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Ellie wanted to go for a movie, but I wasn’t feeling up to it. She prodded me as to why I was saying no.
“I am slightly stressed about our incoming tests,” I lied.
“You can borrow Hammy?” Ellie offered. “He takes away all my stress.”
Hammy was Ellie’s hamster and the frequent victim of her makeovers, which included tiny hats and bow ties.
“Won’t it upset him?” I said. “I can’t do that to him.”
“You can just give him food and he will love you forever,” Ellie said. “That hamster has no loyalty except to his stomach.”
“I have to protest on behalf of Hammy,” I said. “He is not here to defend himself.”
“Yeah, he is probably doing his next favorite thing: napping.” Ellie said. “I envy that hamster sometimes.”
I smiled, but Ellie went quiet again.
“Want to go for ice cream?” She asked, moments later.
“Yes,” I said. “Only because I want you to stop feeling guilty about whatever you are feeling guilty about.”
“What makes you say that?” Ellie asked.
I pointed to the weather outside. “It isn’t ice cream weather.”
“But it is always ice cream weather in Grace-Land,” Ellie replied.
“Yes, it is.” I replied. “As queen Cassandra of Grace-Land, I made it a decree.”
My lame joke made Ellie smile.
Even the ice cream didn’t lift my mood, but I smiled and joked like nothing had changed. That I wasn’t struggling inside with an inescapable sorrow.
“I have a surprise for you,” Ellie said, looking closely at me.
“A surprise?” I asked. “For what occasion?”
“To celebrate how awesome you are,” Ellie said.
I laughed loudly.
“Don’t laugh, Cassie,” Ellie said. “I am serious!”
“Ok, ok, I will try not to,” I said. “What’s the surprise?”
“More like who is the surprise?” Ellie said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You will see,” Ellie said. “Hop back into the car.”
Ellie said nothing further, and I was too tired to ask. We drove for miles until we stopped near a mall.
“Why are we at the mall?” I asked, breaking my silence.
“To meet someone special,” Ellie said.
Immediately, my thoughts went to John, and I cursed myself for it.
John wasn’t in town. I wasn’t even sure if he was still in the country.
“Are we meeting a friend?” I asked.
“I said someone special,” Ellie said, being cryptic again.
I sighed. “Just tell me what you are up to.”
“You need someone that will adore you... Love you unconditionally,” Ellie said. “You have been miserable for weeks.”
I was grateful that she didn’t bring up the reason for my misery.
“Ellie, I am not ready to date again ” I said, sighing.
“Who said anything about dating?” Ellie said.
“I don’t follow,” I said, confused. “What are you planning?” I said, alarmed at the mischievous look in Ellie’s eyes.
“We are going to get you a Beau.”
“I never agreed to this,” I said, defensively. “I don’t want a Beau.”
“But you will once you see his cute face,” Ellie replied with a grin.
“I doubt anyone can charm me like that,” I said. “I am not looking for anything temporary.”
“It won’t be,” Ellie replied. “I know you are a forever type of person, Cassie. A regular fairytale princess who will wait for her true love.”
I rolled my eyes. My life was far from a romantic fairytale, and who I thought was my prince was far, far away from me and probably glad about it.
“Just end the suspense, Ellie,” I begged. “My heart can’t take any more surprises.”
Ellie just smiled and didn’t say a word, frustrating me even further. To my surprise, Ellie didn’t walk inside the mall but to a set of stores outside the building.
My heart rate got faster thinking of all the potential scenarios, but they all ended at the same thought.
What if Ellie achieved the impossible? What if I was going to see John right now?
Why did my heart ache for him so much?
The pain was unbearable, especially the way things ended between us.
The display image in front of the tattoo shop caught my attention. Unlike the other more intricate designs on the shop front, this was a simpler image. A heart made of thorns and roses, with an infinity symbol in the center.
“Ellie, what do you think about this tattoo design?” I asked, distracted.
“Are you thinking of getting one?” Ellie asked.
“Me? No. I will die before the needle pokes me,” I said, shuddering. “Didn’t you say you want a tattoo?”
“Yeah,” Ellie considered. “But I won’t get that one.”
“Why not?”
“I think I saw someone with the same tattoo,” Ellie said. “It wouldn’t be original if I got it, too. I much rather keep the one with my boyfriend’s name.”
“Wait.. what? What boyfriend? You have a tattoo? Where?” I stammered.
“No, Cassie. I was just teasing,” Ellie said, grinning. “I think getting a tattoo would open a Pandora's box. Just having one tattoo on my body would be impossible.”
Maybe Ellie was right. I still couldn’t look away from the tattoo image. It looked like it had a haunting story of its own to tell.
We kept walking until Ellie finally stopped outside a dog shelter.
“We are here,” She said, “Keep an open mind. Ok, Cassie?”
“I will try,” I said.
The girls at the counter greeted Ellie with a familiarity. They took us aside to another smaller room. There were photos of many cute puppies on the wall.
“What are we waiting for?” I asked.
“Your beau,” Ellie said.
I played along. “Does he work here?”
“No, he never works,” Ellie said.
Oh God, the suspense was excruciating, and time was moving at a snail’s pace. Finally, the girl we met earlier came into the room, holding in her arms the cutest pup I had seen in my life. She placed the puppy in my lap, and the little pup jumped up and started licking my face.
“Oh! You are so cute!” I exclaimed. “And so tiny!”
“You might want to give him a name, seeing you will take him home with you,” Ellie said.
“What? He is mine?” I exclaimed. “But what about my parents? I didn’t talk to them about this.”
“I spoke to them and they are good with it ” Ellie said. “In fact, they told me ‘If you can get Cassie to smile again, we will adopt the whole dog shelter!’”
