Chapter 55
Organize a Charitable Project Together

Virtually no activity has the potential of bringing two people closer together than carrying out a project for a good cause or, more specifically, organizing and executing a charitable project all on your own. This is a strategy worth serious consideration because, while many couples are extremely kind and generous people, and might even regularly participate in good causes through private giving, projects through their church, volunteering, or in some other way, a very small percentage of couples will set out to jointly put together a project all on their own, and experience the joyful effects of pure giving. The rewards to your relationship are significant and lasting. You will develop camaraderie, increased gratitude for the gifts you already share, and a deeper perspective, which will help you let go of minor irritations that usually seem more significant than they really are.

In the flurry of everyday life, it’s easy to get caught up in our own worlds—to become frustrated by the demands of life. And while there’s no question that life can be frustrating, even overwhelming at times, it’s equally true that doing something for others or for a cause we believe in helps to reduce that frustration. By putting some of our attention on “doing good,” and a little of our effort and time into something other than our own “stuff,” we remind ourselves that there’s more to life than meets the eye—that our problems, especially the small ones, can usually be put into perspective. But more than that, we get to experience the pure joy of giving—of seeing something through, start to finish, that is purely positive and unselfish, something that has nothing to do with “us,” or with our ordinary day-to-day existence.

Our first project together was a grassroots food drive we planned during our trip to India. The suffering we were witnessing reminded us how fortunate we were to have our basic needs met, including having food on the table. It also reminded us of how many people back home were in need of help. While we were already in the habit of donating money and food to reputable organizations, we had never planned our own event. Despite the fact that our project was extremely small by almost any standard, and completely unsophisticated in nature, planning it turned out to be a significant moment in our lives. It was then that we dedicated our lives to kindness and service. We saw how incredibly easy it was to do something for others and how much joy it brought to our lives and to our relationship. Mother Teresa once said, “We cannot do great things on this earth. We can only do small things with great love.” This was a perfect example of her conviction. It was very small—but filled with love.

Essentially, all we did was this: We sent out a heartfelt letter to virtually everyone we knew within a certain radius, asking them to donate at least one large grocery bag of nonperishable food. Our premise was that a request from friends would be taken more seriously than a request from a stranger. We followed up every letter with a personal phone call and asked everyone to ask their neighbors to participate as well. We made it really easy for everyone so that it would be almost impossible for them not to participate. We picked a date and rented a big truck. We had everyone leave their contribution on their doorstep the morning of our designated day. We called everyone two days prior to remind them and asked them, once again, to see if their neighbors would participate by leaving their contribution on our friends’ doorsteps.

The response was overwhelmingly positive, almost unbelievable. Not only did virtually everyone we asked participate, but many convinced their neighbors to do so as well. We would arrive at a home to not one or two, but sometimes ten or twelve, large bags of food. It was almost as if everyone did their own mini-food drive—and we simply picked it all up and delivered it. In addition, many people wrote us beautiful cards or notes, thanking us for our efforts and telling us what a great idea they thought it was. It took all day, but we filled the entire truck with food, stacked to the brim, and delivered it to an incredible church that passes out food to the homeless on a daily basis. They were extremely grateful and told us that it was one of the largest donations they had ever received from ordinary citizens. Knowing that the food would be consumed by people who really needed it was one of the most satisfying feelings either one of us had ever experienced. We realized that, had our efforts amounted to even a single bag of food, it would have been well worth the effort. It wasn’t the amount of food—it was the love that was most important.

The next day we wrote a thank you letter to everyone who had participated and told them of the success of the project and how we had grown in the process. We can’t measure what, if any, effect our project had on others, but our sense was that many people began to think of ways that they might also be a little more helpful to the community. It seems that, often, when a seed is planted, a positive chain of events soon follows. But whether our project had an effect on our friends, acquaintances, and neighbors was secondary. We know that the time we spent organizing our project had a positive effect on our relationship that has lasted to this day.