont. He will kill Ezra for seducing her. They understand and put distance between them. A distance that seems uncomfortable for them both.
“Ezra?” Elizabeth-Ann puts her arm through his. “Molesting our host’s cousin is not the best way of showing gratitude.”
“I molested no one.” Ezra removes her hand. “You speak with a loose tongue. I am Highness to you, or my Prince. We are not courting.”
“Do you jump into bed with every pretty woman you meet.” Beth-Ann snaps at him.
“I am not your husband.” He steps away from her. “Who I take to my bed is no concern of yours, woman. You will remember your place and never speak to me again.”
“Can the two of you argue, when I am not around to get a headache?” I am barely holding it together, and I cannot listen to this right now. “It is tiresome.”
“Mrs. Erikson’s jealousy is tiresome.”
“I am not jealous.” Beth-Ann lies through her teeth. “Your flirtations can get us killed.”
“I take no offense.” Jolene leads us down a corridor off the main hall. “I welcome the attention of handsome Princes.”
I warned her about Ezra. He is not the man to choose for a love affair. Yesterday, it was Beth-Ann and Marionna. Today, it is Jolena. Tomorrow, it will be someone else. Beaumonts are worse than Antonovs. The Butcher, for all of his prowess on the battlefield, is not much of a conqueror, when it comes to women. He cares more for quality over quantity. Christian was satisfied with me and did not seek out other lovers. How I miss that about him. I love having a man to myself.
“This is where you will sleep, Maeve. Your sisters will sleep with you, and the Prince is welcome to sleep with me.”
Jolena smiles at Ezra. She cares naught, about the Prince’s appetite for women. “I will send water for bathing and see you again at supper.”
“I will return and escort you to the table myself. Stay in this chamber.”
He follows Jolena away, leaving us standing here watching him go.
“He is a pig.” Beth-Ann blinks back tears. “Whatever do you see in them?”
“Christian is different.” I smile when I think about him. “There were no other women.”
“There are always other women.”
Beth-Ann lets herself into a different chamber and slams the door before I can argue. Marionna the one beside it. I let myself into the other chamber and drop the latch lock into place. My body falls back against the door and I take a deep breath. Today was the kind of day that can beat the strongest man down and send a woman to her tired knees begging for what she loves, to hold it close and keep her sane. The arms that wrap around me are too thin, but they squeeze me tightly. These are not the arms of my love. They are the arms of myself.
Neo’s home is old and drafty. I was given a simple chamber with two narrow beds and a wooden tub for washing. The narrow windows allow for shooting arrows without risk of being shot yourself. The cold does not come in from the outside. It comes up from the foundation where it lives in the old bones of this house. I get a chill.
Nothing was danker, than the hole under the tree where I slept with Christian. It was more than a hole in the ground when we were there. It did not need windows, or a fresh breeze. All it needed was us together, and our love for one another to make it grand. I could live anywhere with him and it would be a fine home. Even if we made our home under the stars. We would count them after we make love and share our deepest, darkest, most beautiful dreams with the moon. Until you have loved someone with all that you are, and given them all that you have, some love stories will never make any sense. But are they supposed to make sense to everyone? Or just those crazy lovers caught up in its fires? Or the ones burned by it’s cold? There is nothing colder or more bitter than the ugly side of love. I have frolicked in the fires of molten passion. I am numb with frostbite from being ripped out of my Butcher’s arms. But somewhere deep inside me, where an ember refuses to die-lives blind hope. Blind to the demons that live in his eyes. Blind to the rumors and truth that I have heard. Blind to everything except the crumb of a chance that we might find one another again.
My gasp echoes in the small chamber. I felt something just now. A small flutter. The tickle of wingtips from a baby bird preparing to take flight. There. I feel it again-deep inside my womb. A sign when I need it most. There is always joy hidden inside pain. There is always the sprouts of new life after a storm. There are moments of peace in the midst of war. This child is my peace. Christian should be here to share this moment with me. Instead he is off fucking everything up, as Ramsay would say.
I make use of the water and change into the least fancy of my three new dresses. I sit on the edge of another strange bed to wait for Ezra. I cannot say how long I sit here before someone rattles the door. Ezra and Beth-Ann would knock first. Whoever it is, they are scouting. I always lock my door, and my sister knows this. It makes me uneasy. Who would want to enter my chamber uninvited? I jump up when a knock finally sounds.
“Who is it?” I demand angrily with sword in hand. “What do you want?”
“I am here to take you to supper.”
“Ezra?” I ask through the door. “Is it you?”
“Who else does it sound like, woman?” He knocks again. “Open the door.”
I open it a crack to be sure. I swing it open wide and hug him for no reason. I hug him for all the reasons there can possibly be. I hug him, and I hold on until he hugs me tighter.
“What happened?” Ezra whispers.
“I... I...”