I snuggled with the puppy as tears came to my eyes. After my breakup with John, I was trying so hard not to let my sadness show, but my loved ones noticed it, anyway.
“Thank you,” I said, choking back my tears. The pup barked and tried to lick my tears.
Ellie seemed close to tears herself. “I told you he was irresistible. What are you going to name him?”
“Ellie, I think you should name him.”
“Really?” Ellie squealed. “Because I have the perfect name!”
“What?”
“Buddy!” Ellie exclaimed. The pup went wild hearing the name, wagging his small tail like a small hurricane.
I guessed he approved of the name too?
“That’s a great name,” I said, smiling. I looked at the pup and said, “Are you going to be my buddy, Buddy?”
The little golden retriever gave the brightest smile.
In my heart, I knew he was going to be a troublemaker. But Ellie was right. I met someone very special indeed.
Someone who would love me unconditionally. He was just the cure for my broken heart.
“He is perfect, Ellie,” I said. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me,” Ellie said. “Wait until you have to take him out on long walks?”
“Long walks?” I said, gulping.
“If you didn’t know, my dear Cassie, dogs are very active and demand walks daily,” Ellie said. “Who knows, he might even love hiking.”
“Oh, God! Was this your plan all along?” I asked.
Ellie gave a mischievous smile and I swear Buddy did, too.
——-
Trouble was brewing in Ellie’s life, as well. She had another argument with her parents. They wanted her to intern this summer at their law firm and stop dreaming of being a superstar.
Ellie would normally shrug it off, but now it seemed to get under her skin.
I was afraid of what she might do.
Ellie considered dropping out of school... again. I feared the moment she would ask me to do the same... to follow her on an adventure into the unknown.
“Why are you so quiet, Cassie?” Mom asked. “Are you working on a poem?”
“No,” I sighed. “I can’t write anything. My mind is too muddled to think of anything right now.”
“Whatever for?” Mom asked. “Don’t tell me it’s about a boy?”
I ‘forgot’ to tell mom about John. I could never think of the right moment, but now it was no use since we broke up.
“Is it about a boy?” Mom asked, worried.
It was, and it wasn’t.
John was always on my mind.
“It’s about Ellie,” I said.
“Is she having arguments with her parents again?” Mom asked.
“Yes. They don’t support her passion, and now she wants to drop out of school,” I said. “Don’t freak out, mom, but she wants me to do it too.”
Mom surprised me by calmly asking, “Are you considering it?”
I couldn’t help but remember what John said. How he accused me of having no will of my own... What if mom thought the same? I don’t think I could bear that...
But she was my mom, and I didn’t like lying to anyone... least of all, lie to her.
Even though I felt it was important to let mom know what my thoughts were, I didn’t know what her reaction might be, and that was making me hesitant to share it.
Mom must be using her mom senses, because she visibly relaxed and smiled.
“You know you can tell me anything,” Mom said. “Will you drop school with Ellie, too?”
“If I don’t, I feel like I abandoned my best friend when she needs me the most,” I said, truthfully. “She has no one that supports her, mom. What should I do?”
I rubbed my forehead. All this stress was making my head throb.
“You are empathetic, and that is one of your greatest strengths, Cassie, but perhaps you should consider yourself for once, too,” Mom said.
“I should?”
“Ellie is your best friend. She will respect whatever you choose, even if it means putting your needs ahead of her wants.”
“Will that be selfish of me?” I asked. “This is stressing me so much.”
“Not at all, my love,” Mom said. She kissed my forehead. “I am sure Ellie wouldn’t want you stressing so much.”
“You probably think I am stupid for even considering such a thing,” I said, embarrassed.
Mom shook her head.
“You have a blind spot for Ellie, but it is understandable at your age,” Mom said.
Wasn’t that the same thing John said? Perhaps there was a grain of truth in it?
“I know you have a big heart, Cassie. That doesn’t mean that you are stupid,” Mom said. “I am proud that you are so considerate and kind. That you love freely and with all your heart. But I want you to understand that doesn’t mean sacrificing who you are and what you want. You can support your friend by listening and understanding and supporting her dreams. Just don’t forget your dreams.”
John tried to tell me, a voice in my heart said. His words might have been harsher, but his intent was the same.
“What if I don’t have any dreams?” I asked morosely.
“Then you owe yourself the time to figure it out,” Mom said.
Mom’s words clicked something into place.
She was right. Just because I didn’t have a vision for my future now, didn’t mean it will always be so.
“Thanks, mom,” I said. “I am really glad you didn’t freak out.”
“I am glad you trusted me, Cassie,” Mom said. “Oh, I was freaking out big time on the inside and was holding on long enough to hear what you decided.”
“What if I change my mind?” I teased.
“Then I will have to find a stronger aspirin,” Mom said. “Warn me before you do though.... I may need lots of lead time.”
“You and me both,” I said.
“Have you told your dad any of this?” Mom asked.
“No, I only told you,” I said. “Why?”
“My freak out will be nothing compared to his. He will grill you for hours and want a fully laid out plan,” Mom said. “The who, what, why, and when... everything of what you will do after dropping out. So only tell him if you are 100% certain.”
“Do I make slideshows too?” I asked, amused. “A complete presentation with moving animations?”
“That might help a little,” Mom replied. "He is a visual person."
We both looked at one another and laughed. I was glad that I could share this with mom and it cleared up my decision. The only problem was, if Ellie asked, I would have to tell her the truth.
I also learned one other important thing from my conversation with mom... I now know with certainty that my parents will support whatever I decide to do. This knowledge made me feel even more guilty than before.
My parents supported me. Ellie had no one to support her... not even her best friend.
Maybe I was worrying prematurely... maybe all of this might not even come to pass?
Maybe Ellie won’t drop out of school at all?