Without question, one of the simplest, most peaceful, and, we believe, most leveraged ways to maintain a loving connection is to practice the art of sitting together, in silence. This beautiful yet seldom used practice brings forth compassion for one another while simultaneously strengthening the bond between you.
Think about the millions of words the average couple must share with one another over the course of their relationship: talking, arguing, negotiating, planning, remembering, bickering, and so forth. Few couples, regardless of how many years they spend together, will set aside any time whatsoever to simply sit quietly together, without saying a word. Yet, this silent communication may be one of the most important things you can do together as a couple. It can also be one of the most powerful and effective ways to communicate.
The practice itself is remarkably simple. You simply sit next to one another in a quiet, comfortable location. You can hold hands if you wish, but that’s entirely up to you. You then close your eyes and clear your minds as well as you can. Breathe together, slowly and peacefully. Just sit, quietly and lovingly. You can do this together for a few minutes or longer, if you so desire.
Something magical happens when two people who share a connection sit together in silence. Defenses tend to drop and hearts open wide. By the time you open your eyes, you’ll feel more peaceful and loving—to one another as well as to yourselves. Any friction you may have between you will have dissolved, or will at least be headed in that direction. It will be easier to see the innocence in each other and to love your partner for who he or she is, rather than insisting that they change in order to meet your expectations. You’ll discover that any irritation you may have been feeling—or any tendency you were having to sweat the small stuff—will be fading away. You’ll feel wiser and more compassionate and will probably feel like smiling.
Sitting together in silence has become one of the cornerstones of our relationship. We don’t do it every day, nor do we make a big deal out of it, or talk about it very much. We just do it as often as it occurs to us—because it feels nice and keeps us connected at the heart. We usually sit together first thing in the morning while we’re drinking our coffee.
Many of us have been taught that “communication” is critical in order to secure a good relationship—and this may be true. It’s ironic, however, that one of the best and most loving ways to communicate is to do so without saying a word. So enjoy the silence, as well as the peace and warm feelings that come with it.