The words will not come. Sometimes, what you are feeling inside is too big and too powerful for words. Those are the times when tears and silence speak for you. The pain shaking my body explains the unknown.
“Ahh.” Ezra the spy is trained to pick up on emotion. “You miss Christian.” He rubs my back comfortingly. “I know how you must feel. I have seen both sides of this affliction that you suffer from. It makes your mind feel lost, and your heart seem empty. I have wiped away two sets of the same tears, Mae. My brother has not forsaken you. Have faith in him.”
“He left me alone to fend for myself.”
“And here you are, my dear, sweet sister. Fending.” He lets me go, smoothing back the curls escaping my knot. “I imagine he got quite the shock seeing you again also.”
“I made a fool of myself calling his name and jumping about.” I wipe my eyes with my hands. “Christian barely looked at me.”
Ezra smiles. “He looked.” His hand closes around mine. “I imagine he is still looking long after you are gone.”
“I wish I could believe that.”
“I know my brother. Christian is searching for us both as we speak, and he has an uncanny knack for finding me in the strangest of places.”
“Someone told me the same thing and he never came for me.”
“Stop crying.” Ezra is firm in his demand. “You need food.”
“Why do you treat my sisters the way that you do?” I ask him as we walk toward the hall together. “You know Beth-Ann has eyes for you.”
“I made your sister no promises, Mae. Never question me about what I do in my bed.”
He is right. It is not my concern and it is wildly inappropriate for me to mention it. Another woman would be considered fallen, for speaking the way I do. Another woman would be cast into the gutter, where a tongue like hers belongs. Marionna refuses to dine with us and closes the door in Ezra’s face before he was finished speaking to her. I hide my smile.
Nicodemus is waiting at the head of his table, with his highest in command and favorite women. He saved the two chairs beside him for me and Beth-Ann who is already seated. Ezra gives him a dirty look and pulls out a chair at the opposite end. I know Neo. He will flirt with me to upset Ezra, and they will end up fighting or worse.
“Afraid I might bite her?” Neo calls out, causing his men to chuckle. “I promise to behave.”
“You should long consider how you speak to me and mine. I make no such promises. I will embarrass you in your own home, with your mangy pets watching.” Ezra eyes the women. “And leave a few bastards behind to improve your line.”
Neo pushes to his feet. “Is that a challenge?”
“No, it is not a challenge. Consider my bastards a blessing to your peasant lineage.”
“Neo!” I stand up. “You started it. All we want is food, and a bed, so that we might be on our way in the morn. Refuse us and we will leave.”
“You side with him against your own?”
“I side with my family.” The time has come to stop denying the Beaumonts. “But I am still a friend to you.”
“Your family?” Neo spits the word. “They butchered your family and burned poor Beth-Ann, until she was but a lump of coal. Now you claim to be one of them?”
“Christian was following the orders of the church.” I know how I must sound defending him. “My family was one of the many who fell to the church.”
“How can you defend him?” His eyes widen in disbelief. “You sound like a mind-washed thrall. Your loyalty to your people has leaked out between your easily spread legs.”
“Nicodemus!” Beth-Ann screams angrily. “You will not insult my sister this way. What happened to us is not her fault, nor do I blame the Butcher. He is the mind-washed thrall who is submissive to the church. The man was never taught to think for himself or learned to care. He does not kill for himself. He kills because he is told to kill.”
“In place of my brother, I demand satisfaction for the slight against his woman.” Ezra pushes away from the table. “We should continue this conversation outside where your blood will not stain the filthy floor.”
“Neo, no!” Jolena throws herself at him. “You will be killed, cousin!”
He shoves her away in disgust. “You have laid with him. I smell it on you.”
“No.” She shakes her shiny hair in denial. “I would never lay with a Christian.”
“Liar!” Neo’s fist connects with her face, sending her toppling back over her chair. “You whored for him. He has not been here for a full day, and he has already sampled your charms.”
Jolena screams when Neo kicks her. I am unsure where his blow landed. Her low, agonizing moan says that he kicked her in a soft place where it hurts most.
“How could you shame our name this way?” Neo kicks her again. “I should kill you.”
I look up at Ezra with anxious eyes. You have to stop this! It is your fault. He came into this man’s house and fell on top of his cousin. This should be no surprise to him. Ezra frowns, when he sees the expectation in the lines creasing my worried face. He reaches for a roll. He has no intentions of stepping in to help her. Someone has to do something.
“I think not.” He grabs my arm when I move. “Eat.”
I am half-forced onto the chair and pushed in tight. Ezra takes the seat beside me and pours himself a tankard of wine. Beth-Ann is ever the polite lady, pretending not to see the brutal beating a few short steps away from where she continues to eat her venison and boiled roots in dainty bites. She is starving. Bite-by-ladylike bite, she will finish it all. My sister is pleased with the beating. Only I, who is of her same blood, notices the triumphant gleam in her eyes.
How can I cast judgement, when I would not care if every woman bedding Christian were fed to a pen full of hogs whole? Preferably bloody and barely breathing? The Beaumont men are much like the Antonovs. They both have the ability to send a woman’s good sense running in fear then convince her morals to throw themselves on their own sword. Neo stops kicking her. He does not want to kill Jolene, he wants her to know that her disrespect will not go unpunished.
“I withdraw my challenge.” Ezra tells him. “We can call it even and move on. I only took what was offered to me.”
The arrogant Prince dares the wolf master to refuse his only way out of a duel with a Beaumont.
“You will leave my gates before dawn.”
“Our favorite time to travel.” Ezra agrees downing his wine.
“Get her out of here.” Neo snaps at his men.
It seems trouble is my faithful companion. Traveling along with every step that I take and living in every person that I kill along the way. Trouble sometimes comes in the form of men. What the spoiled Prince did was a direct affront to Neo. Ezra Beaumont did not have to bed Jolena. He had a woman to warm his bed. Beth-Ann is more than willing to bring him into hers. He is a troublemaker. But he is Christian’s surviving brother. I will not be at fault for his death.
“You are a horny bastard.” I hiss at him. “Nicodemus is a friend.”
“Not anymore. Christian will never allow it.”
Instead of arguing with him, I concentrate on filling my belly for my babe. What Neo does in his home, is not for me to speak on. The hall is humming with male ego and hostility. The conversations have ceased, and the women’s pretty laughter has died. Fifty sets of angry eyes hurry me away from their table. I am glad to be back in the bedchamber. I will be even gladder when I feel safe once more. Although it saddens me greatly, Neo will never welcome me into his home again after what Ezra did to Jolena.
“What are you doing?”
“Sleeping on the floor.” He snatches a pillow from the bed and makes himself comfortable near the door. “I do not trust these mutts.”
“You cannot sleep in here with me.” I insist. “Go back to your own chamber.”
“Goodnight, Maeve.” He rolls over onto his side. “Blow out the candles before you start a fire and kill us both.”
It is no use. I blow out the candles and climb into the bed to rest. We have too many challenges ahead, and only fate knows what lurks behind the trees, or hides in the shadows lying in wait for us. Please, let my rest be peaceful tonight, and if you are listening, Butcher of Beaumont. I still love you.
We reach the Beaumont keep midday, where we are greeted by a smiling fellow with dark, Beaumont hair, and dark blue eyes. He and Ezra embrace.
“Moses.”
“It has been a long-time cousin.” Moses speaks kindly. “I have been expecting you.” His eyes settle on me. “And them.” His eyes sweep over Marionna and I.
“Why did you not send out an escort to meet me?”
“They are raiding.” The cousin says grimly. “I need my men here and ready to defend the keep. They are bleeding their way through the countryside searching for her. We had to kill a dozen of them last week before they would retreat. They attack more often, and the battles are harder to win.”
“They are growing bolder as the war approaches.” Ezra muses. “You must send to the palace for reinforcements.”
“We have, cousin.” Moses is at his wits end. “I am waiting to hear from the King.”
“You will have your army. Have no fear.”
“Are you sure, it is safe for her to be here?” The cousin is watching me again. “They will come, if they know she is under my roof.”
“My brother is coming for her. We will wait here for him.”
“The king is coming here?” Moses beams brightly. “Praise be. We are saved.”
“And we are hungry. I hope you have hired a better cook since my last visit.”
“Mary was old, Ezra. She often mistook sugar for salt and brandy for maple syrup. We have a cook, to rival the palace chef, and a minstrel who plays heavenly.”
The keep is thrice as large as Neo’s gray rocks and whiter than a dove. It mimics the beautiful palace that I once called home. The villagers watch us pass by with eyes full of curiosity, and spirits, heavy with their fear of me. I walk with my head held high. Beth-Ann is tired. Not only her body, her spirit has taken a beating too. She lost her husband and was scorned by a man who did not want her. He eyes a buxom blonde woman, who blushes under his attention and bats her eyes at him.
“Mae?” Beth-Ann takes my arm. Her mask of worry ages her ten years.
“Yes?”
“Are you sure we are safe with the Beaumonts?” She whispers. “I do not like the way they stare. It frightens me.”
“I feel safer with Ezra, than I have with anyone else. He will protect us.”
“I do not need protecting. Nor do you. Grow a spine, Beth. Are you certain you are a Payne?” Marionna asks her. “You are weaker, than I expected.”
“You three.” Ezra calls. We look up at him. “Stay close.”
“See.” I smile. “We are safe here.”
We are put up in lovely chambers and given hot water in a real tub. Our food is served on silver trays, and we drink from golden goblets with the Beaumont crest carefully hammered into the handles. Beth-Ann accepts a maid. I refuse my own, because I want to be alone. Marionna chases hers away at knife point. Ezra does not bother me, nor does he sleep on my floor. No one would dare accost me here-short of the Cardinal himself.
